Chapter Sixty:
Patrick woke up and smiled when he saw Robin asleep in his arms. They were on the floor by the fire and he knew how exhausted she was, so he was glad she was asleep. He was still amazed by all she did for him. He didn't know how she had the courage to walk into that room and help him.
To be honest, he didn't think he deserved her help. He wasn't sure he deserved anything from her.
But he wanted more. He wanted to be with her and that simply wasn't going to change.
"Patrick?" she sat up suddenly and his heart raced.
"I'm here," he said as she turned and saw him. "It's okay."
She rubbed her eyes and sighed as she lay back down.
"This can't be comfortable for you," she said. "You have a torn knee and broken ribs."
"I have you in my arms, so I'm all good."
She looked at him and rolled her eyes.
"What?" he grinned. "It's the truth."
"Those lines stopped working on me after a month."
He laughed and sucked in his breath at the pain.
"See? You need to be in bed. Let me help you," she said with concern in her tone.
"No. I'm not moving from this spot."
"Well I can't carry you," she said and lay on her back, looking up at him.
"Actually, I kind of think you could," he grinned and she smiled.
"I'm pretty strong," she reached to his cheek and stroked his skin.
"That's an understatement," he leaned in and kissed her softly.
"I'm so glad you're okay," she whispered. "Relatively speaking."
He traced a line across her chin and smiled.
"I'm fine. I just want Obrecht punished and out of our lives."
"I know," Robin sat up and smoothed her hair down. "But she's got a lot of connections. I don't know that there are many people we can trust."
"Well, then we trust each other and your mom and Mac. We trust the people who know how to deal with psychos."
"I know, but being with Obrecht for almost two years taught me a lot about her. She is ruthless and she has no heart. She taunted me with hurtful images and painful reminders of what I had to deal with. She doesn't care what she has to do to get what she wants. She did things to me that could have caused irreparable damage and she knew that. As a doctor, she didn't care. Hell, Jerry had more sympathy than she did. I think she would have applauded the men for what they wanted to do to me."
"What did she do to you? Can you tell me?" he sat back and held her hand.
"I'm not sure why it matters. We're both okay and that's all there is."
He sighed and tried another approach.
"When you came home before, I was so consumed with my own issues that I ignored what you went through. I don't want to do that again. I also think you need to be able to deal with what happened. You shouldn't have to hide from it or pretend things are okay when they aren't."
"I'm just not sure how it will help me to tell you everything. There is nothing you can do to change it and it will simply make you feel bad. I don't see the point."
He reached to tuck her hair behind her ears and she felt her tears fall.
"The point is that you don't carry this as your burden. I want to help you. I know we have established that you can carry me, but now I need for you to let me carry you. We need to be honest with each other, Robin. I need you to believe that I want to help."
"The shock treatment was early on. I tried to escape and I wouldn't stop. I couldn't believe someone who called herself a doctor would do that to someone. I was terrified there would be damage I wouldn't come back from and I worried I would lose my mind. When my dad found me, I was so excited, but Obrecht injected him with something right in front of me and I thought he was dead. I was terrified and I didn't know how to get help."
Patrick felt his heart tear in two as he listened to her. His sadness at what she went through was coupled by the fact he let her suffer in silence.
"When I woke up again, I was in the lab where I stayed for the next year. I didn't know where it was or why I was there until Jerry came in. He was my only visitor for much of that time. Obrecht showed up some time, but it was mainly Jerry."
"That must have been horrible. After everything he did to you and to us. I'm so sorry."
Robin shrugged.
"I didn't care about me, really. I just kept thinking about the lives he ruined. I thought of how I had to lie to you and make you think I was with Nikolas. He made Emily and Carly operate on me in the hotel lobby," she wiped her eyes.
"But the worse was Alan. Because of Jerry, Alan died and that still makes me feel so guilty."
"What? Why? You couldn't have done anything, Robin," he said and smoothed her hair back.
"I was the only doctor there. I just feel like I failed him and every day, seeing Jerry just made think about it all the time. I spent time just going over and over it in my head and I failed every time."
Patrick tilted her face to look at him.
"Robin, you were shot point blank and operated on in the middle of the lobby. You were minutes from death and I am so thankful you made it back to me. You couldn't have done anything to help Alan. You have to believe me."
She blinked and her tears fell.
"I know, but I had a lot of time to think. My mind never stopped running and without someone there to talk me down, I had a lot of guilt. I think I'm just mad. I hate that I lost so much time."
"I know, but all we can do is look to the future. If you could do anything in the world moving forward, what would it be?"
She wiped her eyes and shrugged.
"Just spend time with Emma."
"That goes without saying," he grinned. "But what did you envision your life looking like when you came home."
She looked at him and he immediately regretted his question.
"I'm going to see if we have something to eat," she said as she stood up.
"Robin, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to ruin the moment."
She shook her head and walked to the kitchen area.
"It's fine," she said as she found some fruit in the fridge. "Do you want something?"
He struggled to get up and used his cane to follow her.
"It's not fine. I need you to get angry with me. I need you to stop blaming yourself and I need you to be able to move past this."
She turned to face him and held a bunch of grapes in her hand.
"I don't blame myself for you being with someone else."
He sighed.
"I blame myself for being naïve, for trusting Victor and for putting myself in a position to be lost again. I blame myself for hurting Emma. I don't blame myself for your actions," she said and walked to the small table in the room.
Patrick limped to the fridge and took out a beer.
"I guess that's good. I'm going to lie down," he said and went towards the bed.
"Does this conversation bother you?" she challenged. "You want me to talk and talk and if you don't like it you leave?"
He took a drink and turned to face her.
"What is it you want me to say? Do you want me to tell you about my choices? How it was to be with someone else? How much I hated what you did?"
She sighed.
"It's better than this false crap. We have always challenged each other, Patrick. I don't need to be coddled. I don't need you to take care of me until I learn to depend on you again and then you move on. I am fine on my own and I survived these past few years because I am strong and I won't be broken. I didn't live this long with this disease to be stopped by some psychos who want to take advantage of my research skills. I am worth more. I deserve more."
He nodded.
"So do I. I deserve someone who wants me. I deserve an equal and a woman who fights for me. I deserve someone who always chooses me."
She smirked as she stood up.
"You want a dog, not a wife."
"Is that right? You think that after all we've been through? I want someone I can control and manipulate?"
Robin shook her head and walked to the door.
"I need some air. I can't sit in this place with you."
He watched her and started to worry.
"No! Robin, we're in a safe house for a reason. You can't leave. I'm sorry I pushed," he said but she ran outside.
"Fuck!" he hobbled after her and fell when his leg didn't work the way it should. He took a breath and swallowed the pain as he got up and went to the door, opening it and almost getting pushed back by the wind and rain. He didn't even know it was raining.
"Robin?" he called out as he opened the door. He saw her standing there, in the middle of the trees, soaking wet.
"I haven't felt rain in so long," she said as she stood there.
"Great. Can you come in now?" he asked, not wanting to walk out there.
"I want to stay out here. I want to dance and sing and not fight anymore. I want to go back and change things, but I can't. I want you to look at me and not feel pity. I want you to feel passion and power and I want to make you proud to be with me and not have to look somewhere else. I want to be enough for you but I don't know that it's possible."
He walked out to her and stood there in the rain, dropping his cane and pulling her into his arms.
"You don't know if it's possible? You want passion and power? Shut up and feel," he almost growled as he crashed his mouth to hers and his lips possessed her with an intensity that caused her knees to go weak. His fingers moved to tangle in her hair as he cupped the back of her head in his large hand and his other hand moved to the small of her back, pressing her to him.
Her hands clutched at him as she returned his kiss with equal intensity and passion. She welcomed his tongue as he explored the confines of her mouth and she slipped her hands inside his shirt when he winced in pain.
"Oh, I'm sorry," she said as she stepped back.
He looked at her and he didn't care about the pain. He pulled her to him again and their lips once again searched for each other.
There was a loud clap of thunder and Robin jumped before he smiled and took her hand, leading them back inside. He locked the door and they stood there, soaking wet.
"Now what?" she asked with a smile, her body shivering.
"Now we get warm and dry. Do you want to change and then I will?" he asked, worried about pushing her.
"No. I want us to help each other. I need you and I don't want to be alone."
He walked to her and smoothed her wet hair behind her shoulder.
"How could you think I'm not passionate about you? That you don't make my heart race with excitement? How could you not see that?"
"Maybe I just need to be reminded," she said softly. "Maybe I just need you to show me?"
He smiled and leaned in to kiss the corners of her mouth.
"I think I can do just that. Come with me."
He took her hand and walked her to the bedroom area.
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