Bill wakes to the sound of shouting.
She stumbles out of bed and into the living space, where Theo is trying to snatch his phone out of Missy's hand and she sidesteps his every attempt.
"Missy, don't, you're better than this-"
"I have to, I have to know what he's saying-" Missy looks down at the screen and sneers. "God, even the title makes me want to be sick."
"It's by Kovarian, of course it's going to be the exact opposite of what we want to hear," Theo says, his voice casually disdainful but his eyes carefully trained on Missy. They've both stopped moving now; he's admitted defeat at least for the moment.
"Alright, usual egotistical nonsense, I can deal with this," Missy mutters as she keeps reading whatever it is on the screen.
It isn't long before her face drops. Her eyes go strangely cold, cold and furious.
"Missy," Theo says slowly.
"Read it," she says, holding out the phone to him with a shaking hand.
Theo stares back at her. "No."
"Read it, or god help me, I will read it aloud, and Potts is going to have to watch me physically choke," Missy says dangerously, eyes flashing, and for the first time, Theo notices that Bill is present.
"Bill-"
"What is that? What are you reading? You said Kovarian. Isn't she that reporter with a massive vendetta against you and River, Theo?"
"Yeah, but it's not that," Theo says, running a hand over his face, looking exhausted. "It's Saxon. She's interviewed Saxon."
Missy shifts, like an animal about to pounce, her body tightly wound as she steps closer to Theo, still holding out the phone, hand still trembling.
"Read it. Right now," she says to him.
Theo swallows, closes his eyes for a moment in what looks like defeat and immediate regret, and takes the phone from her hand. He starts to read, and his face is like stone as he does.
He stops. Inhales deeply. Missy watches him with bated breath, eyes open and expectant.
"I see," is all that Theo says. Frustration and disbelief take over Missy's face, and there's a split second of outrage as she opens her mouth to say something.
She doesn't get the chance to get a single word out before Theo's face twists and the phone goes careening into the wall on the opposite side of the room with a crack. Bill jumps a mile and can't help the 'jesus christ' that escapes her lips. Missy, meanwhile, flinches and makes a little noise in her throat as she takes a reflexive step back.
Theo turns at the sound, and his face immediately shifts to one of shame.
"I-" He swallows hard. "I'm sorry."
"I know," Missy says softly. She has already shifted back to her usual casual, confident posture, but her eyes betray that it's at least partially a farce - they're filled with blatant worry for Theo.
"Okay, what the hell was that?" Bill asks.
"That was the sound of Theo's phone screen and ability to deny the past, cracking," Missy murmurs.
Theo's jaw tightens. His face is nearly impossible to read, but his body is tense, his hands shaking. Bill has never even seen a second of rage in him until now. Anger at injustice, sure. But proper rage? This is new, and the tiniest bit terrifying. It's not alone inside him, either. Something brief, some kind of raw pain, had been visible for all of a second before it had vanished as quickly as it had appeared.
"Theo, seriously, what the hell is going on?" Bill says. "You're scaring me."
"I-" He looks at her, guilt in his face for a moment before it's replaced by something hard. "I need to go for a walk."
Missy nods. "Yes, let's-"
"Alone," he adds, grabbing his hoodie and heading for the door, leaving Bill with a wide eyed, bewildered Missy.
"Oh," Missy whispers. "I…" There's a powerful sadness, a power empathy in Missy's eyes that makes Bill's chest ache just to look at it. "Oh. This is… not good." Her fist clenches at her side several times while her free hand goes over her eyes tiredly. "Shit. Shit."
She looks like she's itching to punch the wall.
"What the hell just happened?" Bill asks, already searching up the article on her phone in order to try and decipher what she's just witnessed.
When Missy doesn't answer, Bill reads the article, which thankfully isn't too long. It... does nothing to help her understand. She scrolls back, to where Saxon had been downright complimentary, and begins to read aloud.
"They were great, the two best people I knew, the best looking, the most talented, the only people in the universe I actually gave a damn about-"
"Don't," Missy snarls.
"I'm just trying to understand," Bill says, feeling herself being very worked up by the whole thing and willing herself not to cry with frustration. The fact that there's tears in the corners of Missy's eyes doesn't help. "Everything he's saying is so nice-"
"Well, you can't understand," Missy says, scowling. "And don't you ever trust a single word he says. Ever. He's an expert charmer, he plays people like his stupid guitar. He has been for decades."
"Okay, but-"
"No buts," Missy tells her, all at once looking exhausted. "No anything. I need to make a phone call before I destroy everything in this room."
With that, Missy leaves the room, and Bill retreats back to her bed, confusion and uncertainty churning in her gut uncomfortably. When going back to sleep doesn't work, Bill goes on Twitter.
saxonite - Harry is so respectful and admiring of Theodore and Missy even though it sounds like they did him dirty
saxonite (replying to saxonite) - I stan a legend
horizongal (replying to saxonite) - I mean, it's hard to know what happened? but yeah, kudos to him for being v polite about it when it sounds like it was really hard for him
doctahpants - I'm so curious about what happened between The Renegades now though goddamnit it's not my business tho
queenbaloo (replying to doctahpants) - the eternal struggle tbh but at least they're all still making awesome music! and there doesn't seem to be any bad blood
Bill relives the moment of Theo's face becoming something she's never seen before, and the sound of the phone colliding with the wall. She feels a little bit sick and closes Twitter, putting her phone aside.
She works on her song for a couple of hours. She's lost count of how many hours total she's put into it now.
"It's sounding good."
Bill jumps a little, and looks up from her bass to see Theo leaning around the edge of her door.
"Oh, yeah, ever since Helen gave me some tips it's been going really well," Bill says, sitting up and shifting her guitar in her lap so she can lean her head against the neck, which is now pointed to the ceiling. "It's pretty much finished, if I'm being honest. I'm just… it needs to be perfect, you know?"
"Perfect's overrated," he scoffs lightly. "But if you're referring to the need to meticulously go over every single detail, then yes, I know all too well."
Bill smiles, amazed at how much better she can feel just from those two words from him, and then the reassurance that even he struggles with the same things she does.
He smiles back, and it's genuine, but it's lacking the usual spark in his eyes, and it reminds her of where he's been, and why.
"Are you alright?" Bill asks, trying to search his face for answers.
He sighs, and comes to sit down next to her. "You know me, I'm always alright." Bill lifts her eyebrows at him, and his face falls a little. He rans a hand over his forehead. "I'm sorry you had to see that, earlier. And I'm sorry, for - you know. The throwing."
He pulls out his phone, which now has a cracked screen. Miraculously, it still looks usable.
"Don't apologise to me, apologise to the phone," Bill says wryly.
Theo shakes his head. "That kind of behaviour is never acceptable."
"Don't get me wrong, it was… weird, seeing you angry. Maybe a tiny bit scary, but I know you're the least violent person I've ever known." Bill makes a face. "Well, okay, that one racist guy aside."
He still looks worried, and guilty. She's astounded by the self-loathing she sees in him.
"Hey, seriously, I'm worried about you and Missy, not about the phone or that wall or my nerves," Bill tells him, reaching to clasp his hand. "This Saxon thing is getting ridiculous. And I get it, it's not my business. I just want to know if you guys will be okay."
Theo gives her a small, sad smile. "Well, it's impossible to know what will happen. But it takes more than some egotist running his mouth in an article to bring us down. We can survive anything. We learned that a lot time ago."
"That… doesn't make me feel much better," Bill says. "What happened? With Saxon?"
"Some things are best left in the past, Bill."
"Except it's not in the past, because he's back. We might be on a different continent right now, but he's back. How can it stay in the past when it clearly isn't?"
Theo swallows. "And some things aren't-."
He can't seem to be able to bring himself to finish his sentence. Worry knots in Bill's stomach again. It's the not knowing that makes it the worst, no matter what he says, because Bill's imagination is overactive, and there's equal parts nonsensical and horrible things brewing in her mind, now.
So she does the only thing she can. She puts her guitar aside and pulls Theo into a tight hug. He hugs her back with a tiny sigh of relief, and for a brief, shining moment, things are good and she's sure that everything is going to be okay.
Bill has her doubts, but when they head to the venue not long after that, Missy and Theo seem to be alright for the most part. Bill observes a quiet moment between them, Theo coming to stand next to Missy, hand on her shoulder, seeming to ask if she's okay. She gives him a little smile and says something back, lifting her phone to show him something on the screen and making him nod and kiss her forehead.
"You know, sometimes I forget," Bill says to Nardole, as she sits on an amp near his drum set and watches them.
"Forget what?"
"That they're, like, in love."
"Oh," Nardole says, chuckling. "Yeah."
"It's just because they're so… weird, I guess."
"Well, they've been on and off again for the last twenty years, and they're two of the maddest people on the planet, of course they have a weird relationship dynamic," Nardole mutters.
Bill watches as Missy, now on Theo's lap, nibbles his nose while he ignores her in favour of continuing to tune his guitar.
"Urgh, yeah," Bill says, not sure if she's disgusted, intrigued in a detached sort of way, or just relieved that they're back to as close to normal as they ever get.
They check in with Ashildr, who is looking over their looping equipment as they always do, because they don't always trust the techs, much to the frustration of the techs in question who have done more or less everything they can think of to win Ashildr's confidence.
"How are you feeling, short stuff?" Missy asks them. "First time playing for an American crowd, for all of us. But most of them don't even know who you are."
Ashildr just smirks. "Well, they're about to find out."
Missy looks proud of them and claps them on the back. "That's the spirit, kiddo."
"When have you ever known them to be scared?" Clara asks, smugly. "I only deal with the best."
"Sexually or professionally? Because either way, I'm suddenly rather flattered," Missy says, clasping her chest and batting her eyes.
"Ew," Bill says.
Nardole, meanwhile, is frowning at his phone. "Has anyone read this Saxon article?"
"Yes," says everyone else.
Missy's jaw is tight, but she's glancing at Theo, whose hand clenches at his side for a moment. Clara eyes them curiously, and glances at Bill, who just makes a face and gives a tiny shrug.
Nardole,meanwhile, isn't an idiot. He glances around warily and makes a face. "Does the no Saxon talk extend to… just talk between us, too?"
"No," Theo replies. "That would be unrealistic and immature."
"Besides, he seems intent on becoming louder and louder, there's no avoiding the issue, it seems," Missy agrees. "He wants our attention? He'll regret asking for it."
There's something different in her eyes to yesterday. Something harder. Something protective.
"On a higher note-" Ashildr stops to grin at their own pun, and Theo hi-fives them while Nardole rolls his eyes and Missy face palms. "Weren't we going to place bets about whether Bill's Star Girl turns up tonight?"
"Oh, yeah," Nardole says, eyes lighting up.
He bets against. He's cynical. Clara has a bet for against too, but apologises to Bill as she makes it. Missy bets for, as does Theo. Ashildr takes a moment to be sure of themself, before betting for as well.
Then everyone looks at Bill.
"No way," she says. "Count me out. I don't want to get my hopes up. It would be insane if she'd somehow followed me over here. It already doesn't make sense how she's been able to afford all the tickets so far."
"Rich people do exist," Ashildr reminds her.
"I guess so." It's hard for Bill to remember that, with just how working class she had been for her whole life. She's worth millions now, but she hasn't managed to get her head around that concept yet. "Still."
Kate Stewart strides up to them. "Time to get off the stage and getting ready, I think. We have a few things we need to text with the lights."
"Yep, time to get to your dressing rooms and get ready," Clara tells them, clapping her hands at them. "We want to blow this out of the water."
"That sounds dirty, let's not say that," Ashildr says, frowning.
"Oi, just go," Clara tells them.
They grin. "Yes ma'am."
Bill, despite being truthful when she had said that she didn't know if the two of them even had a sex life and didn't want to know about it, finds herself idly wondering if Ashildr calls Clara 'ma'am' in the bedroom, if it brings that glint to their eyes.
A second later, she drags her mind out of the gutter and bemoans the fact that her current company are rubbing off on her in all of the wrong ways.
While in her dressing room, Bill ends up on Twitter again.
crystal_ss - I'm sort of glad the Renegades aren't together anymore bc if they were all in the same room I'd die bc they're all too pretty
queenbaloo (replying to crystal_ss) - ok I lied before, THATS the eternal struggle, what a Bisexual Mood
crystal_ss (replying to queenbaloo) - have you seen pics of them back in th Renegade days? so fucking pretty
queenbaloo (replying to crystal_ss) - omg yes I nearly died
doctahpants (replying to queenbaloo) - link to these pics please asking for a friend
The link to the pictures is posted below, and so of course, Bill clicks on it.
The first depicts the three musicians in some old promo shot where Theo and Saxon are sitting on a couch and Missy is draped across their laps in that melodramatic way of hers.
The second is a picture of them out and about in what looks to be London. Missy is in the middle, Saxon on her left with his arm draped around her shoulders, while Missy's right hand is in Theo's. They're all laughing or at least smiling, and there's nothing but fondness in their eyes for each other.
"What the hell happened?" Bill asks the picture.
She searches for answers, for a hint of anything wrong, but she just can't see it. They look so happy.
What if some of the media theories about them are right? She knows that Missy and Theo have been on and off again for about as long as the Renegades have been broken up, and if Missy - or actually, Theo, come to think of it - had left Saxon in favour of the other, that would certainly explain why the band's breakup could have been so messy, especially if Saxon is the type to take that sort of thing badly. From what Bill can ascertain from Missy and Theo, she's going to assume he is, since apparently his oh so forgiving attitude from the Kovarian interview is total bullshit.
After all, Missy and Theo are tumultuous at best, as far as couples go, but Bill can't deny that there's also just a feeling of true connection. Like they're soulmates, or some slightly more realistic equivalent.
If the universe was determined to keep them together, no matter how much their clashing personalities sometimes tried to drive them apart, then how could anyone argue? River understands, and luckily enough is even more polyamorous by nature than they are, hence why it all worked out.
But not everyone is, Bill herself knows that, as virtually the only properly monogamous person in her immediate social circle. If Saxon couldn't cope with it, it would explain a lot about how things had turned out.
As logical a theory as it is, it's still only just a theory. Besides, knowing Theo and Missy and just how fucking weird they are, it's likely it has nothing to do with something as commonplace as romance. All the same, Bill hates not knowing. She also hates meddling in people's business. Since that basically means she's fucked either way, it's time for her to put her curiosity aside for the moment and focus on the show.
Luckily, the moment she pictures Star Girl's face, and her smile, focusing on that is the easiest thing in the world.
Thanks for reading, please let me know what you thought!