Intermezzo: Soul Searching
"Takato, you can't blame yourself", Koichi was telling him. Both he and Jen had asked to come over to see him. Both arrived without their partners, which was highly unusual.
"Your friends from school dropped by", he continued, "and they wanted to see Guilmon. Can you blame them for that? It would have been better had Juri kept her mouth shut, but, really, can you blame her? Really, how many people - including adults - would have the fortitude to keep that a secret? They wanted to play with Guilmon once you were at the park. You could have been a real asshole and sent them away. Granted, that would have gotten you to Kyuubimon and me much sooner, but how could you know? You couldn't. What's done is done, so forget about it. Just be grateful Impmon warned you in time. Be glad you thought to give Guilmon the tunnelling ability that got you to us when we needed you the most".
"Then you don't blame me? I feel so inadequate as a Tamer".
"Just because you happened to find Guilmon didn't mean you have to stop being human. If you keep measuring yourself against perfection, you are going to come up short every time. I can't think of anything more pointless than that".
"We're not disappointed in you", Renamon agreed. "You've known me long enough to know that".
"You... mean it?"
"If we thought you were unreliable, we would have told you to get lost long before now. We still trust you and know we can always count on you... Remember what Yamaki's dossier on you said? Prone to depressive episodes? Don't let yourself fall into that trap".
0xFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF
"Ruki actually said that?", Koichi asked.
"I heard her: she actually laughed and joked when I told her she and that partner of hers prevented us from saving that child's life".
"I knew she was insensitive..."
"I knew it from the instant I met her... the callous indifference to Takato, Guilmon, even her own partner. She always said that 'digimon are for fighting'..."
"What did you expect? Indifference to life is indifference to life. She was bad news from the get-go..."
"I always thought..."
"You could change her? Jen: you're a caring person, and that's a good thing. You can't change anyone, not unless and until they want to change. Now, I don't know what in the hell happened to that girl; I'm not a shrink and she isn't my patient. Maybe she was just born bad. Maybe she's just one of those types who're headed for a lifetime of bouncing from prison to the outside and back again, or she'll end up pregnant by fifteen, hopelessly addicted by eighteen and dead by twenty. I don't know. These things happen and there isn't a damn thing you can do about it".
"About Terriermon's evolution..."
"What happened", Renamon explained, "is called 'Dark Evolution'. It resulted from your anger. Strong negative feelings definitely have an effect on one's partner. It can also occur if a digimon is forced to evolve unnaturally. Evolution depends on how a digimon and his partner connect. It is why Ruki failed so many times with my own evolution. She was too lacking in empathy, as all she wanted to do was fight".
"Then how was she able to evolve Icedevimon?", Koichi asked.
"Icedevimon is of a very dark species. Maybe it doesn't matter in that case. It's also possible she connects with him, but in a bad way", Renamon explained.
"It's like that time all over again. Right after I started studying with Cho-sensei... this kid - I don't recall his name - was always teasing me. One day, I just blew up and used what I'd learned to beat the shit out of him. I mean, I hurt him bad. Much worse than he deserved. Ever since, I can't trust myself..."
"Jen, that's absurd. We all get pissed, it happens. I didn't like being teased as a kid either. I got into my fair share of scrapes with other kids, bloodied my share of noses, and blackened eyes. That was a long time ago and you've learned better, both from Cho-sensei on when to fight and when not to, and your own maturity. Had I been there in your place, I would have been just as pissed by what Ruki did. I might have dark evolved Renamon. I don't know what a 'Dark Kyuubimon' might be, but at least, she would have incinerated Ruki to ash, no evidence", he laughed.
"I don't see what's so..."
"It isn't really. The point is: you've already learned valuable lessons on when to fight and when not to. Because you chose to fight when it counted, there's a little girl out there who's gonna get a chance to grow up instead of being sliced and diced by that Musyamon. Don't ever forget that. Don't go second guessing your decisions. Simply learn from this experience, and take another lesson. You felt righteous indignation: good for you. You made a mistake: it happens, and it'll probably happen again. Don't let it get to you. Terriermon forgave you didn't he? Now it's time to forgive yourself".