Chapter Sixty-Three:
Robin unpacked a few of her things from her apartment and wiped the beads of sweat off her forehead. It had been a week since they left the safe house and although Obrecht was still loose, Robin and Patrick both agreed they needed to try and get back to normal, although they needed to be safe.
Part of that was moving to a place where they could be under security. She didn't want to move to the house, so she agreed to stay in the empty penthouse near Jason. Patrick and Emma were going to stay there, too.
It wasn't perfect, but it was guarded and could be more like a home for Emma.
Patrick had been packing up the house and he was going to bring over some bags and mostly things for Emma so it would feel comfortable for her. They hadn't talked much since the safe house and Robin was really struggling with what happens next.
She missed him. Plain and simple. She had been home for months now and they had taken their time getting to know each other. She knew they were both different people and her trust was severely damaged, but underneath all of the hurt and fear was love.
She loved him and she realized that was okay. She didn't need to try and talk herself out of it. She didn't need to punish him anymore. She didn't need to punish herself, either.
At first, she was really worried about Sam. She didn't want to be the fall back woman and if Patrick was truly in love with Sam, then she wouldn't hold him back. It didn't matter that Sam wanted Jason. If Patrick wasn't committed to her, Robin would walk away.
She deserved someone who wanted her, completely.
She also realized much of that same mindset was why Patrick divorced her. He wanted someone who wanted him, completely. Although that had always been Robin, she knew he didn't believe that. Her actions hit him at his deepest insecurities and he broke.
She wasn't making excuses; she was just finally realizing they had both been wrong. They had both been hurt. They had both lost faith.
Now it was time to find it again.
The doorbell rang and she jumped before she went to look out.
"It's Mr. Patrick," Ben, her guard said. "Shall I let him in?"
Robin smiled.
"Of course."
He opened the door and Patrick walked in, scowling at Ben.
"He's just doing his job," Robin smiled as she took some of he bags from him.
"Fine, but he knows me. I'm on the damn list. Soon I'll be living here."
"He is just making sure I was decent."
Patrick raised his eyebrows.
"And how would he know if you were or weren't decent?"
She smiled at him.
"Are you jealous?"
"Well no, but only because that would mean I was acting immature and I'm far above that."
She walked to him and put her hands on his chest.
"I would think it's kind of hot if you were."
He swallowed and held her face in his hands.
"I'm so jealous I can barely stand it."
She laughed and he lowered his mouth to kiss her.
She wrapped her arms around his waist and welcomed his tongue.
"You have no reason to be jealous. Ben isn't my type," she said as she untangled herself from his arms.
"Why not?"
"Because he's not you," she said and walked into the kitchen.
Patrick felt the familiar butterflies she caused him and he couldn't wipe the grin off his face.
"So, were you staying for dinner?" Robin asked as she brought out some beer. "I know you and Emma aren't moving until tomorrow, but I didn't want to assume you didn't have plans."
"Emma had a sleepover tonight at Joss' house, so I'm here for the duration. Besides, it's depressing being home alone and packing up all our stuff."
"Do they have adequate security there?" she asked.
"At Sonny's?" he smiled.
"Right. Sorry. I'm just nervous."
Patrick sat down and patted the couch next to him. She sat down and ran her hand through her hair.
"Emma is safe and you and I are safe. Neither one of us has anything to think about other than all of the unknowns between us."
She smiled.
"That's a lot. I've actually been thinking about that all day. Well, aside from my trip to GH."
"What? Why were you there? I though you weren't going back to work," he said worriedly.
"I didn't. I needed to go over blood work results with my doctor and then I stopped by to see Aaron. Ben was with me the whole time."
"What did the results say?" he took her hand.
"My viral load is undetectable. I'm healthier than I've been since before I was taken."
He didn't think, he just pulled her into his arms and held her tightly.
"Ow, you're squishing me," she smiled as he let her go.
"Sorry," he said and stood up, embarrassed at his tears.
"Patrick? What it is? What's wrong?" she asked as she walked behind him and touched his shoulder.
"Nothing. I'm just happy."
"Look at me please," she said.
He sighed and turned around, his eyes betraying him.
"You don't look happy. Please talk to me," she said and wiped his cheeks.
"I was scared. I was worried that what I did would cause you irreparable harm."
"You didn't do anything," she said. "What do you mean?"
"I did. I didn't look for you and because of that, you suffered for months and months. I'm sorry, but I don't know how you're ever going to let that go."
She watched him walk away and she turned to him.
"I'm not the one who needs to let it go."
"What?"
"You need to let it go, Patrick. I can tell you a million times that I have moved on and that you have nothing to be sorry for, but until you believe that, we can't move forward. You have to let this go."
"I'm not sure I know how. I'm not sure I can forgive myself."
She held his hands in hers and looked up into his eyes.
"Why not?"
"Because I love you and I promised to be there for you. I let you down and I feel just like my dad when I was growing up. I never wanted to be that kind of man or husband. I wanted to be the one you relied on. I should have been that man. You deserved that man."
"And you deserved my trust, Patrick. You deserved to be the person I confided in and you deserved more from me. I think if we both continue to sit and dwell on what went wrong, we will never get to anything new or right. I want to move forward with you. I want to try again and I want you to look at me and not feel pity. If you don't think you can do that, then I think we should just go our separate ways."
"I can do that," he said softly. "I just want you to know how much I want you and how much I love you. I never want you to doubt that again. I just want to hold you and love you and be the one to make your life the best it can be. I guess I don't feel like I deserve this. I don't know that I should be allowed another chance."
She walked to him and took his hand in hers.
"This is the hand I want to hold me. These are the arms I want around my body," she touched his lips. "These are the lips I want against mine. You are the only man I want to be with and I will wait until you feel like you want me again. I have been waiting for a long time and I know that you are with it. The only thing I ask is that you look within and know that I'm who you want. If not," she was silenced by his mouth on hers and his arms picking her up. She wrapped her legs around his waist and held his face in her hands as he aggressively kissed her.
"You are who I want. You are the only one I want," he said as he put her down.
"What's wrong? Why did you stop?" she asked.
"I don't know where the bedroom is," he said. "I've never been here before."
She smiled and took his hand, leading him to the bedroom.
"I don't have a bed yet, but I got a blow up mattress and the movers will bring the furniture tomorrow."
He looked around and smiled.
"It's nice. I like it."
"It's not permanent. I know it isn't what you would pick, but it's easy to secure and I'm scared to be out in the open until Obrecht is caught," Robin said and shivered.
"I know. We need to be safe, no matter what. I will live in a wood shack if it means you and Emma are safe."
"And you," she said softly.
They stood there and both of them were quiet.
"Let's go have dinner," she said, feeling like they weren't ready for sex.
Patrick nodded and followed her.
"Is it weird that we're being so cautious around each other?"
She turned and shrugged.
"When we are ready to take that step, we will. I think it will be good for me to talk to Dr. Holly again. I have another appointment tomorrow."
He helped her make some sandwiches and they walked to the family room and sat on the couch.
"At least there was furniture here in the family room," she smiled.
He looked at her and nodded.
"Do you mind if we call it a night?"
She tried to hide her crushed look.
"Sure, no problem," she said and looked at his uneaten sandwich.
He got up and went to say something, but stopped.
"Did I do something wrong? Are you okay?"
"Yeah, I just need to go. I'm sorry," he stammered and left.
Robin locked the door and sighed.
She needed to figure out what was going on with him.
She just didn't know how.