Chapter Eighteen:
She was so mad at herself. How could he still have such an effect on her?
Robin sat in the corner of the roof and let the cool air flow through her hair. She hated seeing Patrick with Sam, even if it was just to talk.
She hated how he had the ability to rip her heart out.
She hated how she simply couldn't stop loving him.
XXXX
Patrick made his way to the roof and his face was on fire. He was so mad. How the hell did his life get so fucked up?
He was angry. He hated how Robin still got to him. He also knew why she got to him and it pissed him off.
Screw Robin and her hold on him.
Screw Sam and her selfish needs.
Screw Jason and his angst.
He walked onto the roof and thought of the time he and Robin were here soon after they met and Robin had told him how she hated guns and violence. Ironically, it was after Sam had been shot that Patrick finally gained some insight into Robin's past.
It also led to their first little date and the race track. It led to corn dogs and beer. It led to Patrick seeing the beautiful and fiery brunette who would turn his life into something he could never imagine.
She brought him to life.
He turned and exhaled as the memories came through him and he shook his head as if to clear them away.
That's when he saw her.
She was sitting on the cold floor, her head in her hands, her brown locks flowing over her fingers. He saw her body shake with silent sobs and he didn't think, he just went to her.
"Robin?" he knelt down next to her and touched her shoulder.
"I'm okay!" she said and looked up, fear in her eyes. She saw him and relaxed a little as she wiped her eyes.
"I didn't mean to scare you," he said. "I was just worried."
She shivered a little and shrugged.
"I'm fine."
He sat down facing her and smiled.
"I beg to differ."
"I don't really care," she sighed. "I need to go home."
"No, please wait," he said and she met his gaze.
"What do you want? Why are you even talking to me?" she asked him with a tired tone.
"Why am I talking to you? What kind of question is that? We shared a life together. We share a daughter. Can't we share a conversation?"
"No, Patrick, we can't. I can't talk to you and act like things are fine. I can't look at you and not hurt. I can't do this because I don't want to want you anymore," she said and was embarrassed by her outburst. She stood up and walked to the door, Patrick following.
"Robin, please," he said, his heart aching at her torment.
She stepped into the elevator and pushed the button to close but not before he jumped in.
"Patrick, leave me alone," she said and felt dizzy.
He reached for her when suddenly the elevator jolted and slammed down a few floors before it stopped, tossing Patrick onto her.
The lights flashed and went off, leaving just a tiny glow in the small box.
"Robin? Are you okay?" he asked as he sat back, his knee twisted and aching.
She didn't answer and he saw she was unconscious.
"Shit. Robin?" he gently held her face in his hands and smoothed her hair back.
She moved a little and moaned and he took her hand in his.
"Hey, can you open your eyes?"
She blinked and he leaned closer in the dark so she could see him.
"Patrick?" she said weakly and went to sit up, but she lay back down and held her head.
"Don't move, just lay still and look at me," he said, trying to watch her pupils.
"What happened? Did we crash?"
"The elevator dropped a few floors and then stopped. I think it's stuck now, but I'm sure help is on the way," he said and rolled his eyes when she sat up.
"I told you to lie still."
"I'm okay," she said and looked at him with alarm. "Are you hurt?"
"No," he sat back and grimaced.
"Liar. What is it? Your knee?" she asked and moved to touch his leg.
"My left. I think I just hit it against the wall when we slammed to the ground."
She moved her hands over his thigh and pressed the area around his knee.
"Ow," he jumped when she pressed the side.
"Sorry. I think you did some damage to the ACL. Hopefully it isn't torn, just pulled."
"How do you know? Since when are you into orthopedics?" he smiled and saw her face fall.
"Sorry. I was just trying to lighten the mood."
"I had a lot of time to read and all I had were medical books," she said and looked at him. "Give my your tie."
"What?"
"Your tie," she motioned to him.
He pulled it off and she wrapped the area where he had pain and took her purse, positioning it under his leg so his knee was elevated.
"Okay, don't move and it should help the pain."
He tried to forget the feel of her hands on his thigh and he nodded.
"Did you push the emergency button or try the phone?"
He didn't say anything and she got nervous.
"Patrick? Can you hear me?" she leaned in and held his face in her hands.
"Oh, yeah, sorry, I zoned out."
She sat back and took his hand, checking his pulse.
"Robin, I'm fine," he said and smiled.
She didn't seem convinced, but she let it go and reached to push the emergency button. There was no sound and she reached for the phone, but it was dead.
"Great," she muttered. "Do you have your cell phone?"
He pulled it out from his pocket and sighed.
"No service. Do you have yours?"
She shook her head.
"No service."
"Okay, so we wait," he smiled. "I'm sure it won't be long."
She moved and sat opposite him, her back against the wall.
"Okay."
They were quiet and Patrick looked at her.
"Have you spoken to Anna lately?"
"Yes."
"Good. I know how much she loves you."
"Please don't do this," she said. "Let's just sit in silence."
"Do what? What am I doing?" he pushed her.
"Acting like you care. Acting like we're friends. You don't and we aren't. Please just leave me be."
He felt her words like a knife and shifted a little.
"I do care and I think it's ridiculous that you think you have all of this figured out. Our situation is a mess and it isn't going to get better if you don't talk to me."
"Maybe that's how it should be? Maybe it won't get better? Maybe it's just time to be done. It was good while it lasted, but there's just too much water under the bridge."
"Really? You're turning our relationship into a bad cliché?" he said bitingly.
"No, I'm pretty sure you did that when you slept with another woman, or two."
He was quiet. He knew she was right and it killed him.
How did this happen?
They sat in silence for a while and then he saw her take her sweater off. He noticed it was getting really warm in the small elevator car.
"You okay?"
She stood up and pounded on the door, calling for help.
"This is ridiculous. They have to know the elevator is stuck."
He smiled and she looked at him.
"What?"
"Nothing. You just always take control of the situation. You never get rattled and it's oddly comforting."
"Right, I'm a control freak who can't relax. Thanks."
He frowned.
"That's not what I said. I meant it as a compliment."
"Sure you did," she said and sank down to the floor, her arms on her bent knees.
"Why are you so cold? Why can't we have a conversation?"
"Just drop it, Patrick."
He sat up more and leaned across his body.
"No. I want to know what I have to do to get you to talk to me. What can I do to break the walls you have built around yourself."
"Nothing. There is nothing you can do. You made your choice and I made mine. It doesn't matter anymore, you know? Talking about it only results in more hurt and it isn't going to change anything."
"Why not? Why can't it change? Why can't you let me try and fix this?" he moved closer to her and she let her tears spill over her cheeks.
"Because you moved on. You don't love me the way I deserve to be loved and you didn't stand by me when I needed help. If I had said no and let Jason die, I would have been tormented and you were okay with that. I get that you didn't want me to go, but that's just not who I am. Be angry with me, hate my choice, but understand the woman and friend I am. I didn't plan on being gone for so long. I wasn't leaving you or Emma. I just had to try."
He felt his own eyes fill as she spoke and he shook his head.
"Why couldn't you pick me? Why couldn't you decide that our marriage was worth your effort and have that be enough? Why am I always the one in the wrong?"
"You aren't wrong. You had every right to be angry and I understand that, but I simply won't apologize for wanting to save Jason. Patrick, he deserved a chance just like I did. It was more than me leaving you and Emma. I couldn't stop thinking of all the time I spent in that prison and how cold and isolating it was. How I prayed every day that someone would come for me. I just couldn't get that out of my mind and I couldn't let him die without trying. I'm sorry you felt abandoned, I truly am, but I couldn't leave him like that, I just couldn't."
He reached to her face and stroked her cheek.
"Okay, I hear you," he said, hating how upset she was getting.
She moved away from him and wiped her eyes.
"None of this even matters anymore. You need to let it go."
"Why? Why can't we try to work through this?"
"Because you slept with Sam. You went after the woman who was directly effected the most by Jason. You were okay with her devotion to him but you resented me for it. Jason loves Sam and you were with her anyway. I can't get over that because it speaks directly to our relationship."
He waited and she stood up.
"Sam was enough. I never was."
He went to respond when the elevator went into another free fall and Robin was tossed around like a rag doll before everything went black.