171 AG
I won't look back.
I'm not going to turn my head to the side, or tilt my chin down and close my eyes. I'm standing in the front car of the maglev with my legs apart and my hands behind my back. A map of the Earth Kingdom hangs before me, but I'm looking beyond it. The muscles in my legs twitch as I hold myself upright against the wide turns.
It's easy to smile. It's easy to stand upright. The further away I am, the easier it gets. Distance is so powerful. I can only imagine what time will do.
There are slight vibrations, and out of the corner of my eye I can see the blur of the trees as I pass them and the mountains in the distance moving slowly away. All of it, so different and new. A new beginning. A fresh start.
A chance to finally change things.
How could I not accept?
If I had known then, that our last time would really be the last time, would things have been different? If you knew too, would you have found a way to keep me locked inside your beautiful cage? I'm sure one of us would have broken; one of us would have given in.
But everything fell apart too quickly, and there wasn't any time to pick up the pieces.
Behind me, the sun is setting. The memory of the orange light reflecting against the silver metal opens up inside my heart like an old wound, and I'm bleeding out in a river behind me. It's a trail that I know you won't follow.
I was the one who has always followed.
If I look back now, I'll see Zaofu. My city. Your city. The city where you've decided to stay. I thought at first that if I looked back it would break my heart, and so I was afraid. But now I know the truth.
I'm afraid that if I look back I won't feel anything at all.
171 AG
Orihana's was more crowded than Kuvira had remembered it. She was surprised to find a line at the door, and squeezing through the press of bodies in her uniform was a challenge, but once she reached the second floor patio and she could breathe the fresh air, she felt better.
Yishu was sitting in a hammock with another woman. As Kuvira approached them, Yishu raised her glass.
"Kuvira! I didn't think you'd make it!" Yishu was grinning, probably already drunk. Kuvira couldn't help but smile. She sat down heavily in a cushioned chair across from them. She felt exhausted. After her "after hours" rendezvous with Su in the dressing room, she'd gone to do her shift. She managed it effortlessly. Being Guard Captain had come so naturally. Still, she had just been going through the motions. Her mind had been elsewhere. All she'd been able to think about was her.
"This is Sei. She's going to be planting with me next season," Yishu motioned to the woman sitting closely beside her in the hammock.
Sei raised her pipe in greeting, and a wispy cloud of smoke escaped her parted lips and traveled upwards through the sharp bangs of dirty blonde hair that outlined her face. She was slighter than Yishu, athleticism traded in for elegance.
"Yishu has told me a lot about you. All good things, of course." Sei's lips curved upwards. "Not like she needed to, though. Everyone in this city who doesn't live under a rock has heard of you."
Yishu laughed and nudged Sei in the shoulder. "I think she realizes that."
Kuvira grinned and crossed her legs at the knee, making a show of spreading her arms out to shrug nonchalantly. "Oh, I don't mind hearing how great I am."
"If I weren't so comfortable I'd get up and smack you," Yishu murmured.
Kuvira watched as Sei laughed and wrapped her arm around Yishu's shoulders. The memory of sharing that very same hammock with Yishu, all those years ago, struck Kuvira like a rail car.
She wanted a drink. Instead, she looked up.
The domes of Zaofu were a metallic black. Light from the buildings below cascaded off the geometric surfaces. The domes were impenetrable. A testament to the Zaofu's progress. Guaranteed safety, but for a price. The price was the light of the moon, or the sound of thunder off in the distance. Kuvira paid the price every night, when she looked up into the pitch black emptiness and felt it, reflected inside.
"Great? How about blind."
The three of them turned their heads in the direction of the voice. A group of people were sitting around a table at the other end of the patio, just within earshot. No one was looking towards them, so it was hard for Kuvira to tell who had said it. She sat up straighter.
"You know they only care about Zaofu. They don't even patrol outside the city."
Kuvira's heart beat hard in her chest. She glanced at Yishu and Sei. They were both watching her.
"Didn't even make an attempt to help that miner caravan stave off bandits, and it was right outside their door."
"Yeah. If you ask me. Suyin Beifong is no better than the Earth Queen."
Kuvira stood up suddenly, pushing the chair against the wall with a thundering slam. She stood there in silence, breathing steadily.
The man who had spoken looked up from his drink. His eyes were hard, but his teeth were bared in a threatening smile. Kuvira could tell in an instant that he wanted a fight. He wanted to provoke her. She decided not to play his game.
She turned and left the patio. She could hear Yishu calling her name as she rushed down the stairs and out the door. Everything was a blur. Outside, the air was cool, and there was a slight breeze as she launched down an alley towards the rail car station.
"You can't run away from this."
The same voice from before echoed down the alley from behind her. She stopped in her tracks and listened. She could hear hurried footsteps, and they were coming closer.
She turned slowly, and raised her fists up as she fell into her preferred fighting stance. She could feel the power of adrenaline arcing within her like electricity. Now that they were alone, she wouldn't have to be so careful.
"You're right," she said, and her eyes narrowed as she smirked, "I can't."
171 AG
There was a single light between them. Directly at the center of where the two women stood, quite still, in the dimly lit darkness just before dawn. There was just enough light to play upon their faces, highlighting their expressions in a warm yellow tinge.
Opal's stern look, eyes narrowed, lips thin and almost frowning. Shoulders and jaw set. Body stiff. Tense. Reactionary.
Kuvira's relaxed nonchalance, eyebrows raised, lips curved upwards. The bruise beneath her left eye from a few days before was just starting to heal, going from purple to blue to a yellowish-green.
They stood there in silence, cut into time like two iron sculptures.
"You're up early." Kuvira remarked. She tilted her head to one side.
"And you're off duty, Guard Captain. Why are you here?"
Kuvira controlled her gaze, and kept her voice even as she replied, slowly, "I need to speak with Suyin. It's urgent."
Opal looked like she wanted to laugh. "I can't believe you."
Alarms rang out in Kuvira's mind, and she could feel her heart starting to tighten up. She was in a dangerous position. She would need to choose her words carefully.
"What can't you believe? The Matriarch hasn't been to rehearsal or the city center since last week, so I haven't been able to speak with her. It's an urgent matter. I see nothing wrong with that."
Opal weighed Kuvira's words heavily, but her expression didn't relax like Kuvira had expected it would. Her eyes were still hard and dark. Kuvira started to walk forward, but when Opal spoke again she stopped.
"She hasn't been herself, and it's your fault."
"What are you saying?" Kuvira said, staring at her.
"Something's wrong with her! She hardly spoke at dinner last night, and she has been going to bed early. I tried to talk to her about it and she didn't even acknowledge it..." Opal's voice broke, she looked equal parts angry and desperate.
"What did you do to her?" Opal asked, and that's when Kuvira saw the fear in her eyes. It was a familiar sight that had a strangely calming effect. Kuvira took a few steps forward. Opal took one step back.
"What do you think?"
Opal's bright green eyes widened. She looked away. Kuvira watched her.
"I… I can't do this anymore. I need to tell my dad."
Now it was Kuvira's turn to widen her eyes.
"We talked about this. You can't—"
"I'm not going to listen to you!"
Kuvira's vision blurred. The city around her was unhinged, and the metal was falling around her, or lifting into the sky. The domes were ripping themselves apart. The sky was dead and black. She could see Su's face, shameful and guilty as her family, her husband, the entire city… learned the truth. And they would know the truth about her, too.
"No!" Kuvira's voice rose uncontrollably. Opal flinched and looked suddenly very pale.
"Opal, you can't. You don't understand—"
"I do understand! You've tricked her, and now you're trying to see how far you can go. Well, it all ends now."
Opal started to turn back towards the estate, but Kuvira leapt forward and grabbed her by the shoulder, her hand slid down to clutch at Opal's delicate forearm. Kuvira's hand was strong and hard against her soft flesh. It was the wrong move, but what other choice did she have?
"You can't—!" Kuvira started, but the way Opal's body tensed up and her eyes narrowed gave Kuvira pause.
"Let go of me!" Opal roared, and just before she had finished speaking she lifted her other hand up and suddenly, out of nowhere, a huge blast of wind came forth from her opened palm and slammed into Kuvira's chest. The metalbender fell backwards, landing hard on her back. Kuvira raised her head to look up at her.
"You're…an airbender." Kuvira struggled for the words. Opal had already taken a few more steps back, and then, her expression changed all at once. Kuvira saw the hurt and the pain and the desperation mixed with the confusion and the wonder at what she had just done. All of this in an instant, before the younger woman had turned and ran back to the estate.
Kuvira didn't follow her. She could taste rust in her mouth. She realized it was blood. Had she bitten her lip? She pulled herself together and shook her head. Whatever Opal did now, it was beyond her control. All she could do now was wait. The thought of it made her sick to her stomach.
She pushed herself up, onto her knees. She wanted to scream into the dark, empty night. The night bereft of stars and moon and sky. Her feelings, the words she couldn't quite say, and all the questions in between, all of it was bouncing off the walls of this perfectly designed cage.
And still, a part of her wanted to warmth of Su's bed, and the touch of her skin beneath the sheets as she slept beside her. She wanted to be the one Su thought about, while she took lonely rail car rides around the city. If she were stronger, she would climb the walls, or break them down. Instead, as the sun rose and the petals expanded, she went back to her apartment and slept.