Call Me 5

Disclaimer. Actually, I am JKR, I do own all this but I'm writing non canon stories on the internet for fun. Does that sound likely?

x

The next morning Harry watched Lisa as she applied makeup.

"You don't normally bother apart from some lipstick, what's going on?"

"There is a myth that women wear makeup for men or for themselves. We wear it because other women are bitches and will pick up on slight imperfections.

"Y'know I get the feeling I'm not going to like these girls. You've said one might go topless to embarrass me. Now you mention they are bitches. Who will pick on any imaginary faults you may have. Anything else I need to know?"

"I never said they were bitches. I said all women are bitches. You read the gossip or fashion columns in magazines, the most brutal ones are women writing about other women. Anything else to let you know? Sophie and Megan are gay, I think. It might be an act or they might be bi. If you are uncomfortable with it they will be more demonstrative about it, if they think you are ok with it you'll never be able to tell. So you have all those potions off the twins. Going to experiment? "

"I'm thinking longer hair and a colour change?" Harry made his statement into a question to seek her advice.

"Just the long hair for now. Take a bit at a time. You don't want it down to your waist."

After a couple of sips Harry's hair was down to his shirt collar, one more took it to his collar bone and Lisa told him to stop.

He headed to the bathroom to find a mirror and some hair gel. It took some work but the added weight and gel and for the first time in his life his hair all went where he wanted it too. He had it all swept back on his head giving him a mullet effect.

He walked back into her bedroom and realised it might have been better to do his hair after he had pulled on his t-shirt.

Lisa looked at him curiously. "Normally you do everything can to hide that scar.

Harry shrugged, "That's because I'm normally around people who keep looking at the boy who lived or the chosen one. You, your family and your friends see me as just myself. I don't feel like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders. I'm sure at sometime that will change again. Don't expect to see me have this style in September but you won't have purple hair then either. "

Lisa nodded her understanding before going back to her eye shadow.

Sophie and Megan weren't due till mid-afternoon so they visited the city centre and exchanged gold for cash. Harry did some more shopping, still being careful he wanted the money to last the summer, he did want a long coat though, after some searching in surplus shops he settled on a blue U.S. Air force over coat. He also bought himself his first pair of Doc Martins. A fact that Lisa declared needed a celebration. They settled on splitting a four pack and some fish and chips in the park next to York Minister, recreating their first date.

Later they sat back in Lisa's house waiting, Harry found his new book harder going than the last. The last had been an adventure now everything seemed to have consequences. It didn't help that Lisa wasn't patient at waiting. Every few minutes she would sit up and look down the street

Finally the doorbell sounded. Lisa jumped up to answer it. "Remember, be bold Harry, they will tease you without mercy if they can."

Harry had thought this over and was ready for it. He had shared a locker room with Fred, George, Angela and Alicia since he was eleven, while Oliver had ensured he was off limits from the teasing he had seen plenty. As he had got older he was pulled into the milder aspects.

He was fairly certain he could cope with these girls. At least they wouldn't turn him into a canary like some people he knew.

He heard them at the door, their greeting to Lisa were loud and giggly. He was in too minds whether to stand or stay seated when they came in, Lisa was first in the room , she half bounced into the room and sat across his lap.

"Harry this is Megan and Sophie." The girls nodded as each was named. Harry covered a slight smirk the looked nothing like the Hufflepuffs they shared a name with.

Megan was taller than Harry, although only slightly. She was skinny to the extreme, Her short skirt and red and black striped tights and short skirt accentuating her build, she had ginger hair which was long on the top and back. The section above her left ear was shaved back. Showing off the piercings she had there, She had a ring almost every centimetre down her ear and one more on the side of her nose and another in her lip.

Sophie was shorter, and heavier. Although standing next to Meagan she looked huge she was only slightly overweight. Her leggings, mini skirt and top were all slightly too small for her added to the appearance of a girl carrying too much weight.

She dropped heavily into the armchair opposite Harry. "So you're the guy that got Lisa to spread her legs, I thought she was going to die a virgin. So I guess you must have a big dick then."

Harry took a drink from his can of beer, he ran through several jinxes and curses in his head before allowing himself to answer in a calm voice. "Biggest I've ever seen anyway."

"Tells me a couple of things. Either you've got a huge one or you don't watch a lot of porn."

Megan interrupted them, "I've just got a new Soundgarden CD, can I put it on?"

The conversation stilled as they listened to the opening notes of a distorted guitar accompanied by a thumping bass.

They listened to the first track then Megan lowered the volume so they could talk over it.

She gave Sophie a look then nodded at her.

"I know it's not really your thing but we've got two spare tickets for Oasis at Knebworth , do you want them? We got them for Ruthie and Mike, but he came off his bike and will be spending the summer in plaster. Ruth doesn't want to go without him."

Harry allowed Lisa to answer for them. He was had seen a few people around wearing t-shirts with Oasis on them but he didn't know any music by them.

"I never had you done as fans of them either." Lisa said to Sophie.

"We aren't really but some things come around once in a while that are monumental. The Stones in Hyde Park, Queen at Live Aid. I think this could be the one for us yknow? They're alright, they have some good tunes nowhere near heavy enough for me but I reckon it will be a blast."

"You want the tickets?"

"How much are they?" Harry asked. The idea of going to a concert exciting him more than any particular band.

"40 quid each."

He looked meaningfully at Lisa. Who answered for him"We'll talk about it, can we let you know tomorrow? I take it you're going to Zoe's party?"

"Yeah we are." Answered Sophie. "What are you going as?"

Harry shared a look of bewilderment with Sophie.

"I guess you don't know then. Zoe wants it to be a fancy dress party."

Lisa groaned and put her head in her hands. Looking up she asked. "What are we six? Fancy dress?"

"You know that as the newest couple you two have to have a themed custom."

Harry joined Lisa in groaning. Visions of dressing like Kieffer Sunderland faded from his mind.

"Who made these daft rules when I wasn't looking?" Lisa asked.

Sophie just shrugged in answer. The conversation drifted then into generalities. Harry did a spit take as the fifth track came on the CD.

"I get the feeling they don't like someone very much." He said to the laughter of the girls at his reaction.

He headed out to the kitchen to get more beers for the girls. Lisa followed him to phone for a pizza.

"Harry don't match those two drink for drink." Lisa warned him. "We've had beer every night of the week for those two it's a novelty, they will get wrecked. I don't really want to have to pour you into bed. I enjoy the odd drink, I don't like getting drunk and I hate hangovers, watch and learn tonight."

Even after the warning Harry drank slightly more than usual, so the next morning he woke later than Lisa, with his head banging. Next to the bed he saw a glass of water and two tablets. He smiled, it was reassuring to live with someone he knew cared for him and made an effort to show it.

He put on a pair of shorts and went looking for Lisa. He wandered down the landing, the splash of water and clouds of steam from the open door let him know where to find Lisa.

He lowered the seat on the toilet and sat down to watch her. She lay back in the bath, one leg lathered up and slowly and careful used a disposable razor to shave down her leg.

It was a perfect moment for him. Both every day and ordinary, and immediate and intimate.

Lisa finished her stroke and looked up. "That's one thing I'm looking forward to going back to Hogwarts for. I hate shaving. So how's the head? "

"I drank too much but it's not unbearable. I only had four cans."

"Your also barely eight stone in wet clothes, I think we've found your limit, you didn't do or say anything too stupid."

"I pretty much remember everything too. "He agreed, "Although I almost lost my temper when Megan suggested I get AC DC tattooed either side of my scar."

"It wasn't her most sensitive moment." Lisa agreed. "I've been thinking about costumes." Lisa changed the subject slightly wrong footed Harry. "I have an idea. I have everything I need here for what I want to wear, we would have to hit the second hand shops for you. The only thing is," Lisa paused and bit her lip. "I'm a bit nervous about what I will end up wearing. It will show a lot more flesh than I'm normally comfortable showing. Will you be okay with that?"

Harry paused to think, he rejected his immediate response and considered what to say. "I came here partially to gets away from people who thought they knew best and controlling me. I'm your boyfriend not your owner. Although I reserve the right to angry with anyone who says things like those men in Blackpool did.

Lisa stepped out of the bath and sat on his knee facing him. She kissed him deeply. "Right answer, I'll put on what I'm planning to wear and you can tell me honestly if it's too much."

Harry headed down to the kitchen, he switched on the radio which was tuned into to Radio One and began to cook breakfast. Lisa preferred cereal for breakfast but after living with the Dursley's and five years of Hogwarts breakfast didn't feel right unless breakfast had something fried in it. So they had compromised and had a different breakfast every day.

The sausages were starting to brown and spit out their juices when the radio dj announced the next song was by Oasis. Harry paused to listen. The song was all attitude and simple guitar work but it was catchy and the chorus was easy enough to pick up.

He was humming along to it by the time it had finished when he heard a noise behind him and turned to look.

"Fuck."

Lisa giggled at his profanity. "First time I've heard you swear. So is that a good fuck or a bad fuck?"

Harry paused as he tried to get words to form. Lisa was dressed in Doc Martins, a red one on her right foot a black on her left. Her knee high socks were similarly odd but with the colour scheme swapped. She wore tight and very short, red shorts. Above that she wore just a corset which continued the red and black theme. The corset did little for modesty and lots for emphasising her breasts. Her hair was pulled up into tight bunches either side of her head.

She tilted her head and looked at him quizzically. "So good fuck, bad fuck or just fuck he right here on the table?" When she spoke she had a little girl sing song quality to her voice.

"Um." Was all Harry found to say.

"It wasn't until I put it on I realised just how sexual the thing I had in mind to wear was." Lisa's voice had returned to her more normal version. Then she giggled again. "I think I may have broke you."

Harry tried to think of something to say beyond um but the little she was wearing and the idea of sex on the table was driving all coherent thoughts from his head. The sausages spat some fat and called his attention back to the cooker. Focusing on that and the other bits of breakfast he was able to speak. "So who are you dressed as and who do you have planned for me?"

"I am Harley Quinn, a slightly nuts killer. You will be The clown prince of crime, the completely psychotic, all the way round the bend, Joker. I know you have issues with being a hero so for one night you can be the baddest of the bad."

Harry shrugged. "Well its only dress up. I think I've heard of The Joker isn't he in Batman?"

Lisa looked at him shocked. "After breakfast while I wash up and try to work out how to tone this down, you have some reading to do."

Harry served up breakfast and they ate quietly. Lisa cleared up the plates and headed towards the sink. Harry stood by the kitchen table and cleared his throat. He gathered his courage and hid his blush. "You mentioned an idea about the kitchen table." He slid his hand across the bare skin of her stomach and gently pulled her away from the sink."

Lisa adopted the sing song voice. "Oh does Mr J want to fuck me on the table?"

Harry unsure of the response nodded, trying to gauge her reaction, was he over stepping the mark? Lisa stepping in close to his personnel space. "I will but you have to say it." She dropped her sing song voice. "Harry you're my boyfriend, we sleep together naked every night, and have made love most days. It's Ok for you to find me sexy, it's even ok for you to want to pull down my shorts and fuck me on the table once on a while. If you want to though, you have to say it."

Harry swallowed nervously. He knew he wanted to, he also knew Lisa wouldn't unless he met her conditions. She was constantly finding his comfort zone and pushing him beyond it. Still the rewards were usually fun. "I want to fuck you on this table right now."

Later, they shared a shower together. "Right I still need to do the washing up and you have some reading to do."

Lisa handed him the Greatest Joker Stories, bookmarks were in The Joker's Utility Belt and the Laughing Fish. "Once you read those two read the Killing Joke. That last one is disturbing. Some times he's funny, sometimes he's an act of chaos. He is always deadly though."

Lisa left Harry to read. He was both amused and horrified at the jokers antics. Still it was only dress up and just for one night. It wasn't as if he intending to cripple anyone. He was starting to muse on fictional evil and the real sort he had met when Lisa wandered around the bedroom trying on and discarding different clothes. It was hard to brood on evil when there was a naked girl in the room with him.

Maybe that was the answer, if Tom Riddle had got laid he wouldn't have become Voldemort. He laughed at his own idea.

"If you don't like what I'm wearing tell me, don't laugh at it Harry."

He looked up at Lisa. Who had made an effort to tone down her costume. Her shorts were less tight and were worn over leggings. The corset now sat over a white blouse.

"I would never laugh at what you wear. I just had a stupid idea I was laughing at that. So what do you have planned for me? I don't have a lot of purple in my wardrobe.

"You don't have a lot of anything except black in your wardrobe. Time for more shopping."

After the pair had dressed for going out, they headed out into York to search for something for Harry to wear.

As they travelled, Lisa looked unusually serious. "Yknow I promised not to make you over in how I wanted you to dress but let you make your own choices?"

Harry nodded.

"Can I ask you a personnel question?"

Harry leaned in close and whispered in her ear causing her to giggle and a lady opposite them to tut. "Let me see, did we fuck on your parents kitchen table? I think you can get away with personnel questions."

"Do you like those glasses? They are absolute rubbish. Have you ever tried out for contacts?"

Harry laughed out loud. "I see, can I ask you a question, is code for can I insult you." He took off his glasses to look at them. They had been repaired and resized many times. It was only magic that held them together, which was not as obvious as electrical tape. "I've never thought about it really, it wasn't as if I had the option to before. Do you know much about it?"

"My mum wears contacts. There are lots of opticians in the city, there are usually one or two that you can walk into to get tests. If you have a common problem they may have contacts in stock."

"Ok we'll have a look. This isn't just because you don't want your friends to see you with a speccy four eyes is it."

"Didn't come into at all. I just think you'll look better without them." She leaned closer to whisper the old lady tutted again. Lisa shot her a dirty look and instead sat back and continued in her normal voice. "It's not a big deal either way, after all I did let you fuck me this morning while you were wearing them."

The woman continued to give them a dirty looks for the rest of the journey until she got off the bus. Where upon the pair fell about in laughter. By the time Harry had managed to convince Lisa to go to the Oasis concert next month they had got off the bus and visited several second hand and charity shops.

It became increasingly obvious that they wouldn't find anything in purple, so Lisa started look for fabrics that would hold a dye.

Once they changed track they had bought the clothes they wanted and after a quick visit to a hardware store, Harry found himself nudged into an opticians. The last eye test he had received had been from the school nurse. He was quite surprised by the amount of effort that went into getting him the right prescription. The number of different lenses and not just letter charts he had to read but circles on backgrounds. He was starting to second-guess himself, was one really better than two? One was bigger, two was less fuzzy, did it really make that much of a difference anyway?

Once they had his prescription sorted he then had to have a contact lens consultation where he was taught how to poke himself in the eye and how to take them out which was even harder. Eventually he had that sorted and was then given lessons in how to clean them.

After Harry was comfortable with his lens, they returned to Lisa's house to find Simon's car in the drive.

" 'bout time you got back." He greeted them. " Well you passed the test, the house is still standing and is relatively tidy, could be cleaner but can't have everything. It looks like you've been eating real food and not just ready meals so well done."

"What did you expect dad?" Lisa asked him.

"Nothing but this, you are still young and this is the first time you've been left to fend for yourselves, so checking has hurt no one. I'm going up to Newcastle for the weekend to see you mum. Jane got some sort of infection after the operation so is having to stay in hospital until this time next week. Mike is still stuck on the bloody rig, the weather up there is not clearing and they can't get anyone off or on. I guess you know all this as both you and your mum can use a phone. So how are you doing for food?"

"We are starting to run a little low on some items." Harry told him.

"As there is only two of you." He took out his wallet and handed Harry a bundle of notes. " A hundred should be more than enough that will do you for food and beer, although how two sixteen years old can buy some will be your problem. " Having said that he gave Lisa a hug, Harry a pat on the shoulder and he headed out.

The two spent the afternoon getting ready for the party. They dyed Harry's suit, then his shirt. Lisa washed her hair repeatedly to remove traces of purple then with Harry's help dyed the bunches on one side red the other black.

Harry nervously read the instructions for the potion from Fred and George then measured out enough to last for a day. He glanced over to Lisa who gave him a thumbs up and he drank it down. Unlike any medicinal potion he had ever had it tasted good.

Lisa looked at him with wide eyed amazement at his colour change so he headed off to the bathroom mirror to check himself out. It was all he could do not to scream.

They took a break from preparations for some food, once that was out of the way Lisa began his makeup. For Harry it was mostly foundation but lots of it and in white. Once that was down she taught him how to apply lipstick.

The pair dressed in silence and looked at each other in the large mirror in Lisa's parents bedroom.

"Fuck." Harry finally said.

"Yeah." Lisa agreed, "and not the good kind either. We look scary."

Harry nodded his agreement. They still had some time before the taxi turned up so Lisa headed out to the garden shed and found a large wooden mallet. "I knew dad still had this from putting up the fence." She headed indoors then came back out with a tray of craft items. She haphazardly covered the mallet in glue followed by glitter and splashes of paint. Harry watched her placidly in the garden as she threw colour everywhere.

"Isn't that pretty puddin'"

"Charming."

They both broke out into a fit of giggles. It wasn't long before the taxi picked them up and took them to Zoe's house where the party was taking place. The house was at the end of a long drive and was obviously old and imposing.

"It's an old vicarage." Lisa told him as they got out of the taxi and walked up the gravel drive. She took a moment as they walked up the drive and from there seemed to dance around him as he walked up the drive.

"Just remember puddin' we're here to have fun. No murders tonight."

Harry smiled in spite of himself. While he was never the life and soul of the party he had the freedom here to do as he wanted. No one knew him and furthermore he was dressed as an insane clown. He could do anything he wanted and claim to be playing a role. He made a mental note to enjoy himself.

The front door was open and as they approached a thumbing bass line of some tune Harry couldn't name filled the air. His pace quickened as he fell into the beat.

As they moved through the open door a tall and well-built man stood in front of them.

"Zoe, two more. Do you know them?" He called back into the house.

A girl approached them down the long hall. She had a simple black outfit on and a silver ankh hung between her breasts. Her makeup made her look as white as Harry, apart from a design around her eye that looked vaguely Egyptian to Harry.

Lisa spun and danced under the twenty something's arm and gave the girl a hug. "She knows me, and while she has never met him before everyone knows my puddin' by reputation at least."

The girl who Harry presumed to be Zoe returned Lisa's hug. "Thanks Mark, yes this is Lisa Turpin and her plus one."

Mark turned to Harry. "In you go then. Help yourself to drinks on the table."

Zoë stepped round Harry to face Mark. "Stop condoning underage drinking, the phrase is, there are drinks on the table. That is information. When you say help yourself, you are encouraging kids to drink. It's a technical distinction but important."

With that Zoe deliberately turned her back as Lisa and he headed to the table loaded down with bottles and cans. There were bottles of pop there to go with the alcohol. Lisa opened a bottle of Newcastle Brown. Harry went through the stages of opening and pouring a John Smiths' can that had a widget to give it a draft beer effect.

The two wandered the party. There were people spread out across all the ground floor rooms of the house. What Harry guessed was normally the living room was empty of furniture but was the source of the booming bass they had heard approaching the house. Other rooms had quieter gatherings of people. After the fifteenth person was introduced to him, Harry was unable to remember any more names.

It took them half an hour to wander the ground floor, with everyone that Lisa greeted and showed off Harry to.

They found Megan who was dressed in hot pant, with a tight green shirt. The accessories of toy pistols in two belts let them know it was a costume and not her normal clothes. On that score Harry was pleased to see that he and Lisa had stood out and made a real effort. Although it was his green hair that got the most admiring looks.

They told Megan that they did want the spare tickets to which she hugged them both in celebration. Megan dragged them both of to room with the dance music.

Harry actually found that he enjoyed himself. The beat was so all encompassing that it made thought impossible. He moved as the beat dictated. After ten minutes, he was a sweaty mess. He motioned for Lisa to carry on. He moved out to the hall table helped himself to a can of coke and wandered through the house to one of the quieter rooms.

There was a group of boys in there about his own age. The music was swirling and ambient. He had a couple of them greet him but he was happy to sit and be quiet. Letting his pulse rate drop and his head clear.

In a little over a week and a half his life was changed. He knew that he would have to return to school and it seemed fate was pushing him on to a meeting with Voldemort. Now at last he had something to live for. Someone to live for.

He took a sip of his can starting to feel quite mellow, when Megan burst into the room. "Harry come quickly, it's Lisa."

A.N.

In 1996 Harley Quinn was wearing a harlequin costume. The costume Lisa wears is from the new 52 version. I'm afraid this detail slipped by me until I had the section written. I'm not going back to change it.

Sorry for the delay, I had a number of issues with this section and the following chapter from the mundane, general busyness at work, a laptop that needed repairs to other issues that impacted on where I wanted to take this tale. As for the next chapter, it will be as the muse takes me. I have four open stories at the moment.

Yes, Harry swears. In canon he does the odd "Merlin" copying those around him. Here Lisa swears occasionally. Although I never wrote it Megan and Sophie swear like troopers. The music he is listening to is heavy on the swears as well. (You go find track five from Soundgardens 1996 album) So Harry has picked up the habit.