Friday, January 24th, 2014.

This morning was particularly difficult in terms of getting myself to wake up and get out of bed. Probably the after-effects of all that bath salt that I dumped myself with after the horrible debacles of the day before. You know how some food and drinks leave a really, really bad after-taste when you consume them? For me, I know that certain teas and mint in particular have really bad after-tastes - well, mint is kinda weird 'cause it's not that I hate the taste or flavor of mint, it's just that I get really irritated by the fact that it lingers in my mouth for so damn long. That's kinda why I always tend to steer away from mint gum and mint products, unless it's toothpaste. I've been using mint toothpaste for so long that I just got used to it. But not gum. Don't think I'll ever get used to mint gum.

Though, because of what happened yesterday, it was kinda awkward having Houshou give me my breakfast when it was breakfast time at the mess hall. The whole incident with her yesterday still irked me, but it's like she wasn't aware of what had happened, so I just told myself to let it go - no point in itching old wounds and reopening them again. I just need to not miss mealtime - or just make my own damn food, which I can easily do. Come to think of it, I probably should have made my own food when that whole shit went down with Houshou, but at the time I was just pissed off and just went straight back to work since that was the only reasonable choice I thought I had at the time. But oh well, no reason to dwell on old shit now.

It was during breakfast time that I talked to Fubuki and told her what HQ had told me, about the whole ship girl request petition. Fubuki seemed pretty happy with the news, and she urged me to go ahead and request her ship sister Shirayuki, which I said I'd think about. It would really help if I had like a catalog or a roster with ship girls and their capabilities on them, so I'd be better able to make a reasonable call on who to request from a commander's standpoint.

After breakfast and before heading back to my office to get started on the usual morningtime paperwork, I visited the infirmary to check on Murakumo and Kirishima. Akashi greeted me as usual, but I could tell that she was still really tired from the surgeries that she had to perform. I informed her about the new dockyards we were going to construct on base, from the email that HQ had sent me, and that cheered Akashi way up, because apparently, this means that it'll decrease her workload significantly, especially for moderate wounds like Kitakami's severed hand or things like that. Obviously for heavy wounds like the ones to the degree of those Kirishima, Murakumo, and Samidare all suffered, she'd still have to treat and operate on significantly, but instead of taking a few days or up to a week for them to recover, with the new dockyards and nano-bot bathwater, they'll at most take a day. Around sixteen hours tops for aircraft carriers, according to Akashi. So I guess that's an incentive to get started as quickly as possible on these new baths once supplies and plans come in, whenever they'll come in, anyway.

Murakumo was still sleeping when I came to visit her and Kirishima, but thankfully Kirishima was awake. Kirishima tried to sit up and salute, but 'cause she couldn't because of her surgery, I told her to relax and refrain from saluting me until she was fully recovered. She apologized right away for getting herself heavily damaged, and I told her that it was okay, so long as everyone had come back alive. I told her about HQ's email about the ship girl requesting, and Kirishima understood. She told me to request her ship sisters Kongou, Haruna, and Hiei if I could. Any one of them would do, according to her, so I guess I'll have to keep that in mind.

Error came in while I was working during the morning with some tea for me. Simple green tea, but it's my favorite tea 'cause it's so simple to make and great to drink. She told me that since Batsubyou had knocked over my glass of tea yesterday, she was making amends and wanted me to drink it, so I accepted. If there's one drink that I can drink forever, it's green tea. You can have it cold, warm, hot, whatever to fit your fancy. Well, maybe that and barley tea. Those two teas are awesome. I would gladly trade in all the sodas and sugary drinks that I could get in America for simple teas like barley and green tea. So much for being American, I suppose.

Ooyodo at one point during the morning asked me about my uniform, if I didn't want to wear the Japanese-issued white naval officer uniform. I told her that unfortunately, she was right. I didn't really feel like wearing it 'cause it would be weird for me. Wearing a Japanese uniform when clearly I'm an American, working for the American military and navy. But then again, it's like, well, I'm on Japanese territory, commanding Japanese ship girls, speaking Japanese. So what the hell should I do? Damned if I do, damned if I don't. In the end, I just decided to keep wearing my own uniform, but not with the intent of portraying a rebellious or anti-Japanese sentiment. Just what was comfortable with me. Ooyodo understood and apologized for asking me something so personal. Seriously, what's with these girls and apologizing for asking questions like that? I thought they'd be asking questions like that nonstop.

I sent HQ another email with more questions regarding the whole requesting ship girls thing, and to my big surprise, they practically responded almost right away with a PDF attachment that lists all ship girls that've - er, no, who've - been constructed so far and told me to pick from that roster. It was really interesting, but I only had to skim through it since I needed to get back to work. I saved it for later, and I read through it just earlier before writing this entry, so I'll talk about the roster a bit later on.

For today's mission, I sent everyone out again, this time including Houshou. It shouldn't be a surprise that I felt less guilt sending out Houshou, for obvious reasons. Again, today was a reconnaissance mission, this time, though, to the eastern waters of Sector B. This time, however, I told them to retreat immediately if they sighted any battleship-class Abyssal ship or any vessel of equivalent strength or greater. Until we get those reinforcements next Monday, I won't risk having casualties inflicted on my fleet like what happened to Samidare, Murakumo, and Kirishima.

After sending everyone off, I began work on the comprehensive report of the Moebius Four Armament Program. I'll provide a copy of it in this journal for future reference as well once I'm finished - I mean, may as well, right. Thing is, now that I've started working on it, it doesn't feel like it'll take me a long time or much effort, since I've already been briefed heavily about this program enough to make me acquainted with what I should expect about being here and all. So I guess it wasn't as bad as I thought. But the bitterness about just having to do it in the first place still pisses me off. Fucking Americans, because it's always okay to be racist towards your own nationality, right? I'm white, so who the fuck cares if I start calling other white people crackers, they don't give a damn. No one takes self-derogatory racist remarks seriously, anyways. And especially if you're American, it seems like dissing Americans is like a new international fad or something, so bonus points 'cause no one gives a shit about Americans. Kappa.

Speaking of Kappa, I do admit to having a couple Twitch streams open while working in the morning...it seems like the ship girls don't really understand the whole concept of streaming and the more recent online social media phenomena, 'cause Ooyodo didn't understand what was going on when she noticed it. Well, I mean, better to keep it that way, I guess. But it's definitely tough watching streams that I used to watch 'cause I'm about eight or nine hours' difference from everyone else. That being said, for stuff like Starcraft streams like Proleague and the GSL, it's perfect 'cause they usually air at around 6 in the evening, sometimes at three in the afternoon for certain qualifiers, so in that respect it's been awesome being able to watch them at reasonable times and not having to either wake up ridiculously early at five in the morning or staying up until then just to watch some high-level Starcraft. First world problems, heh.

This afternoon wasn't really that eventful, seeing that I sent everyone off on sortie and I was spending most of the afternoon getting as much done of the comprehensive report as I could.

Except for one thing. Mamiya entered my room to give me a plate of freshly cut apple slices, which was a real treat because I love apples, and I honestly didn't expect to get any here at base (at least, not any time soon). You can imagine my face when I realized what Mamiya was holding as she entered my office, so I'm super grateful to Mamiya for being so damn considerate. But as it turned out, the apples were only an excuse for Mamiya to talk to me about what happened between me and Houshou. She had noticed our icy exchange earlier this morning and wondered if there was something going on between us, and it had concerned her so much so that she decided to come and ask me directly. I asked her why she didn't just go and ask Houshou about what happened instead, and she replied that she already had, but Houshou wouldn't say anything, that it wasn't a big deal and needed no further attention. Understandable reaction.

So I told her what had happened yesterday. The whole incident about her giving me a single small bowl of cold rice and the part when I wasted dinner by spilling it accidentally onto the floor due to a simple mishap. I honestly told Mamiya what was going through my head and what I felt during those moments, how pissed off I got and how I reacted, shit like that. Mamiya looked positively shocked by what I said, and when I finished, she freakin' got on the ground and bowed to me, to my utter surprise. Like, what the fuck, why're you bowing to me all of a sudden!? Mamiya pleaded with me to forgive Houshou, that she just wanted me to become acclimated to Japanese culture and Japanese ways of life, that she wasn't doing all that to alienate me or anything. I told her to stop bowing because she was making me feel really, really, really uncomfortable, like Houshou actually did something wrong, which she didn't. It wasn't like there was any apology that needed to be made, I was just saying what had happened. I don't think I was talking as though I were trying to guilt-trip Mamiya or anyone, at least I'm pretty sure I don't think I did. I told Mamiya that I didn't harbor any true ill will towards Houshou and that whatever bitterness that I had from yesterday would disperse over time. I'm not one to hold grudges for very long anyway.

So it took a full half a fucking hour to convince Mamiya that I seriously didn't totally hate Houshou. Maybe it would've been a lot, lot better if I just told Mamiya that it wasn't a big deal like Houshou had told her. I don't know if Mamiya herself is just a really sensitive person, or if the reaction she gave me was the kind of reaction I ought to expect on a regular basis, not just from her. I just don't know. It seems like now that I've lived here at Okinawa for long enough, I'm beginning to notice the differences that come with living in a different country. People just...behave differently here, and I'm not really sure how to go about approaching them. And even if I try to act all polite and stuff, somewhere in the back of my head, there's always that annoying feeling that I'm doing something I'm not supposed to be. I just hope that there won't be any more of these, but even as I write this, I know that there's bound to be more and more incidents like this - more misunderstandings, more rising emotions, and more hours I've gotta waste sulking and being pissed off instead of doing my goddamn work and doing something actually productive.

But like I said, besides the talk with Mamiya, I just worked on the report all afternoon and into the evening until the task force came back, thankfully with no casualties, but most of them were really tired, so after dinner, basically all of them went straight to sleep, with the exception of Houshou, who still ran Shinsengumi even after coming back from a sortie. I decided to pay Houshou a visit, and when I got there, she welcomed me and invited me to the bar, where I just ordered a glass of Ramune. I know that normally I need to order alcohol or somethin' like that when I'm at a bar, but honestly, I don't feel it. I reserve drinking for proper times, not when I'm alone.

I asked Houshou why she was still running Shinsengumi when it was clear that no one was gonna come by and order anything, and Houshou said that you never knew for sure if someone was going to come in for something, like me, Akashi, Ooyodo, Mamiya, or Irako. And besides, Houshou said that just because she was tired from a sortie didn't mean that she automatically had the luxury to slack off and not operate her izakaya that I was gracious enough to give her permission to build and had helped her build. She said that it would be wasting everyone's efforts that had gone into constructing it, and more importantly, my decision to make it a reality in the first place, for without my consent, Shinsengumi wouldn't even exist for the enjoyment of everyone at base.

I just told Houshou that she was giving me too much credit. Those were just words - actions speak louder than words, surely. I valued our actions more than my own words, so how could that possibly make sense?

But this's where I remember our conversation quite distinctly, 'cause it's only been an hour or so since then:

"Teitoku, perhaps that was how you lived in America. I am aware that in America, people value actions much more than words. But here in Japan, that is not necessarily always the case. Certainly there are situations in which actions do speak louder than words. But there are also times when words are just as important as actions. We take words very seriously. Simply saying that words mean nothing means that you are not being considerate towards the context - by saying that your words are negligible, you are undermining your own authority as our Teitoku. And should you keep doing so, the other ship girls will take it as a cue to stop following your orders because they think you are not taking your own job seriously. Do you understand?"

"Yeah, well, I get that, but I'm just saying that...that you guys put in the real effort to actually building it. My words alone didn't build this place, right?"

"Perhaps not, but your words gave us the will to build Shinsengumi. And for that, I thank you. The Ramune is on the house, Teitoku."

"Er...you don't have to do that, I can just pay - "

"No, it is also as part of my apology for my behavior yesterday after lunch. Mamiya-san came in earlier today and talked to me about that incident, and just earlier when I returned from our sortie, she informed me about the conversation you had with her whilst we were away."

"Oh...well, shit..." (I was facepalming and feeling really bad right around here)

"I, too, was having a rough day yesterday. Several things went wrong here with the izakaya, and I had cut my finger while making lunch yesterday." (She showed me the bandage that she put around her middle finger) "For that, I am terribly sorry and wish to apologize. Someone like me...I should not have acted so foolishly towards my own superior like that."

Houshou went on to ask if I wanted to give her some kind of punishment for her disorderly conduct for yesterday, which completely baffled me. Who the fuck in their right mind would voluntarily ask for punishment? So obviously I refused, saying that I saw no reason for there to be any punishment of any kind. since all parties were more or less at fault. Houshou just smiled at me and asked me why not. I asked her if she was a masochist. She immediately said no and to stop making weird conclusions. I apologized straight away.

I told her that I'd given enough punishments throughout my military career as an Army and Navy officer in the American military. Sometimes it was warranted, but most times I had to issue punishments or other such orders, it wasn't really what I'd call fun. I'm not a sadist or a sick fuckjob, so watching a guy get flogged twenty times or stickin' someone in the slammer (solitary confinement unit) weren't the most glorious aspects of my job. Plus, the other soldiers would get pissed off at me, when lots of times it wasn't even me who determined the kind of punishment, I was only the friggin' messenger boy. I told Houshou that honestly, I was sick and tired of giving punishments for the stuff my subordinates did wrong and instead wanted to give rewards for things they did well or they did right. Constantly punishing people constructs a sort of pseudo-system of fear and/or resentment that I would much rather do without. There's enough hatred and bitterness and sadness and suffering going on in the world, shit that ordinary people have the luxury of never, ever seeing, and I don't particularly feel keen on contributing even more to them. I've given out enough punishments; I'm done with them. I just told Houshou that I was thankful that I didn't have a reason to hand out such punishments forced down my fucking throat.

So in the end, everything smoothed over. It was just coincidence that Houshou and I both had pretty rough days at the same time, and 'cause of our short fuses, we kinda bumped heads a little. Well, I'm just glad that I don't have to feel awkward or uncomfortable around Houshou every time I walk into the mess hall, God, that would've sucked.

Anyways, to end this entry, I looked over the PDF that contained the roster of current ship girls who've already been constructed. I've sought out the ones mentioned by Fubuki and Kirishima, obviously, but I'm looking at some of the submarines and maybe an extra battleship and standard carrier - maybe even a light carrier to augment my fleet. Who knows, none of my requests are gonna be finalized anyway. But it's something to look forward to, at least.