"I… don't understand," Roy answered uneasily.
"It's like this," Edward murmured in reply as he picked up a rubber band from Roy's desk. Sticking his two pointer fingers through it, he held it up for Roy to see. "When you transect something, you cut across it. The transmutation circle called for transecting the soul, so only a fraction of it was cut through. And in this case, it was everything that makes Hawkeye… well, Hawkeye. Her memories, her thoughts, her feelings… You said before it was her heart; and in a way, it was.
"They kept enough of her soul intact in order to continue living, yet took enough so that she was in a basic state of mind… A tabula rasa or 'blank slate' you could say.
"But the thing is," he continued grimly, "The circle called for too many things to happen. It would seem that even a Philosopher's Stone and the soul of an animal weren't enough to get it all done because the soul was not human itself. As a result, there was not enough payment to complete everything necessary."
"So what does that have to do with the way she is acting," Roy asked slowly, unsure of where the blond was going.
"You know how humans are composed of body, spirit, and soul," Edward asked. After a nod from Roy, he continued. "Well, the goal was to completely sever the connection of the spirit to that portion of her soul… Only it didn't. So now it's bouncing back between the Truth and her body." Pulling his fingers apart slightly, he displayed how the tautness of the rubber band brought his two fingers back together. "At first it was easy for that part of the soul to return to and retain its position in her body because of the body's firm hold on it. But," he continued pulling his fingers apart and bringing them back together, stretching out the rubber band as he did so, "As time went on, the strain on the spirit caused it to stretch and contort, making it easier for the body to give up that fragment of her soul, though it still has a connection to it.
"So that's why she didn't forget the moment the transmutation was completed; because the soul's bond with her body was strong enough to keep it." Separating his two fingers once again, he stretched the rubber band out further than he had before and held it there. "But the Truth always gets what it wants, so even though that fragment of her soul continued existing here, Its hold was still strong enough to apply stress to the spirit so that it will eventually loosen," he pulled them as far apart as he could, resulting in the rubber band snapping, "And break."
"And… Is it broken," Roy asked with trepidation and disbelief.
Edward shook his head. "No… Not yet. And it's because she's showing signs of pain that you can tell." Bending over, he picked up the severed band and held it in the palm of his hand, examining it as he said, "The body and maybe even a fraction of the soul that remains recognizes you especially. In order to better understand these feelings of recognition, it draws on the part of the soul that does recognize you. The issue is that that part of the soul is becoming so foreign, that when it does enter the body, it rejects it. And rejection," he murmured as he pushed the rubber band around absently, "Is excruciatingly painful."
"What-what happens if it breaks," Roy reluctantly asked, although he knew the answer deep down.
Looking up at him and meeting Roy's dark eyes with his golden ones, Edward wistfully replied, "Then that part of her goes to the Gate. Only then," he paused for a moment to collect his thoughts, "It will be unattainable. Because once the connection with the spirit is severed, it cannot be reformed; it would vanish almost instantly. That's why we can't bring back the souls of those who have died…"
"Then what can we do," Roy asked with desperation.
Watching Roy intently, Edward said, "As long as the spirit is still connected, then there's still a chance at reclaiming that fragment of her soul. But… I don't know how we're going to do it yet. What I do know is that it will require human transmutation…"
Unable to find any words, Roy remained silent, taking it all in.
That was the only answer; to perform the taboo. Otherwise that part of her would die… And she would be lost to them forever…
"My Gate," Roy murmured under his breath, coming to a rapid conclusion.
Eyeing the Flame Alchemist carefully, Edward asked, "What was that?"
"My Gate," Roy repeated louder. "If I can sacrifice my Gate in exchange for-"
"No," Edward cut in as he shook his head, "That might not work-"
"Why," Roy cried out in desperation. "For what reason-"
"Who's to say she even has a Gate anymore," Edward answered definitively. "If she doesn't, then the second you give yours up you two will be stuck there. If you think it's hard pulling one person out of the Gate, imagine trying to reclaim two."
"She must have one though! How else could her soul get back here," Roy asked, trying to find something, anything that could be considered a loophole.
"Just because that part of her soul is able to transcend the boundary doesn't necessarily mean it's traveling through a Gate," Edward pointed out. "When Al's body called to his soul, all he remembers is waking up at the Gate or back in his armor when his blood seal dragged him back. The only time he remembers his soul traveling through the Gate is on the Promised Day.
"It's entirely possible that souls exclusively travel through a Gate, but without knowing definitively, there is always a chance they don't. And if that's so, you would be stuck there or have to exchange something of equal value… And I don't know what that could be."
Feeling his knees weaken, Roy reached out and clumsily groped for the wall, leaning into it once he found it.
What could he give up? Or better yet, what wouldn't he give up for her? His thoughts began to race as he contemplated all of the things he would sacrifice in order to bring her back.
What could it be? What could equal the value of what made her everything she was?
Seeing a shadow looming over him, Roy looked up to see Edward. His facial expression suggested that he had asked Roy a question. But honestly, he wasn't listening…
"We can consider what we're going to do after you tell me this: How much time do we have?"
"…What," Roy asked in confusion. How would he know? He hadn't a clue as to what state her spirit was in…
Seeing Roy's dazed expression, Edward elaborated, "What did the Fuhrer say? Did he tell you if or when the state would act or not?"
With all of the thoughts jumbling around in his head, Roy struggled to recall his conversation with the Fuhrer. After thinking about it for a few moments, he muttered, "We have time… He understands what we are doing and is willing to let us continue as long as…" He trailed off, losing himself in thought once again.
"As long as what," Edward asked with a hint of urgency in his voice.
"As long as… She doesn't hurt us or herself," Roy murmured in reply as he reached up to touch the bandage on his cheek.
Edward watched as he did so, his attention now focused to the large gauze patch on his face. His face twisting in discomfort, he muttered, "How is it?"
Still touching it absently, Roy muttered, "It's fine… Although it's still sore."
"Mind if I take a look," Edward said softly, his voice tinted with concern.
Roy eyed him for a moment, studying the young man's face. There was no getting it past him… Sighing heavily, he slowly peeled the bandage off his face as his eyes moved to focus on the floor. Once it was completely removed, he saw a look of disapproval cross Edward's face.
After remaining silent for a moment, Edward growled, "Well I can see why the Fuhrer would have that concern if he saw the state your face was in."
"It's nothing," Roy responded, trying to appear unconcerned.
"Nothing," Edward echoed it as a question. "You think that neglecting it is going to help our case?!"
Brushing his fingers over the sutures on his cheek, Roy replied, "At most it's a small infection. I've already called Dr. Knox about it. He said he would bring over antibiotics tomorrow."
Relaxing slightly, Edward backed off. "If you say so," he retorted, his eyes once again traveling to the stitched up wound. "Let's just make sure nothing else happens, okay?"
"Right," Roy agreed as he began to replace the gauze patch. However, just as he was about to retape it, they both heard a loud crash. Throwing the other a panicked look, the pair quickly raced into the hallway and flew toward the stairs, heading toward the noise.
Upon reaching the bottom of the stairs, Roy was immediately filled with dread when he saw that Riza was not longer where he had last seen her. Twisting around in a fit of panic, he desperately tried to locate her. Deciding on a direction, he bolted down the hallway and toward where he believed the sound to have originated from. Racing around the corner he stopped suddenly, causing Edward to crash into him and nearly force him over.
Standing in front of them was Riza, the shattered remains of the hallway's mirror scattered around her. Staring at the frame that once housed the glass, she remained unmoving, holding her bloodied right hand in her left as a considerable amount of blood trickled down her arm.
Seemingly unfazed by their presence, she held her hand closer to herself as she took a deep, shaking breath and whispered something Roy had hoped he would never hear her say:
"Monster."
After watching them leave and disappear, she looked down at the paper in her hands, studying it.
There appeared to be two people stuck inside of this paper. One that was obviously the dark-haired man, but the other… She wasn't sure.
Narrowing her eyes, she tried to recall what the golden-eyed man had called it. Unable to remember, she sighed, letting out a low and frustrated growl as she lowered her arm, still keeping a tight hold on the paper.
If she stared at it for too long, then it would try pushing again.
It had started doing it more and more frequently now. It was especially forceful this night, when the golden-eyed man pointed out the prisoners in paper. When he said a certain noise and she pointed out one of the captives, he would often show his teeth and say something excitedly.
So she played along.
After a while, however, her head began to spin and ache as it tried to play along to. It knew them. And as a result, it pushed and pushed until the hurt became unbearable.
Seeing this, the golden-eyed man stopped and picked up another paper; this one, however, had a variety of shapes in it and no people. It looked dull, thus causing her to lose interest.
It wasn't long after she had fallen asleep that the dark-haired man came back, which caused her heart to leap in her chest. At the same time, however, it also decided to push her again. Looking down at the paper helped alleviate it… slightly.
Now they were gone and had taken their worry with them and she was alone.
Good… The further the dark-haired one got, she found, the better she felt…
No longer able to think about the paper and the two people inside of it, she decided it was best to sleep. After standing and stretching, she stumbled forward as a rush of pain tore through her head.
It was still there…
Staggering, she tried desperately to make it stop as she used one hand to guide her along the hallway and the other to grip her throbbing skull.
When she moved forward again, the hand that was against the wall suddenly ran across something hanging on it. Reluctantly raising her head to see what it was, she saw someone else staring back.
She had blonde-hair. Saffron colored eyes. Silver ears…
Suddenly, it pushed again. This time as forcibly as possible.
The force which with it exerted this pressure had become so unbearable, so strong that it had begun to form words and sounds.
"I'm frightened."
"How can I continue following you when I'm like this?"
"It hurts…"
"At least something good has come of this…"
"Let them go!"
"You entrusted me…"
"It's not your fault… It never was."
"I trusted you."
"I love you too…"
"Roy…"
"Monster…"
Looking up, she saw the one in the glass looking back at her, saffron-colored eyes widened in despair.
Suddenly, she realized that it… She… Had said it.
The way the word had sunk in and sat there… It made her heart ache and throb.
She didn't disagree with it because she realized that it was her.
But it shouldn't be…
The longer she stared, the more she loathed what was looking back.
It wasn't right. Nothing was right.
It kept watching; anguish painted across its face.
She wanted it to stop.
It wasn't right.
It needed to stop.
She suddenly found her fist connecting with it, causing the image to fracture and crack before it shattered, sending hundreds of fragments of glass crashing to the floor below.
The resulting noise sounded off like an alarm, because within what seemed like mere moments, she heard them racing toward her. But even when they stopped, she didn't draw her focus away from where the image had been, too dazed and pained to move.
The word hurt, but that didn't stop her from whispering it again as she held her lacerated and bleeding hand closer to herself.
"Riza…"
She stopped, slowly allowing her eyes to wander toward him.
The way he uttered that word was so… familiar.
The way he said it made her heart skip.
But the warm feeling that filled her quickly vanished when she looked into his anguished, grief-stricken face.
It was enough for the force to push just a little more, causing a wave of agony magnitudes above what it had issued before to flood her entire body.
It was too much.
Reaching up, she clasped her hands on her head, crushing her ears against her skull.
No… That's not how they're supposed to be. They're supposed to be different.
She was supposed to be different.
Backpedaling as fast as she could, she slammed into a wall and slid down it, crumpling to the floor.
A heartbeat later she felt something… someone taking hold of her.
Through her blurring vision, she saw him.
No… Roy, it told her. But then… it suddenly drew back.
His… Roy's face…
Three ugly, raised marks ran across his cheek; the longest one stretching from his ear to the corner of his lip.
It… She did that…
Despite the fact it drew back, the hurt and realization it felt remained, flooding her entirety.
His… Roy's face was still there in her field of vision, causing it to backtrack until…
It suddenly tore away, ripping her consciousness away with it.
A/N: Hmm… I feel like this chapter was longer than 2.5K words, but I guess it wasn't! Regardless, I wanted to end it right here. And in case you didn't fully catch it or understand 'it' would be considered that missing piece of Riza's soul that is still? tethered to her body by the spirit.
If anyone still has questions, don't hesitate to PM me for a clearer explanation. Like I've said before, things can make sense in my head, but sometimes I'm afraid I don't explain them appropriately.
Anyways, I might be able to update this again by or after the upcoming long weekend. But first I will update Pressure Point. Right now I have about 500 words down for it. I just had to release this first because I was struck with the inspiration to write it.
Finally, thank you for the reviews, favorites, and follows! I apologize for not replying to reviews (I've been a lazy author…). So special thanks to Annie, Yorokobi Asahi, waddiwasiwitch, Hublehuh, and lupine-lunaris (who gets a special hello for just now joining the story and feeling the angst ',:) ).