Chapter 33

"Writing down today's events for future generations?" Bay asked with a smile while she watched Beth laying on her bed and writing in her notebook.

"Can't hurt, right?" Beth sat up from where she had laid on her stomach on her bed and shut the book. "You okay?"

"I am... just talked to Rick."

"Is he gonna be okay?"

"Yeah, I'm sure he will be." Bay smiled and sat down on Beth's bed. "How's things with Jimmy?"

"We kind of broke it off." Beth shrugged, not too bothered by it.

"I figured. Never looked too serious between the two of you."

"It wasn't. Guess it was just about comfort after Mom and his parents died." Beth explained. "How are you and Daryl doing? You are so cute together."

"Thanks." Bay laughed a little. "We're good."

"What's it like?" The younger girl crossed her legs and looked at Bay with an eager and curious look in her eyes. "To be with him again?"

"Oh God, can't you ask me something easier, please?" Bay groaned and rubbed her face with her hands.

"Why? What is it? I thought things were good?"

"They are. It is just so different and a little weird. But not in a bad way. There's little things... like, he has chest hair now. Every time my hand lands there I freeze for a moment, wondering if I'm in the right bed." Bay explained and made Beth laugh.

"Really? Even after all this time you are still used to him not having chest hair?"

"Yes. I told you, it's weird... And I'm a damn hypocrite." Bay sighed deeply as she now stared at the ceiling of Beth's room.

"Why's that?" Beth asked with a slight shake of her head and a puzzled expression.

"I keep telling him to stop living in the past. To let go of it and focus on the present and the future. But now I keep feeling homesick. I long to be back in our apartment. We were able to do whatever we wanted, whenever we wanted. We had privacy. We had a great life together. I miss working at Shoney's, and I miss coming home at night, seeing that stupid, adorable little grin of his when he would look at me... The way he would shake his head to get his bangs out of his eyes, just before he would lean down to kiss me hello. I miss that funny, goofy boy. I sometimes miss his softness. I love the way he is now, don't get me wrong,... just when he is so serious all the time, and when he seems so angry, I wish we were back in 1998, when we were more carefree and he didn't have this chip on his shoulders... I miss that carefree part of him. I know it's still in there, but it's very well hidden at the moment. And I guess it hurts a little that he is kind of distant... You know?"

"How do you mean? How is he distant?" Beth pulled her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them while she intently listened to Bay explain what she meant.

"Gosh I feel ungrateful even thinking like that, because he's back in my life, what more could I want, right? But it's like he's unlearned how to be affectionate. We do things... obviously... and it's great, but when we don't do things and we just cuddle and kiss... It's like he just lays there and takes it, you know? He doesn't give back all that much any more in that department. He used to touch me all the time, even if it was just playing with my hair, so I guess I'm a little sad that that's gone. Boy, I do sound petty and ungrateful. I'm getting on my own nerves. But see? That's why I'm a hypocrite. I want all of the old things back and have a hard time focusing on the new things, just like him."

"Well, why don't you just apologize to ease your conscience and tell him that you feel the same way? Maybe that will help him. Maybe it will help the both of you to let go. And from what you told me, maybe he really has unlearned how to be affectionate with you. You said he was only with his brother and probably a lot of unsavory people, right? He had to be a tough guy, so maybe he just shut down. I know that patience isn't your thing, but maybe that is all it takes." Beth smiled at Bay encouragingly. "And yes, you do sound a liiiiiiittle bit ungrateful, but I don't think that you are an ungrateful person. It's just the expectations you have. You expect him to be the same person and he isn't. Let go of those expectations and you will be fine. You know what my Mom always said, right? Expectations only put pressure on yourself and on other people. Just keep an open mind, be open for surprises and go with the flow."

"She was a smart, smart woman." Bay agreed, before she reached over and squeezed Beth's hand. "And she sure raised you right. I'm glad to have you in my life, Ladybug. In the end it was all worth it because now I have all of you. And Daryl on top of that. I should count my blessings. And I will from now on. No more complaining. Open mind."

"Do you want me to remind you of that, in case you start complaining again?" Beth giggled teasingly, earning herself a poke in the ribs from Bay.

"Still a cheeky monster." Bay mock-frowned. "I love you, and yes please remind me."

"I love you, too."

"Alright, I'll let you get back to your writing. You have a good night."

"Thanks, you too." Beth smiled and plopped back down on her stomach to go back to writing.

Bay thought about what Beth had told her, but she decided against telling Daryl that she missed their old life, too. She just knew that it wouldn't help either one of them, especially not Daryl. They would just drag each other down with their longing to be back there again. No, she would have to be strong, get rid of her expectations and guide them both in the right direction. She would have to have enough optimism for the both of them, so they could built a new great life together and create wonderful, new memories. Well, as wonderful as possible in this bleak new world.

Four more weeks passed and things were running smoothly. A week after Shane's death things returned to normal and the only people left holding a grudge against Rick were Andrea and, surprisingly, Carol. The rest made peace with what had happened, especially since they all felt safer without Shane around. During that first week Bay had learned why Andrea was still mad at Rick. She and Shane had gotten closer, intimate even. Bay wasn't for the life of her able to see what Andrea had seen in the aggressive man, but to each their own. She got why Andrea wasn't quick to forgive Rick, but Bay did not understand what in the world Carol's deal was. She had kept egging on Daryl to step up and to do something about Rick. Daryl had declined every time, and had told her that he had faith in Rick, that Rick had done right by him and that the man had honor. Much to Bay's surprise (and chagrin) Daryl hadn't snapped at Carol, like she had expected him to. Maybe he just wanted to leave that to Bay, because after two weeks, she had snapped and had put her foot down.

"If you want something to be done about Rick so bad, then do it yourself. You heard Daryl, he is fine with how things are going. You want something changed? Go ahead and do it, and don't send others to do your dirty work and risk their lives in the process." Bay had lost her temper with Carol and had been dangerously close to slapping the woman when she had dared to look indignantly at Bay. Daryl had recognized the look in Bay's eyes and had quickly grabbed her elbow and led her outside to cool off. Ever since then Carol had chosen her words very carefully around Bay. The two were civil towards each other, Bay appreciated how Carol helped out inside the house, and also thanked her, but it was still clear that they wouldn't become the best of friends in the near future.

Daryl and Bay had had a little squabble of their own, when Daryl had noticed Bay's cross necklace missing from around her neck, the night after she had given it to Rick. He had started clenching his fists and pacing back and forth like a caged tiger while his anger erupted."The fuck would ya give him that for? He don't need it! It belongs to you... nobody else. You know... gotta ask myself,... ya only came like a fucking freight train after I said that shit about your buddy Rick watchin' us... now ya give him yer cross... So you got a thing for the guy, or what?"

"If you really believe that, then you're insane, Daryl."

"Don't think I don't see him touchin' up on you and shit."

"Daryl, that's just how people are. Only because you are different, it doesn't mean that other people are weird or have a thing for each other. He is married with a kid and another one on the way. Seriously, do you really think I would even so much as think about breaking that up? That I would cheat on you? Wow... your brother's really done a number on you. You just can't trust me, do you? The funny thing is, that I never gave you any reason not to trust me. The other way around however..."

"Yeah, right, wanna start that up again? Yeah, I left. I made a fucking mistake and you would be right not to trust me. Yet you do. Want a fucking medal for that?"he had yelled at her, just before she had grabbed his pillow from her bed and had thrown it at him.

"You're not sleeping in here tonight." she had stated. "And you won't sleep in here until you trust me. I'm not gonna do this shit every two days."

Daryl had spent one night on the floor in the living room before he had apologized. He trusted her, but he hated her bond with Rick a little. He hated that she had given him her necklace. Daryl loved that necklace just as much as he loved her, because it was a part of her. She had barely ever taken it off. To see her without it just wasn't right. But, he eventually got over it and they were good again. They were all slipping into a comfortable life together. They had done good and had been well-prepared when a very mild fall suddenly turned into a very cold, early winter. Daryl had these new, black jeans that fit him verrrry well, and it Bay's mouth watering more than just a little. She had started to accompany him on his watch, when it wasn't too late and she wasn't too tired, and every time they were alone outside, her hand slipped down to his ass, just petting lightly, or sticking her hand in that pocket, sometimes squeezing playfully. Daryl let her. It wasn't too distracting and it wasn't like he didn't enjoy her showing him, that she still desired him. However, he still wasn't in the habit of returning her affections too much. Their sex was great, and while they did share their moments of intimacy and tenderness, they were extremely rare coming from Daryl, compared to eleven years ago. Bay stayed patient and didn't bring it up with him. She just tried to initiate it more often when they were by themselves, and hoped that eventually, he would get the hang of it again and reciprocate, instead of just laying there and taking it most of the time.

"Did ya take my gun?" Daryl was looking through his things while him and Bay were getting ready for watch, one night.

"No. I would have asked." Bay shook her head as she wrapped a scarf around her neck.

"Hm." he grunted with a frown, before he put his things back in the closet and closed the door.

"Think someone took it?" Bay was frowning as well, because she didn't like the thought of anyone coming into their room and doing some snooping. "You never misplace anything, so someone must have been in here, right?"

"Right." Daryl agreed moodily. He didn't like that fact too much, either.

"Gonna ask around tomorrow." Bay said and zipped up her coat, while Daryl grabbed his crossbow. "Ready?"

"Yeah." Daryl nodded and went outside with her. The previous team had just done a sweep of the fences, so Daryl and Bay climbed up on the RV first. She sat down at the edge while Daryl kept walking back and forth on the roof.

"Do you sometimes think about our friends? Or should I say former friends?" Bay asked after a while.

"Sometimes." Daryl admitted with a shrug. "Pat mostly. Screwed him over, too."

"Yeah." Bay sighed sadly. Now in retrospect she wished they would have taken the time to focus on their friends more. Pat especially. The breakup with Jessa had been very hard on him, and he'd had to go through it without his best friend, because Daryl and her had been too busy consummating their relationship. "Do you think he made it? That he's still alive?"

"Dunno. Might be. He's got skills... but if he went to Atlanta, I guess he didn't make it, what with them dropping napalm in the streets and all."

"Maybe he didn't go. He's smart and resilient. Like you. Maybe all of them are still out there. Maybe he's married by now, with a kid or two... or more. Think Erin and Sam stayed together? They were such a great couple."

"Dunno, girl. What's it matter anyway?"

"It's just something I think about sometimes. I like imagining what they look like now, and where they are now... Well,... where they were before the outbreak I mean. Now I hope they survived and are able to make things work. That they have a safe place somewhere, like we do here." Bay sighed again and stopped talking about it when she felt Daryl's reluctance to talk about it more. "Alright, wanna start making the rounds?" she asked with a smile, and got up when she saw him nod. Daryl climbed down first and grabbed her waist to carefully guide her down the ladder, as soon as she was far enough down.

"Thank you." she smiled and kissed him lovingly.

"Can't have anything happen to that pretty ass." he smirked and this time, it was him who gave hers a little squeeze. She laughed and was just about to pull him down for another kiss, when the door to the house opened and Lori came hurrying outside.

"Have you seen Carl?"

Bay and Daryl were tempted to roll their eyes at the question. Lori asked it about twice a day and it was getting on everybody's nerves, that neither Rick nor Lori, were able to keep an eye on their son. You would think that a sheriff would have a better grip on that kind of thing.

"No. We'll look for him. Maybe he's with the calf again." Bay tried not too exasperated. She just couldn't believe that after Sophia having gone missing almost two months ago, that they would watch their kid like hawks.

"Thank you. I'll look in the house again. Maybe he's in the attic or the basement." Lori said and went back inside.

"Come on." Bay muttered. "Let's see where he's hiding out this time. God, sometimes I want to strangle that kid. No, scratch that. I want to strangle the whole family. What is it with that boy and taking off in the dark?"

"Prolly feels invincible. Guess every kid feels that way at one point or another. Just look like he struts around here with that stupid hat of his. He thinks he's the next big thing." Daryl explained while he let his eyes dart around the area while they walked towards the barn.

"Yeah I get it, boys will be boys, but it's not like it was before. There are walkers roaming around now and they still let their kid run around like nothing ever happened? I understand that they want him to grow up as normally as possible, but there's gotta be rules. If he'd be mine, I would have grounded him the first time he ran off." Bay grumbled and jammed her hands further into the pockets of her coat. It was freaking cold at night now.

Daryl scoffed with a little smile. "If he'd be ours, then good luck grounding him. If he'd be anything like m-" Daryl didn't get any further than that, because a gun shot startled the hell out of them.

"The swamps." Bay gasped and took off running with Daryl hot on her heels. Hershel came out of the barn after having heard it, too.

"Was that a gunshot?" he asked as Daryl and Bay reached him.

"Yeah, coming from the swamps. Come on!" Bay tugged on Hershel's arm, making the man jog after them.

"Flashlight." Daryl told Bay when they reached the trees and he armed his bow. "Keep your gun ready."

They carefully, but as quickly as possible, made their way towards the swamps. There were no walkers around, but they suddenly heard sobbing and gasping breaths. Bay's heart about stopped beating when she realized who it might be.

"Carl?" she called out. "Carl? Are you here?"

"Bay?" she heard the boy cry, and the sobbing coming closer.

"Carl? Where are you?" They looked around, trying to locate the boy, when he suddenly stumbled out from behind a tree and into the beam of their flashlight.

"Oh God Carl! You scared the living daylights out of us. Are you okay? Did you shoot something?" Bay was on her knees in front of him in an instant.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry." he was barely coherent and kept sobbing.

"It's okay, Carl. Just don't run off again. Did you shoot a walker?" he nodded, while the men came closer. "Are you okay?" Bay asked again and she froze when Carl shook his head. "Carl? What happened?"

Carl sobbed even harder when he lifted his left arm, revealing his bleeding forearm, which was missing a big chunk of skin and flesh. "It... bit... me." he pressed out with difficulty between sobs, shocking all three adults into silence.

"No... oh Carl..." Bay breathed, not knowing what to do or say.

Daryl felt helpless and sick to his stomach. This shit he didn't sign up for. He was not about to watch a little kid die. This wasn't happening.

"We have to take it off." Hershel's calm voice cut through their shock-filled haze.

"Wha'?" Daryl squinted at the vet, not sure that he heard right.

"His arm, we have to take it off. It might save his life."

"You can't be serious, Hershel." Bay gaped at her substitute father, but sure enough, Hershel was already removing his belt.

"No, no, no, no, no... please... no!" Carl begged when he realized what taking his arm off meant.

"There's no other way." Hershel said and knelt next to Bay and Carl.

"You're insane." Daryl scoffed. "How you gonna do this anyway? How do you know it will even work?"

"It's worth a try, isn't it?" Hershel said, as calm as ever, as he tied the belt around Carl's arm, just above the elbow. "Your knife, Daryl. And help Bay keep him down. Carl, you have to be a very brave young man, now."

"Nooo,... Hershel please, nooo!" Carl begged and pleaded under tears, trying to get away, but Bay and Daryl were already there to grab hold of him.

"Hershel, we can't do this out here. His cries will attract walkers." Bay tried to reason with him, but Hershel shook his head.

"We can't wait. We have to do it now, before that virus or whatever it is will spread. Your knife, Daryl!" he held his hand out for it, and Daryl gave it to him with a shake of his head.

"You're crazy."

"Maybe I am, but maybe I will also be a lifesaver."

"Rick and Lori..." Bay whispered in shock. "We should ask them... we should give him anesthesia..."

"We don't have time. Hold him down. Now!" Hershel pried Carl's arm away from his body, as Daryl and Bay held the struggling boy pinned to the ground. Both of them were shocked and sick to their stomachs, but what choice did they have? Just let him die?

Neither of them watched as Hershel brought the knife down into Carl's arm. Carl's anguished, pain-filled screams were enough to traumatize them both for years to come. They had seen a lot, but this... the sounds the boy was making chilled them to the bone, making them tremble and make dark spots appear to cloud their vision. They were glad when Carl passed out, because both of them were close to passing out, too.

"It's done. Let's get him back to the house. Now. Come on, quick." Hershel was not so calm anymore, and Bay noticed his hand shaking when she handed over her gun, because Daryl was handing her his crossbow. He would carry Carl back to the house. He was the strongest and fastest out of the three of them. They got out of the swampy area as quickly as possible, and in the moonlight they saw the others running across the field.

"CARL!" Rick was yelling and running toward them with Lori in tow, when he realized that Daryl was carrying his son. "What happened?"

"He got bit." Daryl yelled, making both of Carl's parents halt in their tracks.

"No... NO!" Rick shouted in anguish, while Lori started crying. They finally met Daryl and Rick tore his son out of the hunter's arms.

"Careful, man! Hershel took his arm off." Daryl warned Rick, watching the man's eyes widen in shock.

"What?" Lori was stunned, but when she indeed saw half of Carl's left arm missing, she broke down in a heap on the ground.

"It might save his life." Hershel was gasping for air. "I had to try. It was quick. Maybe it didn't spread."

"Get him inside. Go!" Daryl pushed at Rick, who stood there in shock with his boy in his arms. Bay helped Lori up and they all jogged back up to the house. Rick carried Carl into the basement into the room with a medical cot and all their supplies they had gotten from the hospital. Hershel knew it would have been more humane to put Carl under, but he didn't think they had been able to wait the 5-10 minutes it would have taken to get him to the house and prep for surgery. Now him and Bay did everything they could to make him comfortable, while they all waited with baited breaths whether he would pull through or not, and if cutting off a bitten limb was even effective at all.

Bay threw up. As soon as they'd been done with Carl she had rushed upstairs and introduced her dinner to the toilet. Carl's screams were echoing inside her head. The sound of the knife hacking away at the kid's arm mixed in with the terror-inducing screams would haunt her for the rest of her life. She was sure of it. When she was done she got up and brushed her teeth, then she went to her room, not surprised at seeing Daryl sitting on their bed. He was pale, just like she was, and for a moment she wondered if he had had to throw up as well. She kicked off her boots and climbed into his lap, straddling him, and wrapping her arms around his neck. When Daryl wrapped his arms tightly around her and pressed his face against her shoulder, Bay broke down. Hard sobs wracked her body as hot tears spilled down her cheeks. This event had been more than a little traumatizing and she had a hard time comprehending that it had really all happened. She was sad and horrified and at the same time she was unbelievably angry at Rick and Lori. This could have been prevented, if they only would have watched their son better.

"All they had to do was keep an eye on their kid." Daryl muttered, like he was reading Bay's thoughts. He was angry as well. Rick and Lori had their kid. They hadn't lost it like Bay and him had lost theirs, they even had a second one on the way and yet they didn't make sure that the kid was safe.

"I know, right? We all told them that they had to watch him better. Everybody saw him sneaking around places he had no business being. He had your gun. He was in here, going through our things. He took your gun and went to the swamps, feeling invincible. She almost lost him once, why wouldn't she pay better attention? Both of them? Rick could have made him stick by his side all day long while he was doing his chores. Why don't they make sure he's in his room at night? Or keep him occupied. I just don't get it, Daryl? Why would they be so careless with their own child?" Bay sobbed.

"They're idiots." Daryl scoffed angrily, but he gently rubbed his hands up and down Bay's back. He was offering comfort and taking it from her at the same time. He wouldn't admit it out loud, but he almost ralphed on the ground right next to the kid earlier. He was sure he would have nightmares that night. He wasn't squeamish at all, but this had been absolutely hardcore. He had no idea how Hershel had gotten through it. He only hoped that it would be worth it and that the kid would live. He also hoped it would teach the whole family a lesson. Too bad that the kid had to pay the price for his parents negligence.

They sat there embracing each other for a long time. When Bay's sobbing finally ebbed off, she took a big, shuddering breath and wiped at her eyes with her hands. "I need a drink. And I'm not kidding."

"I'll get us something." Daryl said, agreeing wholeheartedly with her idea.

"Don't just bring a glass. Best bring the whole bottle. Or two." Bay said while she went hunting for a tissue to blow her nose with.

"Got it." Daryl nodded before he left the room. If there was a good time to get shit-faced, then tonight was definitely that night. He really hoped it would help in muting the screams he was still hearing vividly inside his head.

Thanks for reading!

So, what have we learned? Kids, listen to your parents, and parents, watch your damn kids!

This was inspired by real life. At daycare one kid is very badly behaved and doesn't listen to his parents. His parents have given up and it ended in the kid running into the street and getting hit by a car. He will be fine, but I hope his parents finally wake up.

So, I have some bad news. Chapters might be shorter, like this one, and/or my update rate will be slower. This will only be temporary. I am redecorating my sons room, complete with painting the walls, etc., I will get furniture delivered which I will have to assemble all by myself, I have mom-duty at daycare and also, Christmas is coming up soon, which means baking cookies and decorating, so I have a lot on my plate and don't get all my free time to write. Also, this story is very intense to write, for whatever reason. My brain needs a break in between chapters.

This won't be the case forever, probably just for the rest of the year until the busy times are done with, and I have more energy and time to focus again. So don't give up on me. I am not abandoning the story.

Thank you so much for all the follows and favorites and reviews! Love your reviews! I know I sent PM's, but thank you again so so much!