Chapter Sixty-One:
Robin stood next to the bed, shivering in her wet clothes. She felt ridiculous having run outside, but the intensity of the conversation and their issues was just too much.
She also needed to know she could escape. She needed to keep control.
"Here," Patrick handed her a glass of wine. "They actually have a great set up in the kitchen."
Robin smiled and took a drink.
"My parents never do things half way. The safe houses are usually stocked."
"Houses? How many are there?" he asked as he put a few things down.
"A lot. Pretty much all over. You never know when you need a place to hide," she said.
He smiled and nodded.
"I guess so."
She put her glass of wine down and sighed.
"I'm sorry I made you get wet."
"I'm not. I've been wanting to get you to talk for a while and I'm glad you finally did."
She looked at him and he felt vulnerable under her gaze.
"You said something before and I need to ask you about it."
He worried and tried to remember what it was.
"Okay."
"You said you deserved someone who fought for you, who chooses you."
He sighed.
"I wanted that to be you. I wanted you to fight for me."
She took his hand in hers and kissed his fingers.
"I tried. I wanted to be here with you. I'm so sorry I made you think you weren't everything to me."
He swallowed and reached to her.
"And I'm sorry I didn't find you. I'm sorry I hurt you."
They were quiet and he wiped his face.
"It's funny, really."
"What is?" she asked.
"You said you told Jason I was missing and Sam didn't want to look, right?"
"Well, we really didn't have anything to go on," Robin said, knowing it was lame.
He smiled at her and nodded.
"She didn't care, I'm sure. I was pretty pathetic. I don't know what I was thinking."
Robin stood up and walked a little, not wanting to talk about this.
"I'm going to change and try and sleep. You can reminisce about your girlfriends alone."
Patrick stared at her and sighed.
"I'm sorry. That wasn't what I was doing."
"Well believe me, if I could have been with other men, I would have. Maybe I could have compared notes with you. What you liked more or different positions. I mean, Sam has huge boobs and I have almost none, so maybe you want to tell me about how great that was. We can look at Sabrina if you want, because she's a beautiful woman; kind of young, if you ask me, but she worshipped you and that's your number one criteria, right?
"Stop! Enough already," Patrick said. "That wasn't what I meant."
"Well what possibly could you mean? We are here, soaking wet and pissed off and you just kissed me like I was the only woman on earth and now you start talking about other women? I mean shit, Patrick, what the fuck am I supposed to think? I have dealt with you being with four women since you pledged your love to me. I have learned to live with the fact you have been intimately familiar with them and obviously had no issue with what it would do to me. The last thing I want to do is hear about what you think Sam should have done for you."
"For the last time, that isn't what I was doing. You are so fucking stubborn. You get an idea in your head and you run with it. You never even entertain the thought that maybe you had a small part in our lives being blown apart. You like to blame me for everything and then it makes it easier to hate me."
"I don't hate you. I wish I hated you. I wish I could walk away and never look back, but I can't. I love you, despite my best efforts to stop. I hate that you have such power over me and I hate that I can't stop myself from hurting. I hate so many things, but I don't hate you," she said and her tears fell.
He walked to her and put his hands on her shoulders.
"What I meant was that I have always known in my heart what real love was. I felt it when you touched me. I lived it when you loved me and I lost it when you left me. I didn't know how to survive without you in my life. I thought I moved on and then you came home and I realized just how little I had done. I stopped living when you died in front of me and when you came home, I was in shock. I can't explain it, but when I came home and you held me again, it was like I was granted every wish I ever had."
She listened to him and her heart raced.
"And then you chose to leave. I have never been so angry and scared in my life. I felt like you were more important to me than I was to you and I felt betrayed. What I didn't realize was that it was my time to be your hero. If I could have only been the man you deserved, I would have stopped what happened. I wasn't reminiscing about who I was with. I was reflecting on who I became and how that wasn't someone I ever wanted to be. I love you. I need you and I want you. I will do whatever it takes to help you believe in me again."
"Okay. I might have overreacted," she said with a small grin.
He chuckled and smoothed her hair off her face.
"I'll let you change now. We need to get dry and warm."
He turned to leave and she stopped him, walking to face him.
She moved to unbutton his wet shirt and she winced when she saw the bruising on his torso. She moved to pull his shirt off and when she faced him again, her tears fell at the damage she knew caused him so much pain.
"Hey, it's only a bruise. It will heal."
She nodded and leaned in to kiss his bruised skin.
He looked at her and moved to the bottom of her shirt. She nodded and he picked it up and over her head. She smiled at him as he ran his hands down her arms.
"Let me help you with your pants," she said and he moved to sit on the bed. His knee was swollen so it was hard to maneuver his pants down, but she slowly worked until she was able to get them off without hurting him.
"Are you okay?" she moved to sit next to him, the pain on his bruised face evident.
"I'm fine," he said unconvincingly.
"You never were a good liar. How about if we put some ice in your knee?"
"Robin, I don't want you to move from this spot. Your pants are wet and they need to come off. I am okay; I promise."
She nodded and took a deep breath before she stood up and pulled her pants off. She stood there in her bra and panties and shivered.
"Now what?" she asked with a nervous smile.
"Now you come and let me hold you."
"It's not necessary," she said as she sat down next to him.
"What's happening inside your head? I can see your mind racing and I need you to try and stop worrying," he said as he ached to hold her and touch her.
"It's hard," she said. "I don't trust myself and I feel like if I let myself go, I won't be able to stop."
He smiled and sat back against the headboard.
"I think it's time for both of us to stop second guessing everything and just stay in the moment."
She watched as he took her hand in his and brought it to his lips to kiss her fingers.
"I want that, so much. I wish I knew what was right," she said and he moved his hand down her shoulder to the top of her breasts.
"What feels right?" he asked.
"I don't think I know anymore," she said and her tears came. "I'm sorry. I'm ruining everything and I don't know how to stop worrying. I don't think I should do this. I don't think I should be here with you," she got up and the room was spinning.
"Robin? Hey, look at me," Patrick called to her as she slumped to the ground.
"Shit!" he said and got up, gently gathering her in his arms despite the pain of his broken ribs. He laid her on the bed and took a blanket, covering her before he pulled his shorts on.
"Okay, you're going to be fine," he said and checked her pulse, which was racing. This was the second time he saw her get dizzy and now she blacked out. He went to grab the medical bag when she moaned.
"Robin? Can you open your eyes?"
She blinked and looked at him and he smiled.
"That's good. How do you feel?"
She rubbed her eyes and tried to sit up.
"Wait, just rest for a minute and let your heart slow down."
She closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths. He held her hand and stroked her cheek.
"Never a dull moment, huh?" she said softly.
He grinned and shrugged when she opened her eyes again.
"Dull is boring. I like being kept on my toes."
She smiled and then her tears fell.
"What is it? Please tell me," he lay next to her and stroked her cheek.
"I'm scared. I don't want this to be our life. I don't want to live in fear and I miss being free to do anything I want. I want to be with Emma and I want to see if what we have can be fixed. Obrecht isn't going to stop until I'm dead and I don't know that I can fight her any more. I'm just scared."
He moved under the covers and gently pulled her to him.
"It's okay to be scared. I'm here and we are going to beat her. When we're together, there is nothing stronger. I just need you to trust me. I need you to let me be the hero of our story."
She wrapped her arms around him and rested her cheek on his chest.
"You are my hero. You just need to be patent with me," she said and closed her eyes.
He held her and smiled.
"I'm not going anywhere."