Chapter 53

"I can't get over how big the babies are getting," Helen commented as she helped Padmé change their diapers and get them ready for bed.

"Almost four months now," Padmé said. "Before you know it you'll have a little one of your own. Do you know the gender yet?"

"I told them I didn't want to know," Helen replied. "Obi-Wan claims that he knows, but he could just be teasing me. He loves to tease."

Padmé smiled. "I can't tell you how happy I am that you and he are together," she said. "He's such a dear man, he deserves to be happy. And I know he'll be a wonderful father."

"I just hope he can deal with childbirth," Helen said.

Padmé was surprised that Obi-Wan hadn't told his wife that he had been with her when she'd given birth to Luke and Leia, but decided that he must have his reasons. "I'm sure he'll be fine," she said finally.

Anakin and Obi-Wan were busy trying to settle Luke and Leia down in order to get them to bed. It wasn't going well.

"Mommy is going to be disappointed when she sees that you two are not in bed yet," Anakin finally said with a shake of his head. "Very disappointed."

Luke and Leia stopped in their tracks and looked up at their father. His words struck a chord.

"Now why don't you two go brush your teeth so Mommy will be pleased when she comes to tuck you in?" Anakin suggested next.

Luke and Leia dutifully walked into the bathroom and did as they were told.

"Impressive," Obi-Wan commented.

Anakin smiled. "They don't like to disappoint Padmé," he said. "Works like a charm."

Obi-Wan chuckled. The two men then got Luke and Leia to bed without any more issues, and headed downstairs to relax in the living room.

"Well? Have you made a decision?" Obi-Wan asked.

"I knew that you wouldn't be able to resist asking me that," Anakin said.

Obi-Wan smiled. "Well you do know me," he said. "Do I get an answer? Or are you going to make me wait until tomorrow?"

"I haven't even told Padmé yet," Anakin said. "So I don't think I should tell you before her."

"Absolutely not," Obi-Wan replied. "I haven't been married long, but I know that the wife is always the first to be told."

Anakin laughed. "You learn fast," he said.

Just then Padmé and Helen came down the stairs.

"Babies asleep?" Anakin asked.

Padmé nodded. "Luke and Leia?"

"Down for the count," Anakin said.

"Wonderful," Padmé said, as she sat down. "Helen? Won't you join us?"

"I'm afraid it's time we left, actually," Obi-Wan said as he stood up to join his wife. "We both work in the morning, and one of us needs extra sleep these days."

Anakin smiled. "It's okay, Obi-Wan," he said. "It's no crime to get old."

Obi-Wan simply shook his head as the women laughed. "No respect," he said.

Anakin laughed, and then stood up. "Come on, I'll walk you to your speeder."

Later

Padmé sat at her dressing table brushing her hair as Anakin climbed into bed. She could see that he was preoccupied, and she was certain she knew why. She hadn't pressured Anakin into telling her if he'd made a decision yet, but she was dying to know. After all, his decision would impact her and their children nearly as much as him.

"What's on your mind?" Padmé said as she slid into bed beside Anakin.

Anakin put an arm around her. "I'm sure you can guess," he said.

Padmé nodded. "Have you made a decision?" she asked.

Anakin nodded as he kissed her forehead. "I have," he said. "I got thinking about Luke and Leia being at the temple without us," he said. "And later, Ami and Ani. I remember how frightened I was standing in that council chamber when I was a boy much older than them, how much I missed my mother. And I realized that I can't do that to my children. I need to be there to help them through this experience, in the way my own mother could never have been for me."

Padmé smiled, the love that Anakin bore their children resonating in each word he spoke. "So you're going to be a Jedi again," she said.

Anakin frowned. "Not entirely," he said.

It was Padmé's turn to frown. She looked up at him. "What do you mean, not entirely?"

Anakin looked down at her. "I'll never carry a lightsaber again, Padmé," he said. "I've decided that is the only way I'll return to the Order. I'll do everything I can to help train a new generation of Jedi, but I won't carry the Jedi weapon. Or any weapon, for that matter. It seems...appropriate."

His words surprised Padmé, and for a moment she didn't know how to respond. "I suppose it does," she said finally. "But if you're doing this because of lack of trust, then I think you're way off, Ani. Obi-Wan trusts you implicitly. And his opinion carries a lot of weight in the Jedi Council."

"It's not about trust," Anakin said. "It's about the past, it's about what I did with my lightsaber the last time I was in that temple. It's about worthiness, Padmé. I wouldn't feel right about it, I know that in my heart."

Padmé nodded, feeling a lump form in her throat. Despite how far he'd come, despite all the progress he'd made, she knew that Anakin would forever feel the guilt of the past. The souls of the lives he'd taken would weigh on him for the rest of his life. She was not about to question his methods for dealing with this heavy burden.

"Do you know how much I love you, Anakin Skywalker?" she asked, running her hand over his bare chest.

Anakin picked up her hand and kissed the tip of each finger slowly. "I think so," he said between kisses. "But why don't you show me anyway?"

Padmé was only too happy to do so.

The next morning

It was with mixed emotions that Padmé hugged Luke and Leia. They were leaving with Anakin for the Jedi temple, perhaps for the first time of many in the coming years.

"This is going to be an exciting day for you both," Padmé told them as she smoothed down their hair. "I'm so very proud of you both."

Luke and Leia weren't sure why their mother was so emotional, but returned her hugs nonetheless. They were anxious to be off with their father, but didn't want to hurt their mother's feelings.

"I'll let you know how it goes," Anakin told his wife as he took her in his arms.

Padmé nodded. "Are you ready for this?" she asked, taking his face in her hands.

Anakin smiled grimly. "As ready as I'll ever be," he said.

Padmé smiled, and kissed him. "I'll see you soon," she said.

"Yes you will."

Luke and Leia were dressed in plain brown trousers and tunics as they flew in the back of their father's speeder towards the city. They had some idea about what was happening, but the emotions that they were sensing their father had only served to confuse them. They sensed that he was proud of them, that he was hopeful ; and yet there was deeper, more complex emotions layered below, emotions neither of them were mature enough to discern.

Anakin set the speeder down in the vast hangar, noting as he did so how quiet it was within. In the past there had always been so much activity here as Jedi and their clone companions made plans for battle. The camaraderie, the sense of invincibility had filled the air. How did it all go so wrong?

"Here we are, kids," Anakin said, pushing thoughts of the past deep down inside. He helped his children out of their seats and then took their hands and lead them towards the temple. Obi-Wan was there to meet them with a smile.

"Good morning," Obi-Wan said as Luke and Leia ran to their favourite uncle to hug him. Anakin smiled, remarking on how different things were now in the august temple.

Obi-Wan looked up at Anakin. "All set?" he asked.

Anakin nodded. "Yes," he said. He took a deep breath. "Let's get this started."

Obi-Wan took Luke and Leia's hands, and started away with them. The twins looked over their shoulders and looked at their father questioningly. Anakin felt his heart wrench at the look in their eyes and the uncertainty in their minds. It's okay, he assured them. I'll see you soon.

Anakin watched as the twins disappeared from view with Obi-Wan. And then he began his lonely pacing as he waited to hear what the Jedi council had to say about his precious twins.

"Hey Sky Guy."

Anakin turned around, surprised to see Ahsoka standing there. "Ahsoka," he said. "Aren't you helping evaluate Luke and Leia?"

She shook her head. "No, I asked to be excused," she said. "I wasn't sure that I could be impartial."

Anakin nodded. "I understand," he said.

"And I thought you could use some company," Ahsoka said. "Could you?"

Anakin smiled. "You bet," he said.