Chapter 7

Padmé had just sat down to eat breakfast with Luke and Leia when she heard the door downstairs open. Luke and Leia heard it too, and looked over to the stairs.

"Obi-Wan?" Luke asked.

"No, I don't think so sweetheart," Padmé said as she cut up her son's pancakes. "He's busy on Daddy's ship, remember?"

"Good morning," said Vader as he entered the room.

Padmé looked up at him with a smile. "Good morning," she said. "You're here early."

"I couldn't sleep," he told her as he sat beside Leia. "So I thought I'd come down here and see how things were coming along."

"They're not finished, as you probably saw," Padmé said. "It's quite a mess down there right now."

"I'm sorry about that," Vader said. "I wish there was another way."

Padmé said nothing as she sipped her tea. There is, you just won't consider it.

"How is Obi-Wan making out on the ship?" she asked, deciding to change the subject.

"Hard to say," Vader replied. "He says he's not used to command, but I don't believe him. I think he's enjoying it to tell you the truth."

Padmé smiled. "Well he was a general not that long ago," she said.

"I know," Vader said, not wanting to think about the past. He hesitated, wondering if he ought to tell her about Qui-Gon. No, she'd just think I'd lost my mind... "I'm going to see if I can motivate the workers to move faster," he said, standing up. He tousled the hair of each of his children affectionately before leaving them once again.

Padmé wasn't sure she wanted to know how he was planning on doing that, and decided not to ask. Instead she finished her breakfast and tried to ignore the feelings of anxiety that were welling up inside of her.

Night had fallen, and Padmé had just finished bathing Luke and Leia. The workers had been toiling incessantly all day long, and had almost finished the renovations. Vader was disappointed that he would need to return to his ship once again, but it could not be avoided. He watched as Padmé got their children ready for bed, amazed by how naturally she had taken to being a mother.

"I'll be back in the morning," Vader said as Padmé walked him to the door. "Hopefully tonight will be the last night we'll spend apart."

Padmé frowned. "Will it?" she asked. "You won't be sleeping in my bed, Anakin."

"You know that isn't possible," he said. "Surely you know how much I want that, how much I want you."

"Then don't dismiss the possibility of fixing your injuries so quickly," she said.

"Don't you think I want to have them fixed?" he asked, growing annoyed. "Do you think I like living like this?"

"I didn't say that you did," Padmé replied, growing frustrated. "But you're so closed minded! Why won't you at least consider..."

"Because there is no way," he interjected hotly. "Accept it, Padmé. Accept me for the way I am, or else tell me it's over."

Padmé's eyes widened. "I can't believe you just said that," she said. "Perhaps you ought to leave before one of us says something regrettable."

"Good idea," he said. "Goodnight," he said, and turned and left her shaking and upset.

Padmé watched him retreat into the forest, doing her best to hold it together. He was a walking contradiction to her, at once showing glimpses of the man he once was, and the next proving himself to be utterly dark. She couldn't help but wonder if he would learn to regret his decision to give control of the Empire to the Senate, if perhaps he would discover that living with his family wasn't enough. And then what? she wondered as she walked back into the cottage. What then, Anakin? Will you resent me for making you choose again? Will you hate me because you made the wrong choice?

Vader reached the shuttle and sat in the cockpit for a long time, simply thinking. What the hell is wrong with you? he rebuked himself. She accepts you, she loves you despite everything you've done, despite the fact that you're more machine than man...and you give her an ultimatum? He sighed, and considered going back to the house to apologize. But it was late, and he didn't want to wake her up, didn't want to wake up the children.

"Padmé will always love you, Anakin. She always has. But she deserves so much more, don't you think?"

Vader turned and looked at Qui-Gon who sat in the co-pilot's seat. He was growing accustomed to the frequent appearances of his first master, though he still didn't entirely understand how it was possible. "She deserves the universe," he said. "And if I could give it to her, I would."

Qui-Gon smiled. "She doesn't need the universe, Ani, she needs you."

Vader was silent as he considered this. "Tell me what you think you can do," he said, still not convinced. "I'm listening."

Qui-Gon nodded, pleased that Vader had, at last, seen reason. "Tell me what you were taught about the healing powers of the Force," he said.

"Not a lot," Vader said. "Obi-Wan mentioned them, but it was never something I was taught. If that's your great solution, Qui-Gon, then I'll save you the trouble. I've tried healing myself using the Force, it didn't work."

Qui-Gon wasn't put off by Vader's negativity. "You were using the Dark side, no doubt," he remarked.

"Yes," Vader said. "Of course."

Qui-Gon nodded. "The Dark side only knows how to destroy, Anakin. Surely you can see that now. The healing powers of the Force exist only in the Light, and if you truly want to be healed, then you must embrace the Light."

Vader knew that what Qui-Gon was saying was true. The dark side had brought him nothing but pain. Nothing good could come from it; but how was he to escape from it when it was all he'd known for two years?

"I'm not sure how to do that," Vader admitted. "I'm not sure I even can any more."

Qui-Gon frowned. "You've already begun, Anakin," he said. "The moment you chose your family over your master was your first step. Handing over the Empire to the Senate was the second. Don't you see how far you've already come?"

Vader considered Qui-Gon's words. He didn't want to consider that it was possible, for the disappointment would be too much to bear. And yet, didn't he owe it to Padmé and their children to try?

"It's late," Qui-Gon said. "Get some sleep, Ani. Think about what I've said. We'll talk again soon."

Vader nodded, and then piloted the shuttle back to the ship.

Obi-Wan was in the shuttle bay when Vader arrived. He waited for Vader to disembark, somewhat surprised to see him back so soon.

"Everything all right?" Obi-Wan asked. "I didn't expect to see you so soon."

"I need to talk to you," Vader said. "Come with me."

Obi-Wan was curious, and simply walked with Vader until they reached a nearby turbo lift.

"I've seen Qui-Gon Jinn," Vader said. His words could not have been more shocking to Obi-Wan.

"You've seen him?" Obi-Wan asked. "How? How is that possible? He's been dead 15 years."

"I know it seems...improbable," Vader said as they stepped off the lift. "But I'm telling you the truth. He told me that he has found a way to return from the dead, and now he can."

Obi-Wan frowned. "You mean...he's alive? Is that what you're telling me?"

"No, he isn't...he isn't corporeal, not in the way you and I are," Vader said. "He's ethereal, like a spirit, but it's him, Obi-Wan. It looks like him, sounds like him. I know it's him."

Obi-Wan considered this, the idea of seeing his old master again exciting him. "That's remarkable," he said. "No doubt he has seen the changes in you, Anakin, just as I have."

"He said as much," Vader said. "I need sleep," he said, as they stopped outside of Vader's quarters. "I'll tell you more in the morning."

"I look forward to it," Obi-Wan said.

''Anakin, I don't know you anymore! Don't you know how much I need you? Don't you know how much I love you?" Padmé pleaded.

But Vader was angry. "You lie! If you loved me you'd accept me! If you loved me you wouldn't ask me to change!"

"Ani, please…." But her words with cut short when Vader reached out and force choked her….

Vader woke up with a start, the images of his nightmare shaking him deeply. My God…what was that? He thought anxiously. Why would I even imagine such a thing? I would never do such a thing!

Deciding that he would sleep no more, Vader donned his helmet and left his chamber, knowing he wouldn't rest until he spoke to his wife again.

It was utterly dark in the forest as Vader made his way to the cottage. He knew that he would be waking Padmé up, but he didn't care. He needed to see her, needed to hold her, needed to tell her how sorry he was, how much he loved her. And until he did, nothing else mattered.

Padmé was in a fitful sleep when a sound outside her room woke her up. She knew the sounds of Artoo Detoo as he patrolled the house, and this was not one of his sounds. Padmé sat up in bed, her heart pounding. And then her door opened, and she heard Vader's respirator. She relaxed, and got out of bed to go to him.

"What are you doing here?" she asked. "It's the middle of the night, Anakin. You should be sleeping."

Vader stood staring at her for a moment, the images of his hellish dream jumping to his mind. "I…I couldn't sleep," he said. "I needed to see you, Padmé. I feel terrible about what I said earlier, and I wanted to, needed to, apologize."

Padmé smiled. "This could have waited until the morning, Ani," she told him gently.

Vader shook his head. "No, it couldn't," he said. He had no intention of telling her about his nightmare, couldn't even bring himself to describe the horrible images. "I'm sorry, Padmé. I love you, and I was an ass talking to you that way."

Padmé reached out and took his hands. "Thank you," she said. "And I'm sorry too," she said. "For pressuring you. I don't mean to…"

"I know you want only the best for me," he said.

Padmé nodded. "That's all I've ever wanted," she told him. "Surely you know that."

"I do," Vader said. "And I'm sorry. I have something I want to tell you," he said. "Something rather surprising."

"What is it?" she asked, sitting on the end of her bed.

Vader sat down beside her. "I had a visit from someone," he said. "Someone who has been dead for 15 years."
Padmé looked at him questioningly. "Who?" she asked.

"Qui-Gon Jinn," Vader told her.

"You...you saw him?" she asked. "How, Ani? How is that possible?"

"He told me that he has learned a way to return," Vader told her. "Somehow the Force enabled him to appear to me, Padmé," he said, taking her hand. "I don't begin to understand how, but I know it's him. He spoke to me, and I recognize his words. He wants to help me, Angel," he told her.

"Help you how?" she asked.

"He wants to show me how to heal myself," he told her.

Padmé's eyes widened. "Really? Is that possible?" she asked. "I thought you'd tried that already," she said.

"I did," Vader replied. "But it was the Dark Side I was using," he said. "I know now that the Dark Side is incapable of healing, that is does nothing but destroy."

Padmé sensed his bitterness, and squeezed his hand. "I think this is wonderful," she said. "Qui-Gon always had such faith in you, Anakin. If anyone can show you the way to do this, he can."

Vader nodded. "I hope so," he said. "It won't be easy," he said. "The Dark Side comes too easily to me, it will be difficult to seek out the light again. But I will do it, Padmé. I will do it for you, for Luke and Leia," he told her. "I want to be a real father to them, a real husband to you," he said. "I can't tell you how much I want to touch you again, to make love to you. I want to be able to kiss my children, to play with them in the way they need me too. I want to have more children with you, if you are willing."

Padmé smiled. "I would love that," she said. "I know you can do this, Anakin. I have total faith in you."

Vader said nothing, her words moving him. He stood up and walked over to the chair that he was sitting in the corner of the room. He sat down, and held a hand out to her. Padmé stood up and walked over to him, letting him pull her onto his lap. She knew that he was desperate to be close to her in whatever way he could. She shared his need, and simply enjoyed their closeness.

"I love you, Anakin," she said, resting her head on his armoured shoulder as Vader wrapped his cloak around her.

"I love you too, my angel," he said. They sat for a long time together, until they both fell asleep, simply content to be close to one another.