Chapter Thirty:
Robin shook her head.
"I don't think it's a good idea. It isn't safe and it's just confusing for Emma. I will be safe at Sonny's and you don't need to be a part of this."
Patrick sighed.
"I am a part of this. I have always been a part of this and you won't let me be the husband I can be," he knew the words were wrong as soon as he said them. "You know what I mean."
She chuckled and rubbed her forehead.
"I don't think you proving yourself is worth the safety of our daughter."
"I would never compromise Emma's safety. I would never do anything that was against her best interest, Robin. What I am trying to tell you is that doing things your way hasn't worked. Leaving me out of everything hasn't helped. You are in more danger now than ever and I think I can help you. We are both intelligent people, Robin. Maybe it isn't about guns and violence, but about smarts?"
"It's not that simple. We aren't dealing with morons, Patrick. They are smart and savvy and ruthless."
He shrugged.
"Then I don't think it matters where you go, or where I am for that matter. If they want to get to us, they will. If you stay at Sonny's, do you think Emma and I will be safe? Why wouldn't they still come after us?"
She felt sick.
What if they did? What if there was nothing she could do to keep her daughter safe?
She didn't know what to do. There were so many conflicting issues she had to handle and she just didn't know what to do.
"I'll talk to Jason about it."
"Seriously? You need his permission to move back home?"
She stood up, furious.
"Home? It isn't my home anymore and it hasn't been since you have brought two other women there. And Jason is my friend. He has been there for me and he treats my concerns with respect and not anger. I don't need you to pee on me like you're claiming your territory or some shit like that. We are nothing to each other any more, Patrick. You need to let me deal with this the way I want to."
He was stung by her words and he knew he had crossed a line.
"Fine. I'll pick Emma up from school and we will be home. Maybe I'll see you there and maybe I won't. If not, please let me know when you will be seeing Emma, or if that is something you think is too dangerous," he spat out the words as his anger took over. "Maybe I should take Emma and leave? Go somewhere nobody can find us? What about that?"
She was quiet and he stopped when he saw she had zoned out.
"Robin? Hey, can you look at me?" he walked to her and she slowly sank down on the couch. He went to touch her and she jumped up and fell to the floor, cowering in the corner.
"I'm sorry," she said fearfully. "I'll do better."
His heart tore in two at her tiny voice and the way she almost crawled within herself.
"Hey, it's okay," he said and sat down next to her, ignoring the pretense that had existed between them.
She looked up at him and her tears spilled from behind her lids. He reached to stroke her cheek and she leaned against him, for the first time, hugging him with her good arm.
He was so surprised by her move that he almost let out an audible gasp. Recovering quickly, he wrapped her in his arms and held her head to his chest.
"Shh," he murmured softly, gently soothing her and allowing her to take from him what she needed.
He gathered her in his arms and carried her to the couch, putting her down and watching as she curled up in the corner of the couch.
"I'm so tired," she said as she lay back and closed her eyes.
He moved and gently lifted her legs onto the couch before he grabbed a blanket and covered her.
"You just rest. I'm here and I'll stay with you," he said as he sat down. He went to move his hand when she grabbed it and held it tightly.
He watched her struggle to sleep and he let his own tears fall down his cheeks.
This was enough. She was coming home with him and he wasn't taking no for an answer.
XXXXX
Robin opened her eyes and looked around. She remembered walking to the car with Patrick, but not much else. She sat up and saw she was on the couch in the family room of the house they shared.
"Oh, hey, you're up?" Patrick walked in with some juice and crackers.
"How long have I been asleep?" she rubbed her neck.
"Just a half hour. You were really out of it at the hospital and even though you walked out with me, I had to almost carry you into the house. I just put you down here and let you sleep."
She took the juice and her hand shook, both of them noticing.
"I'm sorry. You don't have to take care of me. I really think I should go to Sonny's place."
Patrick sat down next to her and sighed.
"There is something going on with you and it has nothing to do with any threat out there. I have been a complete jerk, Robin. I keep pushing you on everything because I feel some sort of entitlement and I realize now that I don't. I get that you're scared of whoever is out there and what they might do, but I also know that you deserve to feel safe and comforted and cared for. Whatever you were put through, I know you have only alluded to a fraction of it and I saw that earlier in my office."
She looked down and shame crossed her beautiful features. He tilted her chin back up to him.
"You don't ever have to look down with me. If anyone has anything to be ashamed about, it's me. You are the strongest and bravest woman I have ever known and I need for you to let me help you feel that again. You and me and Emma are connected and I really believe that together, we can help each other."
She looked at him and her chin quivered.
"I'm sorry. I just don't believe that you truly want that. I don't know how to change that and it's probably not fair, but I'm so confused. I don't know how to believe this. I don't think I could take it if you hurt me again. I know you believe our break up was all my fault and all my choice, but it wasn't. I would never have left you. I would never have chosen to walk away forever. I just don't know what to believe, Patrick," she put her face in her hands and cried.
The doorbell rang and they both jumped.
"Who is it?" she asked fearfully.
He walked to the door and smiled.
"It's your Uncle Mac. I asked him to stop by. Your mom is picking Emma up in an hour and will bring her home, too."
Robin was grateful and she nodded as Patrick opened the door. He and Mac exchanged a glance and he looked at them.
"I'll go set up the guest room," Patrick said and left them alone.
Mac sat down and smoothed Robin's hair back.
"Tell me how to help you," he said sweetly.
She moved to hug him and he held her while she cried. He kissed the top of her head and simply held her.
Patrick watched from the hallway and wiped his own eyes.
He had been focusing his anger on everyone else when he should have been the one looking in the mirror.
There was no doubt in his mind about what he wanted. He just needed to figure out a way to help Robin see the truth.
He had to earn her trust back and he had to be the man she deserved.
Maybe if they both were on the same page about everything, they could actually begin to repair the damage to their relationship.
He made up the guest room for him and hoped she would stay in the master bedroom. He would talk to her about it later.
Right now, he needed to let Mac help her.
XXXXX
"Why didn't you tell me how bad you've been feeling?" Mac asked Robin after she ate a few crackers. "And why aren't you coming to stay with me?"
She took a drink and sighed.
"It's complicated. Besides, Patrick's right. I owe it to Emma to try and let him in."
"You don't owe him Jack," Mac said. "He and Anna were 100% wrong here, Robin. I still don't understand how they didn't tell me everything."
"I'm sorry. I should have called you or tried to get word," she said. "Actually, I should have told you from the moment Victor came to my door. I did everything wrong, Uncle Mac. It's like I learned nothing growing up with you."
He smiled and shrugged.
"It's different when it's family. It's hard to gain perspective when your life is at stake and when those you love are threatened. I understand that. What I don't understand is how anyone who knows you would believe you would willingly stay away from Emma. I need to apologize for that, too."
Robin was surprised.
"What? Why?"
"Because I took you at your word when you told me you were going to Africa and I knew something was wrong. I let it go and I should have pushed you. I failed you and I'm sorry."
Robin smiled as she looked at him.
"No. Of everyone in my life, you have been the one who has always come through for me. You are such a blessing in my life, and I love you so much."
Mac hugged her and they spoke a while longer before he left.
Patrick walked out after Mac left and she looked at him.
"Anna just called. Emma needed some materials for a project at school so she is taking her to the store. They will be here later."
"Oh, good, I guess. I wonder what project she has now? They keep her pretty active for second grade."
Patrick sat down and laughed.
"It's kind of like my first year in med school, but harder."
She laughed and he realized in an instant how deeply he had missed that smile.
"What is it?" she asked as he had a strange look on his face.
"Nothing," he said softly. "I just missed talking to you about Emma. We had some epic arguments when she wanted to stay up late or watch a show that was entirely too old for her. I swear, she is a lawyer in training."
Robin loved hearing that, but it also made her so sad at all she missed.
"I know you wanted to be here," he said when he saw her sadness. "I just meant that she is a mini you. She argues until I give in and she gets her way more times than she should."
"Because you're a pushover," Robin smiled.
"Maybe, but she is so smart. She negotiates things that make it hard to argue. She is truly an amazing little girl."
Robin nodded.
"She is. I'm so excited to watch her grow up."
Patrick agreed.
"Her life is already such a blessing. She is the luckiest girl because she has you as a mom."
"Hardly," Robin said with a hint of bitterness. "She doesn't know if she can count on me. That's so horrible, Patrick. I have a daughter who doubts my word and I don't know how to begin to explain all that's happened to her. It's overwhelming and sad."
"She doesn't think that at all. She loves you and she can count on you. She never doubts your word and you have been the absolute light in her eyes. I know it's been hard, but what happened is not your fault and I think one of the first steps to healing is trying to believe that."
"That sounds nice, but not likely," she stood up and rubbed her arm. "I'm tired. Do you think I could lie down until Emma gets home?"
"Of course. I think you should take the master bedroom and I'll use the guest room."
"No," she said. "I will stay in the guestroom. Thank you," she said and walked past him into the room, closing the door.
It was a start. It was a slow start, but it was a start.