Chapter 14 – Branded

A/N To Kayle, Jay Jay and other readers, who sent me lovely and deep guest reviews, I want to say: I can't answer, but thank you.

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You are in love with Bella. Alice's words resonated in my mind, and I almost laughed at this simple truth that had evaded me until now. So far my sharp, intelligent vampire brain had failed to admit what my dead heart had already known.

I was in love with Bella. I had wanted her blood, briefly, and then her body. But now I wanted all of her. Her incredible courage, her fierce loyalty to her friends, her strength, her quiet understanding of others, her acceptance of what was different… and her blessedly silent mind: an ocean of rest. Oh what a mate she could be! But it wasn't allowed. I wasn't going to allow it. I would steel myself against such thoughts, such desires…

Firmly shutting the lid on my folly, I followed Alice toward her cabin. Leah was sitting with Bella on the porch's swing, obviously distressed. The Quileute girl was wondering how she could manage to kill me, if I had hurt Alice. Bella's reassurances had not worked, so far, and she was thinking of phasing and coming after me. When the girls saw us, they rose together, visibly relieved.

Then we learned that there were important news from Washington:

Leah had been called by her brother Seth, who had got back home. It appeared that Alice's husband had arrived in La Push the day before, almost insane with worry - having seen the burned remains of the Cullens' house. Upon hearing that his wife had survived, he had wanted to leave immediately and go to her, but Sam, leader of the wolf pack, had told him to wait, because Alice was always moving. They had ways to contact her and would let her know he was in the Olympic Peninsula. Then she would be sure to come; she was already planning to, due to the suspicion that someone had infiltrated the Quileute tribe on behalf of the Volturi.

Despite having Seen it already, to get confirmation that Jasper had ended his self-imposed exile transformed Alice's face. All tension gone, she radiated happiness.

We all sat at the small cabin's table and discussed our immediate future: tomorrow Alice and Leah would take the first flight from Newark they could book.

"I'm coming too, of course," Bella said firmly.

"Yes, I've Seen you there. And I suppose Edward will want to come, too." He'll be able tohear the suspecte dspy's mind, and we'll proceed from there, I heard Alice think. Then she added out loud:

"We should go to Washington separately. You two have to go back to Manhattan first and set everything straight, so that nobody is concerned about Bella's sudden absence. You might also want to pack something," she suggested.

Later on Alice came near me and, for the first time, I considered her for what she was: tiny like a porcelain doll, black short hair, a piquant face, big honey colored eyes… a little fairy, a pixie. No longer the symbol of my guilt and potential executioner – she had no intention of killing me – she was, I now realized, a caregiver, a protector. With her talent she had protected her coven for decades, and to have failed them at the end, because the disappearance of her husband and lover had been devastating, was still torturing her. But, despite not having the use of her gift, and her mourning, she had not given in to despair. She had continued to protect those she loved as well as she could, protecting Bella, protecting the shape shifters who were her friends.

Her mind was an amazing place to be into. Humbled, I found that I longed for her friendship, if it were possible, even for the short time I intended to go on living.

"Edward," Alice abruptly said, "your eyes are very dark. I think you should do what you have to do, before you travel with Bella. I am going to hunt tonight too. I'll go with Leah and be quick about it. When we are back, you can go."

In her head I saw that she feared a loss of control on my part. If what she was hinting at by saying 'do what you have to do' disturbed her, she gave no sign of it.

It disturbed me, though. But she was right, and I nodded.

When Bella fell asleep in the room she shared with Leah, I stood guard on the porch. We hadn't had a moment alone till we arrived here, and I wondered what our journey to the Washington State would bring. I was eager and afraid at the same time, because spending time with her was bliss, even if concealing my true feelings for her would be very hard. Hardindeed. I smirked at the dirty joke that came to my mind.

In any case, I couldn't deny I was thirsty. The last sustenance I had was from the hospital bags I had stolen a few days ago.

Well, Central Park was too far, but surely I could go to Newark. Lowlife would be abundant there too. Not bothering with the bike, I started running as soon as Alice was back. Once I reached a dilapidated neighborhood - unappealing and just right - I slid into a blind alley and, hidden by a row of dumpsters, I waited, mentally scanning my surroundings. After an hour, I still hadn't located anybody suitable. In another nearby alley I felt the mind of a homeless guy, drunk and trying to sleep on a makeshift cardboard bedding. He was a desperate case - his mind almost gone - but he didn't deserve to die, according to the rules I'd given myself.

Then two guys, up to no good and high on something, heard some noises when bypassing the alley. They stopped, curiosity dispelling their drug-induced self-absorption. I saw in their minds the idea that, if the noise had been made by some stray cat or dog, they could catch it and set it on fire. It wasn't the first they had done so, and it had been vastly entertaining. But surely to set an useless bum on fire would be much more exciting. After exchanging dares, they gleefully went for it.

Of course, I never allowed them to reach their prey. After a minute I was already running away from the city, carrying their unconscious bodies with me. When I was out of town and in a wooded area, I laid the two men on the ground and considered whom to taste first. Only, they were notmen, I realized. They were still teenagers, pimples and everything. It shouldn't have mattered: today they had almost graduated to their first homicide. Surely human society would be better without them. I choose one randomly and lowered my mouth to his throat. But, strangely, my mouth didn't fill with venom, as it should have. This gave me pause: what was happening to me? Even my thirst was somehow… muted.

Astonished at myself, I couldn't figure out the reason. I lowered my face to the other youngster's neck and almost gagged. They both emanated the sour smell of the unwashed, and were obviously drugged, but that had never been a problem for me before. And yet I couldn't force myself to bite. Finally I had to recognize that I wasn't going to drink from them.

Well, fine, they wouldn't be my meal, but if I didn't kill them tonight, what would prevent them torching somebody else just for fun?

Finally I came up with a plan; just in time, because one of them was waking up. I grabbed him and climbed a nearby fir tree. We were quite high up when I stopped. Still holding him, because he would have fallen otherwise, I waited until he focused on me, dimly realizing his precarious position.

"What…What the fuck?" he croaked, his mind full of confusion. It was dark, so he couldn't see where he was exactly, and his human eyes probably perceived me only as an outlined shadow.

"Listen carefully, because I'm not going to repeat myself," I told him menacingly. "I know that you and your buddy wanted to set a homeless man on fire, and I know about the cats and dogs too. If you try to do this again, I will come and personally incinerate you. Hold tight to this branch or you'll fall. And now watch me."

I jumped down, making a show of it, and then jumped up again, higher than he was, holding myself with one hand. I was over his head now and, hearing me again, he startled and almost fell.

"Now I'm putting your friend up in the tree too," I said. "He's waking up. Needless to say, if you speak with the authorities of our encounter, nobody will believe you. They'll test your blood for drugs, and I'm sure they'll find them. Right?"

Scared speechless, he didn't answer. I went down again and took the other youngster up on the branch where the first one was. Then I delivered my final warning:

"Hold him tight or let him fall, I don't care. I won't mind if you both fall to your deaths. The world will be a better place without you. But, if you manage to reach the ground safely, it means that you have another possibility. Use it well. Remember I'll be watching you."

I jumped down again and disappeared.

Well, it had been amusing, but now my throat was on fire. The thirst was back with a vengeance: I had to feed.

Where to go, where to go? Back to Newark for another, possibly fruitless, attempt, or towards the resort were Alice and Bella were staying? I wanted to go back to the cabin and be close to Bella. Nonetheless, I could be a danger to her if I didn't feed. However if I… the idea that presented itself to me was ridiculous, but it wouldn't go away. Hell, I didn't even know how to go about it. Animals? Really? Oh Edward,come on. And yet…

From Alice's mind I had seen the place where she would have gone if she had enough time. The Great Swamp, a natural reserve easily reachable at vampire speed. She had renounced and had hunted nearby. Apparently deer roamed not far from human dwellings in this part of New Jersey. Indecision made me stop, uncertain.

At dawn I was back to the cabin, but I wasn't presentable. Hiding behind some trees, I softly called to Alice, who could obviously hear me.

"Alice, please, can you come here? I need help." I begged.

When she saw me, her eyes widened in horror, but then she sniffed and covered her mouth with a hand, wonder replacing the horror. My pants were muddy, my jacket torn and my shirt heavily bloodstained. With deer's blood.

Earlier she came back from her short hunt with her designer clothes in pristine condition and not a hair out of place, why it has been so difficult for me? I was quite irritated by my poor performance.

As for Alice, she wanted to say something like "it gets easier with time" but she didn't dare, not knowing my intentions. Had this been a once in a lifetime attempt for me – due only to present circumstances - or was I really going to change my feeding habits permanently? If she had asked me, I wouldn't have known how to answer.

The deer's blood had tasted weak and slightly bitter, but it had sated my thirst. Having to run for my meal had been exciting, though, and so had been subduing the big male I had finally caught, separating him from his scared herd. He had been no match for me, but he had bravely fought on, until I took pity and broke his neck. Then I had had to penetrate hair and sinews and blood had sprouted out unevenly, while I spitted out the torn flesh. There was evidently a technique I hadn't mastered yet… Yet? What was I going to do?

Alice took charge of my predicament. I had not brought anything to change into and surely I looked like a nightmare on legs.

"I think the cafeteria is already serving breakfast," she told me. "There are hikers who set out very early. They have a souvenir shop with some clothes for sale."

In ten minutes she was back with fisherman's' pants, a long-sleeved black T-shirt, and an olive green vest.

"Here you go," she said, offering what she had bought. "Come inside through the bathroom window and take a shower."

When Bella and Leah came out of their room, I was sitting quietly inside, self-consciously wondering what they would think of my unusual outfit. There were no comments, however, while they sat down to eat the take-away breakfast Alice had bought for them at the cafeteria.

After having eaten, the girls took turns in the bathroom. I went out on the porch again, to give them space. After a while, Bella joined me there, hair wet from her shower, good enough to eat – in many different ways - her floral scent delightful. She was in a playful mood:

"Are we going back to Manhattan or are we going fishing?" she teased, hinting at the way I was dressed. I was about to answer with another joke, when I was overpowered by the desire to tell her the truth.

"I went hunting last night and I had to change. I was filthy and this is what was available in the souvenir shop."

As her eyes narrowed, due to her mistaken understanding, I hastened to add: "No, not what you think. I hunted deer and made a mess of it. First time, you know."

Stunned, Bella contemplated me.

"Deer?" she murmured, while a smile bright like the sun illuminated her face. There and then I vowed that I would do anything to make her smile again. Even resorting only to animals from now on.

And then, soft like petals, her lips were on my cold cheek. She had kissed me. She had branded me.

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