Three days. That was how much longer I would have to wait to see him again and that was assuming he would go. I found myself fighting to focus on my daily activities. I had told Topper when I got back from my night at the show, and he admonished me for not talking to Blink and admitting my feelings towards him. When I told him I couldn't he just ignored me and climbed in bed.

The next morning I went over to where he was swimming and he climbed out to talk to me. After a few minutes of silence I finally worked up the courage to say what I had been planning all day.

"I want what you have. I want to hold him; I want to love him. But I can't do that Topper. I can't make him hurt the way I hurt."

"Spot, do ya honestly think Jumper would stick 'round if bein' together was like that? What happened to you, is not what it's like when it's someone ya care about. That bastard raped ya, kid."

I hid my face, I didn't want him to see the tears threatening to fall from my eyes. I had never told Topper outright what happened to me. Apparently my actions and comments had given him enough hints.

"I know ya don't want to talk about it. But livin' afraid of ya own feelins', ya don't be wantin' that. If ya love that Blink kid, then ya gotta give it a try."

He wandered off to where Jumper sat on the edge of the dock. He started walking with heavier steps when he neared him. Jumper could feel him coming up behind him that way. I could tell that he knew only Topper would make his arrival known to the deaf boy. The look on Jumper's face was one of love. Could what Topper told me be true? Could I have what they had?

When Topper left for Queens the next morning, I went and sat at a table in the hall with Jumper. I hadn't actually tried having a conversation with him; not without Topper there to do the reading and writing. I hoped that the little I had learned at the Refuge would be enough to get me by. He looked up from the newspaper that he was reading when he saw me. He set it down and smiled at me, I smiled back. He was such a happy guy that you couldn't help but love him.

I pointed at his pocket where he kept the pencil remnants he collected. He nodded and handed one to me, then flipped pages of his paper to find a good spot for us to converse on. I sat thinking for a minute before I wrote.

Topr told me I cud talk ta ya bowt sumtin.

I looked up at him as he stared at my writing. It looked like a mess and I knew most of it was spelled wrong, but after a moment he looked up at me and nodded that he understood.

Se, I has felings fur sumone. I tink he fels lik dat fur me to. But I dunt want to hurt im lik…

I stopped writing, I couldn't say more.

He put his hand under my chin and forced me to look up at him. I knew he could talk and was terrified he was about to say something loud enough for the other boys in the room to hear. Instead, he pointed to his chest then started tapping his head, nodding. He pointed down at the paper next. He picked up the pencil and started writing where I had left off. Where my writing looked like scratches in the dirt, his was flowing and looked more like the headline on a newspaper.

Did Topper tell you how we met?

I shook my head no when he looked up at me.

We went to an academy for boys in Trenton. We lived there most of the school year. We shared a room and soon realized we had feelings for each other. My folks went on vacation for Christmas and left me behind, so I had to stay at school for the holiday. There was a teacher who watched over the boys who stayed. He was the one who hurt me. Beat me and then raped me, my wrist and several of my ribs were broken struggling against him. For 5 days he kept coming back to do it all over again. I was in so much pain and frightened that by the 3rd day I did not even struggle. I just lay there crying.

I looked up at him and saw tears starting to flow. He continued writing.

When the other boys came back, I was a mess. I sat in our room screaming and crying telling Topper what happened. The next day was when the fever hit me.

I looked up at him when I had finished reading what he had written. I pointed to my ear, and he nodded. I nodded back at him.

When I went deaf the school kicked me out. One time, when Topper visited my parent's house they caught us doing something they thought was wrong. They screamed even though I couldn't hear them. Topper left, but climbed into my window that night. He had a sack of belongings on his back. And he started packing my stuff. I had no clue what was going on. I finally made him stop and tell me. All he wrote was, Mental Institution, sexual deviant, deaf and dumb. So we ran away together.

I looked at him and pointed to the pencil. I flipped the page and began writing again.

Doin sumthin? Das ya mean ya do dat to ech oda?

He nodded.

But it hurt so bad.

I broke down in sobs and Jumper put his arm around my shoulders till I calmed back down. Then he took the pencil and crossed out my last sentence and wrote:

Not when you are in love.

I began to grow worried over the next two days as I watched Topper and Jumper sell off their morning papers quickly before again heading for St. Augustine Church. I feared that something was going to happen to them. When I tried to ask him about it he told me he would explain it soon. The sadness in their faces was a stark difference from their usual happiness.

There was silence in our room the next few nights. Although it was nice, it was almost disturbing not to hear a bed creaking or a muffled moan coming from their way.

The night before the fights I saw them head back to the bunkhouse early. Train was following them, and when he saw me he motioned for me to join. They all were quiet. There was no happy teasing from Topper, no complaints from Train, and worst of all no grin on Jumper's face.

We all sat around the table where we usually played cards. Everyone was silent and most of us began smoking. I looked around expecting one of them to start talking. The silence was getting to me, but I just couldn't bring myself to break it. Since neither Topper or Train seemed willing to speak I began staring at Jumper. When he finally made eye contact with me I frowned and scrunched my eyebrows together to show him my concern. He looked at me for a moment and then away again as tears came to his eyes.

Topper moved closer to him and then looked up to me at last. "Train and I enlisted, we're going to fight the Spanish."

I began choking on the puff of smoke I had been inhaling. After a few dry coughs I regained my composure. "Ya joined the army?"

"Actually we joined the Navy, but what's the difference. We will still be endin' up down there." Train replied in a daze. He was staring off at the bunks most of the boys slept on. I could tell he was regretting leaving them all.

"They didn't even ask how old we is. We just volunteered and said we was orphans. Can't be too bad, a warm bed every night, three square meals a day, more money than we could ever earn on these streets."

Topper exhaled a stream of smoke and let out a short laugh before saying. "And all ya have to do is let a few hundred Dons use ya for target practice." He watched Train with a sadness in his eyes and held Jumper who now had tears streaming down his face.

When he looked to me I asked, "What's gonna happen to Jumper? He can't keep sellin' papers without ya. I could try to help him, but I don't know how good I'd be at it."

Topper's eyes closed then, and I could see emotion flood his face. The pain was clear, but I saw flashes of anger and despair dance across it as well.

"The sisters at St. Augustine Church helped us find a benefactor to get him into the Columbia Institution for the Deaf and Dumb."

I could see him cringe as he said the last word, but he soon continued on. "They can help him learn to read what people are sayin' just from watchin' their mouth. There is some gesture language he will learn to use and they teach real University classes now. Sister Margaret says he did well on the tests. It's gonna cost a lot, but between what the state pays to take care of him, and what I will make in Navy, it should be enough for him to go to school."

I listened to him as his voice became clear and proud as he spoke. His accent faded as he finished talking. He looked down at Jumper who was still crying, tightened his arm in a hug and kissed him on top of the head.

"We'd better head to bed early, gonna be a long day tomorrow." He did his best to smile at me as he tapped Jumper's hand and pulled him up to leave.

Train and I sat in silence until the rest of the boys began fileing in for the night. He watched each boy come in and greeted him by name. Every one of them glowed with pride at being acknowledged by their leader. Praise from Train was rare, but when received it was an honor.

After the last of the boys had headed off to their bunks, Train went around blowing out the lamps burning in the windows of the two bunkrooms. I followed him outside as he made his rounds to the older boys who slept outside during the summer. He clapped them each on the back, asking them to watch for any visitors and listening to any news they had. When he finished, we headed back to the bunkhouse and up the stairs. Before he entered his room, he turned and faced me, "Promise me ya will take care of my boys when I leave, Spot."

Me? He was going to leave me in charge of Brooklyn, I was barely turning 15! With both Train and Topper leaving there were still a few older boys. Several muscles that Train sent out to do work, but I understood that he trusted me. I had always done my best to look out for the younger kids, as I had seen Train do. When they didn't have food or couldn't afford to pay for their bunk, I did my best to help them. For the young ones I had earned their devotion a long time ago. With the older boys it was a show of power, I had learned how to talk to them from Topper, and when my opinion was asked, I did my best to be fair, but firm, I had earned their respect. I had learned what I could from the two best leaders I could have wished for. I would make them proud.

I nodded my head, "I promise."

He turned away from me with a look of resolution and headed to his bed. I crept quietly to my own room, and fell asleep to the sound of Jumper's soft crying.

The next morning I was woken up by a glaring sunbeam coming through our window. It was hot in the room, though once I got outside there was a cool breeze coming off the water. I went over to the water pump outside the house to get cleaned up for the day.

I climbed up on the posts over the dock while I waited for the others to finish getting ready. My favorite place to sit was near the end of the dock. I could see everyone entering and leaving the bunkhouse, as well as all the ships that were down the line.

When Train waved in my direction, I knew it was time to head out for the day. I was half way down from the post when I stopped to watch a group of boys coming around the corner of a warehouse about a block away. I tried to make out who it was, but they were too far, and as they slowly approached a few of our older boys ran towards them. As they stood there I finally noticed one boy remove his hat; but it wasn't a typical cap that most newsboys wore, it was a cowboy hat. Manhattan had arrived.

I LOVE reviews! I promise to get more chapters up faster. I've got the next few chapters almost ready to post and the new chapters are getting sent to my beta in the next day or two. Glad to have the little details fixed! Thanks for reading!