I can feel Ima's stare even as Gemma forces her to walk away, "This is a family matter. You'll have your chance, baby." She says, shooing her away from me. She stalks away like a baby giraffe in her stilettos, her attire hardly proper for a wedding.
"Why didn't you come to me first?" She says after a moment of silence, Gemma goes to light a cigarette from her purse but then looks at me and throws it in the opposite direction. "So, are you two some kind of couple now?"
"No, not exactly." Jackson says quietly, avoiding his mother's eyes. It's always been so funny watching the two interact, he goes back to almost a child like state. He doesn't meet her eyes but has a sheepish grin spread across his cheeks.
"Jackson Teller, get that smirk off your face before I smack it off." Gemma speaks firmly, "So you two are what? Just fucking? And didn't think to use some sort of protection?" She sighs loudly, "I expected more from the two of you." She shakes her head.
"No..." I say quietly, I feel Jackson's arm slide across my shoulder, his calloused hand rubbing gently against my bare skin. "That's not it at all, Gemma. You've got it all wrong." I try to sound strong, but my voice breaks. Gemma is the only mother figure I've had in my thirty-two years and to hear the disappoint me coming from her strikes right through me.
"Care to explain?" Her stares goes from me to her son, "I just wish the two of you had come to me first, I'd be lying if I hadn't thought this day would come sooner or later... but not like this! I raised you better than this, Jackson!"
"Look Ma, she wanted a baby. I wanted to make that happen for her, better than her going to come doctor and getting turkey basted with some stranger's baby." Jackson puffs his chest out slightly, causing me to smile. He's grinning now, "We're best friends, we'll be the best parents. No arguing, won't have to deal with relationship bullshit. Ma, -" He's interrupted by his mother.
"You have another thing coming' if you think there won't be arguments, best friends flew out the window when you decided to have sex with each other! How foolish are the two of you? Nothing is ever going to be the same again. Friends don't fuck friends, let alone have children together!" She holds her hands to her chest, trying to keep her voice calm. "This generation, I fuckin' tell you." She shakes her head, trying to regain composure. "And I can tell the two of you this now, you all have never been just friends. From the day you first laid eyes on one another, it was over. Now, you two better figure your fucking shit out because there is no way my grand baby is not having both a mommy and daddy. You can't take a baby back and forth from household to household, you two have made your bed together and now you're just going to have to lie in it!"
"Ma, we've got it covered." Jackson says quietly, "You can even babysit if you want." He laughs, trying to lighten the mood.
"Listen, Gemma. I did originally just plan on having a donor... But, this feels right." I move my hand to the small of his back, rubbing his cut.
"Doesn't look like just friends to me." She points out, looking from me to Jackson. "But you two are both adults and I can't choose the path the two of you walk on... I will be damned though if I let the two of you fuck this one up!" Her frown turns into a smile, "My very first grand baby... "
"You can be apart of the baby's life as much or as little as you want... I extended the same offer to your son, Whether it be as a father, an uncle, whatever works for us." I smile, feeling a wave of relief wash over me.
"As a father." Jackson pipes in, "I'll be there as much as you'll have me." He turns his complete attention from Gemma to me, kissing the side of my forehead. "I love you." He whispers. Again with the I love you shit, I know he means it the way he always has but again now doesn't seem like the best time to be saying it.
"Yeah, just friends..." I hear Gemma chuckle, as she moves in closer to us. Before I know it the three of us are braced in a tightly knit hug. Phew. One big relief bouncing off my shoulder.
As we part, I hear Opie calling for Jackson. Before I know it he has been dragged off to the bar, leaving Gemma and I to ourselves. "Let's get back inside, baby. We have much to discuss." Gemma takes my hand into hers, leading me through the crowded room back to our table.
We eat quietly together, well, I do. Gemma begins to blubber on about baby this and baby that, Lyla joining in ever so often. They two of them begin to tell stories of baby poop and milestones. Some of which cause my stomach to turn and others that leave my heart feeling warm.
I watch Jackson slugging back shots with his boys, they laugh loudly together across the room. Ever so often I notice he turns to look at me, I smile and offer a wave but turn my attention to Ima who is squaring in on Jackson. Lyla notices this too and pops up, "Bouquet toss!" she squeals, standing quickly. She's had a few drinks I can tell, especially when she grabs my arm. "Come on, girl!" Usually I would argue, especially in this state but the look she gives me somehow convinces me to follow her.
I stand awkwardly with the other girls, including Ima who has decided to stand way too closely to me. I can hear the guys hooting and hollering, when she throws the bouquet I don't even try to catch it. However, Ima practically charges into me, reaching desperately for the bouquet. I'm knocked off my feet, causing me to crash to the floor. The bouquet slips from her hands and directly into my lap, I feel my cheeks heat up, turning a familiar shade of crimson. Everyone cheers except Ima, who again is shooting daggers at me with her eyes.
I sit there for a moment, perplexed. This is so embarrassing. I'm taken from my thoughts when I feel two hands behind me, helping me back to my feet. "Are you okay?" Jackson whispers into my ear, causing my legs to wobble once again.
"I'm fine." I say quietly, turning my face slightly to look back at him. We stand there for a moment, awkwardly before he let's go of me.
He leans down to pick up the bouquet, offering it to me. I can smell the liquor on his breath, suddenly beginning to notice the slight slur in his voice, "I think you lost something."
I can feel eyes on us but I choose to brush it off, already embarrassed enough. "Thanks." I say, taking it from him. When I see Ima approaching once I again, I step forward. "I think you need this more than I do." I chuckle, handing the bouquet to her.
She lets it drop to the floor, her overly plucked eyebrows furrowing. "Oops." She snarls, staring straight at me. "You think your hot shit, huh?" She shakes her head, "Fuckin' my man and having his baby. Well, I have news for you, that won't keep him. His eyes will stray, he'll come back to me. Just you watch."
"What Jackson chooses to do or who he does is none of my business, Ima." I try to remain calm, remembering our last encounter. "But your threats won't go unpunished."
Jackson steps in front of me, taking me back. He always lets me fight my own battles, apparently not today. "Don't fuckin' talk to her like that." He spits at her quietly, not trying to cause a scene. "You are not my woman, never have been and never will be. You're just a fucking gutter slut who fell into my bed." He grabs my hand, pulling me away from her in an instant. "We're leaving." He mumbles, pulling me along with him.
"Jackson, I'll drive." I say once we've reached the car, he hands over his keys after a moment of fumbling for them. When he goes to hand them to me he loses his footing, causing the two of us to hit the car door, him towering over me. "Whoa there, buddy." I laugh, pushing my hands against his chest.
He braces his hands against the car window behind me, "I have a question."
"Shoot." I say loudly, trying to place more space between us.
"How come when I tell you I love you, you don't say it back anymore?" He's frowning.
"You know I love you." I reply, removing my hands from his chest.
"Then why don't you say it back?"
"Why do we need to say it all the time?" I raise an eyebrow, noticing one of his hands fall. He lets it rest on my hip. "Jackson, this is weird. Why are you touching me like that?"
"You don't like it?" He says quieter now, stepping closer to me.
"Jackson, we're friends." I push my hand against his, away from my body.
"I know." He says, stepping closer to me. I can smell the whiskey all over him.
"But that is all we are, Jackson." I can see his smile droop, almost instantly.
"I know that." He says quietly, but presses closer. "I just don't know if that's gonna be enough anymore."
I feel my stomach drop when he speaks, my cheeks burning hot once again. I can feel his breath hot on my ear, his lips hovering.
"I love you." He whispers this time, placing a small kiss on my earlobe.
"You're drunk, Jax." I say shortly, trying to ignore the tingling I feel all over. Jackson hasn't ever had this effect on me before, but tonight I catch myself falling under his spell.
Maybe its the hormones, maybe it is something I've always wanted but tonight I feel myself turning into putty in his arms. It's nice to hear somebody speak sweet nothings to you, I try to ignore the rising heat in the pit on my stomach. We can't fuck this up.
"You're sexy... But I think both of those things are quite obvious." He moves his lips to my neck, leaving small kisses.
"Don't do anything you might regret tomorrow, Jacky boy." I sigh, coming to grips with reality. I push him from me completely now.
"Can I tell you a secret?" He asks, stepping away from me now.
"Sure." I raise an eyebrow, crossing my arms across my chest.
"I've always wanted to kiss you."
"What the fuck, Jackson. Shut up." I snarl at him now, unlocking the car. I'm torn now, what the fuck?
I get in, waiting for him to follow. I watch him light a cigarette, secretly growing envious as I watch him puff. He flicks it out after a moment before getting into the car. When we start to drive I'm silent, but when I go to turn on the radio he smacks my hand away. "Jackson, this isn't fair. You're drunk, you don't mean it."
"We're having a baby." He says childishly, which causes me to roll my eyes.
"You're right, we are. Now stop acting like one." I look over at him for a moment before turning back to the road. "What was this, all a trick? Did you hope by some weird chance that we would fall in love and get married like Opie and Lyla?"
"I mean, No..." Jackson starts, "But part of me was hoping you would at least give me the chance to show you I can do right by you." He faces the window, I can tell he's frowning.
"You are doing just fine by me, Jackson... but the truth of the matter is, We are just friends! That's all we are ever going to be. You and I both know that, it would be awkward to try to start some fucked up relationship now... And what would happen a year down the line when you're bored with me and if I fell helplessly in love with you?" I sigh inwardly, thinking about the possibility. "Then I'm stuck with our baby, we'd be fighting over custody... This is exactly what I wanted to avoid! Why I wanted to do a sperm donor, don't do this to me Jackson Teller." My voice is rushed, my hands clammy against the steering wheel. I pull up to my house suddenly, unable to concentrate on the road any longer. When I look over at him, I notice what a pathetic mess he is. His usual swagger isn't present, he more so resembles a child who had stayed up well past their bedtime, "Let's get you to bed, Jax."
"Mom's right..." He mumbles, pissing me off even more. After these years, why now? Why when I have finally figured out what I want does he have to go fuck it all up? I would have never agreed to this if I would have known he would act like this. As I sigh though, I do try to remember that he's drunk, maybe he's just talking out of his ass. I don't know, I'm so confused. What have I gotten myself into. Part of me thinks it's just due to the new news, I think that might have a large part to do with, after all he hasn't ever been a parent before. Between that and the emotions of witnessing a wedding, I'm sure that is it. He doesn't really mean it, I know it.
"Jackson, get out of the car." I say quietly, feeling defeated. I make my way towards the front of my house, turning around after a moment to find Jackson trudging behind me. I'm overwhelmed by emotion, when we get inside I kick off my heels, not even stopping as I head towards my bedroom. I grab a pair of basketball shorts for him, setting them on the bed. What comes next I know is entirely fucked up and very teasing on my part but I deliberately begin to change when he enters the room. I pull my dress over my head, walking past him in only my bra and panties. I enter my closet, bending over slightly to grab one of his old SAMCRO T-shirts, with my back facing him I unhook my bra, letting it fall to the floor beside me. I slip the shirt over my head, letting it fall against my bare thighs and turn around, heading towards my bed.
He's already laying down when I get there, his back towards the wall. I can see the drunken sleepiness in his eyes. I try to push the negative thoughts out of my head as I curl into him, setting my head on his chest. "Hey Jax."
"Yeah, Spence?" He whispers, wrapping his arm around my shoulders.
"Promise me something." I say even quieter, closing my eyes.
"Anything."
"Don't fall in love with me." We're quiet for a moment, I wait for his response but it doesn't come. Shortly after, I can hear his soft snores that quickly sooth me to sleep.
* I just want to thank you all for your support! Your reviews encourage me to update! I've had such a positive response to this story I plan to keep up with it as quickly as I possibly can.
*Again, Read & Review :) It keeps me going! All feedback is good feedback, let me know what you think! After all this is for all of you :*