Chapter 42
Since they had gotten a good amount of supplies on their first run, Rick asked Bay, Maggie, Daryl and Glenn to postpone their second trip to the doctor's offices. He thought it was more important to get things up and running, and more secure, at the prison. They all agreed that he was right. The next run could wait another couple of days.
The next morning, instead of gearing up for a trip into town, they would just gear up for chores around the prison. At night, Daryl was inside their cell with Bay, and watched her get changed. She had started to feel more secure and so, at night, she had started changing out of her jeans and into some kind of leggings, or whatever they were called. Daryl had no idea. He just knew that they were tight and didn't leave much to the imagination. He always slept in his clothes and thought it was silly to change into something comfortable, but he let her be. He enjoyed the view after all.
"That ain't your knife..." he frowned when he first noticed the bigger, black leather sheath among her things.
"It's Merle's." Bay replied with an annoyed sigh. She already hated having to say his name.
"Merle's?" Daryl was confused as to why Bay would have it.
"Yes. He gave it to me. Said it was better." Bay explained in a monotonous voice, free of any emotion.
"He did?" Daryl's face lit up as his eyebrows rose with hopefulness. "You talk to him?"
"No. He talked to me."
"Yeah?" Daryl couldn't help but be excited. Without even realizing it his voice turned softer and his eyes grew bigger as hope started to build even more. "He say he's sorry, yet? 'Cause he is."
"Stop." Bay told him tiredly. She knew that tone of voice. She knew what was happening, and it was pissing her off.
"He's gonna make it right, Bay."
"I said stop, Daryl."
"I promise. I'mma make him."
"Daryl, I love you, but you have never been able to make that man do anything. And you know what? If Merle can't say that he's sorry of his own free will, then it doesn't mean shit anyway. Just let it go." she said angrily while she yanked on her leggings.
"Erin was able to forgive us... Pat, too."
"Yeah, so?" Bay was more than annoyed with the conversation already. This was not how she had pictured the night starting out. This was basically her worst fears starting to come true. She had really wanted to believe that things would be different this time, but right now it looked like that wouldn't be the case.
"Just sayin'..." Daryl shrugged and nervously chewed on the inside of his cheek for a moment before he looked up at her carefully. "Maybe we should do that... We're all stuck together... There's gotta be a way to make it work... maybe... jus' needs to be a little forgiveness, is all..."
Bay's mouth literally fell open. She whirled around and gaped at him, not able to believe what she was hearing. Upon seeing her expression Daryl realized that he had said the exact wrong thing. He knew, of course, that it was the wrong thing to say, but deep down he'd had hope that things might get easier from here on out. That they would be able to let go of some things and move forward and bond. He knew that Bay had enough forgiveness inside of her for a whole town, he had counted on that, but that town apparently didn't include Merle.
"Are you kidding me?" She asked in an incredulous whisper. "ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?"
Daryl shouldn't have been surprised, but he still flinched when she started yelling at the top of her lungs. "Look, I ain't sayin'-"
"I know exactly what you are saying, Daryl. Do you even realize what you are doing? Do you realize what's happening here?"
"I ain't under his spell or whatever ya think it is..."
"So you're suddenly suffering from amnesia? Forgot all about what happened because of him? Or have you just turned into an idiot?" Bay was beside herself with anger and disappointment. She would feel bad about calling him an idiot later, but in that moment her anger was ruling over her with an iron fist. "Congratulations on being his lap dog again, Daryl. Because that is exactly what this is. You jump at the chance to stick up for him again and try to clean up his mess."
"Hey! Ain't no need for that."
"No? Seriously?! Are you kidding me?"
"Would ya shut up for a minute? I don't expect ya to forgive him for causing all the shit he has caused. I won't forgive him or myself for being a part of you losing our kid. I... I don't fucking know, Bay..."
"Then what do you want me to do, Daryl? I mean, are you seriously upset at me for not welcoming him with open arms? For not hugging and kissing the shit out of him and let bygones be bygones, just because he gave me his knife? He stole 30,000 dollars from me. He stole you away from me, and you let him. He stole the life I loved living... "
"He did, he knows that and he's sorry for it. In the end, ya still had a good life, Bay. I mean... we gotta be able to let some part of that grudge go, right? Not the thing with our child, but the rest... Maybe... I don't know..." Daryl was at a loss. He didn't even really know what exactly he expected Bay or Merle to do. He knew he was kind of stabbing Bay in the back with what he was saying. That wasn't his intention at all, but somehow the right words just wouldn't come out of his mouth. It was all a big, jumbled mess inside his head, and now he'd really stepped in it.
"Figure it out, then." Bay grabbed her gun and her own knife, leaving Merle's where it was. "Leave me alone until you do. I can't even look at you right now. Good Lord..." she shook her head in disbelief as she left their cell, leaving Daryl to bury his head in his hands, and curse his inability to express what was going on inside of him. He hadn't meant for things to go this wrong at all.
Everybody looked in another direction when Bay emerged and went downstairs, trying not to let it show that they had heard most of their fight. She didn't even care. She walked straight out of the prison and into the yard, needing to cool down. When she returned an hour later, she went into the cell and laid down there, clearly showing Daryl that she had no intention of dealing with him any more that night.
She kept going with ignoring him the next morning. After getting dressed and having breakfast, she walked right up to Rick who was standing at a table where some of the guys had already gathered. "What's the plan for today?"
"A lotta things." Rick said while he looked at her intently, trying to catch her gaze. Bay eventually let her large hazel eyes travel up to meet his piercing, blue stare. He looked at her with a searching gaze, giving her a slight nod as if to ask "You okay?". Bay nodded back, and Rick put his hand on the back of her neck, squeezing gently to show support before he shared his plan for the day. Daryl had joined them as well by now, but was lingering in the background, keeping his gaze on Bay who looked at the table with great interest.
"Hershel wants to start working the field today. Prep it, so he can plant some things. He could use some help. Any takers?"
"I can do that." Maggie spoke up. "Nothing I haven't helped him with before."
"I can help, too." Glenn offered, and both, Rick and Hershel accepted with a nod.
"Alright. Next up, Carol said with more people we need more kitchen supplies. I need someone to go back to the cafeteria and look for plates, utensils, sauce pans,... the works."
"I'll do that." Bay volunteered. "I know the way and I know what to look for."
Dale stepped up with a smile. "I'll go with. I know you cleared the way, but I guess it can't hurt to have a second pair of eyes and hands."
"Fair enough." Rick agreed. "The rest of us guys, we'll check the fences, get water and look into clearing out the other yard. We also need to gather wood to burn the walkers that are still piling up outside."
"Wouldn't a fire attract more walkers? Maybe we should bury them?" Glenn suggested.
"No. We're behind a fence. I'd rather take that risk instead of planting crops in rotten walker-infested soil." Rick argued.
"Good point." Glenn admitted. Who knew what would happen if they ate those crops.
"If walkers show up, we stab them through the fence if they get to be too many. Now, let's get to it. Ain't enough hours in the day right now. Carl." Rick addressed his son while the rest of the group dispersed. "Here are the keys. You're the man in the house while we others are outside. Look after your mother."
"I will." Carl proudly took the big key-ring from his father, while Lori looked on with a smile on her face. Rick looked back at her, but didn't share her smile. She sighed deeply and watched him leave the cell block with the others. Right now it seemed to her like her and Rick would never find their way back to each other.
They all went to work. Lori, Beth, Carol and Erin were doing some chores inside the prison with the help of Sophia, Bay and Dale made their way to the cafeteria, and the others got busy outside with their various tasks. Carl and Alex sat at one of the tables and played another card game, but they soon got bored.
"I wish we had other games." Alex lamented while he shuffled the deck of cards.
"Maybe as soon as they start going on runs again, they'll find some." Carl said and looked around. His eyes fell on the door that led deeper into the prison. "You know what we should do? We should help out, too."
"But how?" Alex asked. As far as he could see, there was nothing to do for the boys right now.
"We should back up Bay and Dale. It's just the two of them. They sure need some help." Carl explained with a smile.
"I don't know."
"Come on. It'll be cool."
"I should ask my Mom." the 6-year old was squirming in his seat, not sure that the plan the older boy had come up with would fly with his parents.
"Nonsense. It's okay. They cleared the way, right? And I have my gun. You can have my knife. Come on. Bay and Dale need us. They'll have their hands full. No need to ask. Your mom will be happy you helped. Everybody needs to pull their weight, right?" Carl tried convincing the younger boy.
"I guess."
"Come on, then. Here." Carl handed his knife over to Alex, who had paled considerably, but who didn't want to be a coward in front of the other boy. "You hold the flashlight, too." Carl turned so Alex would be able to pull the flashlight out of his back pocket. Carl then grabbed the keys and led the way over to the door, unlocking it, and walking into the tombs with a swagger. His Dad had told him that he was the man now, and that was exactly what he felt like as he walked slightly ahead of Alex. Having all the keys of the prison on him made him feel powerful and like some kind of big boss, especially in front of "the kid", Alex.
Unfortunately, Carl had never been through this maze of hallways and cells. He had no idea where the cafeteria was. The swagger soon disappeared and the boys slowed down and Carl looked around with a slightly confused expression on his face. He had no idea where they were. They had followed the arrows, but those had stopped appearing eventually, and now he just chose random directions. "Are you sure this is the right way?" Alex' scared voice sounded from behind him. The little boy had an inkling that they might be in trouble now, and all he wanted was to be back in the cell block with his mother.
"I think so..." Carl muttered. "Bay? Dale?" he carefully called out. He pulled out his gun and the boy slowly inched forward.
"I don't think this is right." Alex said, making Carl snap at him.
"Shut up! Dale? Bay? Are you around here?"
They weren't. And they weren't close enough to hear Carl's soft calls. Bay and Dale were busy gathering oversized pots, more bowls and trays and such.
"You know, I couldn't help but overhear you two last night." Dale started the conversation.
Bay actually smirked, because everybody knew just how much Dale had never been able to help himself. Somehow he had his eyes and ears everywhere at once, and always knew what was going on. "I'm sure you're not the only one, Dale."
"It sounded to me like Daryl is very confused."
"He is. I figured he would be if push came to shove."
"Really?" Dale looked at her in surprise. "It didn't sound like you expected what he said."
"That's true. It's hard to explain, Dale. And you don't know the whole story. You didn't live with us back then. I knew he would be confused, but I had a certain amount of faith in him. I didn't expect him to cave after just two or three days already. He promised... he promised it would be different this time. But it's just the same over and over again. Whatever he's feeling right now, he has to sort through that by himself and then he needs to make up his mind about what he wants. This is where I take a step back and try to prepare for the worst."
"I don't think it will come down to the worst, Bay. It's obvious that you are all he cares about. He made the mistake and chose Merle once before. I'd like to think he's smart enough not to do it again."
"With all due respect, Dale... but you don't really know him. I don't know what you are trying to achieve by getting into this... You can't convince me that there isn't the risk of Daryl choosing Merle once more... you don't know him or me or our situation enough to speculate and give an opinion, so I'm asking you really nicely, to please just butt out of this one." Bay loved Dale, so she tried to be as polite about it as possible, but she didn't need anyone's well-meant advice on the matter.
"No offense taken. If that's what you want, I'll shut up. I just thought you'd li-"
"Shhhhh!" Bay reflexively put her hand to his chest and strained her ears. "Did you hear that?" They both listened and soon heard the familiar sound of a gunshot. And another. And another. "Oh my God." Bay muttered and took off with Dale in hot pursuit. She stopped again pretty soon, trying to determine which way to run.
"Where is it coming from?" Dale asked, already out of breath.
"There." Bay pointed towards the right and raised her gun while they went that way in a fast walk. They had no idea what they were walking into. Neither one of them had been in this part of the prison yet, but obviously it hadn't been secured yet. Or was it the guys clearing that part out? But they wouldn't waste the bullets. Only if something would go very, very wrong. Also, she was sure that they wouldn't be done with their chores outside. Not by a long shot. It had only been around half an hour. They kept following the noise until they found the source. What they saw was making their blood run cold. Alex was only a second away from getting bit. Bay quickly shot the walker on top of him, while Dale used his rifle to kill the walkers closest to Carl.
"Carl! Carl!" she yelled at him, while she pulled out Alex from underneath the dead walker. "Take Alex and run! That way! Get your Dad! Go!"
So many walkers. She knew that they wouldn't be able to take them alone. She had no idea why, but Carl had unlocked a door he shouldn't have unlocked. She didn't know what to do. She was running on adrenalin and pure instinct while she tried to shoot and stab as many as possible. A couple of walkers wanted to take off after the boys who were running back towards their cell block. Bay yelled and tried to catch their attention and lure them away. Unfortunately, while they led the walkers away from the boys, the undead now blocked their own safe escape route.
"Your old lady gave ya trouble 'bout me last night, huh?" Merle, of course, had been able to listen in on their fight as well.
"Shut up, Merle. Ain't none of your damn business." Daryl muttered miserably, while they made their round to check the fence for breaches.
"She's a stubborn little thing, ain't she? I tried, but she wouldn't gimme the time of day."
"I know. Shouldn't be surprised. Too soon, I reckon."
"Maybe." Merle shrugged.
"Did you tell her you were sorry?"
"Not in so many words."
"Christ, man... " Daryl shook his head with a sigh. He wished Merle would make more of an effort, maybe then Bay would see that he really was sorry.
"What? Why should I say it, man? No matter what I say, she ain't never gonna believe me anyway. She thinks I'm the devil. Prolly ain't no coming back from that."
"What's that mean?"
"Nothin'. Just that you ain't never gon' live the dream, baby brother. Ain't gon' be no happy family, the three of us. You'll always be between the chairs. For as long as ya both shall live." Merle said with acceptance in his voice, even though he wasn't quite sure if that would have been something he would have wanted for himself. He clapped his good hand on Daryl's shoulder twice and went ahead a couple of paces.
"So ya just give up? Ain't gonna try no more to do right by her?" Daryl asked while he shielded his eyes against the blinding sunlight.
Before he could get an answer, Carl's yelling up at the prison caught the men's attention. "DAD! DAAAAAD! HELP!"
"What the hell?" Merle muttered and followed Daryl, who had already taken off running up towards the gate.
"Carl! What is it?" Rick was yelling while he was running back towards the gate with some of the other men, after having checked the fence a little further up.
"Bay and Dale! Hurry!" Carl yelled, making Daryl's blood freeze in his veins when he heard it.
Nonononononononono! No! It was the only thought as he ran as fast as he could.
"Keys! Daryl! Keys!" Rick shouted towards him. Daryl yanked the keys off the clip on his belt and tossed them at Nick, who tossed them at Pat, who tossed them at Rick. In the meantime Hershel, Glenn and Maggie had already run up to the door of cell block C, trying to find out what was going on and trying to help.
It took too long. That was Daryl's next thought as Rick fumbled around with the keys and had to take several tries in order to unlock the gate. Way too many minutes were passing, when every little second was crucial these days. He felt his heart slamming against his ribcage like never before. Pure and unadulterated fear and panic were making his adrenalin spike to previously unknown levels. He got tunnel vision, the only thing he was able to focus on was to get Bay out of whatever death trap she might have gotten into and get her to safety.
When they finally got inside, they just barely acknowledged Carl sobbing "I'm sorry" over and over again, while Lori held him in her arms. They immediately entered the tombs and went to look for Bay and Dale. Daryl wanted to just charge forward, but Rick held him back, telling him to stay cautious despite what was at stake. To their surprise the cafeteria was untouched. No sign of any struggles. Also no sign of Hershel, Maggie and Glenn, who had entered this maze before them. Daryl looked at the ground, trying to pick up tracks in the dust on the ground. Pat shone his flashlight on the ground, trying to help out his best friend. When Daryl thought he saw something, he wordlessly walked into the other direction.
"You see something?" Rick asked, making Daryl nod.
"I think they came through here... but why? Ain't no sign of walker shuffles. Nothing in the cafeteria neither." For now it remained a mystery, but the sheriff and the hunter both knew they'd get to the bottom of things later.
They pushed forward, until they heard noises around the corner. They paused to raise their weapons, and on Rick's sign, they moved around the corner, only to be met with the tight faces of Hershel, Glenn and Maggie. "Anything?" Rick asked the threesome.
"No. I'm afraid not." Hershel replied with a sad gaze.
"Over there!" Daryl said when he thought he saw something move to the left, and led the way.
"That shouldn't be open." Pat frowned when they came closer and they realized that the door was slightly swinging back and forth. "We locked that yesterday. They open doors now?" he was really confused while he looked at Rick for an explanation.
"Walkers can't." Daryl chimed in before he turned a hard stare on Rick. "But someone with keys can. Like your boy."
Rick straightened visibly and froze. Daryl didn't leave him any other chance to react any more, he immediately got into Rick's personal space and stared him down. "If somethin' happened to Bay... that boy of yours? He better run!"
"Guys." Glenn's voice was a near-whisper. He had shone his flashlight around the corner and into the hallway across from the door, and had spied a handful of walkers, who now became focused on him after having been alerted to his presence by his flashlight.
Daryl lifted his crossbow and quickly took care of one of them, before the others stepped in and took care of the rest. They stepped into the hallway and shone their lights around. Their breaths got caught in their throats at the sight that greeted them. Dale no longer had a face or intestines. The only way to identify him was by his blood-soaked shirt, his pants and shoes, and his rifle, that laid right by his feet. The whole scene was chaotic. So much blood and human remains and so many dead walker bodies.
Hershel closed his eyes and took a deep breath, while he said a quick prayer for his friend. He opened his eyes again when he heard Maggie gasp, his heart sinking, because he knew right away it couldn't be good.
"No!"
Daryl felt bile rising in his throat when he realized what she was looking at. One of Bay's boots laid in a puddle of blood close to Dale's body. And there was her gun, too. Something else caught his eye, and Daryl didn't even realize that he'd fallen to his knees as soon as he had realized what it was: Bay's necklace. The cross necklace he had given her on the farm. He gingerly picked it up, and when Maggie saw it, she broke down. She started wailing, attracting even more walkers further down the hall, but in that moment, nobody really cared. Glenn caught her, before she could fall to the floor, fighting back his own tears.
"D..." Pat didn't know what to say. He had a hard time coming to grips with what was happening.
Daryl felt numb. He felt empty. He stared at the cross in his hand and felt absolutely hollow. Rick started pacing, his own eyes glistening with unshed tears. "Maybe she got out."
"Pfff... look around." Merle scoffed, albeit quietly for his standards. "Lost her shoe, lost her gun, somethin' grabbed her necklace... She's strong,... but all that guts and blood? All those walkers? Ain't no way she wasn't bit."
"Shut up, Merle." Pat reprimanded him. "Just shut the fuck up. Just for once in your goddamn life."
"What's the sense in sugarcoatin' it? Look over there. Ain't no tracks there, just a bunch of shufflin' around. Know what that means? Even if she got out of this little scuffle, them damn biters were all over her." Merle simply wasn't able to shut up. "Lookit here... here they come."
The walkers from down the hall were on them. Glenn moved Maggie out of the way and Hershel followed. He was too distraught to fight. Thankfully there were enough others of them there to help out. Daryl didn't move an inch. While Merle, Rick, Pat and Nick killed the walkers, he remained kneeling in the blood and staring at Bay's necklace, completely unaware (or indifferent) of the chaos surrounding him.
"Rick, I'm taking them back." Glenn told their leader once the walkers were down.
Rick nodded and swallowed hard. "We secure this hall. Lock the door again and go down there, see if more walkers got in. See if we find... anything else..."
Glenn left with Maggie and Hershel, and Rick turned to Pat. "Stay with him." he referred to Daryl. "Merle, Nick and I, we go looking further down the hall."
"Hell nah, he's ma brother. I'll stay with him." Merle protested quickly.
"Yeah, and you're always such a source of comfort and support." Patrick spat at him. "I'm staying with him. Go. I got it."
"I'm going." Daryl suddenly got out of his trance and got up from the ground.
"We should head back to the cell block, D. Let them handle this." Pat suggested, but Daryl wouldn't have it.
"No. She's my girl." Daryl said, his voice sounding as hollow as he felt. He clutched the cross in his palm, squeezing his fingers around it tightly, before he pushed it into the pocket of his worn pants. "No discussion. I'm going."
Rick studied him for a moment, not flinching under Daryl's accusatory stare, but eventually he gave a little nod. "Let's go."
The group started moving, but not before Daryl had plunged his knife into the remains of Dale's head. Just in case. Then he locked the door back up with his set of keys. Except for Daryl, the men were familiar with this corridor. They had cleared it out the day before, when Daryl and Glenn had gone out on their run with their girlfriends. They knew there wasn't much to see there. It led to a couple of cells for solitary confinement, and those cells were locked. There were some dead walkers piled up, which they had still to drag out once the group had enough wood for a big fire. Some stray walkers were shuffling around back there, which they took care of with practiced ease. However, there was no Bay. As soon as that fact became crystal clear, the men hung their heads. They all carefully peeked up at Daryl, who stood motionless in the middle. He wouldn't remain motionless for long, though. Suddenly he spurted back into action and dashed back to where they had come from. The others ran after him, but had a hard time catching up. Daryl was fueled by rage and adrenalin and was developing near inhuman speed. He burst back into the cell block, where Glenn had already announced the devastating news. The Greenes were hugging, Maggie and Beth sobbing into their father's chest, while Hershel had silent tears running down his wrinkled and pale face. Carol was cradling Sophia's head to her chest, both of them crying, while Lori, Carl, Erin and Alex mirrored them. Carl and little Alex were hysteric. They knew that this was their fault and they were filled with more guilt than they knew how to handle.
Daryl didn't care. He saw red. He strode up to Lori, grabbed Carl by his shirt and yanked him out of his mother's arms. "WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO?" Daryl yelled at him with all he had, shaking him hard, letting the young boy feel all of his wrath.
"Daryl, don't! Don't you touch him! Let him go!" Lori was yelling and crying and tugging at Daryl's arms, trying to pry her son out of his grasp.
"I'm sorry. I didn't know! I thought it was the cafeteria!" Carl was sobbing hysterically, barely able to breathe or talk while tears and snot ran down his face.
Before he was able to make the boy feel any worse, stronger hands pulled at him, holding him back. "Get away from him. You don't touch him!" Rick had to use all his strength to push himself between Daryl and Carl, but eventually he managed to push Daryl back with a hard shove. "Stop!"
"Now, don't do something yer gon' regret! Leave the boy alone. He's getting' his punishment, don't chu worry." Merle held the steaming mad Daryl back, before he was able to charge at either Rick or Carl, who'd sought refuge back in his mother's arms.
"It was him!" Daryl spat. "He got 'em killed."
"We don't know what happened yet." Rick tried to calm Daryl down.
"I know exactly what happened. And I'm tellin' ya, either you do something about that boy or I will." Daryl shouted at the leader. "He lost his fucking arm, he got two people killed, how much more's gotta happen until you and your lazy ass bitch of a wife wake up and do something?" The next second Daryl's head snapped to the side and pain exploded in the other side of his face, where Rick had landed a vicious punch.
The two man stood and stared at each other, both their chests heaving, before both of them attacked each other simultaneously. They fell to the floor, rolling around, both of them getting a hit in.
"Hey, hey, hey!" Several of the men shouted at once and tried to separate the two. Merle and Pat held back Daryl, while Nick and Glenn grabbed Rick. They pulled the fighting men apart and made sure to keep a good couple of feet of distance between them.
Daryl violently shook them off, but he didn't try to get back to Rick anymore. "To hell with y'all!" he yelled, his voice this time tear-filled and shaky. He spat a bit of blood on the ground and wiped his bloody nose before he turned around and left the prison. He marched to the fences, using his own set of keys to unlock the gates, until he reached the cut where the whole group had initially entered the premises. He let himself out and tied the cut close with the wire, then he strode off into the woods. He needed to be alone. He couldn't stand seeing the rest of the bunch right now. He didn't really know what he was doing or where he was going, he just kept walking. His mind was a mess. The realization of what had happened didn't quite sink in. He was just angry. All he wanted was to strangle and shake that kid, before he'd do the same to his parents. That's all he was able to think about. It's all his brain was letting him think about. Maybe to protect him from himself, because as soon as he truly, fully realized and accepted that Bay had been killed by walkers, he would be done. He wouldn't be able to live without her this time.
She died thinking that you chose Merle again... The thought popped up amidst all his murderous thoughts towards the Grimes family. "No!" Daryl literally shook himself and pushed that thought down and focused back on his hatred while he disappeared deeper and deeper into the woods.
They carried Dale's remains out of the prison and buried him outside. Pat and Glenn made two markers, one for Dale and one for Bay. Even though there was nothing left of her to bury, she got her small plot right next to Dale. Carol and Sophia had gathered small rocks and as soon as Dale had been buried, they had put them down on the earth in front of the markers, in the shapes of a D and a B. They all agreed to wait with a memorial service until Daryl showed up again, no matter how long that would take.
After Dale had been taken care of, Merle took off to track Daryl. It had been a couple of hours and he figured he'd given his little brother enough time and space to sort through his shit. Also, he feared that Daryl might do something even stupider than trying to shake Officer Friendly's kid to death. He remembered what it had been like when they had first left Dalton. He had been in jail when Daryl had learned about Bay's apparent suicide, so he hadn't been there to witness Daryl's break down then, but he had heard that it hadn't been pretty. He was certain that Daryl would be extremely close to shutting down completely this time.
It took two hours, but Merle found him. Daryl was sitting on the ground, his back leaned against a tree. His left arm laid limply in his lap, while he used his right hand to idly trace the tip of his knife up and down the inside of his left forearm. "Don't even think about it, little brother."
"Go away." Daryl rasped, never taking his eyes off of his arm.
"For what it's worth... It sucks... what happened."
"You just can't say you're sorry, can ya?"
"Ain't ma style, I reckon." Merle shrugged and leaned against a tree close to Daryl.
"So ya never would have said it to her..."
"Don't matter no more."
"Matters to me."
"What now, Daryl? You gonna sit here and grieve and mourn until ya work up the balls to push that blade through your skin? Slice up your arms, make yourself bleed out?"
"Shut up."
"Think that's what Miss Bayanne would want?"
"You have no clue what she wants. She's right. You don't care 'bout nothing but yourself."
"If that's what ya wanna believe... But think about it. She didn't take the easy way out. Ya thought she did, but she didn't. She picked herself back up, made a new life for herself. She started over without you. That's what you gotta do now. Gotta get your act together and keep going."
"What's the point? Ain't nothin' left worth fightin' for."
"You keep talking like that and I kick your teeth in. Dixons ain't quitters. Your girl was no quitter. Offing yourself? That ain't no way to honor her memory, son."
"Stop talking like you knew her. Like she meant something to you." Daryl scoffed.
"I knew her. She was strong. She was a fighter. I respected that."
"Not enough to keep yourself from taking all she had."
Merle didn't reply. Everything he'd had to say on the matter of taking her money had already been said. "We buried the old man. Made up a marker for your girl, too. Put it next to his. They wanna pay their respects, but they ain't gon' do it without you there."
"So?"
"So... would be rude to keep them waiting. Gon' get dark soon. Prolly ain't gon' be able to do it today no more. They need closure or some shit like that, so they can move on. Shouldn't drag it out any longer than tomorrow."
"Can't go back there. I'm gonna kill that kid."
"No, you ain't gonna do that." Merle shook his head. "That kid's gonna be taught a lesson, but not by you and not by me. He's part of two innocent people losing their lives... he ain't gonna forget about that. This time it wasn't him paying the bill... it was them. That'll do shit to him. The little one, too."
"Little one?" Daryl looked up at Merle in confusion, still not used to Alex' presence in the prison.
"Yeah, Erin's kid. Alex. Said that you pal Rick's kid convinced him that they gotta pull their weight. Convinced him to go help out your girl and the old fuck."
"Jesus fucking Christ." Daryl couldn't believe it. Or actually, he could. Carl was a loose cannon and a danger to everyone around him for as long as his parents didn't step up and do something. "Is the boy okay? Alex, I mean?"
"Not really, but who could blame the little fella? Can't stop crying. He's scared that you're gon' get him, too, like you did with the other boy."
"Nah. He didn't do nothin'. It was Carl. It's always Carl." Daryl sighed defeatedly and rubbed his dirty hands through his face.
"Let's get back. We're losin' the light."
It took a bit longer, but when dusk started to settle, Daryl went back to the prison with him. He didn't talk to anybody. He didn't even look at anybody, he just went up to his cell and grabbed his backpack. He remembered that he had taken two pictures of Bay from her room back at the farm, and had stuffed them into his backpack. He dug them out and sat on the mattresses on the ground in the back of the cell. As soon as he looked at the pictures of her being happy and smiling, the tears started. Realization started to sink in and the pain he felt was near unbearable. He had no idea how to get through it this time.
"How very softly you tiptoed into our world, almost silently, only a moment you stayed. But what an imprint your footsteps have left upon our hearts. There is no death. You will only die when we forget about you, which we never will. An Eskimo legend says, that maybe the stars are not stars, but rather openings in heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy. From now on, every time we look up and see the stars, we shall know that it is you, our friends and family, showing us that you are with us, showering us with your love and show us that you are happy. Rest in peace Dale and Bayanne. You have fought a good fight, You have finished your course, you have kept the faith." Hershel closed his notebook in which he had written down quotes about life and death he had remembered, and had formed them into his eulogy. He knew that it probably spoke more to Bay than to Dale, but he hoped his former companion would forgive him for that. He had lost a daughter. Maybe not a biological one, but nonetheless a real one. He wiped at his tears after giving his speech. He slowly went over to Daryl, wanting to offer the stoic man comfort, but Daryl abruptly turned around and headed for the fence again. He couldn't be around these people right now. He just couldn't. He wouldn't leave the prison forever, but right now he needed some space. He stayed out in the woods all day, only coming back when it got dark again and immediately going to his cell, ignoring all the concerned looks and people calling out for him. He didn't have it in him to deal with them. He didn't want to talk, especially not about Bay.
Two days after the whole fiasco Daryl left again at first light, ignoring Rick's attempts at talking to him when he passed the former sheriff. Rick went after him, but only out to the yard from where he watched Daryl go back to the fence and slip out through the cut and disappear into the woods. Rick sighed deeply. He felt awful. He had given Carl the keys. He would never make that mistake again. He'd thought that after getting bit, Carl would have developed a better understanding for this new world, but obviously that hadn't been the case. The worst thing was, that there was no way to ever make this right. This was the ultimate disaster.
Rick went back inside to grab his axe. Yesterday after the service, the group had finally gathered enough wood for a big fire, but they hadn't burnt the walkers yet. He decided to go back into the tombs and drag out the walker bodies that were still piling up there. Before he could get there, he saw Lori waiting for him.
"We have to talk." she pleaded with him. He hadn't talked to her about what had happened yet.
"What's there to talk about? Our son is responsible for the death of two of our own. We can't take that back, no matter how much we talk about it."
"What are we going to do? Where do we go from here?"
"We can't leave him out of our sight anymore. He doesn't understand this world. He doesn't understand how dangerous it really is. Until he does, he can't be left in charge of himself anymore. We have to watch him 24/7. Wherever you go, he goes."
"Me? Why not you?"
"Are you serious?" Rick narrowed his eyes at her. "I have things to do Lori. I have to make sure that things don't fall apart around here. We need to make this a home, and there aren't enough hours in the day to get everything done. I'm not saying that this is forever, but for the time being, he's gotta stick with you most of the time. In here. Let him read to you or whatever. Pick up teaching the kids again. Can't hurt. Think of something. I gotta take care of the bodies. Don't send anyone to help. I'm gonna do this on my own." And with that, Rick left her standing there and went to work.
After dragging about 8 bodies out of the back, where the cells for solitary confinement were located, Rick went back there and sagged against the wall. He wiped at the sweat on his forehead with the back of his hand and took a moment to catch his breath. He pushed his hand into his pant pocket and pulled out the thin necklace with the big silver cross on it. He cradled it in his palm and looked at it for a moment, pondering if he should put it around her marker or give it to Daryl. "I'm sorry." he said quietly. "I'm sorry I didn't listen sooner."
Taking another breath, he pushed the necklace back into his pocket and went back to work. He went to the last door on the left, where two walkers were laying on top of each other. He grabbed the one on top and dragged him off of the walker on the bottom. The dead corpse flopped on its back, and just when Rick crouched down to grab the ankles, he noticed the hilt of a knife sticking out from behind the walker's chin. Rick scooted up the body and pulled on the knife with a quick yank. His eyes narrowed when he inspected it, his mind trying to make sense of the discovery. It was Bay's knife.
Rick straightened and looked around. There was blood, but not enough blood to indicate that she had been eaten back here. There also hadn't been a walker that had looked like her. But where was she? There was no way out and Merle had checked the doors before, saying they were all locked. But had Merle actually checked? He hadn't been too keen on doing any dirty work for Officer Friendly. Rick's lips pressed into a thin, hard line and he started yanking on one of the doors. The first one was locked, but the second one wasn't. Merle hadn't really checked. Thankfully no walkers were in there. Rick turned around and looked back at the door where the walker with Bay's knife had been laying. The walker on the bottom was directly in front of it, but its legs were angled a little. A small person might have been able to squeeze through the gap if the door was unlocked as well.
Rick's heart started beating faster. Bay might have squeezed her way into the cell and could have stabbed the walker in the last minute. The way it had been laying on top of the other walker would back up that theory. But what if she was really in there? Was she bit? Was she a walker? But a walker would have pushed against that door by now... Only one way to find out.
He grabbed hold of the walker and yanked it away from the door. He put one hand on the door handle, his other hand held Bay's knife, ready to strike. Two more deep breaths, then he yanked the door open, prepared for everything. Nothing came for him and he squinted into the darkness. His gaze dropped to the ground, and he let out a little sound when he saw Bay sitting on the ground, slumped against the wall.
"Bay..." Rick carefully knelt down by her side. He pushed some hair out of her face and stroked his thumb over her cheek. "Bay?" Suddenly her walker eyes snapped open and with a growl she attacked faster than Rick could have anticipated. The knife clattered to the ground as she lunged at him and dug her teeth into his face, making Rick yell out in shock and pain..
Daryl shot up with a gasp. He was panting and he was drenched in sweat. His heart felt like it was slamming out of his ribcage as panic and fear coursed through his body. He looked around in confusion and almost sobbed with relief when he saw Bay still sleeping peacefully on the mattress inside their cell. Just a dream... Just a damn nightmare. She's alive. Jesus fucking Christ, what in the fucking hell was that? He had never ever dreamed this vividly before and he never ever wanted a repeat performance of that kind of hell. He had no idea where all those things had come from, especially the things Hershel had said in his dream during the service. It must have been pieces of things he'd picked up at school and on TV over the years.
He wiped the sweat off his face, using his old red rag, before he crawled into the cell on all fours and cradled Bay's sleeping face in his hands. "Bay, wake up. Wake up, sweetheart." he was still out of breath, and when she opened her sleepy, but completely normal-looking hazel eyes, a lot of fear and anxiety left his body in a harsh exhale. "Thank fucking God!" he kissed her hard, several times.
"What are you doing?" Bay pulled away and looked at him with a frown. Where she was concerned, they were still fighting.
"I'm sorry, alright? I didn't mean what I said. Not like that. I promised ya things are gonna be different this time, and they're gon' be. They have to be. If I didn't know before, I definitely know now." he breathed. That nightmare had reminded him of how quickly things could happen. He would never want her to die thinking that Merle was more important to him than she was. He didn't want her to believe that for even a second. He knew he had to change. He couldn't stick up for Merle anymore. Merle would have to fight his own battles. Bay meant too much to him to lose her ever again. The nightmare had definitely been one hell of a wake-up call.
"What? What are you talking about? What's going on?" She finally noticed how shaken he was and it confused and worried her to no end. "Baby, are you okay?"
"I will be. As long as we're okay. Forget what I said yesterday, alright? I was being an idiot. I ain't gon' be his lap dog. Never again. You can be damn sure of that."
"What happened? You look spooked."
"Had a nightmare. It made me realize some things. Or more like it reminded me of some things. Can we forget about yesterday? I ain't expecting you to forgive him. Whatever you do is up to you and I'll have your back. Promise." he seemed downright desperate and it tugged at her heartstrings.
"I'm sorry I was so harsh to you. I didn't mean to call you names. He's already doing it. He's already getting between us."
"We ain't gon' let him. This was the last time." Daryl rasped before he kissed her deeply. This time, he was absolutely sure that he could do it. He had to become his own person and not let Merle get under his skin. They also had to get Rick and Lori to watch their son better. They were already slacking off on that again, feeling too secure in here. "I need ya, girl. Ain't much for beggin', but I'm gonna, if ya say no now. That dream scared the fuck outta me."
She let out a little laugh. She had never seen him like this and she wondered what exactly that dream had been about. She was sure she would find out later, but for now she was on board with some make up sex. "Condom's in our bag of toiletries."
"Hang the poncho." he told her before he got up to get the rubber. Right now he couldn't care less about the rest of the prison knowing what they were doing. They were all in the process of waking up and would start getting ready for their day soon. They had to do this first. Seeing her as a walker in his dream had been too much of a shock. He needed to feel her surrounding him, alive and well and moaning his name into his ear while she clawed at his back.
Sooo, this was a bit different, wasn't it? Blame it on the meds. I hope it wasn't too confusing. Just to clarify, from the morning after their fight, up to Daryl waking up, it was all just his nightmare. Initially I wanted to let it happen for real and have Rick find Bay alive in the tombs, just like Daryl found Carol on the show, but I didn't think it was "twisty" enough for my usual style. It would only have been a repitition of events of how Daryl lost Bay for the third time only to get her back after all. So I turned it into a dream and thought this would serve as the intense kind of wake up call Daryl needed to be reminded of what choosing and defending Merle could mean for them. Life is too short to stick up for someone, who can't even bring himself to say he's sorry. I'm sure Merle will get there someday, but it might take some more time.
Sorry if this was not to your liking and/or if it was too trippy/confusing.
Thank you again for all the well wishes. I am not in a ton of pain anymore. It is thankfully down to a level where painkillers are working again. My ear is still being a bit fickle. Sometimes I can hear again, sometimes I can't, but I hope it will all be back to normal soon. It has been the worst week, having all that crap and having to take care of my little one, who has developed a very strong-willed personality, lol. He got his wish more often than he should have this week, but you gotta pick your battles, right?!
Happy Walking Dead Sunday!
And special thanks to the wonderful reviewers:
DarylDixon'sLover
Leyshla Gisel
cemmia
An Amber Pen
ElsaEditorial
wabi-sabi1090
EastDenise
snowbird
KaneCenaZombie12
lewis7
MamaBrew
Nurse jean
redangel2463