Chapter Forty-Seven:

"So if we try the new drug for a few weeks, the tumor effecting his vision might shrink. If that's the case, then surgery might be appropriate," Robin said as she looked over the notes she and Patrick were sharing. She took a bite of the Chinese food he had picked up and Emma was doing her homework at the kitchen table after she ate. They had been working most of the afternoon and evening, stopping to pick Emma up from school.

"Or, we could operate, remove most of the tumor, and then use the meds to try and keep the tumor in line," he said as he took the food and ate some more.

"It's too risky. Aaron has a lot of cognition issues, but he is relatively stable except for his vision. We need to be conservative," she said firmly.

"It's not risky. I can do it."

She looked at him and smiled.

"What?" he asked as he sat back.

"I missed your arrogance."

He laughed.

"I think I did, too," he said.

"I hate school!" Emma said and slammed her book.

Patrick looked at Robin and they both went into the kitchen.

"Em? What's wrong?"

"I have to write a paragraph for Language Arts and I can't do it."

Robin smiled and sat down next to Emma, looking at her homework.

"What are you supposed to write about?"

She looked at her and her eyes filled with tears.

"I was supposed to write about who is my hero."

Patrick sat down with them and smiled.

"So? What's the problem? We can help you if you want."

She shook her head and ran to her room.

Robin looked at him and they were both at a loss.

"Come on," he said, and they walked to her room.

"Emma? Can you please talk to us? Why is this assignment making you upset?" Patrick asked as they walked into her room.

"I don't want anyone to get mad," she said through her tears.

"Why would we get mad?" Robin asked as she sat on the bed next to her.

Patrick smiled when he watched her sit on the bed, no fears because Emma needed her.

"Because I told Mrs. Trinke that you were my hero, but when I was writing, I worried daddy would be sad," she said and looked at Patrick. "Daddy, you are my hero, too. You and mommy are so strong and brave and I want to write that you are both my hero."

Patrick sniffed and Robin hugged her daughter.

"I think you're wrong," she said softly "The real hero in this family is you."

Patrick smiled and sat on the other side of Emma.

"Your mom is right. You have handled everything that life has put in front of you with such honor and grace, just like your middle name. We are so proud to have you as our daughter and there is nothing you ever have to be sad to tell us."

Emma leaned into him and he hugged her while Robin wiped her eyes.

"Daddy is right. We love you so much. I have an idea. How about you write your paragraph on how you truly feel. If you want to talk about both of us, then you should. If you want to pick someone else, then you can do that, too. The most important thing is that you do your work in a way that makes you proud to put your name on it."

Emma smiled and nodded.

"Okay. I want to write about both of you."

Patrick watched as she jumped up and went back to the kitchen.

Robin wiped her eyes and Patrick smiled at her.

"You okay?"

She nodded.

"Yeah," she stood up. "I really am."

"Come on," he said and they went back into the family room.

XXXX

A couple hours later, Emma was asleep and Robin sat down on the couch after cleaning things up. Patrick walked in with a cup of coffee and she smiled as she took it.

"This was so nice," she said as he sat down. "I can't remember the last time I had such a normal evening. Thank you."

He smiled and took a drink of his coffee.

"I don't think thanking me is right. This is your family. We are your family."

She put the cup down and sighed.

"Do you miss it?"

"What?"

"The life you were planning with Sam."

He went to get up when she touched his arm.

"Wait. I didn't mean it like that. Your life has been blown up twice because of me and I know that you don't enter into commitments easily. I just wanted to know if you were missing the life you planned to live."

"Yes."

She nodded, trying to hide her sadness.

"I'm truly sorry about that. I can't imagine what it must be like to have me walk back into your life twice like this. It's got to be annoying," she smiled, trying to make a little joke.

He took her hand and tilted her face to look at him.

"Yes because the life I planned to live was with you. The future I always dreamt of was with you. When I saw my future, it was nights like this. I wanted to build our dream home on our property and watch Emma grow and maybe add to our family. I wanted to fight with you and make up and laugh and cry and just live. I dreamt of this; simple amazing nights like this."

She blinked and her tears spilled over her cheeks and she quickly wiped them away.

"I dreamt of this, too," she said softly. "But life isn't our dreams. I think it's best we realize that now."

He reached to her cheek and stroked her soft flesh.

"You're right. Life isn't about living our dreams. It's about staying together, even when it's hard. I realize that sounds completely hypocritical, seeing as how it was my decision to end our marriage. All I can say is that things aren't always as they seem. I was angry and hurt and I can't change my actions, no matter how much I wish I could. I can't take back hurting you and I can't make the horrific days and nights you suffered go away. What I can do is be a better man moving forward."

She listened to him and sighed.

"You really don' have to apologize for moving on with your life. Everything I did and said to you made you believe I was okay with leaving you. You aren't a mind reader and much of what happened was because I was angry, too."

He was surprised at that.

"What do you mean?"

She tucked her legs up under her on the couch and shrugged.

"I was angry with you for moving on. I was angry you didn't look at me at the church and dump Sabrina on the spot. I was angry I had to wait for you for so long. I was angry you wanted me to have a child so soon after coming home. I was angry you made me feel less than important to you."

Her words stung his confidence and she reached out to take his hand.

"I'm not saying this to hurt you," she said softly. "I'm saying it because I was wrong. I was gone for almost two years and I know you had to move on with your life. You didn't know I was alive and if I was truly honest with myself, I would never want you to remain alone. You are such an amazing man, Patrick, and I just wanted our life to be everything we planned. We survived so much and after everything with Lisa, it was our time to flourish. I was so mad that our chance was taken from us and I just wanted to get back to you so badly."

He wiped the tear that fell from his eye and she smiled.

"When I left with Victor, I was lost. I could only think that Jason was stuck in a hell similar to what I went through and I couldn't imagine just leaving him like that. I left you no way to help me and you cutting ties with me made sense, although it broke my heart. I'm truly sorry I ruined so much of your life."

"Stop this," he said and got up. "Just stop saying these things."

She sighed and stood up to face him.

"It's how I feel."

"It's shit. You making these excuses for my behavior is absurd. All of the things you were angry about you should have been angry about. I should have wrapped you in my arms and carried you home and never turned to look at Sabrina again. I should have held you and loved you and asked you what you went through. I should have let you take the lead at home and whatever made you happy should have been enough. Asking you to have another child was incredibly selfish and then dealing with Sabrina being pregnant had to kill you. I went to work with the woman who tortured you and let it go because of a stupid contract that meant nothing when it came to my wife and how much I love you. I should have been the husband you deserved. I should have been the man you thought I was."

She walked closer to him and placed her hands on his chest, moving them up to his shoulders and to his face.

He looked into her eyes and they mirrored his with emotion.

"What do we do next? Where do we go from here?" she asked softly.

He lowered his mouth to hers and pressed his lips against hers in a soft kiss that quickly turned passionate. She turned to let his tongue split the seam of her lips and enter her warm cheeks.

His hands wrapped around her and up through her long hair and she grasped his wrists with her hands, moaning into his kiss.

"Robin," he said as they broke apart.

"I understand. Sometimes it's just too much to deal with."

She turned to sit on the couch and he followed.

"No, it isn't."

"You should go home," she said. "It's late and you must be tired."

"I'd like to stay here," he said. "I'd like to stay with my family."

"We can't play house. It's not real and it's confusing."

"What do you mean? Did you not just feel what I felt?"

She tucked her hair behind her ears.

"Passion has never been our problem, Patrick. I just don't know what to do next. I don't know what's right."

"What feels right?"

"Being with you feels right, but that isn't helping me to heal. I have to be able to survive on my own. I have to learn to be alone."

"Why? Why do you insist on saying that?"

She felt her tears come and her eyes met his.

"I need to deal with what happened to me. If I was raped," she stopped and started to cry before she pulled herself together. "If I was raped, I need to find a way to come to terms with that. I need to be whole again. I need to figure out what my life looks like."

He nodded and looked at his hands.

"And you don't know if that life is with me."

She sighed.

"No. I'm sorry."

He stood up and nodded.

"I'll come over in the morning and we can take Emma to school and then you and I can go talk to Mark about Aaron."

She should stop him. She should tell him she didn't mean it. She should ask him to hold her and tell her it would be okay.

She did none of that.

"Okay."

"Okay," he said and walked out.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

I would love some reviews!