Chapter Ten:
It had been ten days since Jason was discovered and Robin was finally leaving the hospital. She was better, although her viral load wasn't where it needed to be. She worried it wasn't going to go back down and she worried this was a worsening of her condition.
She tried to stay positive, if nothing else, then for Emma's sake. She had been spending so much time with her daughter and it was great. Emma loved to write and Robin was reading all of the short stories she had written and they were so sweet. She wrote about fairies and dragons and princesses and doctors.
She laughed the first time she read about the doctors coming to save the day. She had asked Emma about that and her response was so sweet. She told Robin that her heroes were doctors because they helped people and that's what all good people should do. She also thought it was how her mommy and daddy fell in love. She believed that as doctors, they were made for each other.
Robin thought that, too, once.
She brushed her long hair and was happy to see it seemed to feel healthier. She needed a cut, but that would have to wait. She took the bag Brenda had dropped off for her and Robin realized it was the suitcase Patrick had packed. She never looked in it.
He had been by numerous times, but they hadn't really spoken. Robin decided she needed space and she couldn't handle the stress of trying to make sense of everything.
That didn't mean she stopped thinking about him. She was happy to talk to Jason and he and Sam seemed to be reconnecting, but in Robin's heart, Patrick was everything. She didn't know how to stop loving him. She wondered if she ever would.
She opened the bag and tears filled her eyes when she touched her favorite clothes. She held the shirt to her face and smelled the familiar scent of home. She also was thrust back into memories of walking around the bedroom in the morning while they both were racing to get ready, stealing kisses and touches between their hectic morning ritual. She took her gown off and pulled on her jeans and shirt and hugged her arms around her waist.
She felt more like herself.
She just didn't know who that was anymore.
"Robin?"
She turned and saw Patrick standing at the door.
"Oh, hi," she smiled. "Is Emma okay?"
He swallowed the lump in his throat and tried to ignore the way his heart raced when he looked at her.
God he had missed her.
"Emma is fine. She is with your mom today. I heard you were getting released and I wondered if I could take you wherever you are going so we could talk."
She was surprised at that.
"Oh, why?"
He shoved his hands in his pockets and sighed.
"Because I think I need to explain some things to you. I have spent a lot of time thinking since you came home and I'd just like to try and," he sighed. "I just want to spend some time with you and talk."
She smiled and he raised his eyebrows.
"What?"
Her lips curved in a grin and she shrugged.
"You are never at a loss for words."
He chuckled and his dimples were deep and inviting.
"You never let me get away with anything."
They were quiet for a minute and she sat down on the bed.
"I don't really have anywhere to go, so I think I'll check into a hotel."
"What about the penthouse? Weren't you there with Brenda?"
She nodded and shrugged.
"Jason and Sam are back home and I don't want Emma to have to go through security to see me. Besides, I need to figure things out and getting an apartment will be first on my list. I just need to try and get my health under control and then figure out where I go from here."
His heart twisted as he listened to her.
"Can I take you home? To our house? You can figure things out there."
She looked at him and he felt so exposed.
"It's not our house, Patrick. I don't want to intrude."
"I'd like you to come with me. You don't have to stay, but I want to talk and I think it would be best to do it there."
She grabbed her bag and nodded.
"Okay."
He went to take her things for her and she shook her head.
"I can do it."
He sighed and they walked out.
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Patrick drove them home in silence and Robin looked out the window, her emotions all over the place. She had so missed this. Every familiar street and turn just reinforced all she had lost.
"Robin? We're here," Patrick said and went to touch her shoulder, but stopped himself.
"Sorry," she turned and looked at him, her big brown eyes full of sadness.
"You okay?"
She nodded and got out of the car.
He walked to the door and went in, carrying her bag and putting it down. "I haven't cleaned in a little while," he smiled and turned around, realizing she hadn't come inside.
"Robin?" he ran to the door, fear in his chest until he saw her sitting on the porch, her arms on her knees.
"Hey, what is it?" he asked softly as he walked out, sitting next to her.
"I don't think I should be here," she said as her tears fell and she angrily wiped them away. "I'm sorry, but I need to go."
"Why? What happened?"
"What happened? Patrick, I've been held in a tiny room for almost three years. I wanted nothing more than to come home to you and Emma and when I did, everything was wrong. I saw you were in love with someone else and as much as I tried to tell myself I understood, I was so hurt. I didn't understand how you could move on. I mean, I didn't want you to mourn forever, but I tried to get free and I just couldn't. I was so happy when you decided to come back to me, but when Victor came over and told me about Jason, I just didn't know how to leave him to suffer like I had."
She stood up and paced a little.
"I did everything wrong. I didn't trust the right people and I should have listened to you. I was so lost and I knew how much Sam and Danny wanted their family back. I knew it because I felt the same way about you and Emma. When you told me to let him die, I just couldn't do it. I wouldn't have been able to live with myself. I didn't know how to do that."
He let her talk, needing her to get this out.
"I loved you so much, Patrick. I would never choose anyone over you and Emma. I couldn't. I just didn't know what else to do. I never meant this. I never meant to be gone so long or for you to think I would want to stay away. I never ever wanted you to be hurt or for your son to die. I did everything Victor said and he still went after you and Emma. I'm so very sorry for everything. I wish I could take so much of this back, but I can't. I am so thankful Jason is home with his family, but once again I've destroyed your life. I am truly sorry for that."
He felt his tears fall as he listened and he felt like a complete jerk.
"Do you remember what you told me before I left?" she asked.
"No," he said softly.
"You said you didn't want to forget how to love me. I've thought of that every day and when I learned you wanted a divorce from Emma, I knew this was my doing. I made you forget and I never wanted that."
"Robin," he began.
"I thought maybe if I could just get home and explain things to you, if I could tell you that I was just so lost and I needed help to get things back as they should be, if I could just talk to you, then maybe things wouldn't hurt so much."
"And now?" he asked.
"I walked in on you and Sam. That spoke volumes for me, Patrick. I don't blame you for moving on because you told me you wouldn't wait. What I don't understand is how it could be with Sam. You were so mad about Jason and yet you were with the one woman he loves more than anyone. It makes me wonder if you really did want me back when you left Sabrina. It made me feel like a loser and I won't let that be my life. I need to move on. I need for you to let me do that."
"I needed to hurt you," he said quietly.
"What?"
"I needed to hurt you. I was so angry with you. I didn't understand how you could choose to leave after you worked so hard to come home. I took it as a direct hit against me and our marriage. I felt like I wasn't the most important thing in your life. I wanted you to pick me and you didn't."
Robin nodded.
"I hear you, but I wasn't choosing him. I always wanted you, Patrick. I just wanted to go help a friend. I didn't plan to be gone forever and I never expected you to end our marriage. I can't take back the moment I walked out that door and to be honest, I don't want to. I brought Jason back and I won't apologize for that. I do apologize for what I made you feel and I am so sorry you felt like I was picking him over you. He is my friend, family in a way. He isn't my husband and I don't have any such feelings for him."
"I know that," he said.
"Okay. I'm going to call a cab and go get a place for the night. I need to take my meds and it's going to be hard on my system. I need to rest and hope these meds work. I appreciate you talking with me, but I really don't want to go inside. I need to leave."
"I don't want you to leave," he said sincerely. "Robin, our rift has nothing to do with love. We both love each other. I can see it in your eyes and I know it's there. I want to know if we can get past the hurt."
"I don't think you want to," she said as she looked at him.
"What? Why do you say that?"
"You slept with Sam. If I hadn't come home, you would be happy with her. If Jason wasn't here, you and Sam would be a couple. I won't play second place to anyone, Patrick. You divorced me. You chose to end our marriage and I need to accept that. I really want you to be happy and I hope you can be. Maybe you should talk to Sam and see what she's thinking. I know what it's like to come home and find your heart broken. Maybe Sam isn't into Jason anymore. Maybe she wants you."
"You don't understand," he said softly. "I don't want Sam. I don't want Sabrina. I just wanted my wife back. I just wanted to stop feeling so empty and so sad. I needed to move on or I was going to become an angry and bitter man. I want to help you. I want to be someone you can count on. I want to get to know you again," he looked at her. "Will you let me help you?"
She felt exhausted and he saw her hands shake a little.
"You need some juice. Come inside with me," he said.
"Patrick," she began.
"Enough arguing. You need to keep your strength. Come on," he said and reached for her.
She stood up on her own and walked inside.
"Sit down and I'll get you some juice and crackers. You should take your meds."
She didn't have the strength to argue anymore. She looked at the room and all of the memories came rushing back. All she lost was staring her in the face.
"Robin? What's wrong?" he asked as he walked back in.
She put her head in her hands and sobbed and he went to her, sitting next to her and pulling her into his arms.
"Okay, it's okay," he murmured.
She sat back and wiped her eyes.
"No it isn't. I'm sorry. I appreciate the help and I am really glad we talked, but it can't be anything more. I need to go. Please let me call a cab."
He sighed and nodded.
"Please drink something. Do you have your meds?"
She nodded.
"Do you have a cracker I could eat?"
"Of course," he said and walked to the kitchen. He took a minute to gather himself, the emotions overwhelming to him. He took some crackers and walked back out, seeing she had fallen asleep on the couch. He grabbed a blanket and covered her, sitting down and trying to make sense of everything.
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Thank you so much for reading. I am trying to show the journey both Robin and Patrick will be going through to find their way back. This is a scrubs story, but I really want to cover the issues that both of them need to deal with.
Please let me know what you think!