I feel a tug at my hand and look down; Jack's hopping along beside me, his hand pulling at mine. Every time he lands, he squishes his toes into the sad, giggling at the feel of it. I smile down at my son—the joy he gets out of such a small thing is almost overwhelming.
"Having fun, buddy?" I ask, squeezing his hand a little.
"Yeah," he answers, gripping my hand again as he makes another hop, laughing as he lands on his knees this time, and I laugh along with him—he's a goofy little kid, and it makes me love him even more.
I look over at Monica, who's making faces at William as he's balanced on her hip. He beats his hand against her chest as he babbles, actual words falling out of his mouth at regular intervals.
I can't believe our baby is almost a year old. Even worse, I can't believe he can walk and talk. Maybe he's not the best at either yet, but he's coming along a lot faster than the twins did. It's both sweet and heartbreaking watching him try to keep up with his big brother and sister—he tries so hard to be like them. The twins are pretty good with him, too, playing with him in their way. They're two, so it doesn't always work—sometimes they can be downright mean, and we've had to soothe tears and regulate fights and order timeouts quite a bit the last few months, but on the whole, they seem to love each other. Nothing's cuter than watching Erica try to pull the baby on her lap, singing him little songs to get him to go to sleep, or when Jack walks over to him out of the blue and kisses him. I don't have any experience with siblings of my own so I don't know entirely what we're in for, but judging by Monica and Ross, we could be in for a rough bunch of years.
So I'll take those adorable moments where I can get them.
Monica pauses and looks down at Erica, who's squatting in the sand, one arm extended as she holds onto her mother's hand. A moment later she stands, holding out her other hand. "What dis?"
"That's a sea shell, baby."
"Ohhh." I love when they do that; I'm not sure where they picked it up, but it's super cute.
"Can you say 'sea shell'?"
"No."
I snort as Monica looks at me, biting her lip as she tries not to laugh. "Can you try?"
Erica pauses, thinking it over, the shell still in her tiny hand. "Sea tell?"
"Very close. Shell," Monica tells her. I look over at our daughter to see what she'll do. She just crinkles her forehead, looking at us like we're nuts. "Shhhhhh," Monica says, sounding it out. "Shhhhh."
Erica scrunches up her nose, looking frustrated. "Sssssssss."
Monica drops down to her knees in the sand. "It's a big word, Eri. We'll work on it. Can you find another sea shell for Mommy?"
Erica drops to her knees in front of Monica and I have to pause for a moment, mesmerized. I know they don't share a drop of DNA, but they look so alike in this moment that it takes my breath away; the same mannerisms, the same head tilt…it makes me think once again how these two were meant to be our kids.
William tilts forward with Monica, his hand reaching out to his sister's as he tries to grab the shell. Erica, amazingly, moves her hand away gently. "No, Lee-um."
"Ah doe!" William squawks, offended. "Mama!"
It's still startling that he can use words as they're supposed to be used but, again, a big brother and sister go a long way to helping him learn these sorts of things.
Monica just kisses the side of his head, taking his tiny hand in hers. "Eri's right—you'll just put it in your mouth."
"Ehhhhh ehhhh ehhhhhh," he whines, bouncing against his mother.
"No whining, please. Use your words."
"He only has, like, three words, Mon," I remind her.
"I know; he'd have to be creative."
Erica stands, holding her hand out triumphantly. "Here, Mama!"
Monica smiles at her, taking the shell and putting it in her pocket. "Thank you, sweetheart." Erica puckers her lips, and Monica wraps her arm around our daughter's shoulders as she gives her a kiss. She stands up, taking Erica's hand in hers again.
Jack squats down for a moment, holding his hand out to me. "Sea tell?"
"No, dude—that's a rock. It's nice, though." Jack raises his arm over his head. "Don't do it." He looks at me with wide eyes, his arm arching back a little further, and I do my best to stay calm with him—it's not easy when your kids are bastards on purpose, though. I know he's just trying to learn boundaries. "Jack, we don't throw rocks." He stares at me, and I can tell he's still considering it, weighing the consequences. "If you throw that, you're in big trouble." He still young enough to believe in empty threats—aside from taking away his toys or putting him in corner, I'm mostly at a loss at how to punish a kid. I can't bring myself to spank them; fortunately, Monica has a look of death that usually sets them straight. For right now, timeouts are effective because they know it means they can't have fun, but it still kills me when I hear them crying in a corner.
Finally he lowers his hand, holding the rock out for me. "Daddy?"
I take it from him and put it in my pocket—Monica and I already have a large assortment of "gifts" the twins have given us over the last few months, and even though some of it is literal trash, it's hard not to want to keep it because it's a gift from our kids.
"Thanks, buddy." He smiles up at me and puts his hand in mine again, resuming his hopping.
I put my arm around Monica's shoulders as we continue our walk down the beach. I kiss the top of William's little bald head and she tilts her face up to mine; I kiss her for a few moments, both of us stumbling after a few steps—this woman can still easily drive me to distraction.
"We should probably head back soon," Monica says with a sigh, shifting the baby against her hip. "It's probably almost seven and they still need baths."
I nod in agreement, though neither of us stops walking. It's been a really great mini vacation—five days at the beach and the weather's been fantastic. The kids have had a blast playing in the sand and getting splashed by the waves, though this made us realize we'll probably need to teach them how to swim soon. The fireworks last night were awesome, even though they scared the crap out of Jack and Erica—William didn't seem bothered. He was more fascinated by all the colors. I hate that we're leaving tomorrow, but it's possibly the only day that's somewhere between the holiday traffic and the weekend traffic, and this way we'll get to spend a few days at home before heading back to work.
"Remember the first time we saw the fireworks out here?" I whisper into her ear, and she grins, ducking her head as my breath tickles her.
"Nothing like watching naked from the front porch."
"We'd only been together for about a month then—can you believe it?"
"It feels like we've been together forever." She looks up at me again, smiling. "And I mean that in the best way possible."
Sometimes it does feel like we've been together forever; sometimes it feels like it just happened yesterday.
"I know," I tell her. "It's like, how were we ever at a point where we'd only been together for a month?"
"I'm really more curious as to how we ever managed to hide it for that long. The thought of us being a couple must have really never crossed anyone's mind."
"I guess it did look like it came out of nowhere."
She just shrugs. "Maybe to the untrained eye, but I think there were signs for a very long time."
It makes me inexplicably, undeniably happy that she also thinks that the two of us were inevitable. "Maybe they were just too used to the signs to notice."
We come to a stop in front of the water, and she cuddles into my side, sighing again.
"You okay?" I ask her; she just nods, pressing her lips against the side of William's head. I can tell by the wistful look in her eyes that something's up. "What is it?"
She cuts her eyes to me for a moment and shrugs. "Rachel."
Yeah—I should have known. It's not that either of us are desperate for another child right now—it's more that it's hard to watch someone so close to us have no trouble conceiving. It wasn't bad the first time; Monica and I had just gotten married and hadn't had a serious discussion about when to start trying to have kids yet. But now, after all we've been through, it can be tough at times to see it happen so easily for someone else. Mostly, we're very happy for Ross and Rachel, but I know we both harbor just a touch of quiet bitterness about the whole situation. Not that either of us would trade Jack and Erica for biological children—not even if we discovered there was some way to fix it and could go back in time and change our biology would we ever give these two up.
Some days are just harder than others, and having spent so much time the last few days in close quarters with Ross and Rachel has been tough at times.
It's certainly not that they're gloating about the pregnancy, though they both very happy about it, and we don't begrudge them that all—the hard part is just knowing that, for them, it's not hard at all.
Sometimes that just really sucks.
I kiss the side of her head and she leans a little more into me. "I love you," I remind her, and she nods.
"I know. I love you, too." She gives herself a little shake, and I understand—I don't think that either of us wants to end our time away on a sad note like that. "This sunset is gorgeous. I can't believe you don't have your camera with you."
"I figured that walking the kids this close to the ocean would require a lot more attention on my part. Besides, your dad wanted to play with it a little. Anything to get in good with the in-laws, you know?"
Jack tugs at my hand, trying to pull me forward. "Water, Daddy!"
I give a quick look to Monica to make sure she's okay with it, and she gives me an enthusiastic nod. "We can play in the water for a little while. You want to, Eri?" I ask, holding out my hand.
"Yeah!" she exclaims, running over to grab onto my fingers. I lead them into the water up to their ankles and they start squealing in delight as the water splashes at their legs and running over their feet, squirming as pieces of seaweed tickle their toes.
I give Jack's arm a little tug, lifting him a couple of inches out of the water, making him splash back down; I do the same to Erica a second later, and they both shriek with delight.
"Again!" Jack yells, his entire face lighting up with joy, and I pick him up again; he stomps his feet as he lands, splashing water all over me.
"More, Daddy!" Erica tells me over her giggles; like I could deny these kids anything.
I pick them up, back and forth, and each time they laugh hysterically. Everything is so exciting to them, and the whole world is full of wonder.
I can hear William screeching behind me, probably wanting in on the action, and then Monica's next to me, holding our son under his arms and dipping his toes in the water. He laughs and kicks, his entire body wiggling, and Monica lowers him a little deeper into the water, up to his knees, and he shimmies even harder. She dunks him like that a few times, reminding me of a teabag, laughing at his laughter.
Carefully, I let go of the twins' hands, completely in overprotective father mode, on high alert to any strong currents or large waves that might try to get them. They immediately drop to their knees in the water, trying to grab handfuls, giggling wildly when they manage to make water squirt out of their fists.
I kneel down beside them and gently flick water at them. Erica looks surprised for a second before she crouches down, hands back. A second later she flings her arms forward, splashing me quite nicely for someone so small. Jack takes his cue from his sister, splashing as much water at me as he can.
It's a good thing they're still tiny—otherwise I'd be completely soaked. They're doing a pretty decent job as is, though.
I feel a splash from behind and look over my shoulder; William's kicking his feet so hard he's creating mini tidal waves, drenching my back. He grins at me, the teeth he's managed to sprout so far shining in the evening sun. "Is everyone ganging up on Daddy? What's with that?"
Jack and Erica's words are lost in their giggles, their splashes waning as they laugh.
I gently grab their shoulders, pulling them in conspiratorially. "Mommy looks awfully dry, doesn't she?" I ask them, making sure my voice is just loud enough for Monica to hear.
"Uh-uh," she says, but the twins already have that look in their eyes; they immediately start splashing their mother. William jumps, startled when the water hits his face. He blinks a few times, trying to figure out what just happened before he starts laughing again.
"Get her some more," I tell them, and they go after her with gusto. She laughs good-naturedly until she sees my hand back, all set to soak her.
"No!" she shrieks, laughing as she dashes away. The twins run after her, water splashing under their tiny feet, their laughter echoing across the beach. I stand up and dart after her; she may be freakishly strong, but we've discovered that I'm faster.
She looks over her shoulder and sees me on her heels, yelling out again as she changes directions suddenly.
"Mama!" Jack yells, trying his best to keep up, his boundless energy keeping him going. Erica's trying to splash water as she runs.
"I have your baby in my arms," she reminds me, sounding breathless as tries to laugh and run at the same time.
"I know," I answer as I catch up with her, grabbing her around her waist, picking her up into my arms. "What should we do with Mommy, guys? Should we dump her?"
"Dump! Dump!" they start cheering, and I look at my wife, her eyes large as she holds William to her chest, his breathing heavy from laughter.
"Don't do it," she begs, knowing she can't wiggle away from me when she's holding the baby.
"Sorry. The Royal Couple has spoken." She shrieks with laughter as I jostle her—since we're only in shin-deep water, though, I can't exactly drop her. Instead, I fall to my knees and drop her into the water. She manages to lift up William so he doesn't get too wet, but she gets it pretty good.
She laughs as water splashes at her face, blinking at me as she rubs her eyes with the side of her arm. "I can't believe you just did that."
"It's what Jack and Erica wanted," I tell her, and she just rolls her eyes. She might make me pay for this later, but it's worth it to see her this happy.
"You're in charge of getting the sand out of the places it doesn't belong," she warns me as we hear the twins come splashing at us, both of them calling out to us through their giggles.
I stroke the side of her face and lean down to kiss her, wrapping an arm around her to keep her from getting too smooshed into the sand. The moment doesn't last long—Jack and Erica are suddenly splashing us with water, overjoyed when we break out into laughter.
"I'm gonna get you," I say, climbing to my feet. Erica squeals and runs away—Monica wraps an arm around Jack, tickling him in the water next to her.
"Daddy no!"
"I'm gonna get you!" I chase after her, letting her get ahead of me as her little feet scamper through the sand.
She miscalculates when she turns, running into me. She shrieks as I catch her, tossing her up into the air before pulling her into a hug.
"I caught you," I tell her, and she pulls back for a moment, smiling at me. Her hand comes out to pat my face and she flops her head against my shoulder, her little arms and legs tightening around me as best they can. I hug her back as tightly as I dare, kissing the back of her head—she smells like summer and sunscreen, and is so unbearably sweet that I don't know how I'm still standing.
My little girl is perfect.
All of my kids are perfect.
"Daddy caught you," I whisper as we walk back over to the rest of our little family, still rolling around in the surf. William's splashing water, and it looks like he's actually aiming for his brother. Jack's now soaked, but the smile on his face makes what will be a squishy, uncomfortable walk back down the beach worth it.
"I love you, little butt," I tell Erica, and she giggles.
"Love you," she answers, and I feel my eyes water. I don't know what that means—I don't know if she's just copying me, or if she knows she's answering me, or if she actually understands what it all means, but I don't care.
Hearing her little voice tell me that is the best part of this whole vacation.
I kiss the back of her head again as we reach Monica, and I grin—I can't wait to tell her this one.
*A/N…Oh, my God, you guys. I have no idea if you'll like this story as much as I loved writing it, but…I seriously loved writing it. I truly wish you could see this picture in my head because it's so sweet.
Here's the odd thing I've noticed lately-the chapters I absolutely love don't get a lot in the way of responses, and the ones I'm only "meh" about seem to draw a huge response. I have no idea if you guys will love this as much as I do, but...this one just makes me smile.