Chapter Sixteen:
Patrick wondered what he could do to make a dent in the wall Robin had put around herself. He realized that she needed space, and he needed to honor that, but he also knew he needed to begin to regain her trust.
His first stop was to see Mark and try to explain himself. He made his way to cardiology and had no idea what he would say. He went to the office and knocked, having checked the schedule to know he was free.
"Come in," Mark said.
Patrick took a deep breath and walked in.
"Oh, did we have a meeting scheduled?" Mark asked as he closed his chart.
"No, actually, I wanted to talk to you about Robin."
Mark stood up and crossed his arms.
"I'm not interested in talking to you about your wife. If there is nothing else, please leave me to my charts."
Patrick smiled at his new colleague.
"Sit down, please."
Mark sat down and sighed.
"Robin is right. We are divorced. I don't have a great reason for leading you to believe otherwise except that I'm a pompous ass."
Mark shrugged.
"Whatever. It doesn't matter. I'm busy at work and I have a son to think about. I'm not really looking to play games."
"Right. Anyway, I was a jerk and Robin is an amazing woman. Please don't let my stupidity cost you the chance to know her."
Patrick got up and looked again at Mark before he walked out. He had another place to stop and he needed to fix what he could.
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Robin was exhausted as she sat in the family room and watched Emma work on her homework after they had dinner. It had been such a long day and so many thoughts and feelings were running through her mind.
"Are you okay?" Emma asked her.
"Sure, why?" Robin smiled and smoothed Emma's hair out of her eyes.
"You seem sad," she smiled. "We should watch a movie and snuggle."
Robin chuckled.
"That sounds awesome, but I don't think I have any movies."
Emma took the remote.
"Don't worry. The cable gives you lots of movies!" she grinned and went through the movies.
Robin laughed as Emma found the movie she wanted and they settled in to watch.
About an hour later, Emma was sound asleep and Robin was watching her and thinking about things.
How many nights like this did she miss? Had Patrick had movie nights like this and then carried Emma to bed and tucked her in? Did she cry for Robin or did Sabrina and then Sam soothe her?
How could this be her life?
She wiped her eyes and sighed, hoping she had the strength to carry Emma to bed. Her daughter was getting so big, but when she gathered her in her arms, she felt her heart swell when Emma snuggled against her.
She carried her to her new bedroom and tucked her into bed and she smiled when Emma snored.
Just like her father.
Robin watched her a few more minutes and went to clean up the family room.
She made herself some coffee and realized she needed to go shopping and stock up on more groceries. She would make a list.
Grocery shopping.
It seemed so normal and yet it was something she hadn't done in almost three years.
Shaking her head, she sat on the couch and tucked her legs under her as she wrote.
Her phone rang and she looked at the name and saw it was Mark. She was surprised, but decided against answering, not really feeling like she could even try and explain herself. She heard the ring indicating he left a message and she decided to deal with it later.
She lay back and closed her eyes, her mind replaying the moment Sabrina grabbed her and her reaction.
She knew it wasn't smart that she deal with everything alone, but she didn't know who to trust.
It was late and she was exhausted, but she couldn't go in her bed. She just couldn't do it.
The problem was, she didn't know what to do.
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Mac was at work the next afternoon and he was waiting to hear from Robin. He wanted her to come over for dinner and she hadn't called him back yet. He was worried about her and he felt the need to make things up to her, even though he didn't know all that happened.
"Mac? Can we talk?" Anna walked in and looked at her former brother in law.
"If you would like a drink, just let me know what and I'll get it."
"Mac, stop it. I'd like to explain," she said.
He wiped the bar and leaned back against the counter, his arms crossed.
"I'm listening."
"I made a mistake. I thought Robin was okay and I missed the signs. I should have told you and I should have told Robert and I didn't do either one of those things. Victor being the head of the WSB should have been a huge red flag and I ignored it. I'm truly sorry for hurting you and I'm most sorry for all Robin has had to endure at the hands of those who hate me and Robert."
"You forget that I used to be able to handle things, too. I wasn't always a bar keep and for damn sure, I could protect my family. You and Robert don't seem to trust me with anything and it's insulting."
"We trusted you with our most important blessing, Mac. You raised Robin better than he or I could and you have helped her to become a strong and resilient woman. I messed up. I was so upset with Faison being alive that I lost perspective. I don't know how else to explain it. I was wrong and I'm so sorry."
Mac looked at her and knew she was truly upset. He hated every bit of this, but he also knew being mad and Anna wouldn't help anyone, especially Robin.
"Okay. Thank you for that."
Anna sighed.
"I just want to help her. I know what it's like being held and kept from those you love. She has to be dealing with so much and I need her to be able to talk to someone."
Mac nodded.
"I'm working on that."
Anna stood up and smiled sadly.
"Thank you, really. If there is anything you think I can help with, please let me know. I'll try to speak with Robin again."
Mac smiled and looked at her.
"She needs to trust herself before she trusts anyone else. She adores you, Anna. She is just lost."
Anna felt her eyes fill.
"I knew that and I ignored it. I won't make that mistake again."
She thanked Mac and left.
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Patrick picked Emma up from school to bring her home because she had a sleepover party that night and she needed to get some things. Besides, Patrick missed her and he wanted to know how things were going with Robin.
Brenda was taking Robin shopping and then she would be home, so Patrick was hoping maybe she would answer if he called.
"How was school?"
Emma put her bag down and smiled.
"I got 100% on my project!" she said as Patrick put some cookies on a plate and poured her some milk.
"That's awesome! I'm so proud of you," he ate a cookie with her at the table.
"It was. Mommy helped me make it better."
"Did you call and tell her? She will be so happy for you."
"I called her at lunch and told her. She was really happy, but there was still the catch in her voice," Emma said and drank her milk.
"What do you mean?"
"She is very sad, daddy. She tried to pretend she isn't, but I can see it. Se also sleeps on the couch and not her bed. She doesn't think I know that, but I do. I think maybe she's scared of the monsters. Maybe you should look under her bed and in the closet and make sure it's okay? Maybe she would feel better."
Patrick smiled and swallowed the lump in his throat.
"Maybe so. Why don't you get your things ready for the party."
"Okay," she grinned and jumped up, running to her room.
Patrick rested his cheek on his hand and sighed.
He saw her asleep on the floor right after she got back and he didn't really think anything of, well more than it was just an adjustment to being back and things were out of sorts for her.
But to hear Emma say it, Patrick knew there was something more going on.
He wanted to help her feel safe. He wanted to show her he was wrong.
But he also knew that of all people, Robin would guard her heart against him the most. They were very similar in that sense. They both fought against their feelings for so long and if they thought about it, the love was there well before they ever admitted it.
He had been doing a lot of soul searching the past few weeks and he came to a few realizations.
He had loved Robin so completely, that he simply didn't know how to live without her. When he watched her die in the blast, he lost himself. He changed so profoundly in that moment that he became a different man.
His life moved forward without the best part of his heart.
He survived because of Emma and she is simply the most important person in his life. He began to go through the motions of his life because he had no choice, but he wasn't the Patrick Drake Robin fell in love with. He was subdued and subtle and reserved. He was careful and cautious and simple.
He wasn't Patrick Drake.
That's why Sabrina was able to get so close to him. He knew it and he allowed it to happen. She was enamored by the idea of him and he needed attention. She wanted to be important to him and he needed to feel useful. He allowed her to get close to his daughter and that was wrong. It wasn't that she was bad for Emma, but Patrick knew that he could never love her the way he should and ultimately, Emma could be hurt.
When everything happened with Britt, Patrick was so upset and Sabrina stood by him and helped him. He was grateful for her friendship, but he couldn't really give himself to her because the moment that lab exploded, he ceased to exist in a way that resembled who he was before.
He also allowed her and others to talk him out of what he knew in his heart. He believed Robin tried to contact him and he never looked into it.
He never doubted himself before that. He was always sure in his actions and people respected that about him. He wasn't a man who had to be led into things by others. He never needed others to push him into relationships. He never needed anyone to tell him how he felt.
But he lost that when the lab exploded. He lost his meaning. He lost his heart.
Then she was back and everything was thrown into chaos. He couldn't believe she survived and came back to him.
But he had profoundly hurt her by making her wait. He never doubted who he wanted, but his guilt ate away at him.
And he knew, because of that, Robin's choice to go with Victor was made easier.
She was facing a life with a man who made her wait. A man who was about to marry another woman. A man who was expecting a child with another woman.
That wasn't something Robin could simply look beyond. It was there every moment and it effected every choice.
When she chose to leave, it solidified, in Patrick's mind, that what he did, or ignored, was costing him so much.
He fought back by turning his emotions off and instead of supporting her and loving her through everything, he did the opposite. He hurt her and divorced her and turned to the one woman who Robin wouldn't be able to get over.
But that wasn't what he wanted. He wanted his wife back and he never, for one moment, stopped loving her.
He knew these thoughts were hallow and his sentiments meaningless. He needed to show her his truth.
He needed to remember who the real Patrick Drake was.
And that was a man in love with Robin.
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