Occurrence
"Sweet dreams, baby boy," I whisper, as my baby boy finally sleeps, after a long fun-filled day of activities. My friends have been so generous for taking me and most especially Teddy to an adventure, on a daily basis, the moment we arrived. Jose and his girlfriend, Laura, took us to the zoo, where my baby boy got to meet a parrot, he named Mr. Birdie. They also took us to the woodland park, where Ted forgot about his naptime and played all day long. Aunt Katie gave us more of a laid back tour. We strolled at the marina and looked at the birds and the boats, drank hot cocoa and munch on waffles at a café in the Pike Place, spent the day at the aquarium and then watched a movie about dragons.
Even Uncle Ethan found time for us. A few days after meeting Ted for the very first time, and walking out on me and his sister, upset that I concealed not only a secret, but a baby. A baby who looked like someone we all know. More on that later, anyway, Ethan showed up early in the morning and invited the little one for an adventure, to which the little one wholeheartedly said yes. What an adventure it was, Uncle Ethan took him to the children's museum, the museum of flight (that my baby boy loves so much), ending the day with a short but sweet boat ride at the marina. And the adventure doesn't end there, Uncle Ethan also promised to take him to the waterfront, this time to play at the fair and to ride the Ferris wheel before we go back to New York.
Now for a different adventure, or dare I say, interrogation. Yes, Ethan showed up today and gave my baby boy the best treat any kid could ever hope for, but I can tell that he still isn't over what I've done – not to him, but to his fiancé, Mia – he said, before walking out on me and Kate, the night he first met Teddy. He wouldn't talk to me or Kate, for a few days until he simply showed up with his adventure for my baby boy and talk after with mommy. So now that the adventure part is over, and my buffer is fast asleep, I am left to face the music. Ethan and the rest of the gang, Jose and Kate, are waiting at Kate's round dining room table, with dinner and a million questions, none of which I am willing to answer.
"He is finally asleep," I announce as I join them for what's left of the dinner Kate ordered. "Thanks to you, he could barely contain his excitement for the next adventure," I tell Ethan, who simply smiles.
"I look forward to the next one," Ethan says.
"So…." Kate hedges, pouring wine to everyone's glasses as she asks, "How are we going to do this?"
"I knew it," I mutter and swallow my frustration, content to my fate and my friends' upcoming grilling. Kate, my best friend isn't known for sugar coating things. She is known to attack things with much ferocity and three years of not getting her answers from me, joined by two of my other friends, who also want answers from a cornered me, is a lethal combination.
"Don't use that tone on use, Steele! Remember, you kept your pregnancy and a freaking baby, to everyone and didn't plan on telling until you got busted and on Ethan's case, three years later," Kate says, in her best hush-there's-a-Teddy-bear-sleeping voice.
"You can't expect us to simple embrace Teddy bear – which we do, by the way, and simply forget about things, Ana. We, as your friends, are, first of all, concerned and then of course we have questions, a lot of questions that you never really answered," Jose says, reasonably.
"If I did the same thing, father a baby with an ex, and kept it from everyone. Then, one day, I show up and tell you. How will you feel, Ana?" Ethan asks, his eyes on me. Damn reverse psychology.
"I will be surprised, confused and understanding. Yes, I will understand and respect your privacy or whatever reasons you may have for keeping it," I say, truthfully. It is true, if the situation was reversed, I will feel all of those, I tell myself.
"But…?" Ethan asks, after a moment. Damn this psychological shrink.
"I'll have questions and yes, I'll be a little offended that you didn't trust me enough to tell me. But since I respect your privacy, I wouldn't ask them until you are ready to tell them," I admit.
"Unfortunately, we're not like you, so spill. Steele, I waited three years for this!" Kate pleads, impatience radiating from her still hushed voice.
"What were you thinking, Ana? Okay, we could all agree that you made your choice, we get it. But what if something unexpected happened to you? You're alone in New York and you didn't tell anyone," Ethan starts.
"Tell me about it, I found out when she was already in labor," Kate mutters. We both cringe at the memory. Sixteen hours of labor, a surprised and hurt Kate showing up, the talk after… yeah, cringe worthy.
"What?!" Ethan asks, incredulously. "Okay, that's it! Fess up, now, Steele. What the hell were you thinking?"
"First of all, my parents knew, okay? The hospital just couldn't reach them. Second of all, I'm sorry, okay? I didn't mean to hurt anyone. I made a mistake, though a happy one, since I got my Ted, but I didn't want the drama. I left and took the job in New York because I felt like it's the right thing to do. I don't know who the father is and even if I did, he wouldn't accept him… I'm sure of it."
"That bullshit and you know it!" All three of them exclaim, almost at the same time, in various voices of frustrated disbelief.
"If you guys don't want to believe me, I get it. Just… please, respect my decision," I finally say after a moment.
"I want to believe you, Ana, but look at him. Look at Teddy and tell us that you had a drunken night with a stranger and got knocked up after," Kate says, tearing up now.
Silence. At least on my part. I refuse to say it out loud. I've gone three years being silent about this thing. About Teddy's dad. Doing so would raise more questions, than answers.
"Ana, he has the right to know. Whatever your reasons behind this, don't take away his chance to make a choice," Ethan says after an awkward silence. "You do realize that you are not only taking Ted away from his father but also his family. Think about it, you took Ted away from Grace and Carrick, from Elliot and Mia," he adds when I still don't respond.
"Guys, how many time do I have to tell you that, Chri–"
"Deny all you want, Ana, we know. All of us, Ray and Carla included, we all know. Honestly, I don't know why you even bother denying it," Kate cuts me off, in her usual haughty I-so-got-you voice.
"No," I say, unconvincingly. It really is time for me to shut up. This isn't helping.
"We've been through this, Ana. Just admit it, we'll let it go," Jose says, cringing as Kate smacks him in the arm.
"What do you mean, let it go?" Kate almost screeches.
"This is why I refuse to tell you guys or anyone for that matter!" I say, giving up and letting it all out. "This... the drama, is the reason why I left and didn't bother telling anyone. I was avoiding it, but clearly it loves to follow me around like lint. Don't you see it? I'm okay with the father not knowing about my pregnancy. Because to me, it doesn't matter who Ted's father really is. What matters most, is that Ted is happy and healthy. He is here, that's what's important. He has a loving mom, grandparents who couldn't resist him and you guys. Sure, I could use some help but I made this choice and I am living through the consequences. My choice, can you just… please, respect that? I just want to concentrate on raising my son."
"Now I wonder what shit he did to make you do this," Kate wonders after my tirade. He scared me into telling him, that's what he did. But I won't tell them that. "Have you ever considered telling him?"
Silence, again for me. How could I answer that without revealing anything? Have I considered telling him? Yes, of course, I'm not an idiot, but his reaction when he found out that I almost forgot to take my pill on time, the rant and the accusatory words after, all kept me from telling him. How can I tell my best friend that without them looking at Ted's dad in a bad light? Without making him look like he's a bad person, when he really isn't.
"What if he finds out?" Ethan asks, after I don't answer Kate's question.
Again, I don't answer. That'll be more drama for me, when he finds out. When I left, I banked on his promise that he will stop all communications and will cease any stalkery. He told me that my voiding the contract, our contract, is enough reason for him to stop any form of communications. So far, it's been three years of utter silence and I've been very careful not to rock the boat. Sure, I know that things don't last forever. I know that this silence won't last, things happen, unexpected shit every now and then (Jose finding out, is one of them), so I've been preparing what I'll say, should the fateful day happens. I honestly expected him to show up, unexpectedly, throughout my pregnancy, half thinking that he broke his promise and had me followed or something. I'm half happy and half sad that he didn't. Again, I made my choice and I'm fine with the consequences, as long as I have my Teddy.
"As a guy, I say he still has the right to know. Whatever shit he did to deserve this, however shitty his reaction might've been, he still has the right to know," Jose says, thoughtfully, breaking me out of my reverie and the awkward silence between the four of us.
"The time will come when Teddy will start asking, you know," Ethan says, thoughtfully.
"I know. I'm not ready for that just yet," I say, repeating the words I said to my dad.
"Okay, I respect your decision, Ana. I think we can all agree that we don't like your decision, but we love you and that little one, so we'll respect your choice," Ethan finally says.
"We'll protect you, should the Teddy Bear news hit the fan," Kate concedes, rolling her eyes. She obviously isn't happy that she didn't get her answers, yet again.
"That's all I ask," I respond. Grateful that I won this battle, at least today.
"I do have a few favors to ask," Ethan asks. I nod, already expecting what he's going to say.
"First, I'd like you to attend the engagement party this Saturday," Ethan begins to say, the change of topic momentarily baffles me. Okay, I guess?
"I'd be happy to," I automatically respond. Okay, where's he going with this? And what am I going to wear?
"And, I'd like Ted to serve as ring bearer for our wedding."
Oh… crap.