Chapter 15

"Anakin!" she exclaimed. "What are you doing here?"

"I was just about to ask you the same thing," Vader said. "What are you doing here, Padmé? Why did you leave Naboo without a word to me about where you were going?"

Padmé was alarmed by the tone of his voice. Clearly he was angry, very angry. "I could ask you that too," she said. "I was coming to the ship to see you when I found out that it wasn't there, and I had no idea where you were," she said.

"So you came here?" he asked. "Of all the places in the galaxy, you came here? Did you come here to see Organa?"

"What?!" she cried.

"I saw you on the holonet," he said hotly. "I saw you with him, Padmé. Are you going to deny it?"

"No, I'm not going to deny that I saw Bail Organa," she said. "So what of it? He and I have known each other for years," she said. "I'm not sure what you're implying, Anakin."

"I'm not implying anything," Vader replied. "I'm just wondering why you came to a planet that I have been banned from," he said.

"Is everything alright?" Dormé asked. She had overheard the raised voices and started to grow concerned. She wasn't alone, Luke and Leia had also sensed the animosity between their parents, and were growing uneasy.

"This doesn't concern you," Vader said to Dormé. "This is between my wife and me."

Dormé frowned, trying not to be intimidated by him. She looked at Padmé, who was visibly upset.

"I'm Padmé' s friend," she said. "And you're clearly upsetting her, so it does concern me." She took Padmé by the hand and started to lead her away.

"Leave her alone!" Vader said, force pushing her. Dormé flew backwards and hit the wall behind her.

Padmé screamed and ran to her friend. "What's the matter with you?" she cried. She helped Dormé stand up, checking the back of her head. "Are you all right?"

Dormé shook her head, her eyes full of tears. "Still think he's Anakin?" she asked Padmé.

Vader was about to offer her a retort when he heard crying. He walked into the front room and his heart sank when he saw Luke and Leia sitting on the floor amidst their building blocks, crying. What have I done? he thought with self-loathing. Why can't I stop being such a monster?

He left the room and went back to the foyer where Threepio was handing Padmé an ice pack to apply to Dormé's head. Padmé looked up at him, her dark eyes full of pain and disappointment.

"I think you need to leave," she said quietly.

"When are you and the twins coming home?" he asked.

"I don't know," she said. "Please leave."

Vader knew that any hope for a relationship with his wife was on the line, and decided to respect her wishes and leave. He did so without another word.

En route to Naboo

Vader felt himself spiralling into a deep depression as he few home. The look on his children's faces was one he knew would haunt him for a long time. And then there was Padmé. The expression in her eyes as she asked him to leave had served to drive all traces of anger from him, leaving him feeling ashamed and empty inside. How can I ever expect her to accept me if I act like a monster? Qui-Gon warned me but I didn't listen...why didn't I listen? Why didn't I just take time to cool off? What the hell is wrong with me?

"You've made quite a mess of things, haven't you?" Qui-Gon said as he appeared in the shuttle.

Vader said nothing. The last thing he needed was to be told what a mess he'd made.

"When are you going to learn to listen to me, Anakin?" he said. "I thought you trusted me."

"I trust you," Vader said. "You know that."

"And yet you disregard my advice," Qui-Gon said. "And now look at the mess you've made."

"Yes, I know what a mess I've made," Vader said. "I am fully aware of the mess I've made. What I don't know is how the hell I'm going to clean it up. Any suggestions? You are always full of advice. Give me some now."

"I've never been married, Anakin," Qui-Gon said. "But I do know a thing or two about women."

"Enlighten me," Vader said.

"Give her space," Qui-Gon said. "It sounds to me like she has some thinking to do. Give her the opportunity to do that, Anakin."

Vader considered this. "But if I give her space, how will she know how I feel?" he asked. "She needs to know how sorry I am, how much I love her and the twins, how desperately I want a future together."

"You can still tell her those things," Qui-Gon said. "Send her a message, a holo...there are ways you can do that without pressuring her."

Vader nodded. "I suppose so," he said. "But being apart from her...I hate the thought of it."

"Yes," Qui-Gon said. "I know you do. But consider it the price for being ..."

"Stupid?" Vader offered.

"Stupid fits," Qui-Gon said with a smile.

Vader nodded. "It does," he said. "Thank you, Master," he said. "For not giving up on me."

"I've always believed in you, Anakin," Qui-Gon said. "And I always will. May I suggest that you spend the time apart fruitfully? Who knows? Perhaps by the time Padmé is ready to talk, you'll be able to do it face to face."

Vader looked at him, his words exciting him. "That would be incredible," he said.

Qui-Gon nodded. "It would," he said. "No, it will."

Coruscant

"Dormé I'm so sorry," Padmé said as they sat together in the living room. They had put Luke and Leia to bed, with a lot of stories and songs. Both children had been very upset about what had happened earlier. They were not alone in their feelings.

"It wasn't your fault, Padmé," she said.

"I should never have come here," Padmé said. "It was a bad decision. I didn't expect that he'd come after me that way."

"Clearly the man is obsessed with you, Padmé," Dormé said. "He's possessive, irrational and dangerous. I think you need to stay away from him. You need to keep Luke and Leia away from him."

Padmé knew that there was no way she could make Dormé see things from her point of view, and didn't even try.

"I'm going to bed," Padmé said. "And I think you should go too," she said.

Dormé nodded. "Goodnight then," she said, standing up.

Padmé headed to her bedroom, fighting the waves of despair that beset her. When she got there, she saw that there was a message waiting for her on the computer. She sat down at the console and opened the message. She grew tense at once when she saw Vader appear on the screen.

Hello Padmé. There's no way I can adequately apologize for what happened earlier. Please extend my apologies to Dormé. I hope she isn't hurt. I have no excuse, no explanation for my actions. I think part of it is that I am so desperately in love with you that it makes me crazy, and the thought of losing you even more so. When I found out that you were on Coruscant, and saw you with Organa...I lost my mind. I am trying so hard to change, and then I do something idiotic like today. I know you need time to process everything, and I'm going to give you time, time and space. I hope you know how much a want a future with you and our children. I hope you know how much I love you all, and how desperately I'm trying to change. It isn't easy, but I am highly motivated. My lung capacity is up to 37 percent now, and that is giving me hope. But without you and the twins, it's meaningless. Please let me know when you are ready to see me again. Until then, know that I will miss you all very much. I love you, Padmé.

Padmé closed the message, tears rolling down her face. "I love you too, Ani," she said.

Naboo

Vader put himself in the hands of the three Jedi masters over the course of the next several weeks. The meditation regimen they put him on was gruelling. He was physically and mentally exhausted when he retired to his chamber each night. When he wasn't meditating, he was in the bacta tank, where his burn damaged skin had begun to show signs of recovery. He had not heard from Padmé in the month they'd been apart, and it had been extremely difficult for him not to reach out to her. He missed her desperately, he missed his children desperately. But he was following Qui-Gon's advice and staying away, no matter how painful it was for him.

"Good afternoon, Lord Vader," the medic said as he entered the medical wing for his weekly check up. The news had been progressively getting better, the last time he'd had his lungs examined the capacity had been up to 72 percent. The doctor had even mentioned the possibility of Vader being able to remove his mask permanently, if the progress continued. He couldn't imagine living without it, and did his best not to get his hopes up.

Vader knew the routine by now, and submitted to the droids to be examined. He closed his eyes as they prepared his for the examination. Where are you, Padmé? he thought. Are you back on Naboo? Or have you remained on Coruscant for the past month? Will you ever forgive me? Will you ever reach out to me? Or are we finished?

"Well sir, this is good news," the medic said. "Your lung capacity is up to 93 percent!"

Vader was sure he'd misheard. "Did you say 93?" he said.

"I did," the medic replied. "I think it's time, Lord Vader. Time to see what life is like without the mask."

The droids removed the ventilator, and then helped Vader to sit up. Vader felt strange without his mask, and considerably lighter.

"Take a deep breath, Lord Vader," he said. "Nice and slow."

Vader was almost afraid to take a breath without the aid of his respirator. Tentatively he inhaled, astounded that he lungs worked. He exhaled, the sensation more exhilarating than he remembered. He looked over at the medic, who stood by watching. "This is incredible," he said, unaccustomed to the sound of his unaltered voice.

The medic nodded with a smile. "It is," he agreed. "Congratulations, Lord Vader. You've worked a medical miracle. I don't know how you did it, but you did it."

Vader nodded. He looked down at his suit. "Does that mean I can get rid of all this?" he asked.

"Part of it, most definitely," the doctor said. "We can remove the chest implants right now. You still have prosthetics, and until such time as you decide to have them replaced, you will need to keep them covered and protected."

"Is there a way to ...regenerate my limbs?" he asked. "So I wouldn't need prosthetics?"

The medic frowned. "I'm not sure about that, sir," he said. "Perhaps the technology exists on Kamino, I'm not sure."

Vader nodded. "I'll look into it," he said.

"But in the mean time, perhaps we could improve the quality of the prosthetics," the media said. "If you don't mind me saying so, the ones you were fitted with two years ago were not well designed at all."

This did not surprised Vader. "Make it happen," he said. "In addition , I'd like you to make the appropriate modifications to this suit. Stream line it as much as possible."

"We'll start right away," he said.