AN: Hi. I said I'd be back. I'm back. Woo
Terezi licked the screen of her phone as she typed, much to the disgust and confusion of the humans watching.
GC: WH4T?
GT: I'M SAYING THAT WE HAVE A BIG PROBLEM
GC: OK BUT WH4T'S TH3 PROBL3M?
GT: IN A FEW WORDS?
GT: SOBOR GAMZEE
GC: TH4T'S B4D
GT: TAVROS IS THERE AS WELL
GT: HE'S FREAKING OUT AND I CAN'T GET THERE FAST ENOUGH
GT: I NEED YOU TO GET SOMEONE'S ATTENTION
GT: CAN'T TELL NEPETA SINCE SHE'D GET HER NOOK KICKED, MAYBE CULLED…
GC: ON 1T
GT: THANKS.
{gonersTimeline [GT] ceased trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC]}
Terezi ignored the murmurs of confusion as she quickly contacted Kanaya, remembering that rainbow drinkers are meant to be fast.
{gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling grimAuxiliatrix [GA]}
GC: K4N4Y4?
GA: Yes?
GC: 1 N33D YOU TO DO SOM3TH1NG FOR M3
GA: What Do You Want Me To Do?
GA: Nothing Too Disgusting I Hope
GC: W3LL...
GC: G4MZ33'S GON3 SOBOR
GA: Oh
GA: This Is Cause For Concern
GA: Is He Alone?
GC: NO
GC: T4VROS 1S TH3R3
GA: I Am On My Way There Now
GC: TH4NKS
{gallowsCalibrator [GC] ceased trolling grimAuxiliatrix [GA}}
"TEREZI, WHAT'S GOING ON?" Karkat asked, trying to look over her shoulder.
"G4MZ33… G4MZ33'S GON3 SOBOR…" She managed to say, worried for the paraplegic that was visiting the usually stoned highblood.
"that's terrible!" Eridan exclaimed in shock.
"TH4T'S NOT 4LL. T4VROS 1S TH3R3." She added.
"OH HE'S SO SCREWED…"
"wwell only if someone can't get there fast enough" Eridan pointed out.
"K4N4Y4'S ON H3R W4Y TH3R3." She assured them. "1 JUST H4D TO D34L W1TH TH4T."
"Who's Can-eye-ah?" Ron asked, it sounded like Ron, smelt like Ron… Probably Ron.
"NO. 1T'S K4N, W1TH 4 K. K4N4Y4, G3T 1T R1GHT C4RROT." She corrected, grinning mentally at the confusion that must be on his face.
"Carrot? Young lady please use names." Dumbledore requested in his sickly sweet tone, so sweet… So suspicious…
"OH, SO 1 C4N'T R3M3MB3R WHO'S WHO TH3N? GR34444T… K4RK4T T4LK FOR M3." She complained, shoving Karkat forwards.
"UGH, TEREZI'S BLIND, REMEMBER THAT… SHE "SEE'S" WITH TASTE AND SMELLS, COLOURS ACTUALLY, SO WHATSISFACE THERE PROBABLY SMELLS LIKE CARROTS." He explained, intentionally forgetting Ron's name.
"Ah, my apologies then." Dumbledore apologised, his sickly sweet smell becoming incredibly strong to Terezi's trained sniffer, making her whimper.
"ter?" Eridan turned to her at the whimper, finding her on the floor clutching her nose like it had personally insulted her lusus. "ter are you ok?" He asked worried.
"SO SW33T… SO S1CKLY… SO STRONG…" She whimpered, eyes watering up with teal coloured tears…
"ter? wwhat are you talkin about?" He asked confused, unable to understand what she meant.
"1T'S SO STRONG… TH1NKP4N OV3RWH3LM3D…" She whimpered, curling up into a ball.
"ERIDAN, HER NOSE IS GONNA BE SUPER SENSITIVE SINCE SHE USES IT FOR HER OWN TYPE OF VISION." Karkat reminded.
"I could cast a spell to block her nose." Hermione suggested.
"ARE YOU STUPID? TEREZI'LL BE FULLY BLIND AT THAT POINT, SHE WON'T BE ABLE TO SMELL OR TASTE COLOURS TO FIGURE OUT WHERE SHE IS. TEREZI, SWEET SMELL, WHO'S IT COMING FROM."
"OLD… M4N… SO STRONG…" She whimpered…
Karkat turned to Dumbledore. "OK, YOU, SHUT YOUR STUPID MOUTH SO TEREZI CAN THINK." He ordered, the old coot complying in shock, Terezi recovering slightly. "BETTER?"
"4… 4 B1T…" She admitted, getting to her feet slowly.
"So… Who's Can-Eye-Ah?" Ron asked again, getting the name wrong yet again.
"OH MY GOD IT'S KAN-AY-A! AND SHE'S A GOOD PERSON! SO DON'T GO RUINING HER NAME BY BEING A FUCKING MORON!" Karkat roared angrily at Ron, his skin turning slightly paler, and getting slightly brighter… Barely noticeable.
"But who is she?" Ron asked, impressing the trolls with either how huge his shame globes must be, that or how rotten his think-pan must be. One of the two.
"SH3… HOW DO 1 PUT TH1S…" Terezi frowned, trying to find a good word that trolls had that could describe Kanaya, without blowing her cover…
"she's… wwell…" Eridan tried to take over, and failed.
"SHE'S A GREAT PERSON, FASHION DESIGNER, MOIRAIL, LUSUS SUBSTITUTE, RAINBOW DRINKER, BEST FRIEND… I'M MISSING SOMETHING HERE AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT." Karkat said without hesitating, trying to remember what he was missing. "OH YEAH, SHE'S BETTER THEN ANY OF YOU FUCKERS." He remembered, not even caring that he was being glared at.
"Y34H TH4T'S B4S1C4LLY K4N4Y4, YOU FORGOT ON3 THOUGH." Terezi agreed.
"REALLY?"
"Y34H. SH3 H4S RUMBL3 SPH3R3S." Terezi added with a straight face, karkat's eye twitching instantly.
"SERIOUSLY?! WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT? SHE'S LIKE A LUSUS SUBSTITUTE OR MOIRAIL TO ME! UGH, THAT'S GONNA BE IN MY HEAD FOR SWEEPS!" He complained.
"H3Y, 1T'S NOT MY F4ULT SH3 3ND3D UP ON TOP OF M3, 1 COULD F33L TH3 GLOR1OUS ORBS OF L3G3ND." Terezi grinned at Karkat's freak-out, her pointed teeth creeping out the humans.
"can wwe not talk about kans rumble spheres?" Eridan asked annoyed, doing something on his phone.
"I DON'T HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THAT, WHAT'RE YOU DOING?"
"just stuff" He shrugged it off, putting his phone away.
Terezi licked her phone, finding Kanaya had contacted her.
{grimAuxiliatrix [GA] began trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC]}
GA: I Dealt With Gamzee.
GC: 1S H3 OK?
GA: Well That Depends On If Ok Means Beaten Into Submission With A Whip, A Ball Gag And An Arm Wrestling Match
GC: … 1 TH1NK TH4T'S JUST K1NKY.
GA: The Ball Gag Was To Shut Him Up.
GC: THE WH1P?
GA: …
GA: To Tie Him Up?
GC: K4N4Y4 1S K1NKY!
GC: K4N4Y4 1S K1NKY!
GC: 1'LL GO T3LL TH3 OTH3RS!
GA: Don't You Dare!
GC: BUT YOU'R3 K1NKY!
GA: I Am Not Kinky
GA: I Just…
GA: …
GA: I Found It?
GC: YOU'R3 K1NKY.
GC: YOU'R3 K1NKY K4N4Y4.
GC: OH TH4T SOUNDS L1K3 4…
GA: Please Do Not Finish That.
GA: We Both Know That I Don't Have The Body For That.
GC: Y34H.
GC: 1S T4VROS OK?
GA: I…
GA: Think He's Hugging Gamzee?
GC: TH1NK?
GA: Gamzee Has Managed To Eat The Ball Gag And Is Now Serenading Tavros With His Strange Language
GC: YOU M34N 34ST ALT3RNI4N?
GA: No
GA: I Mean Literal Nonsense
GA: He's Making Sounds With His Mouth That Makes Me Nervous
GA: I Need Another Troll
GC: 4SK GT FOR H3LP
GA: Who?
GC: GT
GC: YOU C4N TRUST H1M
GC: PROM1S3
GA: Alright…
{grimAuxiliatrix [GA] ceased trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC]}
Terezi snorted at the end, knowing that if Lusi didn't take the place of parents on Alternia Kanaya would need an adult.
"TEREZI?"
"G4MZ33'S S3R3N4D1NG T4VROS…" She snickered.
"PFFT…" Karkat joined in the snickering.
"wwhy are you laughin?" Eridan asked confused.
"H3 4LSO 4T3 4 B4LL G4G." She added, getting Eridan to start laughing.
"Wait. You things have ball gags?" Hermione asked, somewhat rudely.
"WHY WOULDN'T W3? HOW WOULD K1SM3S1S' F1LL 4 P41L?" Terezi asked confused, shuddering at the dirty, filthy word…
"Pails?" The twin smelling of Swiss cheese asked confused.
"wwe reproduce usin b-buckets…" Eridan managed to spit out, his mouth curling at the filthy word.
"Buckets?" The other twin asked.
"How does that work?" The first one asked.
"OH! I GOT THIS ONE!" Karkat shouted, forgetting the horrid word instantly. He took a deep breath to prepare himself… "FIRST OF ALL, TROLLS ARE DRIVEN BY TWO PRIMARY EMOTIONS, HATE, AND PITY. THERE ARE FOUR THINGS CALLED QUADRANTS, WITH CONCUPISCENT AND CONCILIATORY BEING FACTORS AT PLAY, TWO OF EACH EMOTION ARE IN THE QUADRANTS, PITY IN THE REDROM SECTION, AND HATE BEING IN THE BLACKROM SECTION, REDROM CONSISTS OF MATESPRITS, THE FLUSHED QUADRANT, WHICH INVOLVES LOTS OF COURTSHIP AND STUFF, IT'S THE STUFF YOU SEE IN ROMANCE MOVIES, THE OTHER REDROM QUADRANT IS MOIRALLEGIANCE, THE PALE QUADRANT, THERE'S LOTS OF WAYS TO DESCRIBE IT BUT KANAYA MENTIONED A GOOD ONE ONCE, IT BASICALLY JUST MEANS THAT SOMEONE DANGEROUS NEEDS SOMEONE TO KEEP AN EYE ON THEM, THE NEXT QUADRANT IS AUSPISTICISM, WHICH IS THE ASHEN QUADRANT, IT BASICALLY MEANS A MEDIATOR IS NEEDED TO KEEP A BAD RELATIONSHIP FROM GOING DEADLY, LASTLY IS THE CALIGINOUS QUADRANT, KISMESISSITUDE, BASICALLY IT'S LIKE SEXUAL TENSION BETWEEN FOES, THEY NEVER KILL EACH OTHER THOUGH, THAT'S BAD, TROLL REPRODUCTION INVOLVES THE FLUSHED AND CALIGINOUS QUADRANTS, MATESPRITS AND KISMESIS' COMBINE THEIR GENETIC MATERIAL INTO… BUCKETS… WHICH ARE SENT TO THE MOTHER GRUB TO BE COMBINED INTO A GENETIC SLURRY. ANY QUESTIONS?" He asked, finishing off his rant.
"Ew." Was the main reaction.
"WHAT? IT'S NOT THAT BAD, I COULD HAVE GONE ON AND EXPLAINED THE INTRICACIES OF IT BUT I DIDN'T, I KEPT IT SHORT…" He grumbled.
"No, it's more the fact that you combine genetic material… That's not normal… Don't you ever want to see your kids?" Hermione asked confused.
"WHY WOULD WE SEE THEM? ONCE A TROLL REACHES ADULTHOOD WE'RE SENT OFF PLANET TO GO DO SOMETHING. ALTERNIA IS AN ALL KID WORLD."
"Like Peter pan…" Sirius muttered, scowling at the name.
Terezi took the time of Karkat's rant to sneak up on Hermione and grab her chest from behind, grinning as she did so, getting a nice little eep.
"W-What are you doing?!" She squeaked out as Terezi fondled her.
"YOU'R3 4LL SQU1SHY. 1 L1K3 1T." She grinned more.
"Please stop…"
"WH4T, DON'T YOU L1K3 TH1S? YOU'R3 4LL SQU1SHY 4ND STUFF!" She questioned, having the time of her second life.
"No of course I don't!" Hermione protested.
"WHY NOT?" She asked confused.
"Because it's wrong!" Hermione yelled, trying to get free.
"COM3 ON, JUST 3NJOY 1T FOR 4 B1T. 1'LL L3T YOU GO 1N 4 M1NUT3." Terezi told her, letting go unwillingly. "YOU F33L L1K3 4 R34LLY SQU1SHY P1LLOW THOUGH. 1 L1K3 1T." She commented, giving a wink to her, managing to get it aimed the right way.
"TEREZI, DON'T GO FEELING UP THE ALIENS WITHOUT ASKING THEM." Karkat told her, rubbing his head. "UGH, THAT IMAGE IS STILL SEARED INTO MY THINK PAN! WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE SUDDENLY OBSESSED WITH RUMBLE SPHERES?" He complained.
She gave a shrug at him. "1'M ONLY S1X, 1T'S PROB4BLY JUST NORM4L." She pointed out.
"You're six?!" Ron exclaimed in shock.
"Y3P, S1X SOL4R SW33PS, 1'V3 B33N BL1ND FOR 4BOUT THR33 SW33PS OF MY L1F3." She explained.
"How long is a sweep?" Dumbledore asked, her nose twitching in horror at the smell.
"HOW SHOULD 1 KNOW? FOR US A SW33P 1S TW3NTY-SOM3TH1NG P3R1G33'S."
"IT'S TWENTY FOUR I THINK." Karkat added. "I WAS HATCHED ON THE TWELTH BILUNAR PERIGEE OF THE SIXTH DARK SEASONS EQUINOX AS A MATTER OF FACT." He noted helpfully.
"… S1X ON3 TWO…" Terezi muttered under her breath.
"HUH?"
"NOTH1NG. JUST TH1NK1NG." She quickly said, not wanting to sound crazy.
"… OK…"
"ter are you ok?" Eridan whispered to her while Karkat was ranting away about something.
"1'M F1N3, WHY?" She responded quietly.
"it's just that you'vve been actin wweird recently." He muttered. "i'vve been tryin to figure it out but i was wworried that you wwere in trouble"
"DON'T WORRY, 1'M F1N3 ER1D4N." She assured, giving him an honest smile.
"if your shore…"