Hey! This was a bitch to write, but I hope it's worth it :L I kept getting distracted by City of Lost Souls; it has a sort of magnetic pull…even when I shoved it in the freezer for upsetting me- I swear Cassandra Clare thinks of her readers as chew toys. If we were cybermen it would be the binary nine situation all over again. Screaming mass death as our emotions overwhelm us.

The day had started so well.

When the tears had dried on his face, Camille drew back wordlessly and seemed to dissolve into the night; one minute Alec could see the hair, bleached silver by the moonlight, rippling down her back, and the next she had melted into the shadows like butter spread onto hot toast. Only colder. Much colder.

Although Camille was gone, her words still hung about him like cobwebs clinging to a stack of old books. "The happier you make him, will make it more painful when he loses you. You want him to say that you are the only one he will ever love, but as long as that is true you cannot really love him."

She was right, Alec realized now, their relationship only hurt people. Himself and Magnus most of all.

The Institute towered over him, the only home he could remember, the people he loved were inside, yet outside, with tiny drops of moisture just starting to prickle his skin, Alec felt so separate from them. So alone. And not in his usual, over-dramatic way either. Why, why couldn't he just enjoy himself for once?

Over the sounds of the city, a soft, slooshy pattering signalled rain sweeping in from the river; light droplets beaded on Alec's eyelashes and dribbled down his face like cold tears, but still he stood, soundless, motionless, staring at the echoing dark where Camille had been.

"Alec?"

Alec jumped, startled, and inwardly cursed. He was a shadowhunter, Raziel's sake. Rainwater was streaming over him now, smelling of purity and chemicals at the same time.

"Alexander, what in hell are you doing?" Magnus was leaning in the Institute's doorway, backlit so that his face was all shadows, his lean body arched and feline, regarding his boyfriend with a mixture of amusement and concern. "I knew you weren't 'getting something'. And so did Jace and Izzy."

"Magnus." Alec took a step towards him, not immune to that delicious magnetic pull even now, the one that made him want to always be closer, regardless of how close, or how angry they were.

"I should be angry at you for not letting me in, again, but I guess I'm used to it. That, and the fact that you look ridiculously sexy right now." He grinned, and stepped out into the rain, his gold-tinged eyes laced with worry.

"Magnus, I'm sorry, I didn't mean-" The warlock folded him into a wet hug, the heat of his body burning through their clothes and igniting a spark in Alec's chest. A long, green-nailed finger caressed his lips.

"I know, baby. Was it me? Talking all careless to your mother? Because that's not-"

"Magnus!" Alec was shocked, and he fixed him with a wild, blue-eyed stare. "How could you think that? I had a great time tonight, honestly." His eyes and voice lowered. "It was Camille." Magnus froze and spun away from Alec, sparks frazzling from his fingertips, evaporating clusters of rain where they collided.

"Camille…" he hissed, a surprisingly vicious sound that reminded Alec of his lover's demon heritage. "Alexander, whatever she told you, whatever she made you think, she's just using you. Like she uses everybody. Camille lives to manipulate, playing on your deepest, fiercest hopes and fears, and however thickly she veils it, she is being cruel." Alec remembered her wide, imploring eyes, her soft, pleading voice, stuffed full of imperative words. Had she been conning him?

Water licked along Magnus's legs, and he didn't seem to care that his boots- the new season Jimmy Choo, he had confided earlier- were getting soaked, glitter pooling in the puddle at his feet.

"But Magnus, she was right. Our relationship hurts everyone- especially us! I can't live like this, knowing that every second I spend with you will hurt you more, in the future. That there is no way we can spend our lives together. The happier we are, the sadder you'll be when I'm gone, and don't give me all that 'live in the moment' crap, because I can't do that to you, and if that's all you're prepared for then I'm ending it, right now, before any more damage is done!"

The colour had drained slowly from Magnus's face all the while Alec was talking, his eyes were that of someone who had seen lifetimes of suffering and been unable to stop it, and his lips trembled slightly. He didn't speak. Alec ran, out of the courtyard and down the street, before he could change his mind.

Magnus snatched him up before he could turn the corner, clutching Alec to his chest, and Alec could feel their hearts pounding as one.

"I didn't mean that…or maybe I did," Alec mused. He had been sure that breaking up would be the best thing, but now- now he could feel Magnus's body, searing hot despite their drenched state, could smell his dark, spicy scent and see the wide, gold-green eyes that searched his own face in desperation, rivulets of glittery make-up in streaks right down to his chin.

"It isn't our relationship that's hurting us, Alec. It's this…obsession with immortality that you have."

"It's not immortality that I want, Magnus. It's you."

"But you have me."

"No, I don't! Every one of my breaths is closer to my last, but before then…you look nineteen. When I'm in my twenties I'll look too old for you, but when I'm old old…I'll look like a paedophile, Magnus! I won't be fun anymore, I'll need- something different…"

Magnus looked down, only a hint of green visible through his thick water-spiked black lashes. He looked so sad…but Alec was sick of being sad. He wanted to stop hiding, to make Magnus really see that he didn't care about eternal life, only him.

"All I want is you. And you know," a feeble smile tugged the corner of Alec's lips "You'll look like my twink." Magnus's head snapped up, and he poked Alec in the ribs.

"I'm no twink! I'm far too old, Alexander! But- seriously, when you're staring immortality in the face, you see the truth. It isn't a gift. It's a curse. Ask Simon. Your real life fades, family, friends, lovers- but your feelings too. You know, I can't remember my mothers' face. Can't remember what it felt like to love her-maternal love…I have no recollection of it. Or the joy of kicking a pile of fallen leaves; I used to love that. Until I was maybe… two hundred, give or take. I just didn't see the point any more. And if I make you immortal, what is your life then? When your family are dead, when you move away from New York, when you don't remember your mother, who are you then? You're not Alec Lightwood. Not anymore. You're a stranger with his face."

Alec stroked his pale, calloused thumbs over Magnus's face, letting them trail along the sharp caramel curve of his cheekbones.

"I am Alec Lightwood with you, Magnus, more than I've ever been."

He smiled, a sad sort of smile, sliding his fingers over Alec's hips.

"Your life is so beautiful. Who am I to end it? Keep on living for a while, Alexander. But I promise I'll think about it."

Their lips met, soaked and cold, but sweet.

"Take me home, Magnus."

Not sure about this chapter, there was so much I wanted to include…hopefully it's okay though. More coming soon, and what happens next depends on our reviews… Love China xxx