Chapter 7 – Memories

A/N Here below a few lines will describe the dynamics of the confrontation Volturi/Cullen. It is very respectful and not graphic at all.

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March 29

Leah came to visit me! She had to go back, so I left her at Grand Central. I couldn't go past the entrance, because I wasn't supposed to know what train she would take. But I think she and Ali aren't very far from New York.

I so would like to speak with Alice, I miss her too much. But it's complicated. We have to change cell phone numbers every time, emailing them in cipher to different accounts, and changing those accounts frequently. Or somebody would call me from a booth and give me directions. Such a bother! I need her advice, because I'm concerned that at the library they're wondering about me. Should I stop working there?

March15

Last night I dreamt of Carlisle. How can you lose your father twice? I can't… I truly can't bear it. He was so wise. I remember when we discussed my future; we even discussed if I wanted to change. I wasn't sure it was something I would like for me, but I didn't want to lose them. "You won't Bella," he told me. "Alice has Seen for you a happy and long human life, and you'll have it. But, even if we won't always live together, we'll always be within reach. We will protect and love you forever. You are part of our family now."

I scrolled down quickly. There weren't a lot of entries. It was obvious that Bella didn't know how to find Alice, which was the thing I most craved: I had unfinished business with her. However, based on what I'd heard and seen in Leah's mind, I surmised that the wolves prevented Demetri's tracking talent to function. So a Quileute was supposed to stay with Alice at all times. Did the wolves' impairing effect worked on her ability too? She was a Seer; that was the reason Aro wanted her – the real reason behind her family's destruction. Acquisition. But, in the commotion created by my flight, she must have managed to run away herself. Then Demetri had chosen to pursue me – he probably dreaded to go back without the coven's other mind reader. Staying underwater had made it difficult for him to track me, Death had explained. But of course! Alice went underwater herself - and her lupine bodyguards distanced themselves - so that she could have her visions and remain undetected by the tracker. Brilliant.

The diary's first entry was less than a year old. Much later than the events that had caused the disruption of Bella's life.

... God, I hope this isn't going to give myself away, but if I don't say something to somebody, even if it's just my laptop… if I don't manage to formulate coherent thoughts, I'll go mad…

How many weeks since I arrived in New York? I lost count of the days. At night I can't sleep for the nightmares and during the days I'm a zombie.

…I force myself to get out and see the sights. But I go through the motions; I'm not really enjoying it. How I would have liked to visit New York with Alice! In winter it rains enough for them to move around freely. I had mailed a round of college applications, but the best one was outside the US. To study English Lit at Oxford, the wildest of my wilder dreams! We all would go. Carlisle would take a sabbatical; he hadn't gone back to his native country for many years and he was very keen. So was Esme. We planned week end trips to Paris, too …

No more, no more… you were supposed to stay with me forever, to love and protect me forever and now you are gone. Your beautiful house is ash, as you are.

So that's how it had ended. Of course our team had burned the house after incinerating the vampires who had owned it. All but one. Evidently the Seer didn't see us coming until it was too late. Her mind was completely occupied by another immortal – her mate, probably. He had left her and she had been searching for him, but was also immensely relieved that he was not with the rest of her coven when we came.

Coven, ha. They didn't think of themselves as a coven. They thought they were a family. A family of vampires, by God! Demetri, Jane, Alec and Felix couldn't conceal their contempt while I was reading the Cullens. They judged them ridiculous weaklings, made so by their disgusting diet. Frankly, I found it disgusting too, and yet I was fascinated by them, by their beautiful golden eyes and their surprising thoughts. They intermingled with humans, and their leader was a doctor, a surgeon in contact with humans all day long - resisting the call of their blood. The others did the same. Two were at the university, of all things!

It was then that I started to edit what I told my comrades. It wasn't a smart idea, because, back in Volterra, Aro could well discover it, should he decide to grasp my hand.

And yet, as the almost silent confrontation went on in front of their house, I kept many things to myself, out of the growing respect I felt for them. The silence was interrupted only by my clipped sentences and the monotone questions Jane asked, eager and ready to strike. I had not allowed for it – I was in charge of the interrogation, after all - since the answers were coming anyway - in their heads, if not in their voice.

The Cullens were terrified – as any other vampire who had the misfortune to be under scrutiny and knew to have broken some rules would be - but they loved each other fiercely. In my existence the only comparable feeling I had encountered before was the love felt by the dams for their immortal children. I started to doubt that the reciprocal ties binding the Cullens to each other could be severed, thus separating the gifted one from the ungifted. Furthermore, Chelsea wasn't with us, to inflict her ability to loosen the bonds among beings, immortal or human.

In any case, the reason that had brought our team to the Olympic Peninsula was the Cullens' unholy alliance with a native tribe, whose members shape shifted into giant wolves. Fighting at their side, the Cullens had killed two nomadic vampires, thus choosing another species over their own. A third component of the small coven had barely escaped. Later on, he had confided the incredible story to another immortal and, by word of mouth, the tale had eventually found its way to Volterra.

It was judged an unforgivable crime, particularly by Caius, who had waged a successful war against werewolves in the past, and wasn't going to tolerate such a coalition. My companions thought that the alliance was due to cowardice and sheer madness but, after listening to the culprits' minds, I knew better. I decided not to enlighten my team, though, telling them only the indispensable minimum. The truth was that the Cullens protected humans; they even had a mortal friend who knew their nature, which was another unforgivable crime. That one, in particular, appeared in a frantic vision of Alice Cullen - she Saw her friend in the hands of Felix. He drained the human girl and smacked his lips at the end. The female's golden eyes transfixed mine in a muted prayer, when she realized she had betrayed herself. Quickly other memories passed in her mind, giving me a vision of her forbidden friendship with the human girl.

I had no intention of exposing her, and I was still hoping to save the coven from destruction. Oh yes, they were guilty according to the letter of the law, but they didn't deserve to die. It was like they were showing something new to me, a different way for a vampire to be. And that should have been carefully studied, not obliterated.

I wasn't sure at all that I would manage to avoid their punishment - even if I resorted to downright lies – when the situation hit rock bottom. The blonde female called Rosalie insulted Jane, who retaliated with a bolt of pain. Her mate, Emmett, moved to her defense, and was hit in turn. At this point Carlisle Cullen attacked, to protect his "children". Alec blinded everybody with his talent, and the end came quickly. When only Alice was left standing, Alec freed her, but Felix was already hovering over her slight frame. He would overpower her in seconds and offer her the standard choice: "join or die."

It was then that two centuries of horror hit me. I couldn't stand another moment doing what I'd been doing so far. I could no longer serve the Volturi. And the only way I could escape them was in death.

I ran.

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I was lost in my memories for a long time. When I came back to the present, I continued to look for the entries in Bella's diary. I wasn't going to forget them, but there was nothing that gave me other clues, apart from insights of the writer's mind. A captivating mind, loving and lovely. Well, I could dwell on it at leisure. Or, rather, I could copy the diary. I rummaged in the secretary first drawer and I found DVDs and computer accessories, some pen drives included. One, well in the back, contained the PDF of a novel, with some space left. I copied the diary into it and then put everything in order. Since I would be coming back the next day, I would bring back the pen drive, after having copied the file in my computer.

Bella's scent was tolerable now, but it'd be disturbing anew after losing it for a while, so I looked for something to take with me for desensitization. Hmm, a scarf? A pullover? Nah. Too bulky. Her night t-shirt was on the bed and it called me. I grasped it and inhaled, getting an instant hard on and a mouthful of venom.

It was a white shirt, bearing the sentence Just do it! How funny, I was going to obey a training shoes' slogan. Laughing, I peeled off my jacket and button down and put it on. It was a tight fit, but it would do. Wearing my things over it again, I paced the apartment taking careful breaths, willing my arousal to subside and my thirst to abate.

Will she miss it? I wondered, but decided I didn't care. She would be puzzled, but surely wouldn't suspect an intruder, one who would steal an old T-shirt while there was a lap-top ready to be taken. And, after all, humans often misplaced things or just forgot about them.

A quick look at the sky told me that I might have barely the time to go back to the motorcycle without having to walk with the helmet on, so I left and went home.

I didn't feel like riding and sunlight kept me in. But I wouldn't have gone strolling in any case. It was better to lie on my couch. Wrapped in the scent emanating from Bella's t-shirt, I just wanted to savor it with no distractions. To savor and to suffer it, but the pleasure overshadowed the pain. It was a scent made for me in hell, or in heaven, I didn't know, but I doubted I could do without it. No, not in order to drink her blood. I'd do whatever it took to avoid it. I'd do everything, but running away from Bella. Fate had made me find her, the little human who ran with vampires and embraced werewolves. The more I learned about her, the more I wanted to know her. I refused to consider the fact that she appealed to the male I also was. Nothing good could come of it. In addition, she was the key to Alice, the key to my atonement. Repentance and well-deserved punishment – wasn't that what Death had meant when speaking of finding my humanity anew? From this point of view Bella surely had a role to play in what remained of my existence.

Night found me again perched on my new favorite place, the fire escape's second floor section of a modest house in the Village. When she got home, Bella went out immediately again, carrying a big plastic bag. Peeping cautiously from the terrace, I saw her entering a Chinese laundry at the block's corner. The house was too small to have communal washing machines, evidently. I heard her returning, but she remained in the living area. From the small noises I heard, she was cooking herself a dinner. There was some music on. Oh, Radiohead. Even I had heard of them, despite the fact that I wasn't much a bands' fan. But they were interesting, if a tad creepy. Bella surely had no banal tastes in modern music and it was a perfect complement to her situation, with a vampire creep behind her window.

Later, I heard the sounds coming from the TV, but she was changing the channel often. Was she bored? Her cell phone rang in her bedroom and she came in to answer it. I flattened myself against the window's side.

"Yes, give me the new number," she said. Then she repeated it, and I committed the number to memory while she was writing it down. Was this my chance to find Alice? She concluded her call with a, "tomorrow, then," and returned to the living room.

I tried the number, but there was no ring, and a recorded voice announced that it didn't exist. This convinced me that her means of communication with the last of the Cullens were quite sophisticated. They must have a cipher that allowed – once you knew the key - to find the real number. Given some time, ciphers could be cracked, but not immediately and not here.

The all-important telephone call was scheduled for the following day. I'd better follow her then, to see if I could catch her at it and learn something. In any case, I wanted to know what she did during the day.

Bella came to her room and this time I paid her the courtesy of not watching. I heard her swearing, though. Oh, she was looking for her t-shirt and couldn't find it. Eventually she muttered to herself: "maybe I put it in the laundry". Then she stopped searching and, since I heard a drawer being opened, she must have taken another one. When she finally fell asleep, I opened her window a notch, just to inhale her aroma. The Nike shirt had done its job: the scent was delicious but tolerable. Though lust decidedly was winning over bloodlust, and that could be a problem… particularly because I had no way to solve it standing on a fire escape. Willing my lower parts into submission I decided to leave for a short while, both to find relief and maybe to hunt. I wasn't sure about that, though. Try another hospital for blood bags? In any case I'll come back here well in time, and follow her to her place of employment.

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Note

Next chapter will be very short, but I trust you'll find it interesting. It will be in another Canon character's POV and the story will make another step forward..