Chapter Twenty-Seven:
Patrick was in heaven. He was lying on the couch, holding Robin, watching her sleep. It had been a moment he dreamt about for so long and even though it wasn't real in the true sense, it was closer than she had let him get before.
He hated how hurt she was and how he was the cause of so much of that pain. He heard her tell him of the torture over and over in his mind and he was just sick about it. He was also kicking himself over adding to that hurt and doing so much damage that she simply wouldn't lean on him.
How could he blame her?
He had been trying to figure out what his issues were and why he didn't look for her after the skype call. What she said about knowing he would come find her just killed him.
She was right. The Patrick who married her would have looked. The Patrick who held her each night and loved her so deeply would have looked. No matter what, he would have come for her.
So what the hell happened to him?
He looked at the ceiling as he lay there and went over the conversation they had earlier. He brought up Stone and he didn't know why he did that. He was just trying to get her to see things from his perspective. If he was there and Stone came back, he knew Robin wouldn't have just walked away from him and he couldn't just walk away from Sabrina.
He also knew that was a lie. He knew from the moment Robin stepped foot in the chapel, there was no choice. There has never been another woman who held his heart like she had. What bothered him was what he did next.
How could he make her wait?
Why was he more concerned to hurt Sabrina than Robin? Did he think she was strong enough to handle it and would just go along with his indecision? How could he be so dumb? Not how, but why?
He wondered if it was because he was in some sort of shock. He also wondered what happened to the take charge man he always was. He loved Robin. He loved her more than anything, and he hurt her more than was ever okay.
Again, he wondered why.
"No, please don't," Robin began to cry in her sleep.
"Robin? Wake up, it's okay," he said as she whimpered.
She sat up suddenly and almost fell off the couch, but he held her.
"No! Get your hands off of me," she cried and he held her face in his hands, staring at her.
"Robin, look at me. You're safe and your home," he said softly as she finally registered where she was.
"Oh God," she said as she put her face in her hands and leaned into him. She sobbed and he wrapped his arms around her as she cried.
"It's okay," he murmured as he lay back with her. She cuddled against him and he knew she was still half asleep, but he didn't want to let her go.
"I'm sorry," she said after a minute and sat back. "I don't know what happened."
He felt an immediate emptiness when she moved away from him and he hated it.
"Can you tell me about it?"
She wiped her eyes and sighed.
"About what?"
"Your dream. I think if you talk about it, it might help."
She smiled a little and looked at him.
"Are you a psychiatrist now?"
He chuckled and shrugged.
"I saw one while I was recovering from my drug addiction. I was against it at first, but it helped."
"I'm glad it helped you and I'm glad you're better, but this isn't something I need to talk about. I just need to learn to live with what happened. It's like when I was diagnosed with HIV. No talking about it changed anything. I needed to figure out a way to live my life with this monster and now I will do that again. What I went through is a part of me and I need to give it the proper attention and then move forward. I can't lose any more time with Emma. I need to be present in her life for as long as I have."
He felt his heart lurch.
"What do you mean? What are you saying?"
She shook her head and rubbed her eyes.
"Nothing. I just have a lot to handle and I need you to let me handle it. We aren't together anymore, Patrick. What you're doing is cruel."
"It's not cruel. You're just so damn stubborn. You refuse to let yourself need me."
She glared at him and her tears were at the surface.
"I have needed you for years and you let me down," she said angrily. "I am trying not to be rude, but you need to stop acting like this is the first time we met and you can simply charm your way into my life. You aren't the one to help me this time. I just need to feel safe and be calm and just try to sleep."
Her words went right through to his heart and he knew she was right. He knew it, but in his heart, he couldn't give up. He had to show her he wouldn't run. He wouldn't let her down again.
"If you need to feel safe tonight, why don't you just let me hold you? It doesn't have to be more than that. Why can't you just let me hold you?"
She wiped her eyes and was pleased to see her shoulder was feeling much better.
"Because touching you makes me want more. Being close to you makes me sad. Feeling your arms around me just reminds me of all I lost. It's too much."
"Only because you're making it this way. I'm here. I want to hold you and be close to you. I want to be with you. You are the one holding back."
She sat back and looked at him.
"You slept with Sam. Your arms held her and I can't get over that. I'm sorry."
He sat on the opposite side of the couch and nodded.
"Goodnight Patrick."
She turned away from him and lay on the couch, closing her eyes.
XXXXX
Jason didn't like it one bit. He had been up all night looking through footage from the hospital and he knew there was something he was missing.
Someone was after Robin and he had to figure it out. The elevator was no accident and it was a simple faulty wire that kept the car from dropping and killing both Patrick and Robin. He hadn't told her that yet.
He also knew there was more that Robin knew and that was why Helena needed her to be silenced. The problem was that Robin probably didn't realize what she knew.
"Jason? What are you doing up? Are you coming to bed?" Sam came downstairs and asked him.
"I have work to do," he said. "You should sleep."
Sam ran her hand through her long hair and sighed.
"Maybe I can help?"
He looked at her and all he saw was betrayal. Jason struggled with that. He knew she didn't know he was alive, but he also knew she never questioned where Robin was. He had a hard time reconciling that.
"I'm good."
She put her hands on his shoulders and massaged them and he tensed up a little, causing her to sigh.
"We need to talk about this," she said.
"I need to work," he said as he looked at the monitor.
"Is this about Robin again?"
He sighed and turned to look at her.
"I told you to go to bed. I have to figure this out before someone comes after her again."
"Jason, let me help you. It's the middle of the night and I'm sure Patrick is helping Robin and you need to sleep. I miss you," she said softly. "We've been apart for so long. We haven't made love since you've been back."
He closed the laptop and turned to her.
"I can go to the office if you'd like."
"No. I'd like my husband to be my husband. I want you to talk to me and tell me what you're feeling. I want to figure out where we go from here."
"I don't know what you want from me. I need to help Robin and nobody is going to stop me from that. I can't help it if you don't understand."
"Why can't Patrick help her? Why do you have to be involved?"
He stared at her and she felt the coldness behind his eyes.
"She doesn't want Patrick's help. He made himself very clear where she stood in his life and people need to start respecting that. She deserves to be safe and to live her life in a way that is free. She has been tortured far longer than I have and the threat to her is still out there."
Sam crossed her arms and looked into his striking blue eyes.
"Are you in love with her?"
"Isn't that a little hypocritical?"
She sat and leaned her elbows on her knees.
"I thought you were dead."
"But you knew Robin was alive and you knew she tried to help me and never came home. You cozied up to Patrick and never gave a thought to how it all went down. You didn't even try to see if there was a body for burial."
"I thought I needed to move on. Patrick needed help with the death of his son and I needed something to focus on so I could stop thinking about you every moment of the day. I didn't plan on being with him. I didn't plan on any of this," she said softly.
"And yet here we are," he sighed. "I just need time. I need to help Robin and I need time."
She nodded and stood up, heading back to bed, realizing he never answered her question.
Was he still in love with Robin?