Note: Helen Sinclair is a companion of the Eighth Doctor in the Big Finish audios. She and River are rather close and super gay in the Doom Coalition audios, hence why I put her in the story where I have.
River Song gives amazing hugs.
Although Bill is not short on great hugs, since her fellow band mates are also excellent huggers, there's something special about River's, because she's soft where Theo and Missy are angular. And where Nardole is… Nardole, River smells like vintage perfume and something earthy, and -
Yes, alright, and she's an incredibly beautiful woman and Bill is the biggest lesbian to ever exist. Whatever.
"How are you, darling?" River asks her, eyes warm as she lets go of her. Her hands linger on the tops of Bill's arms.
"Pretty good," Bill says. "Pumped to sing this song with you properly."
"Me too," River replies, smiling widely. "Now, you remember Helen?"
Lingering behind River in the doorway is a vaguely familiar figure. They've only met once or twice before, but, you know, she's an attractive woman who Bill knows spends some of her time kissing River Song, so she was hardly going to forget.
Helen Sinclair is around thirty, and fair haired, hair up in a casual bun with wispy bits escaping. Her high cheekbones compliment an approachably pretty face and soft eyes over a thin, clever mouth. Bill is fairly sure she's the co-writer for a lot of songs on River's latest album, 'Loving The Stars Themselves'.
"Hello Bill," Helen says.
"Hey," Bill says, giving a little wave. "How's River's first favourite lesbian?"
Helen laughs a little, seeming a bit embarrassed. "Oh, uh, marvellous, I suppose. It's rather exciting, isn't it? The collaboration, live for the first time."
"Yeah, I can't wait, plus she sounds great with some of our other songs too," Bill agrees.
"She sounds great with everything," Helen says, with a funny little sigh.
River flutters her eyelashes at them both. "Flatterers."
"Right, and you'd know nothing about that," Helen says wryly, making River throw her head back and laugh.
"I don't know what you mean, darling," she says, her hand absently pushing a rogue strand of hair from Helen's face, the touch gentle and making Helen smile for a brief second. River then turns back to Bill. "Now, where is that husband of mine?"
"Last I saw, he was patting down Missy to stop her sneaking maracas and a kazoo on stage," Bill says.
Helen laughs, only to see Bill's deadpan expression. "Oh, wait, you're serious."
"You haven't met Missy yet, have you?" Bill asks.
"No, I've not yet had the, er, experience," Helen says, clearing her throat. "I've heard interesting things, though."
"Oh, I can only imagine the bitching about me that Song indulges in when not around my friends," says a distinctive Scottish voice from behind her, making Helen jump a mile.
"Oh!" Helen steps several steps back - possibly instinctively moving towards River in the face of a surprise.
"Speak of the devil and she'll appear," River mutters.
Missy smirks. "But of course." She turns her attention to Helen, eyes giving her a very slow, deliberate once over. "Well well, you must be the girlfriend one. Miss Helen Sinclair." She stretches out a hand like she's some kind of nobility in an old novel. "Charmed."
Helen blinks at her, takes her in, and then swallows as she shakes Missy's hand delicately. "As am I. You're… somehow not what I expected. But then, I'm not remotely sure what I did expect."
"I try to pirouette around expectations, they're so terribly mundane," Missy replies, smiling.
"Quite," Helen says. There's a dazedness to her, a flush in her cheeks, that Bill immediately recognises. There's a swoop of vindication in her chest. She knows that face.
"Oh dear, I forgot to tell you how infuriatingly attractive most people find her," River says, sighing and touching Helen on the shoulder. "Should have warned you, darling. Sorry."
Missy chuckles and Helen flushes, ducking her head and stepping out of Missy's reach.
Bill is sure of one thing. She needs to make friends with Helen Sinclair immediately. She has a wonderfully diverse array of friends, but she does not have another hopeless lesbian in her close circle, and that needs to change.
Missy turns her attention to Bill. "Bill, dearest, will you come help me into my corset?"
Helen lets out the tiniest of squeaks, before turning bright red and hurrying to busy herself with something on her phone so that she doesn't have to look anyone in the eye after that.
Bill, with greatly practiced calm, manages to just cross her arms and lift an eyebrow at Missy. "You are 100% capable of getting into that corset on your own. I know an attempt to fluster me just for fun when I see it, you know. No deal."
Missy pouts. "You're no fun."
With that, she leaves, and River looks to Bill with faint surprise.
"Impressive self-control," she says.
"It's called preservation instincts."
"Well, that too, I suppose. Still." River gets a funny gleam in her eye. "Even I'm not totally immune to the idea of her in a corset. And I… well, no, hate is the wrong word. There's definitely not a word for our relationship."
"Frenemies? With extremely spaced out benefits?" Helen suggests.
"Right, cool, I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that last part," Bill says, moving to grab her water bottle and taking a large chug, wishing it were something much more alcoholic.
"Sorry," Helen says, making a face.
"For what? I didn't hear anything," Bill says, pointedly, and Helen thankfully nods, while River chuckles to herself a little.
"I'm going to go and find the idiot, I'll catch you two in a bit," River says, and she grins at them. "Don't have too much fun without me."
With a salacious wink, she heads out of the doorway of Bill's sizable dressing room, leaving Helen and Bill alone. Helen seems a bit thrown at the new circumstance, but covers it quickly.
"And then there were two," she says, with a nervous little smile.
"I spend literally all of my time around mad, loud bisexuals and their variants, you will not catch me complaining about getting normal, quiet lesbian company," Bill tells her with a chuckle, moving to sit down in her chair. "Sit wherever you like, by the way."
Helen laughs a little, and seems rather reassured as she sits down. "Well, when you put it like that. I suppose if Missy and the others are anything like River… that does seem rather a lot to deal with."
"Wait, but you've meet Theo, right?" Bill asks.
"Oh, yes, of course," Helen says, nodding. She smiles and tucks some hair behind her ear. "He's always been charming, and lovely, with me. River says uncommonly so. I suppose he wanted to be sure that I was comfortable, given the whole unconventional arrangement."
"He's good like that, yeah," Bill agrees. "He's the best person I know, probably. And I never thought I'd ever say that about a - well, okay, man is debatable, when it comes to him, but you know what I mean. About someone who isn't some amazing woman."
"I do know what you mean, yes."
Bill considers Helen, curiously. She's wondered for a while what this woman could be like. She didn't just catch River's attention, she kept it, and that's no easy feat. Bill's seen the way River talks about Helen, or how she looks when she's on the phone to her, and the only way Bill can describe it is smitten. And it's adorable, but it's beyond weird, because it's so different to how she is with Theo.
Bill supposes she had been assuming that Helen would be this strange, huge personality, like all of the others in their circle. Instead, she's amazingly… normal. Normal other than the fact that somehow, she got River Song to fall ass over heels for her, and now enjoys the coveted privilege of getting to kiss River Song on a regular, agenda-free basis. Not that Bill's jealous, or anything. Nope.
"Wait, hang on, you're a massive songwriting whizz, right?" Bill asks, realising the obvious.
"The logistical aspects of it are my area of expertise, yes," Helen replies.
"Okay, lesbian to lesbian, can you please help me with this song I'm trying to write for this girl," Bill asks, getting up and grabbing her notebook. "Turns out, writing songs is… really hard. I don't think I have the knack for it."
"Oh, alright, let me have a look," Helen says with interest, and Bill hands her the notebook and tries not to freak out as her eyes scour the pages. "Hmm. I like some of the ideas you've got in here, you're just a bit unpracticed at applying them. May I have a pencil and permission to erase, if I discuss with you and explain as I go?"
"Go for it," Bill says, grabbing her the pencil and coming to sit next to her.
"Alright, songwriting crash course for lesbians, coming up," Helen says under her breath, a wry smile on her lips, and Bill laughs as they start to go through the song together.
"Hellooooo London!"
Theo has the microphone, and is grinning at the audience after they've opened the show with one of their most beloved songs, 'Smile Even When It Hurts'.
"Now, we actually have a bit of a surprise for you tonight," he says, with his classic shit-eating grin. "I'm not sure if you've heard of her, but I have this friend-"
"Sorry, sweetie, I'm going to have to stop you right there, I don't let men introduce me."
River's voice rings out across the stadium from her personal microphone as she strides onstage, and the crowd absolutely loses it. The noise is deafening. River comes to stand next to Theo and just grins out at them all, waggling her fingers in a little wave as she waits for the noise to die down.
"Hello everyone," she says, a little breathlessly. "You know, it's odd, I'm really not used to having to share the limelight at these sorts of things."
She's wearing a classic River Song show outfit - a sleeveless silver minidress covered in sequins, and knee-high heeled boots. Her hair is as wild and beautiful as ever, and her lips are as red as Missy's.
"Now, me and this lot wrote a little song together a while back, maybe you've heard it?"
The crowd cheers again, and she laughs.
"Wonderful. Well, in that case, we'd like to afford you all the honour of being the first to hear us perform it live. Nardole, get us going, will you?"
With that, they launch into the song, and it's the most fun Bill can ever remember having in their whole time performing. River just adds a whole new level of energy to the stage, and the fans heighten it all to levels you can't imagine during rehearsals.
River strides around, flirting outrageously with Theo and Bill in turn, and even Missy in a few spots. Missy plays off as seeming indifferent, but in a theatrical sort of way, and River always just laughs. Her stage relationship with Nardole is playful and friendly, and they're both grinning like idiots.
It isn't hard for Bill to sing about how River is a gorgeous, infuriating enigma, and she nearly misses a line when River comes up to her and kisses her cheek, much to the delight of the audience.
When the song finishes, the crowd screams and they bask in the high of it all.
"Thank you very much for having me, Theo," River says, smiling.
"Thank you very much for coming."
"I suppose I'll be off now?"
Theo makes a big show of shrugging. "I mean, I don't know. Since you're here, you could stick around, help us sing some of the other songs."
"Oh, I don't know, I wouldn't want to get in your way," River purrs, stepping closer to him, and he just grins.
"Hard to imagine you doing that."
Missy rolls her eyes. "Look, if you two start sucking face, I'll not be responsible for what I do to Bill right here on top of this keyboard."
"Um," is all the Bill is able to say.
River snaps out of her flirty reverie and just turns to laugh at Missy. "Me? And Theo? Oh honey, do you really think grey stick insects are my type?"
"Well, that's hurtful," Theo mutters.
"I THINK YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL THEO!" someone shouts, some dude completely covered in blue and green paint and sequins, who Bill swears she has seen before. She's pretty sure his twitter handle is something about being an emperor. Or algae. One of the two. Probably not both.
"Thank you!" Theo says hotly.
Bill takes this chance, while the others keep bantering, to scour the crowd near the front for Star Girl. Sure enough, her eyes fall on the girl with a soft halo of golden hair and those amazing eyes. Bill loses her breath again for a moment, and then smiles, probably looking idiotic or besotted or some weird combination of the two.
Bill takes a chance and gives her a little wave, and the girl bites her lip through a grin and waves back a little. Feeling greatly encouraged, Bill winks at her. Badly. Still, it makes the girl laugh, so its one hundred percent worth however stupid she might look (hopefully no one caught it on camera).
"We've lost Bill, she's flirting with a pretty girl in the audience," Missy drawls.
Bill turns around so quickly it hurts her neck. "Was not," she lies.
"You're a baaaad liar, Pottsie, you're lucky you're cute," Missy says, grinning when some people cheer. Bill glances back at Star Girl, only to find her gone, but a few more glances has seen her just move back and to the side a little bit, probably to stop people from knowing she might have been the one Bill had been flirting with. Smart.
Reassured, Bill turns her attention back to the band.
"Anyway, it doesn't matter, because it's time for a personal favourite of mine, I'm sure you all know the one," Missy says.
They launch into 'The Bitch Is Back', one of Missy's sole songwriting works from the album, and it's an instant success. River wisely relegates herself to harmonies for the majority of the song, apparently not stupid enough to steal attention away from Missy in her starring number.
Missy leaves the keys behind and takes a microphone to strut around the stage, and flings her jacket off to reveal the corset she's in, and the crowd screams. She does look phenomenal.
Naturally, she can't resist flirting with Theo throughout the song, in front of River, and at the end of the first chorus, she pulls him into a rough, messy kiss that catches him by surprise. The lead guitar part falters as one of his hands automatically reaches for his waist as he kisses her back.
The crowd's screams are as loud as when River had first come on, and Missy grins as she releases a slightly dazed looking Theo, who hurries to get his hands back on his guitar.
"I dunno what River's on about, to be honest, he's quite pretty," Missy remarks, before going into the second verse and making her way over to Bill, who senses her gay death coming a little while before it actually happens.
Sure enough, with Bill's harmonies in the second chorus, when it fades out, Missy takes her by the chin and kisses her firmly, even slipping Bill a bit of tongue, making her jump.
Bill's never kissed Missy sober before, but then, the show atmosphere is so intoxicating that she can't be sure that 'sober' is the right work to describe her state of being. All the same, her heart pounds in her chest as she eagerly kisses Missy back, a jolt going through her at the feeling of Missy's soft lips on hers, demanding in the most wonderful way.
When Missy releases her, Bill can barely remember how to breathe, let alone play the guitar.
"Well done, dear, you just broke the bass guitarist," River says, rolling her eyes.
Bill manages to returns to her sense, and realises how it might look to Star Girl that she's just had her world rocked by a kiss from another woman. She immediately seeks out her face in the group, finds it, and is quick to give her a somewhat apologetic look. Thankfully, Star Girl just grins and shakes her head.
The rest of the concert goes off without a hitch, River's input making the songs wonderfully fun and with an extra vocal layer that Bill personally loves a lot. They finally put the crowd goodnight and head backstage to get changed and prepare for the meet and greets for those with VIP tickets.
Bill gets into her overalls with the rainbow heart patch on the front pocket and heads out of her dressing room. She immediately stops when she hears odd sounds coming from down the hallway, and heads towards them.
"Oh, River," says a soft voice, "oh, you were so wonderful up there, I - oh-"
Bill recognises the voice as Helen's, and spots some of River's hair behind a stack of boxes, and feels herself flush horribly as she catches a few sweet murmurings of River's and more obscene little noises from the both of them.
Bill backs off, uncomfortably turned on as much as she is mortified and horrified, and heads to find Theo, Missy and Nardole instead.
Problem is, when she stops outside of Missy's room, she hears an extremely loud 'oh Thete, yes' and feels nauseous.
"Oh my god," Bill says. "What is with everyone tonight?" She backs up, wondering if it would be a wrong decision to spontaneously buy a ticket to New Zealand and live out her days as a peaceful, lonesome lesbian hermit among sheep and hobbits.
She could date a hobbit. Hobbits were nice, and liked to just chill and eat food. Oh yeah, she could definitely marry a nice lady hobbit and live happily in some house where she has to duck down inside it for her entire life.
She's so busy contemplating her newfound hobbit marriage plans that she doesn't see Nardole until she walks into him.
They both scream at the top of their lungs, horrific screams that echo through the barren corridor of the stadium.
"Oh god, you look awful, what happened to you?" Nardole asks, frowning at her.
"The others, they're, um-" Bill coughs, making a face and feeling her cheeks flood with warmth and colour.
Understanding immediately dawns on Nardole's face, and he just sighs. "Celebrating sexually?"
"Urghh," Bill says. "I don't want to think about them doing that. Ever. Not even Helen and River - I don't care how gay I am, I don't have a voyeuristic bone in my body, I don't want to know about anyone else's-"
She turns around and sees Clara and Ashildr, and nearly cries with relief.
"Did you guys know you're my favourite couple?" Bill asks, making them lift eyebrows at her. "You know why? Because I know nothing about your sex life. I don't even know if you have a sex life, and I don't want to, because it's not my business, and you know it's not my business, and you do it or don't do it somewhere else, like normal, respectful people-"
"Everyone else is having sex right now, aren't they," Clara says flatly.
"Yeah, little bit," Nardole replies, making Ashildr cough to hide their laugh.
"I hate them so much," Clara mutters. "Okay, look, can you three just get to the meet and greet? I'll deal with the others."
"Are you going to-"
"Possibly," Clara says, shifting her posture into her 'I'm the boss' stance, with a grim determination that doubles Bill's respect for her on the spot. "Not sure. Hoping to avoid it, but not afraid of it if it comes to that."
"Missy might actually try and murder you if you interrupt her having sex," Bill tells her, but Clara is already striding off.
"Let me worry about her, Bill, you just go and do your thing, alright?"
Bill turns to Ashildr. "You'd tell me if you were actually married to a tiny, scarier version of Wonder Woman, right? We're friends, you'd tell me that."
Ashildr just grins and taps their pierced nose. "Come on, Potts, we're already late."
The three of them head to the meet and greet room, much to the obvious relief of Jack and his security team, and the room erupts with shouts of excitement. They split up to attend to their personal queues, and Bill finds herself looking for Star Girl again, but to no avail.
There is a familiar face in her group, though.
"Hey, it's Tanya, right?" Bill asks when the girl gets to the front of her line.
"Yeah," Tanya says, grinning. "That show was so good. River's so funny. And you did well out of it, getting a kiss from Missy and all."
Bill flushes. "Yeah, that was… interesting."
"That actually convinced me you two aren't dating," Tanya says, making Bill cock an eyebrow at her. "You looked way too surprised, and like she'd just given you a gay heart attack."
"Something like that," Bill mutters, chuckling.
"Got some theories about the others, but to be honest, I don't really think it's any of my business, so," Tanya says, shrugging.
"Reasonable of you," Bill says, impressed.
"Thanks. Anyway, I'll let you get back to everyone else, I think I've had more than my fair share of your time today," Tanya tells her sheepishly. "Thanks. I mean, I already said that. But. You know."
As she's heading off, that's when Bill spots Theo, Missy and River entering the room. Theo has the decency to look a bit embarrassed when he catches Bill's disapproving eye, but Missy just smirks under the same attention, and River has already made a beeline for the adoring fans that had not expected to catch her (most of them being the ones that Bill has already gotten through).
"I know, was it a nice surprise?" she asks them with a big grin, hugging as many of them as her arms can manage.
Bill gives out her fair share of hugs too, and it's one of her favourite parts of the job. She spots Tanya in Theo's line, and manages to see her finally getting to meet them. They're engaged in what looks like an extremely nerdy discussion, and Bill can tell from how Theo is waving his hands around excitedly.
Missy has her hands full with her large mob of adoring fans, which while a majority of queer young women, does contain a true variety of admirers. Unlike most of the others in their social circle, she is not huge on physical contact with strangers, so she will happily take selfies with them all, but does not give out hugs except on very rare occasions. (Of course, once you're her friend, it's impossible to get her to stop touching you, rather like a cat, and Bill hasn't worked out if that's a blessing or a curse. Both, really.)
Bill finishes up with her fans and heads towards the door, and meets Theo nearby. She's about to make a snide, veiled comment about his prior activities when they catch something being said nearby.
"What was it like to work with Harry Saxon?" one of the teenage girls asks Missy eagerly. "He's still really hot now, obviously, but I've seen pictures of him from back when you guys were in the Renegades and I nearly died. What was he like back then?"
Bill might not have paid the question any mind but for how Theo's whole body stiffens. His head jerks around to look at Missy, and so Bill turns too, and they see Missy staring at the girl, stricken for a single moment before it is replaced by a strange blankness.
Theo jumps in, laughing a laugh that Bill immediately pins as rather forced. "Oh, you know old Harry, he's always been a very singular, strong personality. The three of us got up to a lot of semi-illegal things that we absolutely will not be telling you about."
The group of fans laughs, with a few titters of disappointment.
"Now, I'm sorry, but I'm going to need to steal Missy away from you now, we've got to get going," Theo adds, taking Missy by the arm and pulling her away. She goes easily enough, murmuring some vague apology to the fans as she goes.
It's then that Bill sees that Missy's hands are balled into fists.
"You guys have an awesome rest of your night, alright?" Bill says to the fans, who look disappointed but thankfully not too annoyed. "Thanks so much for coming."
She hurries out after Theo and Missy. They're walking quickly.
"Missy, you've got to get this under control, you can't freeze up like that any time somebody mentions him, it's going to keep happening-"
Missy whirls around. "You don't get to tell me that," she snarls.
"Hey, hey, is everything okay?" Bill asks.
Missy glances at Bill, and her expression shifts to something strange. She just sniffs at Bill with a kind of dismissive, aloof derision and walks off, shoving away from Theo when he tries to catch her hand. Bill can't help the intense stab of hurt in her chest. Missy's never made her feel like she's small or stupid before. Not until now.
"Okay, what the hell is her problem?" Bill asks Theo. "Like, okay, I get it, Saxon was a dick, yeah? But she's got to try and be professional about-"
"Bill," Theo says, sounding old and tired. "Please. Not today."
Bill stares at him. It's not just exhaustion in his eyes, there's something else, something she can't read. "Theo, you know you can tell me anything, right?"
His lips twitch just a little, fondly, but the smile doesn't make it to his eyes.
"It's just history, Bill. Messy, messy history."
Bill swallows. "I guess - jesus, it's Missy we're talking about here, of course it was messy. Especially if this Saxon guy is a bit of a prick. Sorry, I guess I... sort of miss the obvious sometimes, huh?"
"Don't apologise, Bill," Theo says to her, reaching out to touch her face for a moment, eyes soft. "Not ever. Alright? You're… perfect."
Bill feels a bit of a lump in her throat, unexpectedly. "Um. Okay? Thanks."
"I'll see you in a bit," Theo promises, before heading off, leaving Bill alone and confused, and not for the first time.
Thank you very much for reading, let me know what you thought!