I've been a wreck all weekend. Chandler's been very patient with me, but I can't seem to get myself under control.

Today we celebrated the twins' first birthday. Technically, their birthday isn't until tomorrow, but everyone came over for their party today. Miraculously, I managed to pull myself together for most of the day, only hiding in the bathroom three or four times.

Being a hormonal pregnant woman definitely came in handy today.

We had a pretty impressive turnout for the party of a couple of one-year-olds. Aside from Joey, Phoebe and Mike, Ross and Rachel and Ben and Emma, Carol and Susan showed up, as well as my parents, and Chandler's parents, some people from work, and a few neighbors. We even invited Erica, thinking it might be something she'd want to be part of, but it seems that, at the moment, the actual open part of the adoption isn't something she's interested in.

We tried to get everyone to take it easy on the gifts, but, naturally, they went overboard. Sometimes, I feel like we need a bigger house just to hold all of the twins' stuff.

But it's still incredibly difficult to believe that my little babies are now a year old. Just one year ago today their biological mother was going into labor, we still lived in our apartment…things were so different.

This has been the fastest year ever.

And my babies aren't really babies anymore.

My heart constricts and I feel a fresh wave of tears burst out of me. Chandler looks up at me sympathetically from his position on the floor, playing with Jack and Erica.

Poor, poor Chandler. He has no idea how to deal with me this way. Hell, I have no idea how to deal with me this way. All I do know is that I'm not ready for my babies to be a year old.

I wish I could freeze time and keep them like this forever. They're so perfect; they're right on the cusp of everything right now. They're still so small, but they're so much more independent now than even a week ago. Despite all of their new-found independence, they still need me.

I think that's the part that scares me the most—that they won't need me. I cannot deal with the thought of Jack and Erica being able to handle life on their own.

Chandler keeps trying to remind me that it'll be many years before they're actually capable of that, and that they'll need the two of us for quite some time.

Like a seven-months-pregnant woman will listen to that kind of logic.

I watch Erica crawl over to the cuddle chair and slowly pull herself into a standing position. Very cautiously, she toddles across the floor to her toys in the corner, and I feel my heart swell and break at the same time. Pulling herself up is something she's done for a couple of months; even walking while having one of us brace her has been happening for some time. But it's only been within the last week or so that she's managed to take steps on her own, almost becoming an expert in the process. Sometimes she stumbles and plops down on her tiny little butt, but she just crawls over to another piece of furniture, pulls herself up, and tries again.

It's completely amazing to watch.

She doesn't really stand independently much, at least not when she's thinking about it. But even right now, she's squatting down to pick up a toy, standing right back up like it's no trouble

Jack, on the other hand, has no interest in the moment at walking. He can pull himself up if he's so inclined. He'll even walk a little while holding onto the couch, but at the moment, he prefers crawling. It gets him places faster than Erica, which is only encouraging her to learn how to run.

Though, given that he behaved the exact same way just before he decided to crawl, I truly wouldn't be surprised to find him casually strolling through the house soon, looking like a tiny adult.

Chandler picks up Jack, making him dance in midair over to me, hiding his face and "talking" for him. "Don't be sad, Mommy. I'm still a little baby. I'm so teeny! I need you to take care of me."

I wipe my eyes with the back of my hand and laugh, and Chandler places Jack on top of my stomach. I have very little lap now, so if I want to hold one of the twins while sitting down, they have to ride the bump. I pull my son against me, hugging him gently, and he chews on the collar of my shirt.

"I'm sorry," I say to Chandler, trying my best to keep myself composed. "I didn't know this was going to be so hard. It really feels like we just brought them home, you know? They were so small and helpless, and now look at them."

Chandler sits back on his heels, his hand reaching out to stroke my knee. "I know. But look at how amazing they are now, honey. Couldn't you just sit back and watch them forever?"

I pull Jack away from me a bit and he grins, his tiny teeth all perfect and shiny—well, at least the teeth he has so far. A year ago, he didn't know how to smile; this part is a definite improvement. I don't know that I would trade these smiles for anything.

"You're my guy, Jack," I say to him, tickling his sides gently and his eyes light up as he giggles. He kicks out his legs, bouncing up and down on my stomach. I feel an answering series of kicks inside my stomach and Jack stops moving and looks around, trying to figure out where the feeling came from. "That was your little brother or sister, sweetie. You're playing bouncy-house on its home."

"Did the baby kick Jack?" Chandler asks, chuckling, watching Erica sift through her toys, trying to find the "right" one.

"The baby was not at all pleased with her big brother using her cocoon as a toy." I take Jack's hand and place it on my belly over where I'm being elbowed. "See, Jack? It's a baby."

"Bahguh?" he asks me, his fingers spread out on my stomach.

"Baby," I correct him.

"Bee," he answers, looking very proud of himself.

"So close, buddy. So close. Baby."

He bounces on me again, this time scrunching up his face and blowing a raspberry at me. I pull him to me and start showering his face with kisses, his peals of laughter filling the room.

I look up in time to see Erica barrel at her father, moving faster on two feet than I've seen yet. My eyes grow wide as she loses balance and crashes into his back. I brace myself for her outrage, but it never comes. Chandler looks over his shoulder to see her sitting on the floor, legs sprawled out, giggling madly.

"You're a strange little bug, Erica Bing," he says to her, reaching out to tickle her foot. "So, so strange."

"And where do you think she gets it from?"

Chandler raises and eyebrow at me and grins, proud to be passing his odd behaviors off on his children.

"If I had known being a parent was this fantastic," he says, laughing as Erica flops to the ground on her back, her legs falling back so she can inspect her feet, "I wouldn't have fought it as hard as I did. We would have gotten married right after college and started in on babies and adopting and whatever it took to get to this place."

"You don't mean that," I tell him, rolling my eyes and tickling Jack's bellybutton.

"I sure do. This is the best thing I've ever done with my life, and my only regret is that I didn't start sooner."

"Do you really think we would have been good parents right after college?"

"You would have been, and you would've helped me figure it out."

"The only downside to this little fantasy of yours is that, if we'd somehow miraculously managed to fall in love and get married that young, we wouldn't have Jack and Erica, and nothing in the world is worth that. I mean, with our mingled DNA, there's a good possibility that the baby we're having now would be very similar to one we could have had years ago, but without the twins…" I shudder a little, truly hating the thought of world that doesn't include them.

"Fair point. They are pretty much the best kids anyone could ask for. Not that I'm biased, or anything." He looks down at Erica adoringly, and I'm sure I have the same look on my face as I watch Jack.

Definitely not biased.

Chandler flops down onto his back, grabbing Erica in the process and lifting her over his head; she shrieks with laughter, reaching for him as he brings her close to his chest, her arms spreading out as he lifts her back into the air.

I turn Jack around, still balancing him on my stomach, so he can see what's going on. "What are Daddy and Eri doing, Jack? They look pretty silly to me." He smacks his hand against my arm, pointing at them with the other.

"Gobah!"

I pause for a moment, trying to figure out what that's supposed to mean, drawing a blank. "I have no idea what you said, dude. Sounded good, though."

"Ooooooobah!" he exclaims, and I look over his head to Chandler and Erica.

"I think their birthday cake is kicking in."

"It's doing a number on me, too," he tells me, laughing with our daughter. He sits up and Erica kicks her feet in midair a few times before spitting up all over herself. "Aww, Eri. Too much?"

Fortunately, she doesn't seem the least bit disturbed and continues to kick, gyrating her entire little body.

I look around for a burp rag but Chandler improvises, pulling off her outfit and using the clean spots to wipe her face. "Naked baby!" he exclaims, setting her down on her feet. She bounces up and down a little, looking genuinely excited about life and nakedness, even though she's still wearing a diaper.

"Jack," I say, and he tilts his head back a little, looking at me. "See what you can do when you learn to walk? You can be just as silly as Erica." He blows a raspberry at me, spitting all over my neck. "Charming. You ever get the feeling that our son thinks we're all a bunch of morons, but he keeps us around anyway because we wait on him hand and foot?"

"Only every day." He grabs Erica as she tilts toward him, then moves to sit next to me on the couch. Erica stands between us, reaching out to pat my face for a moment.

"Hi, Love," I tell her, turning my face to kiss her hand. "You really do enjoy the nudity, don't you?"

"Like mother, like daughter," Chandler teases, keeping a finger hooked in the back of Erica's diaper so she can't go far.

"It's nice to be naked sometimes. It's comfortable. It's very freeing."

"Yeah, well, as long as she doesn't find it to be so comfortable and freeing when she gets to college, I can live with it."

"What if she wants to live in a commune and be naked all the time?"

"Over my dead body."

I look down at my daughter, who's smiling happily, almost wickedly, as if she knows something we don't. "No one will ever have to dare her to take off her clothes, that's for sure."

Chandler groans and closes his eyes, looking pained. "No, no, no."

"Erica, I don't think your daddy is going to let you grow up. No high school, no college, no life."

He opens one eye just a crack, glaring at me. "Yeah, because you're going to let Jack do all those things."

"Neither of them, if I can help it. Or the next one. Babies forever." I lean forward and kiss Jack's head, then stand him up so he's face to face with his sister. The two immediately begin to point and poke at each other, and I'm sure it means something to them, before Jack scooches down onto the couch, sitting so he can all of our faces.

"So, while we have a minute, do you want to talk about what we're going to name the baby?"

I shift toward him a little, feeling the baby twist inside of me. "Any thoughts?"

"I was kind of hoping you'd have some ideas. I mean, are you getting any sort of gender vibe?"

"Not a one," I answer, shaking my head. "Maybe if it wasn't my first time, I'd be able to say if it was definitely one or the other, judging by how the last one went, but for now…nothing."

"Well, you mentioned Daniel at one point, remember? You've had that name picked out forever."

"Hmmm. Jack and Daniel Bing. Wouldn't make us sound like raging alcoholics at all."

Chandler bursts out laughing, Jack smiling up at him. "Can you believe I never once thought about that?"

"Yeah, well, Daniel is definitely out. I don't know, hon. I don't mind knocking around ideas, but I don't know if I want to pick out an absolute name yet. I mean, what if we decide on one thing but when we meet the baby, that's not who he or she is? Do we stick with that name because we've been calling the baby that, or do we pick a new name that fits? I know we were pretty set on Jack and Erica, and it worked because that's who they are, but…I'm kind of okay with winging it a little."

"Monica Geller is okay with not having all the answers?"

"Well, parenthood seems to have kind of knocked that out of me. It seems that babies are kind of a wildcard and do whatever the he…ck they want anyway. And, also…just call me Monica Bing."

Chandler's eyes grow wide as a smile spreads over his face. "Yeah? I thought you thought 'Bing' was weird."

I shrug helplessly. "It is, a little, but it's our name. It's on the twins' birth certificates; it's going to be on the baby's. It's on our mailbox and most people call me 'Mrs. Bing' anyway. I don't want to be the only one that's different."

The look on his face melts my heart; he looks so happy. "Really?"

I reach out and stroke his cheek. "Really. I've been thinking about it for a while. I just need to go and actually get it changed."

"I love you," he whispers and I feel my heart flutter. A moment later, the baby starts to kick, feeling like it's tap dancing inside of me.

"Give me your hand," I tell Chandler, gesturing to my stomach. His hand reaches out for me and I immediately place it over the baby's feet.

"Oh, wow," he breathes.

"When I'm happy, the baby's happy," I remind him, the look of wonder on his face making my heart soar.

"Our baby is so strong."

"Our baby is perfect. All of our babies are perfect."

He leans over and kisses me, squishing Jack and Erica between us for just a moment, though neither seems to mind.

"Mama." I smile when I hear Jack's tiny voice, even though he's still not to the point of being able to actually call me that.

"That's right, sweetie. I'm Mama." I look down at him to find him staring back at me.

"Mama."

My heart leaps into my throat as I freeze, almost afraid that if I move, I'll some realize I've imagined this. "Chandler, did he just call me 'Mama'?" My voice is barely above a whisper, and I see him nod out of the corner of my eye. I don't what to do now, or how to get him to say it again.

"Who is this, Jack?" Chandler asks, pointing to me. "Is this Dada?"

Jack looks truly puzzled for a moment, as if he's unsure why someone would try to confuse him. "Mama," is all he says, and it's plenty.

I feel my eyes fill with tears again, and I hear Chandler sniffling a little next to me. "Oh, my beautiful boy. That's right. I'm Mama. And Mama loves you so much." I pull him into my arms and he gurgles happily. I look up over at Chandler, who looks just as astounded as I feel.

"That was…wow. Did he really just say that?"

"I think he did. I think he really did." I kiss Jack's forehead, then sit him on my belly once more. "Can you say it again for Mama?" He ducks his head and looks at me through his eyelashes, his little hands pressed together. "Look at my shy guy. You're so smart, Jack. Did you know that? You're so smart." He smiles and tilts forward until his forehead is pressed against my chest.

"I think he's embarrassed."

I stroke my son's back adoringly. "If you have to turn a year old, I will totally take you saying my name in exchange."

"Erica, can you say 'Mama'?" Chandler asks, and I look down at her, wondering what she'll do. Erica looks back and forth between her father and myself for a couple of seconds before opening her mouth and letting out a loud belch. I roll my eyes and feel my body shake with laughter. "That's my classy little girl."

"She looks so proud of herself, too."

"All right, so maybe no talking for this one yet."

"We have one walking and one talking. I think we're doing all right. "

"Don't forget the one that likes to pulverize your insides," he reminds me, his hand coming up to gently rub my stomach.

"I would never." I peak down at Jack, who seems content to sit awkwardly against me, then at Erica, who seems to be waiting for more praise about her belch. "Since we have two relatively calm children, including one who's basically naked, how about we give them their bath now? They've had a pretty busy, exciting day and they probably won't be awake much longer."

"Good call," Chandler answers, heaving himself and Erica up from the couch. He reaches out and grabs Jack so I can use both hands to get myself into a standing position, which is easier said than done lately. Once standing, he hands Jack back to me, knowing that I'll want to be close to him for the moment.

I lead the way upstairs and behind me Chandler asks, "How long do you think everyone will wait tomorrow before showing up anyway?"

I chuckle a little, holding Jack with one hand and the banister with the other. Chandler and I both took the twins' birthday off from work, figuring we could spend the day with them, more for us than for them at this point. And even though everyone we know and love came to celebrate them today, we're fairly certain that there will be a steady stream of people coming to visit all day.

Who could blame them, really?

"Noon at the absolute latest. My parents will probably show up by nine, though."

"That's kind of what I was figuring."

We make our way into the bathroom and Chandler goes about getting their bath ready, testing the water and adding their toys. I lean against the doorframe, resting my back for a bit, Jack's head popping up to watch his father. For the most part, both kids enjoy bathtime, which makes our life a bit easier, though this part is always easier to manage when there are two of us. Trying to clean two squirmy babies at once is beyond tricky.

I balance my son on the sink and start peeling off his clothes, crusty and funky from the day's festivities. I pick him up and blow on his belly, his hands going into my hair as he laughs. "You're too much, kid," I tell him, bringing him to my hip once more. "I love you so much."

"Mama."

He's looking at me again, a smile on his face, and I can tell that he knows what he's saying and who he's saying it to. It's the most wonderfully heartbreaking thing in the entire world.

I see Chandler grinning at me as he eases Erica into the tub, and I pass off Jack as I slowly lower myself into a sitting position next to my husband. Once the two of them are in the tub together, their hands start smacking the water, their feet kicking, splashing each other and us, incoherent streams of consonants pouring out of their mouths.

I bite my lip to keep from crying; my little boy said his first actual word today, and it was "mama." Nothing has ever sounded more beautiful.