Disclaimer – I do not own BMT world, it belongs to Trudi Canavan

A Difference of Opinion

Sonea had been awake for some minutes, but she resisted the temptation to move or stretch not that there was much room in her narrow single bed. For the first time in a while, Akkarin had not disappeared before she woke up, but was still next to her, his arms around her, just as they had been when she had fallen asleep. He seemed to be still asleep, but her past experience told her that he was capable of feigning sleep, but she didn't want to take the chance of disturbing him if he was not pretending this time. She lay still, taking the opportunity of faint dawn light to examine his face. To her, it was as near a perfect face as she could possibly imagine and she never tired of staring at it.

She had grown used to the small neat beard he wore on his chin, and the thin line of his moustache which emphasised his lips and she no longer bemoaned the loss of his clean-shaven appearance. The feel of it softly rubbing against her skin aroused pleasurable feelings and set her nerve ends tingling, just as it had last night.

Memories of their lovemaking flashed across her mind. It had been almost as if all their inhibitions had been swept away, as if all their arguments and disagreements had been consigned to oblivion and they were free of all constraints. It had been a most powerful experience and Sonea hoped it would set the pattern for their future together.

"You're staring at me again, Sonea." Akkarin's voice was soft but underlying it was a teasing tone.

"Just making sure I remembered everything," she replied teasing in her turn.

He bent his head and gently kissed her, his tongue tracing the outline of her lips. Sonea felt her heart leap as she tightened her arms around him. His hand drifted down her back, leaving a tingling in its wake, whilst the other caressed her breast. Soon they slipped into the familiar rhythms of lovemaking, but the mood of this lovemaking was quite different from the passions of the night before. Sonea immediately recognised this particular mood. It was one which brought back memories of long cold nights in the Steelbelt Ranges, where they made love in the big warm bed, slowly and with tenderness, their minds open to each other, the sense of belonging at its most intense.

In the aftermath, full of the lethargy which follows, Sonea thought she had never been so happy. All of her anxieties seemed foolish now and she could not imagine a life away from Akkarin, whatever or wherever that life might be – Imardin or the Steelbelt Ranges, in the Guild or free from it – it didn't matter anymore.

"I need to talk to you, Sonea," Akkarin's voice was soft and her heart jumped, anxiety instantly back.

She moved a little so she could see his face. He was gazing at her intently, obviously able to read her surface thoughts. She took firm control over her breathing and managed a smile. She saw his gaze relax slightly.

You are very happy, Sonea, he sent, his mental voice a quiet whisper.

I have never been happier, her own mental voice slid sensuously into his mind.

She heard him sigh quietly and her heart jumped again. She steeled herself for some upsetting words, but when Akkarin spoke, he surprised her.

"I have not always been fair to you," he began, "I have always put my own needs above yours and yet your loyalty has never faltered. I meant what I said. I could not have accomplished so much this time without your help."

"You would have won in the end," she said. "You always do."

"Yes, but you saved Regin, and he was important to our success and yet may be more important still. Without your intervention, he would have been destroyed."

She hadn't thought of her actions in that light. Apart from her initial feeling to leave Regin to his fate, she had intervened to save a Guild magician, not Regin, her tormenter. It hadn't seemed a pivotal decision at the time, more one of morality, so she wondered why Akkarin had pointed to it as one of her crucial actions. His reference puzzled her. "Why do you think he will be important in the future?" she asked.

But Akkarin ignored the question and continued, "Increasingly circumstances need your unconventional approach to dealing with difficulties. You are a great asset to the Guild, not only because of your strength in magic, but in your different approach to solving difficult problems, and the Guild has a lot of difficult problems to face."

Sonea could feel the blush creep up her cheeks. She was unused to such praise and couldn't quite believe what Akkarin was saying. Perhaps he has another plan to leave you in the Guild, her mind interjected nastily, after all he has tried several times before.

"Why are you telling me this?" she asked quietly, while at the same time half dreading the answer.

Akkarin laughed briefly, "Shouldn't a man pay his woman a complement now and again? You are full of suspicions, Sonea. I can read you easily!"

"I know you of old," she replied tartly. "Complements are not a frequent occurrence where you are concerned."

To her surprise, colour bloomed in his cheeks, "I know, and I am sorry. You deserve better, much better. I warned you a long time ago that I was not a man to be loved, that I was tainted by my actions in the past. Yet you chose to ignore that warning and nothing in our life together since then has seemed to cause you lasting regret."

"I regret nothing!" she cried. "I know I have done things, hurtful things, perhaps, but all were done with the best intentions. You have given me a life I could never have dreamed of when I entered the Guild. Whatever happens now, whatever decision you make about our future, I will be with you."

He stared intently at her so she opened her mind to his probing. She had nothing to hide regarding her feelings for him. She watched the expressions flash across his face as he read her thoughts. Then he smiled, a warm, open smile, a smile she loved, but which she didn't see very often.

There was a tingling in the air and then, slowly revolving in the spear of dawn light showing through a gap in the curtains, she saw a sparkling golden ring.

"What…?" she stammered.

Akkarin laughed, "I asked you once if you wanted a marriage ring and you said no. I will ask you again. Sonea, will you wear my marriage ring?"

She said nothing for a moment. Once she would have desired a marriage with Akkarin above all things, but now, she wasn't sure. It would do nothing for his reputation. It had been bad enough that they were known to be lovers, but his noble friends could overlook a mere liaison with a dwell, many of them having had similar liaisons. Marriage, however, was something entirely different. His family would have to be involved and, although Sonea didn't know them, she could guess what their reaction would be to having a dwell for a relative. Of course, if they went back to the Steelbelt Ranges, it would not matter, but she suspected that Akkarin would decide to remain in the Guild, at least for the moment, and here, it would matter.

"My answer is still the same, Akkarin. If you remain unmarried, then some will still hope that it would be possible to form an alliance with you and your House. Married to me, you would be regarded as a man who chose to throw away his status and for whom? A dwell; a slum child who just happened to have magic. It wouldn't do. So, no, Akkarin I will not wear your marriage ring." She was proud that her voice had remained calm, despite the turmoil of her thoughts.

The golden ring slowly faded as Akkarin released the magic. "I thought you would say that, but the offer remains, if you change your mind at any time," he said softly. "I will never offer a marriage ring to another woman, Sonea, no matter what the inducement, but the ring is yours whenever you give the word."

By mutual agreement, they began to speak of ordinary things as they lay quietly in the narrow bed. Akkarin said something about Justen and Sonea remembered she had something important to tell Akkarin, something which she could really put off no longer.

"Just before I left Imardin, I went to see Justen," she began, "and he greeted me with mental communication. He sent to me and I could enjoy a proper conversation with him for the first time."

"The boy spoke?" Akkarin asked sharply.

"No, not spoke exactly. He has a strong mental voice and we are able to communicate. He even sent to me yesterday to tell me you were coming, although I have no idea how he knew that."

Akkarin frowned. Then a broad smile appeared as he turned to her, his excitement obvious, "I knew Justen would be an unusual magician. Your son and mine could never be ordinary. We must have him officially tested as soon as possible."

"Are you sure you want him in the Guild?"

Akkarin's frown reappeared, "What do you mean? You know the rules about people who have magic. They have to be tested and brought into the Guild."

Why was it, she wondered, that Akkarin who broke every rule in the book when it suited him, always managed to use rules to support his arguments?

"But no-one knows about Justen. If we said nothing, no one would ever know we had a son or that he had magic. We could keep him safe and away from those who might choose to harm him."

Akkarin stared at her, "Who would harm my son?"

She laughed, "Where do I start? Anyone who feared or hated you, or despised me. Anyone who thought he might be a black magician; the list is endless."

"You are serious, aren't you? You really think that Justen would be in danger?

There may be some who do not approve of my methods, but Justen is only a boy, I cannot believe there would be people who would bring harm to him simply because he is our son."

Sonea allowed some of her exasperation to show in her tone, "You have no idea have you? There were those in the Guild who tried to harm me when I was a novice because they hate the fact I am a dwell. There are those who drew 'Jalette' into a plot to try to destroy you because of your black magic. They will not stop just because our son is a little boy!"

"I think you are exaggerating, Sonea." That patient tone she hated was back in his voice, the tone he used when he thought she was behaving like a child.

"All right! Even if I accept your argument that no one would harm a child, what about the way others would treat him? He is not noble, he has no House; they would see him as his mother's son, a dwell. His life would be made very unpleasant. Believe me, I have experience of that."

Akkarin frowned again, "Yes, I understand that. Of course, if you accepted my marriage ring, Justen would have a House and a Family."

"There would be no need for that, if we tell no one about him!" Sonea retorted. "Of all the reasons for marriage, I would think that marrying to give a small boy protection from bigoted, unpleasant people is one of the last we should consider!"

Akkarin got out of bed and began reaching for his clothes, "I think we should discuss this later, after the funerals, when we have time for a calm, rational conversation."

Sonea bitterly regretted allowing her pleasant, happy mood to turn into another argument with Akkarin. Why do we seem to end up arguing over things? she asked herself sadly, especially after last night…

She slipped from the bed and put her arms around him, resting her head on his chest. He didn't move for a second, then she felt his arms enclose her, then he dropped a kiss on her hair.

"It will be an unpleasant morning," he said softly, "but things will be better once the burials are over and the Guild can start thinking of getting back to normal. We will have more time for ourselves and we will talk things through carefully."

"Yes, you're right. I'm sorry," she whispered.

She felt his hand life her chin until she was looking at him. He smiled the warm, open smile she loved and kissed her gently. "I'll go back to my rooms to wash and I'll meet you outside the Food Hall in ten minutes, I'm starving."

She nodded agreement and, as the door closed behind him, she went into her little washing area and began to get ready.