IMPORTANT NOTICE: For those who didn't catch it yet, I have, lately, come back to this fanfiction, and continue it, but I found what I wrote previously very grammatically challenged. I wanted to improve it, to make this fanfiction better entirely. Now that my English is better, if the style from a certain point on changes, it would be annoying. Hence, I will be doing a revision of all the chapters I wrote so far (with minor changes to the narrative) and then I will continue the fanfiction from where I left it off.
TL;DR: I'm going to re-write the fanfic and continue it. :)
Note: This chapter, in particular, has a lot of changes - I hope you will enjoy it!
Tic, tac, tic, tac.
Time wanted to keep flowing.
Tic, tac, tic, tac.
But as much as it did...
Tic, tac, ti -
I couldn't allow it to flow. As long as time flows, I won't be capable of holding on to the promises I made. Hence, I'm going to freeze time in place.
Sounds hard, right? Well, I don't want to 'freeze everyone in time', I just need to 'freeze myself in time'. If tomorrow comes, I may be unable to maintain my resolve, but as long as it's today, I'll be able to.
Clack.
If it means becoming a machine, so be it. I must not allow the things that happened become a memory. I don't care if I'm going to steal my own life away from myself; I can't allow myself to move on.
I gaze up at the sky. I know it's nothing but a visual reconstruction of data gathered in the real world, but maybe it will do to reminiscence about the time that has passed.
"..." Too much time has passed. Today marks the eighth month since the accident in the dungeon. I feel like scum for being the only one to make it out alive, and I think I'm correct in feeling like that. I haven't forgotten Sachi's voice, Keita's relinquish, and I'm constantly reminding myself.
It isn't hard, after all; I froze time for that sole purpose.
In the last eight months, I've attempted to take my anger out on mobs. The moment access to floor 32 was made possible, I tossed myself into farming mobs as if possessed by a demon. In order to hone my abilities, I slept near mob spawning areas. I would often wake up in the middle of the night, not knowing what was happening, and reach for my sword. Sometimes I even got myself seriously wounded, but it doesn't particularly matter.
At the same time, I stopped buying healing items altogether. Any col spent on expendables is wasted and could be used to better my equipment. HP slowly recovers while sleeping, so I didn't need to buy a single potion. I still have several in my inventory, but I don't plan to use them unless I'm in a do-or-die scenario.
"..." That said, I probably wouldn't use them even if I were in a do-or-die scenario.
After three weeks of farming on the 32nd floor, my level had grown ridiculously. My inventory was filled with several useless materials I gladly sold to NPCs for col. I bought myself a better sword, knowing it would benefit me once access to the 33rd floor was possible, and enhanced it by four levels.
A week after my purchase, the 32nd floor's boss still wasn't defeated. I decided to look for the boss room and, when I finally found it, I had an idea.
What if I take it on myself? Considering the equipment I had, it was more than possible to do so. Without regard for my safety, I pushed the boss's room doors open and walked through. The boss showed up soon after, and while I didn't have any information on it, I could easily see its attacks coming. Compared to being woken up in the middle of the night, this was much easier.
I was about to take it down when a group of players appeared. They were all wearing similar gear, and they all intended to steal my kill. Getting the last hit bonus for themselves, they snatched the boss from under my nose. I tried getting them to hand the drop to me, but they refused.
At that moment, I realized a girl whose face I recognized was amongst them. If my memory didn't fail me, it was someone who I'd met on the first floor. I quickly opened my friends tab, realizing it was, in fact, her.
I realized I'd made a mistake; I forgot to wipe my friends list clean and got tracked down.
I was boiling with anger, but I knew it wouldn't make a difference to take it out on anyone; she just wanted to leech on my EXP. I removed her, alongside everyone else, from my friends list, hoping for it to never happen again.
But history repeats itself.
I kept trying to take on the bosses solo, but the same players kept showing up to finish it.
How is it possible? I couldn't understand the reason why I was getting easily tracked down.
Out of all the times I got tracked down, one particularly stands out to me. In that period, suspecting my activities were being monitored, I started doing strange things to throw them off track, such as renting a room in an inn for an extra day. I sneaked out as well as I could, got to the boss room and started fighting, but I was eventyally interrupted. When the boss's HP hit the red region, I heard someone's voice coming from behind me, "get out of there right now! You can't try to solo everything!"
I ignored the comment and kept fighting, hacking left and right, until both my and the boss's HP were nearly depleted.
Without a warning, something struck my right flank. While I couldn't tell who it was, I knew it was most definitely not the boss. When I looked up, I found Asuna, the girl who I'd removed from my friends list a while ago. I was about to insult her, but I didn't exactly have the time; the boss slashed at me with all its might. I tried dodging, but its sword grazed me, leaving me with 28/13,100 HP.
"Haa... Haa..." The fatigue started catching up to me. While it's impossible to feel fatigue from running and doing physical activities, the quantity of sleep I didn't get put me in a similar condition. I knew the sole reason I was still holding on to my sword was the determination to finish what I'd started.
I looked up at the demon-like boss. Its red eyes were waiting for me, waiting for the last strike. Its HP was 4 attacks away from depletion, so I had to keep pushing. I came this far, so I can't give up now! I lowered my upper body, bent my knees and increased the grip on my sword. Sonic Leap would take me to him, and a quick 3-hit skill could take him out.
Before I could move, someone's voice echoed through the boss room, "get back you idiot! Don't you understand? If you die here, there are people outside of the game who will suffer because of it!"
I couldn't even reply; without waiting for me to understand what was going on, she finished off the boss.
"...!" I grit my teeth, making an audible noise. I knew what was going to happen, but I simply let it... truly, I am an idiot.
Thinking back on it, I should've felt something when Asuna mentioned my family, but nothing came to me.
...That's the proof my mission is more important than they are; I have to, no matter what, find the answers I'm seeking.
The information dealer I was speaking with dragged me back into reality, "will you try to go for the revival item? It's suicidal to do it solo, you know."
Hearing her say that, I shake the memories out of my head and focus on the task at hand: the revival item. Ever since its announcement four weeks ago, I did everything in my power to get my hands on information. I don't know its exact functions, but the name 'revival item' sounds promising.
After gathering as much information as I could, I'm here today, ready to get my hands on it.
Without too much regard for the broker, I say, "I will try and take it."
"No one knows EXACTLY where it will be spawning; do you have any info?" She looks over at me suspiciously.
I have a very good idea of where it could be, but it would be stupid to say so. One thing's for sure; this plaza is the last place I want to talk about it. The Holy Dragon Alliance is most definitely here, and saying anything suspicious will attract everyone's attention.
"I'll be looking around like everyone," I say nonchalantly. I need to act as natural as possible, otherwise my efforts up until now will be meaningless.
I toss a col bag at the broker, concluding my business with her, and walk away. It's 23:30; almost time to meet Nicholas the Renegade. After thinking it over for a while, I figured out the location the boss will spawn. Considering the mob's name and the day this event is taking place, it must be closely linked to Christmas. If that's correct, he could only spawn at the very ends of Snowy Fields, under the tallest pine tree of the forest.
After going through five areas, I finally reach the last zone boundary. Before I'm capable of crossing it, a number of lights start shining behind me.
More people - too many to count.
FUCK! I think to myself. If I have to fight with them, there is no way I'll get the item!
Trying not to make a sound, I hide behind a tree before their avatars are fully teleported. While I'd never kill someone, I can't guarantee the same thing for anyone else.
"..." I remain silent, even regulating my breath. After the Holy Dragon Alliance, a second group of people has come through the zone boundary, and they don't look like buddies. The moment they see each other, they start fighting.
... I can't spare a single second right now. Taking advantage of the confusion, I rush towards the last boundary and cross it. Considering the number disparity between the two groups, I don't have much time to get the item, so I need to hurry!
When I reach the tallest tree, something drops from the sky. I catch a glimpse of it, but it's nothing but a hazy image. When it falls to the ground, a loud thud echoes in the forest, causing the snow accumulated on the floor to lift up.
…If this game's sick jokes weren't enough, the mob is a disfigured copy of Santa Claus.
"Well, it doesn't really matter how you look like if you're going to turn into polygons in a couple of minutes." I unsheathe my sword, lower my stance and propel my body towards him.
"..." At the end of the fight, I feel disappointed. My HP is 3,000/13,875, and I didn't hit orange health until a short while ago. Setting my expectations aside, I quickly open my inventory, take out the item I just obtained and read its information.
~ Divine Stone of the Returning Soul ~
The item can be activated on the player's shortcut menu or by holding the materialized item and uttering «Revive ... [Player's Name]». The effect will only work during the time frame between the death of the player and the disappearance of item's effect light…
.
.
.
which is approximately ten seconds.
I feel a surge of anger, followed by a feeling of bloodthirst. Using all my remaining strength, I slam my fist on the ground. Holding the item with my other hand, I start shouting, "revive, Sachi! Revive, Sachi!"
I keep shouting until my lungs feel like they're made from sandpaper.
"Revive, Sachi…" I say in a voice barely audible to me.
A cold, dark sensation wraps itself around me, not letting me go. It feels so cold, my HP could deplete on its own, but it's not really there; it's just an illusion created by the unbearable loneliness I'm hit by once again.
I'd believed, hopelessly, that I could save Sachi. Even if I knew it was against all odds, even if I knew it was impossible, I kept trying to convince myself otherwise.
…But she couldn't be. I collapse on the snow, tears rolling down my eyes. I know anyone who'd seen me in the course of the last few months would feel shocked by this image, but I don't care in the least. I want to, once again, mourn Sachi's death. The images of that day always remained inside me, so they came right back to me the moment I asked them to.
My sword lay on the ground where I left it, under the pine tree, but it wasn't a happy Christmas.
There would be no more happy Christmases, and knowing that fact was most definitely true, I fainted from exhaustion.
That's when I see her – Sachi.
It takes me no more than a second to realize it's a dream, but seeing her face again takes my ability to speak away from me.
She is sitting, crouched in a corner, under a bridge. Something about this scene feels oddly familiar, and I quickly realize why; she had once run away, and I'd found her under that same bridge, looking down.
Her blue hair is swaying with the passage of the wind, and the moonlight reflected in the water makes her frail figure flicker. After looking at her for a while, she notices me.
"Kirito." She calls my name. I know she isn't looking at me, that she is nothing but a projection of my subconsciousness, but I can't bring myself to believe so. The scene before me looks real to such an extent, it feels like I just woke up from a nightmare where she had died.
Her deep blue eyes look straight into mine. I feel my facade start falling apart, but I try smiling, for however ugly it may look. Sachi does the same thing in return, tearing my heart in two.
At that moment, two sentences overlap;
"I am… afraid to die."
"Thank you. Goodbye."
The scene fades to black, abandoning anything and everything. Sachi disappears in an explosion of polygons before I can say anything to her.
I wake up and rise to my feet immediately, my breath erratic.
"Ah..." When I register the fact it truly was a dream, I feel the cold, dark sensation take me over once again.
So the revival item really doesn't work after all, I think to myself.
It was a dream, but the pain it left behind is so real, it's almost palpable.
Eventually, I stand up and pick the revival item from the ground. While on my way back 'home', I randomly give it to the first person I see. After all, what good is it? I don't need it; I never will. The only one thing that could save Sachi came eight months too late.
When I return to the inn I'd been staying in, I remove my equipment and place it in my inventory upon entering the room. My bones still feel cold from the snow that had settled over me, and I need to get some rest.
When I open the menu, I notice I got a gift box. Before my brows can furrow, I tap the icon to display the name…
I jump up from surprise.
"from: Sachi"
I immediately tap the notification, confused. I can't understand anything - she sent it to me, but how?
The object generated is a sound recorder, normally used to deliver voice messages. It's rare to see one, since it's a consumable, and would expire after listening to the message once.
Scared yet curious, I tap the button and I hear Sachi's voice.
"Merry Christmas, Kirito.
By the time you hear this, I'll probably be dead.
How should I put it… You know, the truth is, I never wanted to leave Starting Town. But if I fought with thoughts like that, I knew I'd definitely die one day.
That in itself is nobody's fault, but mine alone.
Ever since that night, you continued to reassure me that I would definitely survive. So if I died, I'm sure you would try to place the all the blame on yourself.
That's why I decided to leave this recording behind."
For the first time in eight months, the cracks in my facade become extremely evident. I bite down on my lips as hard as I can, holding back the tears that had welled in my eyes.
The recorder floats in the air. Her voice almost makes it seem like she were here…
"And also, I actually know what level you are. I caught a glimpse of it before. Even though I thought long and hard about why you hid you level and joined us, I never did figure out.
But you know, when I learned how strong you were, I was glad. I was relieved.
So... even if I die, work hard to survive okay?
Live to see the end of this world, find the meaning the behind its creation, the meaning behind the presence of a weak girl like me, and the meaning behind our meeting.
That's my last wish.
.
There's still some time left. Since it's Christmas, how about I sing a song?"
Sachi began to hum a tune resembling 'Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer'.
My vision, by now, is completely hazy. My heart feels like stone; breathing has become harder, sending a painful sensation through my body. I listen, heartbroken, as Sachi hums a Christmas Song.
"Bye, Kirito"
"No, no please don't go!" I shout, reaching towards the prism, thinking I could reach her.
"Meeting you… and being together with you… I don't regret it at all."
The message is about to end. I shake the prism, praying there to be more. Realizing the message has ended, I feel something slide down my cheeks.
I am lonely. I am sad. I am tired. I long stopped caring for my life... but there is something that triumphs above all that. "I love you, Sachi. I will never forget you."
And as if to answer my confession, Sachi replies, "thank you. Goodbye."
The prism stops floating and falls the desk, producing a noise that I never wanted to hear.
Wanting to think Sachi was there a little while longer, I closed my eyes and let my mind guide me.