My laptop's been fucking up. It's nearly four years old now, and I wasn't allowed the time to get another before getting my ass deployed here to Okinawa. So now I have to deal with this fucking piece 'a crap until I manage to cop a ride over to the mainland or back to America...whichever comes first. Like, seriously, can't you fucking open a single goddamn document from my email without making me wait my ass off for like five minutes staring at the damn screen. For fuck's sake, seriously.

I promise you, one 'a these days, I'm gonna smash the shit outta my computer. Just you wait.

But not yet...I still need to finish the third season of Shakugan no Shana.

I saw Error going around with a cat in her arms. I don't know where the bloody hell she managed to pick up a cat, 'cause she for sure didn't come here with one, and for sure I didn't hear or see any on base, but somehow she managed to pop one outta nowhere. She calls him (or her? I'm not sure) Batsubyou.

What's really strange is that sometimes, I see her holding Batsubyou up by its front legs.

What's even stranger's that Batsubyou doesn't seem to give a damn.

The world I know is all just a giant fucking lie when I'm seeing a girl walk around holding a cat who could care less up by its front legs.

Drills went on as usual today. When it came around to the afternoon, where my drills are scheduled, Ooyodo took me aside and pleaded with me to go easy on them. I told her the same exact shit as I did yesterday: I wouldn't let up on them. And that's exactly what I did. But now this time, since the girls already knew what to expect, they were completely dreading it. I could see it in their eyes when I first marched in front of them for the start of their drilling. If I were any better of a human being, I would've most certainly gone easier on them. But officers unfortunately can't afford to be good human beings. They never can, if their job description includes training men to become efficient and professional killers and sending those exact same men to their own deaths.

Just like yesterday, Inazuma and Sazanami were the first to break, even faster than yesterday, too, 'cause my harsh style of drilling already traumatized them. Fubuki joined them today this time, leaving only Samidare and Murakumo able to carry out the rest of the drills. This time, however, I called Ooyodo and Akashi over to carry the ones who couldn't take it over to the infirmary. As we watched them get carried off, I asked - well, demanded is a more appropriate word here - Samidare and Murakumo if they intended on joining them and failing the drill. They didn't say anything, so I took it as a no and continued. But since you can't really have a good drill with only two soldiers, I had to cut the drills short for today. Had Fubuki not crumbled like Inazuma and Sazanami had, we would've kept the drilling time the same, but that wasn't the case. I told Samidare and Murakumo that the drilling time that wasn't covered today would be added on for tomorrow - and at that moment, Samidare burst into tears and fell to her knees, wailing like a kid would for her mom.

Murakumo just gave me this look of pure and utter hate before helping Samidare up and leading her away.

I spent lots'a time out on the harbor and the pier, wondering if the way I was drillin' 'em was really the best way. Clearly it wasn't something they could handle. But I didn't know how else to drill them. I understand that they're not adults. They're not meant to drill the same way as adults do since their mentalities are the equivalent of those of middle-schoolers and high-schoolers. For all intents and purposes, they're still teenage girls.

Then what the fuck am I supposed to do?

Am I supposed to go easy on them? Then I wouldn't be doing my motherfucking job. The superiors in charge of the Moebius Four Armament expect them to be drilled just as well as any conventional soldier or sailor. When military officials come to visit Okinawa, they're gonna be expecting a full platoon review. I'm gonna get my ass roasted if they think that the girls aren't drilled or trained well enough. I've always prided myself upon being able to do my job, whatever it needed me to do, the very best I can. I've never before had to worry about failing it. But as it stands, if the soldiers I drill can't even handle it in the first place, how'll they even learn to drill? And it's not even their fault.

It's obvious that I'm the one who needs to change something in order to figure out the proper way to drill them. But being a Navy Commander who's drilled men and women to rank-and-file discipline, I'm at a loss for what exactly to change in my regimen.

I ended up wandering around the docks until the sun went down. I basically watched the sun set from late afternoon to dusk. Sometimes, I find myself getting all lost in the flow of time. It's weird how it happens - all it takes is one thought to preoccupy my mind entirely, and all of a sudden, before I know it, I've just let a handful of hours go straight past me.

So this's where things get interesting. When I came back, it's around dinnertime, so I went to the mess hall to see if I could grab something to eat, and I find all the girls gathered there at one of the long tables that seats like thirty people or so. I found them talking already, so I sneaked in, all sneaky-beaky-like as the British would say, to eavesdrop.

Inazuma was crying about how she couldn't handle my drills - which probably means they were complaining about me. Sazanami asked Ooyodo if the latter could do something to convince me to stop giving them these drills, but Ooyodo said that she had already tried asking me to go easier on them, but that I wouldn't.

Then, Murakumo said this...

"What the hell! Just because he's American, he thinks he can just boss us around like that, drilling us like some hellmaster! Seriously, what the hell! Why doesn't he just go back home so that we can get another commander who isn't as big of a fucking douchebag like he is? Fuck this!"

That got everyone quiet for a second. Samidare started to say something about how it didn't have anything to do with me being American, bless her goddamn soul, but Murakumo quickly shut her out, saying that things would've been so much different if they'd just gotten a Japanese Admiral instead. At least if they'd gotten a Japanese officer, they'd be able to understand and go easier on them.

It was then that I realized that there's this big perception difference between their expectations and my own way of doing things. I do shit in a way that's indiscriminate and applicable to everyone, like my drills. This goes directly opposite of what they're used to, which is circumstantial stuff. Basing things off circumstances, the kinds of people who're dealt with in the situation at hand. I'd look this shit up later online, and I found out that Americans are a lot more unbiased and will prioritize law and order, logic, and emphasize "the way things should be done" over personal ties and stuff, whereas other cultures tend to base stuff like personal connections and friendships above their perception of the law, something like that, I'm not gonna bother going into detail about it.

I guess I can understand where they're coming from now.

Akashi tried defending me, saying that it was my job, that it was my duty. See, she knew. Akashi explained that I was under lots of expectations and pressures from my own side of the armament program, so I didn't have a choice but to drill them hard. Murakumo countered that I was just looking to get a promotion. The argument quickly devolved into a heated, ferocious argument of Murakumo versus somebody else every other minute, so since I was getting tired of that shit, I walked out and cleared my throat to get their attention.

When they realized that I had been listening in on 'em for a long time, they all freaked the fuck out. Even Murakumo's face went pale as soon as I cleared my throat. Inazuma immediately went cowerin' behind Ooyodo. Probably 'cause she's scared that I'm gonna be dishin' out punishments for slanderous talk against their own superior officer behind his back or something.

And you get thirty floggings, and you get thirty floggings, and EVERYONE gets thirty -

I'll stop.

Once I walked out, it was dead fuckin' quiet. I just took my sweet fuckin' time walking over to them at the table, not makin' a single word until I was right up with them. I asked them what they were talking about. No one dared to talk, so I repeated myself real nicely that I wanted an answer. From this point on, I remember the conversation vividly, though I might be paraphrasing some stuff, since English translations can turn out to be rather variable.

Murakumo spoke first. She said, "You seemed nice and all from the start, but then you - you turned into someone completely different! You're not our commander, you're just some mindless American officer who's hellbent on drilling us!"

Ooyodo stopped her short and said, "Murakumo, you are speaking to your superior officer! Race or persona does not matter, now you show him the respect that he deserves from you as his subordinate!"

Murakumo turned around and yelled back at Ooyodo, "Stay out of this, Ooyodo-san! I don't think he deserves to be my officer, so I won't show him any fucking respect! I don't know about the rest of you, but to me, he's no longer my officer!"

Ooyodo was about to say something back, but I stopped her. I went ahead and took off my Navy cap, my Commander insignia medal, and my coat, put the cap and medal into the coat and folded the coat up, and put it on the table. The girls were stunned that I would do something like that. Murakumo, too. She was lookin' at me all that time like, what the hell are you doing, that kinda look. I mean, I know that the Japanese sometimes speak nonverbally, so I thought it would mean something to them, and it did.

"Now, I'm no longer your officer," I told Murakumo and the girls. "Talk to me. What's the problem here?"

It took a while for the girls to digest the situation, but Murakumo's the one who speaks first again.

"Why do you drill us so hard?" Murakumo asked. "I mean, I know it's your job. I know we're supposed to be going through these drills. But don't you think you're doing something wrong if half of us are crying not even halfway into them? Why can't you understand that?"

I then asked, "So when you were talking about this before I showed myself, you mentioned something about me being American, that just because I'm American i think I can boss you girls around like this. Can you explain that for me, Murakumo? Can you explain to me how me being American has to do with anything?"

Murakumo tensed up real badly. My question put her on the fucking spot. It was obvious that Murakumo didn't want to repeat herself, because that would mean she would be admitting to racism, and seeing that nowadays, Japan and America are on good terms, she didn't want to make herself look bad. So she refused to answer me.

"You're not going to answer me, then?" I asked her. "If you don't want to answer, then don't answer, alright?"

So she didn't. Then I looked around at everyone and told them this.

I told them that the reason why I was drilling them, in their opinion, so toughly was because this was exactly how I drilled soldiers and sailors back home in America. Tough, strict to the point of overbearing and controlling, and unforgiving. Just because I was in a different base, a different environment, and a different country, it wouldn't mean I was going to drill people any differently, even if it meant that the soldiers I would train would end up being young girls who look like they should be in middle school or high school. While to the girls, this might seem like inconsideration and a lack of situational awareness, I told them that I was drilling them because I have faith in them that they, too, can become good soldiers that I've produced in the past. I wasn't going to insult them by giving them the disrespect of less strict drilling just because they're girls or just because they're younger. If they've been sent by their country to this base, and if my country's sent me to this base to drill them, then I'm going to do my goddamn job to the best of my ability.

I also told them that I didn't want to be here either. I explained to them a bit of my side of the story, how I was just at the wrong place at the wrong time, that the girls may as well have someone else, someone maybe worse than I am, as their commanding officer. I told them that despite this, despite my own personal feelings about not wanting to be here, being in a different nation, on an island cut off physically from most of civilization, most importantly away from home, I wasn't about to let that get in the way of my duty as their officer.

I told them that if they hated the way I drilled them, or even perhaps if they hated me directly for whatever reason that they might have, then that was fine. They can hate me all they want. I wasn't here to make friendships, make relationships, make memories or whatever. I'm here to command the Moebius Four Platoon. And I'm not doing it for money - I'm still getting paid my regular Navy salary, out of Uncle Sam's debt-ridden pockets. I'm not doing it to get laid, I already said I'm not interested in relationships. I'm not doing it for a promotion, I already got one by "volunteering" for the Moebius Armament. I'm here to do my duty, to serve my country. I wasn't trying to paint myself as this self-righteous, all-holy idealistic asshole, but I made it clear that I do believe in getting the job done. That's what a soldier or an officer does, in my opinion. Follow orders, get shit done. If there are problems along the way, either solve them or ignore them. Not always the best way to go about it, but if you're a soldier or an officer, you have more important problems to deal with.

I then turned back to Murakumo and told her, "If you no longer recognize me as your commanding officer, Murakumo, I give you permission to leave this base and sail back for your home port. You have the rest of tonight to formulate your decision. If you are still present in this base, then I will assume that you have once again recognized my position as your commanding officer."

After that, I picked up my stuff and turned to leave, but I remembered the whole American thing that Murakumo was complaining about and turned back at her again.

I told her, "By the way, I know that Americans do things differently than Japanese people do. I also realize that you all might have some animosity going on towards me, because you all were ships way back in World War Two, and America was your enemy, all that stuff. This is eighty years after that. Maybe I had an ancestor who might've fought in the war, but to me, I don't give a shit. I'm not your friend, Murakumo, but I'm not your enemy either. I think we can agree on that."

Drop the mic, get the fuck out. Boom.

I've been spending the rest of the night in my own room, catching up on some anime and sending email reports to headquarters in Tokyo in as best Japanese as I can muster. Goddamn it, now that I think about it, I forgot to order a backup SSD for my computer before coming here. Shipping is gonna be a bitch...

I haven't seen any of the girls since.

Now, I get to go to sleep knowing full well that I may have just alienated every single one of my subordinates in a span of ten minutes. Eh, that's fine. It's not like I haven't burned bridges before.

Not even bridges, more like I've broken open entire dikes. If worst comes to worst, this's nothing more than burning my tongue on some hot coffee.