Chapter 6

Vader was silent as he flew the shuttle back to the ship. He had not considered that he would be shown mercy, for he'd certainly never shown any. How many deaths on my soul? he wondered. Is there anything left within me that even resembles a soul? Vader had felt certain that the moment he had killed Mace Windu instead of Palpatine would determine the fate of his soul for all time. But Padmé was forcing him to rethink that point of view. Could he start again? Could he make a new life with her and their children? There was nothing he wanted more; and yet it seemed an impossible fantasy.

Padmé watched Vader, knowing him well enough to sense the turmoil he was going through. A mere two years ago he had been a different man, a great hero, a Jedi knight...how did it all go so wrong?

"Talk to me, Anakin," she said.

Vader did not turn to her. "I'm not sure what to say, Padmé," he said.

"Tell me how you're feeling," she said. "You kept your feelings to yourself before, and that lead you to the dark side. I want to help you turn away from that darkness now. Please let me try."

"I was told that once a person starts down the dark path it would dominate their destiny forever," Vader said. "It's too late for me, Padmé. I've done too much to turn back now, can't you see that?"

Padmé felt her eyes fill with tears, not only at his words but at the underlying despair behind them. "I don't believe that," she said. "You killed Palpatine, the man you called master. Doesn't that mean anything?"

"I killed him in revenge," Vader said. "Revenge for lying to me, revenge for harming you. Revenge is not the way of the Jedi, it's the way of the Sith."

"Is love the way of the Sith?" she asked.

"No, it isn't," Vader replied.

"So why did you care if Palpatine harmed me?" she said. "Why do you care about any of us if you're truly a Sith?"

Vader said nothing, unable to deny her logic. He cared because he loved his wife, loved their children. Wasn't that obvious to her? "You know why," he said. "Because I love you. I love our children."

"But Sith don't love," she pointed out again. "Do they?"

Vader was growing frustrated. "What do you want me to say?" he asked.

"I just want you to tell me how you're feeling, that's all," she said, growing equally frustrated. "Is that so difficult?"

"Yes," he said, much to her consternation. "Because I don't even know myself."

Padmé said nothing, and so he continued.

"I feel torn, Padmé," he said. "Torn between the man I am, the man I was, and the man you want me to be. And while I'm...overjoyed to have you and the twins in my life, I'm frustrated by the fact that I will never again be able to make love to you, to touch you, to even kiss you. I'll never be able to kiss my children goodnight, or have them kiss me." He stopped, and was silent for a moment. "I suppose I should consider this punishment for all that I've done, for all the lives I've taken, for helping Palpatine create this Empire."

Padmé could hear the anguish in his voice, despite the mask he wore. She reached over to take his hand, to show him that she supported him. He looked at her, grateful for her love, for her forgiveness.

"We will get through this, Ani," she said. "We've been through so much in our lives together, we can get through this too."

Vader nodded, not wanting to squash her hopes and optimism. "I love you," he told her. "I hope you know how much. That never changed, Padmé. I've always loved you, and I always will."

Padmé smiled, unable to hold her tears at bay any longer. "I love you too," she said.

Obi-Wan had just put the twins to bed when Vader and Padmé returned. Obi-Wan had been very curious about the goings on at the Senate, and had waited with a most un-Jedi like impatience for them to return and fill him in.

"Welcome back," Obi-Wan said as he met them in the common area of the quarters. "I trust all went well?"

Vader sensed his old mentor's curiosity, and decided to keep him waiting. "Well enough, yes," he said, walking past him to sit on a sofa. Padmé smiled, seeing what was going on.

"it went very well, Obi-Wan," she said, sitting down beside her husband.

Obi-Wan sat down across from them, looking from one to the other. "Well? Are you going to tell me what happened?"

Padmé looked at Vader who seemed content to keep Obi-Wan in suspense. "Anakin handed over control of the Empire to the Senate," she told him, enjoying the look of utter shock on his face.

Obi-Wan's eyes widened and turned to Vader. "You did that?" he asked.

Vader nodded. "I did," he said.

"I...I don't know what to say," Obi-Wan said. "I certainly didn't expect this, I must say."

Padmé smiled. "I don't think anyone did," she said, looking at Vader. "I know I didn't."

"So what happens next?" Obi-Wan said.

"Next the Senate takes over," Vader said. "Weren't you listening?"

Obi-Wan smiled, seeing that he was being toyed with. "Yes, I got that," he said. " I mean...what happens next with you?"

Vader looked at his wife, who was watching him for his response. "I will disappear from public life," he said. "And spend my life raising my children with my wife."

His words moved Obi-Wan, finding them bittersweet. If only you'd made this decision two years ago, he reflected. If only you'd seen that this was all you needed all along...

"I'm ...speechless," Obi-Wan said. "And so very pleased. Tell me, is there anything I can do to help with this...transition?"

"Yes, actually," Vader said. "You can take this ship and find as many Jedi as you can," he said. "You are the only one who can restore the order, Obi-Wan. I can't do it, I have no right to even try."

Obi-Wan looked at Padmé, wondering if she was as shocked as he was to hear Vader's request.

"I'm not sure how to begin," Obi-Wan said, still unsure if he could trust Vader. It had only been two years since Vader had slaughtered Jedi, after all. Was he simply looking for an expedient way to finish the job?

Vader sensed Obi-Wan's reticence, and understood whence it came. "You don't trust me," he said. "It's clear to me."

"No, not entirely," Obi-Wan said. "Can you blame me? Would you in my place?"

"No," Vader replied at once. "I wouldn't." He stood up. "It's been a very long day," he said. "And it's late." He turned to Padmé. "We're on our way to Naboo," he told her. "We should be there in the morning."

"I can't wait," she said, and stood up with him. "I'll walk you out."

Vader said nothing, but took his wife's hand and walked out of the room, saying no more to Obi-Wan. Padmé could see that he was upset, but didn't know how to allay his worries. Obi-Wan was perfectly justified in not trusting him, at least not yet. It had been far too soon, after all. Mustafar was only a short two years ago. He will see in time that Anakin is changing, she reflected as she walked with Vader to his quarters. Just as I do.

"Goodnight, Angel," Vader said when they reached his quarters.

"Goodnight," she said. "Sleep well, Ani."

"I'll try," he said. And then he entered his quarters and disappeared from her sight.

Padmé returned to her own adjoining quarters, deciding that she too would go to bed. It had been a long day.

The next day

Padmé smiled as she watched Luke and Leia chase after a butterfly. They were delighted to be home, to be able to run around in the fresh air and sunshine, and Padmé was equally delighted. Her rambling cottage on the shores of Lake Varykino had been home for more than two years now, and there was no place she felt more comfortable. She turned to Vader, who stood beside her, watching their children. She wished she could see his eyes, see what it was he was thinking as he stood there under the bright Naboo sun. The conversation they'd had the previous day had preyed on her mind a lot. It frustrated her that she had no idea how to reach or comfort him.

"I have made arrangements to have one of the rooms in the cottage modified to meet my needs," Vader told her as they sat down on a nearby bench to watch their twins play. "I hope you don't mind."

"Why would I mind?" she asked. "This is your home now too," she told him.

Vader nodded, and looked at the children again. "I wish I didn't need to resort to such measures," he said. "But if I am to live here with you and the children, then I have no choice."

"I know," she said. She wanted to point out to him again that he shouldn't give up hope, that he needed to be positive about finding a way to heal his body, but she didn't. Vader had made it clear to her that he harboured no such hope, and seemed frustrated with her repeated attempts to argue the point with him.

"I should get back to the ship," he said, standing up. "Hopefully these renovations won't take long. I don't want to disrupt your life any more than necessary."

Padmé looked up at him, hating the formality that seemed to exist between them now. "Don't worry about that," she said. "I'll just be happy to have you living under the same roof as me."

Vader nodded. "Until later, then," he said. He touched her face in a gesture of affection and then turned and left her. Padmé watched him depart, trying to deny the lump in her throat. Come back to me, Anakin, she thought. I know you're in there...come back to me.

"Mommy look!"

Padmé turned her attention to her children, and smiled as they approached her. They had caught the butterfly, which didn't surprise her at all. The children of the Chosen One were anything but ordinary.

Vader had almost reached his shuttle when he heard a voice, one he'd not heard in a long time.

"Anakin, it's good to see you again."

Vader turned to see none other than Qui-Gon Jinn standing amidst the trees. For a moment Vader thought he was hallucinating. Qui-Gon smiled, as though reading Vader's thoughts.

"I promise you, you're not imagining things," Qui-Gon said affably.

"How?" Vader said. "How is this possible?"

"I have learned that, through the Force, many things are possible," Qui-Gon said. "Things beyond your imagination, Anakin."

"I am not Anakin, Qui-Gon," Vader said. "I haven't been Anakin since ..." he stopped, ashamed to admit to his former master what he'd become.

"I know what happened to you, Anakin," Qui-Gon said, the smile leaving his face. "I saw it all. I saw the agony you went through, the pain. And I know how Palpatine drew you to the darkness with a web of lies and empty promises."

Vader said nothing, shocked that he would know. "And yet you call me Anakin," he said. "If you truly knew the things I have done, you would know that Anakin Skywalker was destroyed on that day I chose to save Palpatine rather than kill him."

"I know that Anakin Skywalker is your true self," Qui-Gon said. "And that your destiny is to be him again. Don't forget, you are the Chosen One, Anakin. That has never changed."

Vader didn't want to hear it. "I am not the Chosen one," he said. "You have the wrong man, Qui-Gon. Perhaps you've had the wrong man all along. Leave me alone." He walked away, heading towards the shuttle that sat nearby.

Qui-Gon watched him, untouched by his negativity. He let him go for the moment but smiled to himself. "Oh no, my former padawan," he said softly. "I've had the right man all along."

Vader busied himself with arranging to have a hyperbaric chamber and a bacta tank in his wife's home. It bothered him tremendously that Padmé would see the ugly truth of his life now, how he could not perform the simplest of human functions without assistance and technology. And yet, how else could he be a part of her life, or the lives of their children if he did not live with her?

It was late at night when he had finally decided to get some sleep. The day had been a busy one, between making arrangements to live with Padmé and explaining to his men that they would be taking orders from the Senate, he felt exhausted. Placing Obi-Wan in command of the ship for the time being seemed a wise precaution, and, he hoped, would help his former master trust him.

Vader had just arrived at his quarters when he sensed someone at his door. He walked over to the door and it slid open to reveal Obi-Wan. "Come in," Vader said, not at all surprised to see him.

"I just wanted to let you know how things went today," Obi-Wan said, stepping into Vader's sanctuary. He glanced around briefly before looking back at him. "It's been a while since I commanded a ship."

"Not that long," Vader said. "How did the men take to the change in command?"
"They're confused," Obi-Wan said. "This has all been very sudden. I have to admit that I'm rather confused myself."

Vader said nothing and walked away from him. "That isn't my problem anymore," he said. "The men will adapt."

Obi-Wan nodded. "Will you?" he asked.

Vader turned to him again. "Will I what?"

"Adapt," Obi-Wan said, walking over to him. "This is a big change for you as well," he said. "I have to wonder if you're ready for it."

"Are you doubting my commitment to Padmé? To our children?" Vader asked challengingly.

"That wasn't my intention," Obi-Wan said. "It's just that...your life is about to become very different to what it's been for the past two years. Surely you can see that."

"Of course I do," Vader said. "I know what I'm doing. It's what I should have done two years ago instead of..." he stopped. "I know what I'm doing."

Obi-Wan nodded, sensing tremendous conflict in Vader. He decided that was a good thing. "I'll let you get your rest," he said. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight," Vader said, and then headed to his chamber to try and get some much needed sleep.

"You don't have to live this way, Anakin."

Vader opened his eyes at the sound of the voice. "I told you to leave me alone," he said.

"Don't you want to know what I've learned?" Qui-Gon asked.

"No," Vader said. "I want to sleep."

"Very well," Qui-Gon said. "But you haven't heard the last of me, Anakin."

Vader frowned, and closed his eyes again.