164 AG
Kuvira had made Suyin Beifong's starting group. This, she had expected. She knew her performance during tryouts had been impressive, and already she could feel the widening distance, mentally and physically, as most of the other troupe members saw her as unapproachable.
The only other person at tryouts who was near her age had also made it. Kuvira had initially been surprised by this. Her name was Yishu, and Kuvira was mostly annoyed by her presence.
Yishu seemed to think that their similar ages meant they had some sort of bond. She approached her before rehearsal and was always trying to persuade her into joining her afterwards for lunch. Kuvira, as a rule, arrived early and stayed late, and so she consistently refused.
"You should join her for lunch sometime," Suyin murmured in the emptying hall one morning after rehearsal. Kuvira turned her head to watch as Yishu and a few of the other troupe members passed through the heavy double doors, leaving the two of them alone.
"Why would I do that?" Kuvira asked idly after some hesitation. She was stripping the tape off of her forearm. She could sense out of the corner of her eye that Suyin was looking at her. She felt her gaze like a burn, and she suddenly became very self-aware. Her hair had fallen partly out of her braid, and she was slick with sweat. It wasn't that rehearsal was inherently challenging, she just pushed herself, every time, right to the edge. And just before she lost herself she always knew how to take a step back.
"She's the only one in the entire troupe who has the guts to try talking to you. Isn't that worth something?" Suyin asked with curious amusement.
"You talk to me."
Suyin smiled, but she said nothing more. Kuvira fell backwards into her own thoughts. Her exchanges with Suyin had all been the same. A few quick words, before or after rehearsal. Suyin talked with everyone, but she always seemed to save Kuvira for last. Still, their conversations never lasted too long. The words they exchanged were transparent and weightless. Simple words made in passing as the two of them geared up for the next activity of the day.
It always left Kuvira wanting more.
"See you tomorrow," Suyin said lightly as she walked towards the door. As she passed, she placed her hand upon Kuvira's shoulder.
"Great work, as always."
Kuvira turned her head ever so slightly. The feel of Suyin's fingers against her skin made her feel light-headed. She realized she had been holding her breath.
"Thanks."
When Suyin left and the door shut behind her, Kuvira was finally alone. She exhaled heavily and stood there in silence with a strip of tape hanging from her forearm. She stood there for a long time.
171 AG
The only place left to go is forward.
The track runs a circuit, but it's forward all the same.
People are starving, not more than a day out from Zaofu. They're fighting each other for scraps. The Earth Queen used them up until there was nothing left, but even after her death there's no release. They're still stuck in reverse. No one deserves that. These people, more than anyone, need something to change.
Leave it up to me.
The memories of you are already drifting, deep into thick fog, hidden, concealed. Sometimes they surface upwards. I do everything in my power to keep my mind focused, but when I think of your lips, or the sound of your voice, it's like I'm moving in slow motion. I can still feel the warmth from the gentle morning light coming through the window of the guest house. Has it really been 10 years?
...I needed you before I knew who you were.
But when I see the hopeless faces looking up at the train… slowly, everything drains away.
164 AG
"Wow."
Kuvira was standing at the foot of Yishu's bed. She had her pants back on, but she couldn't find her tank top. She turned her head and realized Yishu had been admiring her. She smirked.
"You've seen me at rehearsal plenty of times. What's so different with just my shirt off?"
"Everything." Yishu grinned. Kuvira laughed and shook her head before going back to searching for her clothing.
"You need to remind me to fold my clothes in a neat pile next time. This is horrible."
"Hey. I can't help it if rehearsal gets you worked up."
Kuvira watched as Yishu yawned dramatically and stretched her body out across the bed. Yishu wasn't so bad looking herself. Kuvira still couldn't figure out how she hadn't noticed before. All it had taken was sitting down for lunch to make Kuvira realize that Yishu wasn't half as annoying as she thought she'd been. At least most of the time.
"Oh, I see," Kuvira said in mock anger as she strode over to Yishu and pulled the pillow out from under her. Kuvira's tank top had been hidden beneath. Kuvira snatched it.
"Nice try."
"Hey, it was worth a shot."
"It's not that I don't want to stay…" Kuvira started, but Yishu cut her off.
"Listen, you don't owe me anything, and you don't have to feel bad about leaving."
Kuvira looked at her, and for not the first time she wished she had Aiwei's truth seeing ability.
"Don't give me that face. We're cool, go on," Yishu said with a smile. Kuvira chose to believe her. She threw on her tank top and grabbed her bag.
What she had with Yishu was certainly not a rarity, especially in Zaofu, but she wasn't exactly sure what she did she have with her. She tried not to think about it, but something felt wrong every time they just… went their separate ways. Their lives were like two curving lines, and occasionally there were points of intersection, but each time it was just that—a single point in time. Disconnected.
Still, Kuvira didn't have any regrets. Yishu had been her first lover, and now they were good friends. They spent time together, and some of those times they opted to spend their time… closer together. Neither of them seemed to have a problem with it, mostly.
Rehearsals were starting to heat up as the date for their first recital drew near. Kuvira could feel the pressure creeping up behind her, dripping heavily onto her like hot wax and muffling the outside world. There was a lot she felt she needed to prove. To Zaofu, the troupe, and to herself.
Yishu was fired up, most likely from their encounter from the day before. She was flashing Kuvira some horribly persuasive looks, and Kuvira was having trouble concentrating. It wasn't like her, but she just couldn't keep it together.
She managed to make it through rehearsal somehow, but by the end of it her mind was practically spinning, her throat was dry, and her neck and face were burning hot. Had she overdone it? Was she getting sick?
"You don't look so great," Yishu's voice came from behind her. Kuvira turned her head.
"Yeah," was all Kuvira managed to say.
"Must have been from all that fun yesterday," Yishu replied teasingly, and she reached her hand out to touch Kuvira's shoulder. Yishu squeezed the muscles gently before sliding her hand down Kuvira's bicep. The gentle touch sent fuzzy spikes of pleasure deep into Kuvira's gut, but a part resisted.
"Well, I'll let you have a break," Yishu said, without missing a beat as she picked up her bag and slung her towel around her shoulders. She waved, and then she was gone.
Kuvira felt oddly relieved by her absence. There was something about being seen at her worst that bothered her greatly. She didn't like being around others when she was so obviously not herself. She'd need to leave. Go home. Take a bath. Get to bed early. Figure out—
"What's wrong?"
Kuvira recognized Suyin's voice, and she looked up to see the Matriarch approaching her.
"Oh—Nothing. I'm fine." The words spilled out of her mouth, but she used that edge in her voice that commanded respect. This would be the end of a conversation; not the start of one. Not this time. Not even for Suyin.
Suyin, unhindered by Kuvira's strong tone, continued her approach. She wasn't buying it.
"You haven't looked fine since this morning. Should I be worried?"
Her voice was a sucker punch right into Kuvira's ribcage. It knocked the wind out of her, left her gasping. How could a voice do so much?
"There's no need. Really." She hoped there was an air of finality this time that Suyin would recognize.
"There certainly is," Suyin replied smoothly, "I can't have one of the strongest members in my troupe getting sick before our first recital." She smiled sweetly, and Kuvira could feel her resolve crumbling.
And just like that, Suyin had convinced Kuvira to join her for lunch.
Kuvira had seen the Beifong Estate hundreds of times while riding the rail cars around Zaofu, but she had never stepped foot on the grounds. The layout wasn't very different from the other compounds. The outer ring was mostly one large courtyard consisting mainly of gardens, sculptures and fountains. There were wide walkways all around the outside, almost like the spokes of a wheel, and they led up to a large stairway.
When they reached the top of the stairs, Kuvira saw Suyin's estate in more vivid colors than she'd ever seen in the photographs. She suddenly realized how far away the Beifong Estate had seemed to her before, even though it had been physically so close for all those years.
Suyin caught Kuvira smiling.
"Do you like it? I spent a great deal of time planning it all out. Every single window and door." As she spoke they walked towards the front entrance, and Suyin bent the expertly hammered steel double doors open as they approached.
"I've always found Zaofu's architecture impressive," Kuvira said idly as they entered the main hall. "To think that you built your home while building a city…"
"Well, the estate came later. When we needed… more room. Bataar and I slept in a glorified tent in the beginning. Sometimes I miss it." Kuvira watched as Suyin looked out one of the large windows facing the courtyard, and she thought she saw her expression waver, if only for a moment. It was an expression Kuvira had never seen on Suyin's face before, and it made the blood in Kuvira's neck and wrists pound.
Suyin seemed to realize she had stopped talking, and she turned her head back to Kuvira with her bright green eyes twinkling, and a wide smile on her face.
"But you're not here for a tour, are you? Let's eat."
Kuvira was surprised to find that the Chef really did look like a pirate. Once she tasted the meal he had prepared for them, any negative thought she had in her mind melted away. As she ate, she could feel her energy returning.
As Kuvira regained her strength, she started asking more questions. She had learned about Zaofu during classes in her youth, but hearing about the city from the creator herself was an entirely new experience. Suyin seemed simply radiant as she spoke about the reasoning behind her decisions, and even after the plates had been taken away, the conversation continued.
Aiwei was the one to finally interrupt them. He appeared at the threshold of the dining room with a clipboard in his arms. He cleared his throat, and Suyin looked up and over at him.
"Oh, that's right. Forgive me, Aiwei. I lost track of time. Give me a moment and I'll meet you in my office."
Aiwei nodded and left.
Suyin stood up, and Kuvira followed suit.
"Looks like I'm needed elsewhere," Suyin said with an apologetic look on her face.
"Sorry for keeping you," Kuvira said halfheartedly; she wasn't all that sorry about it.
"Oh, no. These are the conversations I live for."
Kuvira nodded. She hadn't expected any of this. It felt like a gift. "I didn't expect you to be so open about the inner workings of Zaofu," she said, and her dark green eyes narrowed with delight.
But Suyin raised an eyebrow and smiled nearly imperceptibly as she replied. "Oh, I wouldn't tell all of that to just anyone." Kuvira froze, but Suyin had already started walking towards the doorway. "Can you find your own way out?"
It was no wonder that Kuvira's heart raced on the rail car all the way back to her apartment. Nor would it be a surprise that she opted not to meet Yishu later that night for drinks. In truth, she could barely think straight, but this time it wasn't because of fatigue. She was giddy with nervous excitement and nearly vibrating at the idea that the Matriarch of Zaofu had found her worthy of select information. Clearly, Suyin Beifong had a reason for her actions, a grand plan in which Kuvira was somehow involved.