Chapter 12
Padmé fell asleep at last, but it wasn't long before she was awoken by Threepio.
"What is it?" Padmé asked sleepily.
"Excuse me, Miss Padmé," the droid replied, "but Artoo asked me to wake you to tell you that young Luke is awake."
Padmé groaned and climbed out of bed. It never fails, she reflected as she headed to the twins' room. Sure enough Luke was awake and standing up in his crib. Padmé picked him up, dismayed to see that he was feverish.
"Poor Luke," she said, kissing the top of his head.
"Throat hurts, Mommy," Luke said sleepily.
Padmé sighed. Sola's younger daughter was coming down with a cold when they'd visited, and now it looked as though Luke was doing the same. And Leia will follow suit as well, she thought. "Come on," she said. "Let's get you some medicine."
No sooner had Padmé got Luke settled back into his bed, then Leia woke up. And, as predicted, she too had a fever and sore throat. Padmé gave her some medicine and sat in the rocking chair in the nursery to get her back to sleep. Leia had always been far more difficult to settle than Luke, who seemed to be able to sleep anywhere, any time. Padmé didn't mind though, for she 'd always loved rocking her babies to sleep. Soon Leia fell back to sleep, but Padmé didn't put her back in her crib. Now that she was awake, there was too much on her mind to return to sleep. She thought back to earlier, when she had shared a tender moment with her husband. Have I complicated things by kissing him that way? she worried. In all the excitement of being reunited with Vader, it had been easy to put aside his nefarious deeds. But now that they were living together, now that they had taken the first tentative steps towards renewing a physical relationship, she had to face them. His explanation for his crimes, that he had done it for her, did not sit well with Padmé. She had no doubt that in the beginning the decision he'd made was for her, to protect her. But nothing could excuse the horrific actions in the Jedi Temple. How can I get past that? she fretted. How do I reconcile the man I love with the monster who did that?
Padmé stood up with the sleeping child in her arms, and carefully placed in her crib. She pulled the quilt up over Leia, and stood watching her as she slept. I will have to tell Luke and Leia one day about the past, she realized. How do I do that? I do I tell them what their father did to children? Padmé covered her mouth as she fought not to cry. She left the nursery and headed to her own room. Sitting on the end of the bed, she covered her face with her hands as the anxiety filled her. What do I do? she thought in anguish. I love him...but how well do I even know him anymore? How can I make a life with a man who is capable of such heinous acts?
Padmé slept little that night, and was awake early to look after the twins. They were eating breakfast when Vader joined them upstairs.
"Good morning," he said to Padmé, sensing at once that something was amiss with her. He watched for a moment as she poured some juice for Luke and Leia. "Is everything all right, Padmé?" he asked.
Padmé looked up at him. "Yes," she said a little too quickly. She put the children's sippy cups down in front of them and turned around to pour a cup of tea for herself.
Vader walked over to her, not convinced. "I don't believe you," he said. "You're clearly upset about something."
Padmé didn't look at him. "I'm just tired," she said. "The kids were up in the night, and I didn't get much sleep."
Vader nodded. "Is that all?" he asked.
Padmé looked up at him. "Yes," she said. "What else would it be?"
"I don't know," Vader said. "You tell me. But it's clear to me that you're not being totally truthful."
"Are you saying that I'm lying to you?" she asked.
"I am," he said. "The question is why. What don't you want me to know?"
Padmé frowned, and turned away from him. "You're being paranoid," she said.
"Perhaps," Vader said. "But it seems quite a coincidence that you're so distant with me the day after you saw my face," he said.
Padmé's eyes widened in shock. "I can't believe you just said that," she said.
"I'm trying to understand why you're demeanor has changed, Padmé," he said. "And I can't think of anything that has changed between us except what happened last night."
Padmé sighed. "Anakin, if you knew me at all you'd know that I'm not so shallow to care about what you look like," she said. "I told you that last night, and I meant it."
Vader believed her. "So tell me then," he said, taking her by the shoulders. "What is wrong?"
Padmé looked up at him, deciding to lay it on the line. "I've just been thinking about the past," she said.
"What about the past?" Vader asked. "Or do I even need to ask?"
Padmé looked away, giving Vader his answers.
"You're thinking about my past, aren't you?" he asked. "Mustafar, the temple...I'm right, aren't I?" he said.
"Yes," she said. "I was."
Vader released her and turned away from her. "I thought you said we needed to put all that behind us," he said. "I thought you had put it behind you."
"I have," she said. "It's just..."
"It's just what?" he said, turning around to face her again. "That you can't imagine yourself being the lover of a murderer?"
Padmé was unnerved that he could read her so well, and said nothing. This only made Vader angrier.
"I see," he said. "So tell me, Padmé, have I made a big mistake by giving up everything to be with you?"
"What do you mean?" she asked, growing more alarmed.
"I mean I gave up running an Empire to be with you and our children," Vader said, "and now I have to wonder if you actually want me at all."
"How can you say that?" she asked, tears springing to her eyes. "After everything we've been through? How can you doubt my feelings for you?"
"I don't doubt your feelings," he said. "I doubt that you're able to live with my past," he said. "I doubt that you're able to put that aside and build a future for me. Am I wrong, Padmé? If I am, then please tell me."
Padmé said nothing, for she had noticed that Luke and Leia were watching their parents, each of them looking upset. Padmé went to them at once, knowing that they were upset by their parents' quarrel.
"It's okay," Padmé said, picking up Leia and kissing her. "Let's go play," she said, setting the child down and then picking up Luke. Vader watched her, not wanting to upset the children, but feeling as though they still had not resolved things.
"This isn't over, Padmé," Vader said.
Padmé looked up at him, his tone chilling her. "It will have to be," she said. "At least for now."
Vader said nothing, but then judged it prudent to leave before he said something he knew he would truly regret. He got half way to the landing platform when he remembered that Obi-Wan had taken the ship to Dagobah two days earlier. Frustration and anger filled him, and he took his lightsaber and slashed viciously at the trees that were unfortunate enough to be standing nearby. He felled several more before his anger was spent, and then stood there looking at what he had done. What the hell is wrong with you, anyway? he reproached himself bitterly as he continued to the shuttle. You've despoiled the beauty of Padmé's sanctuary...Deciding not to dwell on it, he boarded the shuttle and lifted off. Once he was in orbit, he contacted the Devastator. He spoke to the bridge commander briefly, just long enough to arrange a rendezvous just outside the Dagobah system.
Padmé spent the day playing with Luke and Leia, doing her best to put the ugly scene between she and Vader out of her mind. Am I being unfair? she worried. She had told him that they would get through things together, she had assured him that she could get past his crimes. It's all happening so fast, she reflected. Padmé had never been a woman who was afraid of a challenge, and she knew that she was facing the biggest challenge of her life. She loved her husband, she wanted to be with him; but the man he was now was a different man than the one she'd known two years earlier. Building a life with him was something she was motivated to do, but it would take adjustment and compromise on both their parts. He gave up the Empire, she told herself with a frown. He could have become Emperor, but he didn't...he wants to be with us instead...
Suddenly Padmé felt guilty, and decided that she needed to apologize to her husband for all the mixed messages she'd been sending him. She got the twins ready and walked with them, along with the two droids, to the landing platform nearby. On the way there, she noticed several trees that had been slashed to bits, and got a chill as she realized what had happened to them.
"Where are we going, Mommy?" Luke asked.
"We're going to see Daddy," Padmé said as they boarded the ship. Padmé strapped them in, and she sat at the cockpit, suddenly nervous. Do I need a code to get onto the star destroyer? she wondered. Do the men on board know that Darth Vader has a wife and children? Deciding to put her mind at ease, she keyed in the frequency of Obi-Wan Kenobi's communicator.
"Obi-Wan this is Padmé," she said. "Please send me a clearance code for boarding the ship."
She received no response. Padmé frowned, and then repeated the message. Still no response.
"Why isn't he responding?" she wondered aloud, growing frustrated. "Artoo see if you can boost the signal."
Artoo wheeled over to the console, and, after making a few checks, whistled a long response that Threepio interpreted.
"Mistress Padmé, the star destroyer is no longer in orbit over Naboo," the droid informed her.
Padmé looked at him wide-eyed. "Are you certain?" she asked.
Artoo let out a series of beeps and whistles that didn't need any interpretation. He was certain.
Padmé sat back in the captain's chair, confused and upset. He left orbit without tell me where he was going, she reflected. Is this his punishment for this morning? She frowned, torn between being hurt and being angry. "Well maybe we need to take a trip too," she decided.
"Yay! Take a trip!" Leia cried, clapping her hands.
"That's right," Padmé said. "And I know exactly where we're going to go."