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If you missed the previous chapter because of the whole email issue then go back and read it :) this one is a little more on the angsty side but the next one I am very excited for! So stay tuned and leave a review! Happy reading :)
"I have a question for you."
"Ask away," she smiled and took a swallow of water from the leather canteen.
She sat in front of him with one leg bent so it acted as a wall between them while the other laid flat and straight, right against his shins as he sat cross legged with his hands on her calf between them. "Those glowing memory things," he started with his eyes down at his hands as his thumbs moved over the navy blue fabric of her trousers, "I was wondering if you would be willing to share more of them with me."
"...why?"
David laughed under his breath and shook his head in amusement as he lifted his head to look her in the eye, "what do you mean 'why'?"
"Why would you want to see more?" She elaborated curiously, unsure as to why anyone would want to see the things she had seen and felt.
David shrugged a little and cocked his head with a small smile, "because I find you absolutely fascinating and I want to learn more about you."
"By living through my experiences?" She questioned doubtfully with her brow knitted in confusion. He nodded without hesitation and it had her shaking her head, "why?"
"Because I find it a rather beautiful method," he smiled and she tilted her head as her features creased with further lack of understanding, "the memories may not be pleasant or beautiful but the method is and you are. Some things that need to be told are best to be left unsaid."
"That is a very contradictory statement," she whispered as her features softened and her eyes flicked back and forth between his.
David nodded and then shrugged before ducking his head down a little, "is it wrong though?"
Regina smiled just a little and shook her head as her shoulders dropped their tension from his request, "no," she didn't want to have to force the bitter and painful words to leave her mouth. Dropping her eyes to look in to the canteen between her hands she gave in with a slow, "what do you want to see?"
David smiled at her quiet voice and the moved his hands from her calf to cup her jaw and lift it up so he could kiss her. His thumbs moved over her cheek bones as they opened their mouths only to close them around each other's once more before he pulled away slowly and softly, hovering over her face with closed eyes and a smile. Tucking a few strands of dark hair behind her ear he answered her quietly, "I want you to show me the time Snow saved you."
A frown tugged on his mouth when she drew in a shaky breath and lifted her hands to hold his right hand as she turned her head and kissed his palm. He placed his free hand back on her calf and she kept her eyes squeezed shut as she ended her soft lingering kiss and pushed her head in to his hand and tightened her grip around it. She was trying not to cry but he saw the tear that rolled down her cheek.
After a few moments of watching her ache he found himself wondering what it was exactly that had happened between her and Snow in the forest to have Regina so reluctant to share. When she let go of his hand and brought the familiar white glow to the air above her palms he reached forward carefully and her dark eyes flashed open just as his fingers touched the magic. The grief and fear in her eyes was startling but it was too late to pull away and rather than in the forest he found himself in a castle.
"Mother!"
Regina frowned at the cheery call of her title but then put on a small smile and turned to face Snow as she ran up to her with the widest of grins, "yes dear?"
"I have a surprise for you," she laughed and took her hand in her own and began leading her to Regina's bedchambers.
Regina followed Snow's eager steps with rather weighted ones of her own as she shook her head, "you know I do not care much for surprises dear," she replied tiredly but allowed Snow to drag her to her room. She was going there anyway.
"But I think you'll like this one."
Snow smiled over her shoulder and Regina saw her flinch subtly at the wasted expression she did't have time to hide. She knew Snow wanted so badly to make her smile again.
"I hear you crying in your room a lot mother," she confessed quietly but then a hopeful tone lightened her voice, "I thought I'd try to make it better for you tonight. So you could go to sleep happy instead of sad."
Regina followed with a heavy heart and her lips pressed together and her jaw clenched to keep the tears from falling that had suddenly pooled in her eyes. With a silent deep breath and a few slow shakes of her head she composed herself once again just before they reached the large wooden doors to her bedchamber. This life had not been kind to her.
"Are you ready?"
Regina nodded and put on a small smile, "yes dear," the girl's face lit up wonderfully and she pushed the doors open with a laugh and skipped inside. Slightly curious as to what it would be, Regina peaked through the doors and found herself starting to laugh for the first time in a long time.
Rocinante laid upon her bed with all four legs tucked beneath her while Snow scratched her face and congratulated her for staying put while she found her mother. "Snow, dear, however did you manage this?" She laughed quietly in surprise and shook her head as she walked toward Snow and Rocinante, "certainly your father didn't allow it?"
Snow shook her head and laughed as the mare lipped at her fingertips, "no, father doesn't know," she turned to look at Regina and was happy to see some light return to her dulled eyes as she smiled and laughed under her breath, "quick close the door!"
With a quiet laugh and a shake of her head she turned around and pushed the door shut, "now how did you get her in here?"
"I wrapped towels around her hooves so they wouldn't make noise on the stone," she laughed and bounced around on the bed to make room for Regina to sit with her, "and Johanna kept father busy while I led her inside."
"And what of the guards?" She smiled and sat down next to Snow, grinning when Rocinante nickered softly in greeting.
"We blackmailed most of them."
"Snow!"
"What?" She laughed and played in Rocinante's mane.
Regina huffed and looked over her mare only to smile and wrap her arms around her large brown head as she rested her own head against the mare's forehead and closed her eyes, "thank you Snow. It is very much appreciated," she whispered and then opened her eyes to find Snow grinning wildly.
"Can I stay with you for a little while?"
She was hesitant to answer, her heart still aching terribly when it came upon the topic of Snow but who was she to turn her away when she had tried so hard to ease the tension between them and soothe the pain in her heart. So slowly she nodded in agreement against Rocinante's head and allowed for a small smile to curl her lips. Snow laughed excitedly and wiggled herself in to get more comfortable against Rocinante's side and it felt like someone was squeezing her sore heart at the sight.
When Snow smiled down at her fingers Regina found her eyes to wander over the girl. It had been a long while since she had really looked at her. She was much taller, her hair was longer and styled in a more mature manner than the little girl she had first met, her hands were soft and slender, her gown fitted for the growing swell of her breasts, her face had aged beautifully, but her eyes remained young and innocent, unaware of the darkness present in her own home, "you are growing up," she whispered and Snow hummed a small laugh.
"Yes I am," she smiled up at her and Regina looked curiously back at her, "you look the same though...just...unhappy...and tired."
"Yes, well..." she shrugged away the heart wrenching pain and put on the fake smile she had mastered over the years, "that is not your fault."
"Are you sure? I mean I'm the one who had you brought here...and I know you wanted to be with Daniel."
Regina nodded and then shook her head and smiled at the girl even though it was killing her inside and her fingers tangled anxiously in Rocinante's forelock, "Daniel left me dear. This is my life now and I will learn to be happy here."
Snow frowned at her and took a breath, "but you were so happy there...you were going to get married and you were so excited and full of life and maybe if we went and looked for Daniel-"
"Snow," she interrupted with a shaky voice that she soon steadied, "please, dear, do not make me relive my past."
"I'm sorry," she whispered with a sad cock of her head and Regina closed her eyes as she rested her forehead against Rocinante's.
...
Snow had inched closer and closer after Regina had moved to sit right next to her instead of at Rocinante's head. Now her back was against Rocinante's side and Snow had her arms wrapped around her middle and her head on her chest as Regina stared out the large window at the far wall in the room and ran her fingers through Snow's hair while her free arm held her against her. They hadn't spoken for awhile and she could feel Snow growing heavier with sleep and her eyes had long since fallen shut but she wasn't asleep yet.
The sun had gone down and she couldn't stop the fear growing inside her with every passing second nor could she prevent every muscle in her body from going tense at every set of footsteps outside her door. She was starting to panic again just as she had found herself doing every night for the past few years she had lived in the palace. She tried to focus on the comforting warmth and smell of Rocinante behind her but it only lasted a few moments before her peace was disturbed by voices down the hall from her door.
So she tried to focus on Snow instead. She bowed her head to rest it against Snow's and closed her eyes to try and focus on solely Snow and not the fear growing enough to vibrate her tense muscles. She tried to convince herself that Daniel's death was not the girl's fault and that it was not her fault she ended up in the palace. She tried to reason with herself that she was just a child and she had just been trying to help when she had told Cora but it was to no avail. Her thoughts were frayed and tears were pushed to her closed eyes as she tried with all of her heart to love the girl as she had before.
"Mother you are holding me too tight," Snow mumbled tiredly and nuzzled her face in to Regina's chest.
"I'm sorry," she breathed out a whisper but did not at all loosen her grip and instead her body quivered. Moments later Snow wound her arms tighter and hugged her back just as tight and did not say another word. Not even when her quivers turned to shaking and her tears dampened her hair.
Regina jumped at the footsteps outside her door and she felt Snow's face contort in confusion while her arms gripped tighter around her shaking figure. She did not like the dark. She was scared of it, she was scared of what came with the darkness. There were already hated and terrifying memories flying behind her eyes and she couldn't get them to stop.
When the door opened Regina clung to Snow and held her breath, not daring to look at the crack of torchlight pouring in to her room. Likely sensing that she could not bring herself to speak, Snow opened her mouth instead to address the person in the doorway.
"What is it you need?"
"The king is requesting the queen's presence. I have been sent to retrieve her."
Regina was shaking in Snow's arms as she held her breath to keep herself together. Had it been any other night like in the past she would have held her head high as she walked through the halls to Leopold and would break when she was back in her cage. But tonight she had received the comfort of her mare and for the first time in a long time Snow had made her laugh and smile and forget. Even if it was only for brief moments at a time. She would take a night with Snow over a night with Leopold any day. So she clung to her in case by some miracle she would be spared this evening.
She could tell she was making the girl uneasy but she only held on to her tighter and turned her head so her face buried deeper in to soft black hair.
"You may tell my father that tonight I have my mother and I will not be giving her up until tomorrow."
"Yes princess."
Regina vibrated in Snow's tight hold and when the door was closed and she was left inside with her stepdaughter Regina let go of her breath in the form of a low shaky cry in to Snow's hair as her tears fell down her cheeks. She tangled a hand in Snow's dark hair to keep her head in place against her chest as she quietly cried away the fear and relief that overwhelmed her. Snow said nothing more and while Regina knew she was confused and worried, she did not explain herself. She was however a little comforted by her arms wrapping tighter around her middle and her head nuzzling deeper in to her chest. Even if it was Snow, she was comforted.
David came out of it with a sharp inhale and wide eyes that were suddenly filled with tears. He stared at Regina as he tried to catch his breath and calm his racing heart. He was expecting a walk through the forest with Snow and a disguised Regina not a dark night in Leopold's castle that would leave him vibrating and terrified. Regina looked the same as she had before he touched her memory, one tear still making its way down her cheek as she watched him with terrified eyes that began to calm back down.
He couldn't shake off the fear that lingered after being so deep in Regina's mind. So he reached forward and roughly pulled her against him, closing his eyes and burying his face in to her hair as he wound his arms as tight as he could around her. She moved around, repositioning herself so they were both more comfortable. Not that he really cared about comfortable positions at the moment. To be that scared of someone was not okay. Her fear shook him hard. She was scared of nothing.
Regina moved so she straddled his lap and turned her head so her face was against his neck. Her arms moved around him and on its path over his chest her right hand felt the unsteady beat of his racing heart. She frowned at the sensation and hugged him tight, not thinking any less of him when he quivered in her hold and sniffed back his tears as he pushed his face deeper in to her hair. With a shake of her head she whispered, "I stopped trying after that...she didn't, god knows that girl never stopped trying."
...
Regina walked to the edge of the river and with a long sigh she lowered herself down and dipped the tips of her fingers in the cool running water. David had been gone for nearly three hours now. He had asked for time to calm down and she, of course, agreed and watched him walk in to the woods to clear his head. She supposed she should have assumed he was referring to the time Snow saved her when she was masked with a shape shifting spell but when asked about being saved by Snow White, that instance did not stand out in her mind.
At the hairs raising on the back of her neck she whipped around and stood up tall, her feet disturbing the river rocks she stood on as her wide eyes scanned the area around her for danger. She brought magic to her fingertips as she searched harder for the source of her uneasiness. At the sudden sound of moving rocks she spun to her right with her hand raised and her magic ready but she caught herself before she let it go.
"You are very difficult to find darling."
"Seems I need to try harder," she deadpanned and then turned and walked away only to have her follow. She was startled by the hand that caught her wrist but only because it was not firm or harsh and was instead gentle soft and that had her stopping in her tracks and turning to face her mother once again with her wrist still in her hands.
"Please," she whispered as she shook her head and Regina watched her with flighty eyes. She knew Regina would run at the slightest misstep so she treaded carefully, "I haven't seen you in decades," carefully she moved both of her hands to hold Regina's but she did not pull her eyes away from her daughter's face even when Regina dropped her head to stare at their hands as though they weren't their own.
She was beautiful. It was something she had always known but had never taken the time to admire or appreciate. She was strong and stood tall and steady even though she was more than wary. The clothing of her new land suited her, they were simple but strong and when she wore the vest and jacket the entire look screamed a woman in power and that made her proud. She looked worn but fierce, a quite intimidating appearance really. But she had seen her smile and laugh with the prince before she approached her and that was an appearance Regina took to quite nicely.
Her hair was so much shorter. Long silky strands were cut off above her shoulders and curled out just a little. Regina was still staring at their hands when Cora lifted one of her own to feel the dark strands but before she could touch her Regina snapped her eyes back up and quickly backed away, tugging her hand away as she did. "Regina," she protested softly but Regina shook her head and turned to walk from her again.
"No."
"Please Regina," she continued as she fell in step behind her daughter, "I-"
"You what?!" She asked sharply as she spun around, a certain exhaustion lending her breath to be heard in her words. She held Cora's gaze for a little while as she likely searched for the right words that would keep her there, "I do not wish to waste my time with you. I made it quite clear that I want absolutely nothing to do with you," she snarled as her heart ached in protest at her claim.
Cora shook her head a little and tried a small smile and brought a light hand to her chest, "I want to try again Regina," she spoke slowly and softly and watched as the fight within herself began to show in her daughter's features, "I am your mother."
Regina stopped her there with a scoff and an irritated and hurt laugh, "you don't know the meaning of the word!"
"I love you."
Regina clenched her jaw shut and curled her fingers closed at her sides so her fingernails dug in to the palms of her hands. Those three little words brought tears to her eyes and opened an old wound in her heart that she wanted so badly to be healed. But she did not trust the woman who could heal it and that hurt more than anything.
"I love you Regina," she repeated and Regina didn't blink for if she did her tears would fall, "I know that you love me in return sweetheart," she whispered and watched carefully as Regina quivered and the tears brimming her eyes threatened to fall with the subtle motion. "I have been watching you with David and I want that. I want to make you smile, I want to make you laugh, I want to talk with you for hours on end, I want to know you darling," her voice shook a little as a tear found its way down her cheek without warning.
"I know I was horrid to you, I know that quite well...but I want to try and make up for that even though I know I can never make it disappear. I want to make you happy," she whispered and Regina broke. Her eyes pushed shut and her tears fell as her fingers tangled in her hair and she let out a confused and angered scream through her teeth. Cora flinched at the sight of her daughter crumbling and stepped forward to perhaps comfort her but Regina tore her arms away and stalked off, "Regina."
"Get away from me!" She cried and shook her head, holding a hand over her stomach as she all but ran away from the footsteps following her.
"Regina please darling give me ano-" she cut herself short when Regina stopped dead and spun around and Cora found herself staring at the tip of an arrow hardly seven inches from her face. Regina stood strong and still with her bow drawn tight by soft slender fingers as her tears rolled down her beautiful face.
"I don't believe you," she hissed but her voice was thick and shaky with the desire to cry.
"I know," she nodded and cocked her head as she moved to take a step closer only to have Regina threaten to let the arrow go. So Cora stayed put, "just put a little faith-"
Regina laughed at her. Just laughed at her through her teeth as her tears fell and her heart fell apart. "Faith," she raised an eyebrow and shook her head and took a breath to speak slow and cold, "I have very little faith in anything and I haven't a sliver in you," she scowled at Cora and Cora shook her head silently with pleading tears in her eyes. She had no sympathy for those tears even though she knew they were honest. The fact that they were honest was likely what led her to release the arrow from her fingertips.
She was gone though before it hit her. She disappeared in a cloud of purple and the arrow hit the tree behind where she had been standing. Regina stared at the arrow with tears in her eyes and slowly lowered her bow as she listened to the silence around her. So quiet. So still. It was as though it had never happened. Her eyes snapped to David when he made himself known by walking in to her focused line of sight and yanked the arrow from the trunk of the tree.
He walked up to her spinning the arrow in his fingertips and keeping his eyes following it before he stopped less than a stride in front of her. Without a word he looked up and handed her the arrow, soft fingers touching his rougher ones in the exchange as she held his gaze with watery brown eyes. "It was just a little too far to the right, love," he whispered softly and her shoulders slumped as more silent tears fell and she looked down at the arrow in her hand.
She didn't want to put any thought in to the nickname. Didn't mean the possible underlying meanings flew through her mind anyway. She found herself wishing he meant the word in its truest definition. "How much did you see?" She whispered and closed her eyes as her hand gripped the arrow tighter and lifted it a little before dropping it down to her side.
"Enough," he whispered his reply gently and she covered her mouth with the back of her hand that still held the arrow. With a frown he walked forward and slowly wrapped his arms around her small figure as she dropped the bow and arrow to the ground. Her arms hugged him tight around his middle and her head rested on his chest just below his shoulder while he laid his atop hers. "I think the both of us just need to hold one another for a little while," he whispered and felt her lean heavier in to him with a slow shaky exhale as she wound her arms even tighter.