Chapter Fifty-Three:

Patrick was waiting for Robin while she took her meds. He hadn't started her massage yet and he hoped it would work. The talking they were doing was really important, but it was exhausting. He knew this all needed to come out if there was any hope of moving forward.

He pulled his shirt off and sat there in his slacks, looking around the room. It was homey, but sparse. He needed to talk to her about that. Not about her place, but his.

"Hey, you okay?" she asked, startling him from his thoughts.

"Oh, yeah, sorry. I was just thinking," he smiled at her.

"I can see that," she smiled and sat down, trying not to stare at his bare torso. "Want to talk about it?"

"I think we've talked a lot for one night, don't you think?" he grinned.

"Good point," she smiled. "But you seem distracted, so it's okay if you want to get it off your chest."

He was quiet and then he sighed.

"I want to sell the house."

"Oh," she said, not expecting that. "Is there somewhere you want to move to?"

He realized she meant out of town and he smiled.

"No, but that house was ours and I've made it into something I can't stomach. I want to start a new life and I think it should be in a new house. I don't feel like it holds anything but negative energy and I want a fresh start."

She nodded.

"Then you should do that. You shouldn't have to be in a house that doesn't feel like a home."

"You don't have a problem with me selling it?"

She shook her head and looked at him.

"Why would I? It's your house."

"It was our house, Robin."

She sighed.

"When I signed the papers, albeit under duress, I saw that you didn't want to fight over any property, and I didn't contest anything. The papers were filed, so it's yours. My only issue is custody of Emma, but with the amount of time I've been gone, I doubt I would get any type of custody. I'm grateful for you allowing me to spend so much time with her."

"Stop saying things like that," he said and stood up, pacing. "I'm not allowing you to spend time with her, she needs you and she loves you. You are her mother and that is the most important part of any of this. I would never, ever keep her from you, Robin. You have to know that."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you angry. I just really appreciate how you have made sure to not ever let any of this mess touch Emma. She is such an amazing child and that is all you. What happened in her young life could have had a detrimental effect on her and it's like she hasn't known any sadness. You have made her life the best it could be and I can never tell you enough how much that means to me."

"She learned that from you, Robin," he said as he looked at her. "She has your courage and tenacity and she never lets anyone tell her she can't do something. Your absence was felt every day from both of us, but we knew the best tribute we could do was to live the life you wanted for us."

She took his hand and pulled him to the bed.

"If you want to sell the house, I support that. I think we should all have a fresh start. Is there anything of mine still there that I can pack up?"

He sat with her and his chin quivered.

"Everything of yours is still there."

She reached to his cheek and stroked his skin.

"How about that massage?"

He took a deep breath and exhaled before he nodded.

"Lay on your stomach," he said as he took the lotion and she did as he asked. He sat next to her and gathered her long hair in his hands and moved it over her shoulder. He saw her close her eyes and he could see the lashes were wet.

"Are you okay?" he asked her.

She nodded and he knew she was fighting the fear of being in the bed.

He took the lotion and squeezed it on his hands before he pressed his palms to her shoulders, slowly massaging her soft skin and feeling the tension in her muscles.

"You feel tense, have you been under any stress?" he asked with a playful tone and she grinned.

"Maybe just a smidge."

He laughed and worked his hands down her arms and back up to her shoulders. Her breathing was slow and steady and he didn't know if she was still awake.

His hands moved down her back and he wanted to pull her nightshirt up but he didn't know if she would be okay with that. He just massaged over the material, but from her light snores, he realized she was asleep.

"No!" she yelled and shot up, knocking him off the bed.

He scrambled back up and she looked at him for a second before he sat down and reached to her and she crawled into his arms.

"It's okay," he said as he held her. "It's going to be okay."

She cried and her body shook before she took a shaky breath.

"I'm so scared, Patrick."

He kissed her forehead and sat back.

"Of what? Can you tell me what happened?"

"What if I never get past this? What if what happened to me makes it so I can never be normal again?"

He smiled and wiped her cheeks.

"Of all the things I would say to describe you, normal has never been one of them."

She smiled a little but made no move to leave the comfort of his arms.

"You need to give yourself a break. For the last almost three years, your life has been out of your control. It's completely understandable that you are having trouble letting that go. Now, add to that what you are remembering about what you were put through, it's a wonder you feel comfortable letting me so close. You are going to be okay. You are going to feel better and you are going to be as normal as you want. I promise."

"Nothing about what happened reminds me of you. I have always loved your hands on me and your body next to mine. Nothing they did was reminiscent of anything having to do with love. I just find that when I fall asleep in a bed, I wake up back in that dark room tied up. I don't know how to make that stop."

"Well, I think we need to ask Dr. Holly about what we can do to help you with that. I want to do whatever we can to make you feel safe and loved. Whatever it takes is what we will do, okay?"

Robin nodded and ran her fingers over his chest.

"Thank you for being here."

He stroked her cheek and leaned in to kiss her forehead.

"Thank you for letting me help you."

"Can I do something for you?" she asked after they sat there for a minute.

He raised his eyebrows and smiled.

"Like what?"

"Will you let me give you a massage?"

"You don't have to do that. I don't want you to feel uncomfortable."

She smiled and shrugged.

"I would like to touch you, if that's okay."

He swallowed and nodded.

"Always."

"Take your pants off and lie on your back."

He did as she asked while she took the lotion. She sat next to him and squirted the lotion on his chest before she slowly ran her hands over his torso, up and back over his broad shoulders and down his pecks. She pushed her hands over his chest and down to his sides before she moved back up.

"I missed this," she said softly. "I missed the feel of your skin and the way it quivers under my touch."

He watched her every move and even though they weren't doing anything other than massaging, it was one of the most intimate and erotic moments of his life.

"Turn over," she said softly and he did. She began to massage his back and tried not to stare at his buttocks. She wanted to love him, so much, but she wouldn't do that. She didn't trust any of this just yet and although she believed him and all he said, she didn't know if they could ever be the way they were.

"Robin? Where did you go?" he asked as he sat up. She had stopped his massage and was staring at nothing.

"I think you should go home," she said.

"What?" he sat up and stared at her. "Why?"

"Because I don't know what I'm doing. I don't want to lead you on and I'm not ready for anything to happen yet. I think it would be best if you left.

"Robin, don't push me away. I'm not asking for anything more than to hold you tonight. We have said a lot and I think it's clear for both of us that we want to be in each other's lives. Don't shut me out."

"I want to touch you, to love you and to feel your body with mine, but I'm scared it's too soon and I'm afraid to let my heart be so unguarded. I'm afraid to lose you again."

"So you figure you won't get attached and then there's no possibility of hurt?"

She nodded and he smiled.

"It's too late for that. What we've done tonight; the talking and the touching, it's the most intimate I think I've ever been with anyone. My heart is already open. There is nothing I can hide that you haven't seen."

She didn't say anything; she just lay down next to him and looked up at the ceiling.

"I don't know that I can trust my judgment," she said softly.

He leaned on his arm and looked at her.

"I know. I think we need time, but I will gain back your trust."

She reached to his cheek and smiled.

"I trust you. I just don't trust that I will be enough. I don't know that I'll ever feel comfortable with myself again."

"How about you just try to sleep and we'll take it one moment at a time?"

"Okay," she said and closed her eyes.

Patrick lay next to her and watched her as she fell asleep. He prayed for a peaceful night.

XXXXX

"Does the phrase 'beyond reason' mean anything to you?"

Robin paled and looked at him.

The man grinned.

"I thought so. He said he made a mistake. He told me to go the Stone Cates wing and find someone who cares, because he doesn't. He said he was through and then he smiled and told me that it felt like such a relief to be over you, beyond reason."

Robin shook her head and felt dead inside. How would he know that phrase if Patrick didn't tell him? She didn't even acknowledge the fact he had taken the blanket off and then took his own clothes off.

"No, please," Robin said and cried. "Stop!"

"What the fuck is going on here?" a familiar voice yelled and the man froze.

"I was just having fun with the prisoner," the man said as he stood above Robin.

"Was rape something I hired you to do?" the man came closer and Robin couldn't believe it.

"No, but you weren't here," the man said.

There was a gunshot and the man fell to the floor, dead.

Robin lay there, fear coursing through her veins.

"I'm so sorry," Jerry Jacks said as he moved to toss the guy away from the bed. "I have plans for you, but not those plans."

Robin tried to move away from him, but she was still tied to the bed. She stared at him, her hatred coming through.

"Did you tell him to do this? What is wrong with you? Why are you always after me? Haven't I done enough for you?"

Jerry covered her naked torso and sat down.

"I have always had the utmost respect for you, Robin. I'm truly sorry for that pig. I'll do better in hiring my minions next time."

"You have respect for me? Seriously? You have held me prisoner for almost three years. You tortured me and you have me tied to a bed. My family thinks I left them and I don't understand why I'm here. Please let me call Patrick. Please let me go home to my family."

Jerry smiled as he stood up.

"I just saw Dr. Drake. He's here in Amsterdam," Jerry said.

Robin felt her heart race.

"He is? Is he looking for me? Did he come to get me?"

Jerry sighed and looked at her.

"Jobbin Robin, you are so smart and yet so dumb. He isn't here for you. He isn't here alone, either. He is going to help me gain shares in ELQ and he was happy to do so. I'm afraid you weren't a thought in his mind. Even after knowing what I did to you before," he shook his head. "You deserve better, Robin. He's a loser."

Robin was confused and she tried to follow what he was saying.

"He wasn't alone? Who was he with? Why do you want ELQ and how could he help you?"

Jerry picked up his phone and made a call, giving orders for the dead man to be taken away. He waited until they came and took him.

"I think it's been enough talking for the night. Sleep well Robin."

"No, please," she said and felt arms around her.

"Robin? Wake up," Patrick said and shook her shoulders. She opened her eyes and looked at him.

"Patrick?"

"That's right. You're in bed and it's almost 1 am. You fell asleep for a few hours."

She sat up and moved away from him, her memories profound and real.

"What is it?"

She looked at him and wiped her eyes.

"I remembered more from the night the man came by. I don't think I was raped."

He felt relief flow through him and then he saw she didn't seem happy.

"That's good, right? What's wrong?"

"Jerry Jacks was there. He shot the man who tried to rape me."

Patrick paled.

"Jerry Jacks had you?"

"Yeah. He took me from Victor and Helena. He had me before, too. He said something that I don't understand."

"What did he say?"

"He said you were there in Amsterdam and you weren't alone. I thought you came to find me but he said no. He said you were there to get him ELQ shares."

Patrick stood up and paced.

"Is that true? Were you there with no thought of me?"

Patrick looked at her and hated the look on her face.

"I didn't know he had you. I didn't know he had you before because I never asked. I'm so sorry, Robin."

"But you knew what he did during the Metro Court crisis. He shot me in cold blood and let me lie there and almost bleed out. He tortured Nikolas and Emily and me and you and you were going to do business with him? Why?"

"It wasn't for me," he said and then realized he would have to tell her more.

"What do you mean? Who were you there with?"

Patrick sighed.

"Sam."

Robin pulled her covers up and nodded.

"I'd like you to leave."

"Robin, please let me explain."

"You held a conversation with the man who tried to kill me and so many others. He set the bomb in the lab and took me from you and Emma for years. He kept me in isolation and you moved on while I sat there and prayed for help. The fact you can look at him and not try to hurt him is proof to me that things are not okay. You work with Dr. Obrecht and she put me through ECT. I am trying to see your side of things, but this is too much. I am asking you to leave now, please."

He nodded. He pulled his clothes on and left.

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