Chapter Three

After that first, horrible night, Josie did her best to go about her usual routine and keep from moping. She rode out to check on Isaiah Jenkins, who had suffered a bad concussion in the mine cave-in, and treated baby Josephine for a mild cough while she was there. On Tuesday, she rode into town and spent the day working at Dr. Martin's clinic as she usually did. Business was slow, but Sally Cass ambled over from her father's store to say hello, and Josie was grateful for the company. Toward the end of the day, Josie heard a horse slow to a stop outside the clinic, and she peeked out the window, hoping to see Simon bearing a small gift and a contrite expression, but instead of Simon's palomino mare, she spotted Fionn's dapple gelding, and she was hit by both disappointment and a mild thrill. Before Fionn could knock, Pip rushed to the door and planted himself in a warning stance with his front legs set wide for stability, his tail down, and the hair on his shoulders bristling. The last two times this human had come near his mistress there had been trouble, and Pip intended to keep Fionn at a distance.

"Hang on, Fionn!" Josie called when she heard his knock. "Pip, get out of the way!" Pip refused to relinquish his spot between Josie and the door, so Josie grabbed hold of his collar and tugged. "Pip! Get. Out. Of. The. Way!" She had no hope of budging the 160-pound beast, but Josie managed to wedge between the dog and the door, which she cracked open a few inches. "Sorry, Fionn!" she called through the small opening. "You'll have to come 'round to the window." She slammed the door shut and dashed to the open window before Pip figured out her plan. When he heard Fionn's footsteps heading toward the side of the clinic, he raced over, but Josie had planted herself firmly in front of the window, so all Pip could do was whine. Had he wanted to, the wolfhound could easily have knocked Josie away from the window, but he would have rather died than possibly hurt her, so he pressed close to her side and stuck his face out the window to keep Fionn back a few inches.

"Hey," Josie said, shifting her weight uncomfortably.

"Hey," Fionn replied. In his hand he carried a long, cylindrical object wrapped in brown paper, which he opened to reveal a large marrow bone. He tossed it to Pip, who caught it expertly and stood there holding the bone in his mouth for several long seconds while he continued to glare at Fionn.

"It's ok, Pip," Josie assured him. She reached her hand through the window and took hold of one of Fionn's. "See? He won't hurt me."

Pip cast a suspicious sidelong glare at Fionn but backed away from the window and lay down on the clinic floor. He began gnawing at the bone, but kept one eye on Josie and Fionn the whole while.

Josie turned her attention to Fionn. "Are you all right?" she asked, peering at his face. The swelling had begun to recede, but the bruises around his eyes were still an angry dark purple, and he had a new one on his cheek that Josie surmised must have come from Simon.

"Oh, aye. I just wanted to talk to you. Is it safe to come in?"

Josie glanced back at Pip, who was relaxing as he enjoyed his bone, and told Fionn to come on in. Much to her amusement, Fionn climbed through the open window rather than bothering to walk back around to the door. As his feet hit the clinic floor and he straightened up, he gave Josie a toothy grin.

"No sense wearin' out the door," he quipped. He swept his hat off his head and tossed it toward the hat rack next to the door, where it snagged perfectly on one of the hooks.

Josie smiled, but the two stood there staring awkwardly at one another for some moments before Fionn spoke up again.

"I wanted to finish my apology from the other day. And add to it, I suppose. I'm sorry I misunderstood you bein' up in me face. Adam was right; don't suppose you could really take stitches out of my eyebrow from across the room." He forced out a chuckle, blushed, and continued. "And I'm especially sorry I caused trouble for you and Croft. If I'd known he was goin' to be there, I would have chosen another time. I didn't mean to-"

Josie held up a hand to cut him off. "Simon's reaction was not your fault, Fionn. You shouldn't have kissed me, but you were right to apologize, and Simon should have accepted that apology, too. It wasn't your fault that he decided to be… unreasonable. Please don't blame yourself for that."

"All right," Fionn said softly, casting his eyes downward. "Have you talked to him, then?"

"No," Josie whispered. "I wouldn't blame him if he's too frightened to come out to the Ponderosa and risk running into Uncle Ben or Adam. But I was hoping he'd come by the clinic today…"

"I wouldn't blame him for avoidin' your ranch, either," Fionn said, his characteristic mischievous twinkle returning to his eyes. "I've never seen anyone so angry as Mr. Cartwright was when he ran him off! I expect Adam's on the warpath, too?"

"Surprisingly, no. Though that could mean he's plotting silently, which with Adam is even worse."

Fionn grinned, then grew somber again. "I'm sure Simon's just been busy. It's nearly time for drivin' cattle to market. He's probably up to his ears in steers."

"You're probably right," Josie agreed, though she did not believe this at all. Simon had always managed to slip away to see her no matter how busy the Lucky Star was. She swallowed hard to tamp down a rising lump in her throat. Desperate not to cry in front of Fionn, she changed the subject. "Let me have a look at your nose. Make sure it's healing straight. Least I can do, since I broke it."

She pointed to a chair near the window, and Fionn obediently sat down. Fionn noticed her hesitate when she reached a hand toward him. "It's all right, Dr. Cartwright," he said with a small smile. "I won't misjudge your intentions again."

Josie smiled back, and the tension between them broke. She placed a hand on Fionn's jaw and gently turned his face toward the late-afternoon sun streaming in the window. She examined the set of his nose from the front and both sides and then ran a finger lightly down the bridge of his nose. He winced when she did this, but overall, Josie was satisfied with his healing progress.

"I'm still really sorry about this," she said, frowning. "I can't believe I punched you."

Fionn grinned. "Don't blame yourself. It's not your fault that I decided to be… unreasonable. Besides," he gave her a wicked grin, "that was a damn good punch."

Josie laughed and stepped back so Fionn could stand up. She glanced at the clock and told Fionn it was time for her to close up and head home.

"Good timin'," he said. "I've got to go get Molly from her shop anyway." He grabbed his hat from the hat rack and reached for the door latch. He opened the door a few inches and then turned back to Josie. "Dr. Cartwright?" Josie looked up. "I do hope you work things out with Croft. He cares about you very much."

"Thank you," Josie replied. Fionn smiled one last time and slid out the door. As the door clicked shut behind him, Fionn muttered, just quietly enough that Josie couldn't hear him, "How could he not?"

Josie had been serious when she had said she did not expect Simon to brave a trip onto Ponderosa land, and as she entered her second week with no word from him, she also quit hoping that he would come by Dr. Martin's clinic. Josie was still angry that he had tried to order her about, but mostly, she just missed him. Having Little Joe around the house all the time helped. He was now hobbling about on a set of crutches Adam and Hoss had made for him, and he always dropped whatever he was doing and gave her his full attention when she came home. But even his cheerful company could not assuage the mounting anxiety she felt over the upcoming Independence Day festival. The Fourth of July had always been a special time for her and Simon, and the thought of not dancing with him brought tears to her eyes.

Finally, at the beginning of the third week after Simon's banishment from the Ponderosa, as the Cartwrights sat about the living room after supper one evening, they heard a horse trot into the front yard. Ben rose from his chair and ambled over to the front door and pulled it open.

"Good evening, Simon," he said coolly.

Over on the settee, Josie's eyebrows popped up over the top of the book she was reading, and Adam cast her a sidelong glance before meeting Hoss's gaze. Both brothers fought the urge to leap from the sofa and beat the snot out of Simon.

"I wanted to apologize for my behavior a few weeks ago," they heard Simon stutter. "I had no right going after Fionn like that, and I certainly shouldn't have caused trouble in Josie's clinic."

"Thank you, Simon," Ben replied, a bit more warmly. "I appreciate that. I expect you'd like to speak with Josephine?"

Simon must have nodded, because Ben waved him through the door. Simon stood there, just barely past the threshold, worrying his hat brim with his fingers and shifting his feet as Adam, Hoss, and Little Joe glared at him. "Uh, hey," Simon greeted them with a pathetic little wave. Adam started to rise from the settee, but Josie laid a hand on his arm and shook her head. She rose to her feet and crossed the room to Simon. Wordlessly, she grabbed his elbow and ushered him back onto the porch, letting Pip slip out with them before she closed the door. The front windows were open, so she led Simon into the middle of the yard to give them a bit more privacy from the straining ears of her cousins.

Simon turned to Josie, wanting to take her in his arms but unsure whether he still held that privilege. "Josie, I am so, so sorry about what happened. I had absolutely no right to tell you who you can and can't treat. I don't know what came over me. I've actually always admired the way you treat everyone, regardless of who they are. You don't see men or women, Indians or whites. You just see people, and you want to help them, and I think that's the most amazing thing in the whole world."

Josie's heart soared as Simon expressed the apology she had so badly needed to hear, and she began to hope that things between them could go back to the way they had been before that awful day. "Thank you," she replied. But then that other issue niggled at her. "But why did you wait so long to talk to me?" Her hazel eyes welled up with all the heartache his absence had caused. "Simon, that was almost three weeks ago. Do you have any idea how awful it's been for me?"

Simon gazed down at his boots, utterly ashamed. "After Mr. Cartwright ran me off, I was afraid to step foot on the Ponderosa again. I thought he or Adam might draw a gun on me if I showed my face." He let out a forced chuckle that told Josie he was only half joking.

"You could have come by Dr. Martin's clinic."

Simon scuffed the toe of one boot through the dirt. "Didn't know when you'd be there," he muttered.

"My schedule hasn't changed in two years."

Simon took a deep breath and looked back up, his eyes meeting Josie's. "Actually, Josie, I didn't know what to say to you."

Josie's mouth dropped open in indignation. "What do you mean? You should have known you owed me an apology!"

Simon smiled a little at Josie's fury. He had always admired her fire. "It ain't that, Josie. It's just that, well, I'm going away for a while, and I didn't know how to tell you."

The angry expression on Josie's face melted into a mask of confusion. "Going away?" she echoed. "What do you mean you're going away? Where would you go? And why?"

"I'm going to San Francisco. When your Aunt Rachel passed through on her way home, she found a furniture maker who agreed to take me on as his apprentice. Pa agreed I should do it, so when we drive our cattle there, I'll just stay on."

Josie was gob smacked. The air rushed out of her lungs and it was a good fifteen seconds before she could draw a full breath. "How long will you be gone?" she squeaked, hoping her voice was not as tiny as she knew it must be.

"That's just the thing," Simon said as he shifted his weight. "Mr. Tobin – that's the furniture maker – he's agreed to take me on for a year. If he likes my work, he might keep me on for good after that."

"For good?"

Simon dropped his gaze again. "Maybe. That's what I was coming out here to tell you that day I jumped Fionn."

Josie's eyes blazed. "So you were coming out here to tell me you were leaving me? Here I've been hoping for the past three weeks that we could patch things up, when you'd been planning all along to leave me anyway?!"

"No, Josie, that wasn't it at all!" Simon insisted, pleading. "I wanted to talk it over with you before I decided for sure. I was… well, I was hoping you'd come with me."

Josie stood silently for some moments, processing the implications of Simon's confession. "There's no way I could have come with you unless we were-" Josie broke off as she understood Simon's original intention, and her heart sank. She closed her eyes. "Had you already spoken to Uncle Ben?"

Simon shook his head. "I was hoping to catch him – and Adam – first and then come talk to you. But then I saw you in your clinic as I rode by, and I couldn't wait, so I came in. And then I jumped Fionn. Guess I kinda messed up."

"Yeah," Josie agreed. She swallowed hard as their eyes met and Josie saw Simon's eyes were, like hers, swimming with tears. They stared at each other for a long time, Simon wanting to beg Josie to come with him to San Francisco, and Josie wanting to beg him to stay. But they both knew neither was possible. Their relationship needed time to mend – time they didn't have if Simon were to accept the opportunity in San Francisco. And they both recognized that he would be foolish to pass it up.

"When do you leave?" Josie said instead.

Simon sighed. "Tomorrow. We're doing our drive early so I can get out there sooner." He bit his lip to steady his quivering chin, but the tears in his eyes spilled over onto his cheeks. "I don't expect you to wait for me," he croaked. "Especially since I don't know that I'll even be back. But I want you to know I still love you as much as I ever did."

"I love you, too," Josie whispered. Tears leaked from her eyes as her new reality sank in. Even when she and Simon had not been speaking, at least she could hold onto the hope that she might run into him in town. Now he would be 250 miles away with no promise of returning. That same heavy weight descended on her shoulders and she felt like she was being drilled downward into the ground.

Simon wrapped an arm around her waist, drew Josie close, and kissed her with a desperate intensity. All too soon, he pulled away and rested his forehead against hers. "I love you, Josephine Cartwright," he whispered. "I always will." He glanced at the snoozing wolfhound at their feet. "Take care of her, Pip," he choked out. Then, not wanting to drag out their painful goodbye, he vaulted onto his palomino and wheeled away into the fading light.

Josie managed eight full seconds of composure before she sank to the ground and burst into tears. Pip woke up and whined as he tried to lick away her tears. Josie wrapped her arms around the dog and sobbed into his fur.

Inside, Adam had, indeed, been straining to hear Josie and Simon's conversation, but because Josie had had the good sense to take Simon into the center of the yard, Adam wouldn't have been able to make out a word without sticking his head out of one of the open windows – and he had more self-respect than to do that. He could, however, hear Simon's departure and Josie's emotional breakdown quite clearly, and he sprang from the settee and shot out the door. Worried that Adam was about to take off after Simon, Hoss and Ben followed him.

Adam's original intention was to saddle up Sport and ride out to the Lucky Star to give Simon a good thrashing, but he stopped dead in his tracks when he spotted Josie in a sobbing heap in the middle of the yard. Shoving Pip aside, he dropped to the ground next to Josie and pulled her into his lap.

"Did he hurt you?" Adam pushed the hair off her brow a little less gently than he had intended and examined Josie's face, looking for bruises. Simon had never struck him as the sort to beat a woman, but finding Josie on the ground like this brought to mind Molly's story about her ex-boyfriend, John, and a pang of fear shot through Adam's belly.

Josie shook her head. "No, he kissed me!" she wailed and buried her face in Adam's shirt.

Thoroughly confused, Adam stood up with Josie in his arms. He swept past his equally confused father and brother and carried Josie inside, where he set her on the settee. Little Joe tried to leap from his chair to go over to her and swore loudly when his cast held him back. Ben rushed in from outside and nearly bowled Adam over as he, too, tried to reach Josie. The two eldest Cartwright men jockeyed for position for a few seconds before they each sat down on one side of Josie. Ben asked Hoss to bring Josie a brandy, but instead of grabbing the brandy bottle, Hoss lumbered over to the safe behind Ben's desk and pulled out Ben's bottle of fine Kentucky bourbon. Ben's mouth dropped open in protest as Hoss cracked the seal on the bottle and poured a generous amount into one of the brandy snifters.

"Josie hates brandy," Hoss explained.

"We've got other whiskeys," Ben moaned.

"Extremis malis extrema remedia, Pa," Adam countered, wiping the tears from Josie's cheeks with his handkerchief. Hoss handed him the snifter, which Adam held out to Josie. She accepted the glass and leaned into Adam's chest. Her free hand clutched Adam's shirtfront as she sipped at her bourbon.

"Stuff's pretty good," she sniffled.

"Child, what happened?" Ben asked, no longer concerned about the whiskey; he could order another bottle.

Josie drew in a long, shuddering breath and told her family about her conversation with Simon. Adam stiffened when Josie reached the part about Simon coming to ask him and Ben for her hand, but he realized that had the incident in the clinic never occurred, he would have given Simon his blessing. This made him ache even more for Josie, knowing that she was on the verge of such great happiness only to have it ripped away by a young man's rash decision. Adam pulled Josie a little more tightly into his chest and kissed the crown of her head.

"Josie, I'm so sorry," Hoss said, laying a hand on Josie's shoulder.

Josie drained her whiskey glass and handed the empty vessel to Hoss, who set it on the coffee table. The family sat there for a long time, Josie curled up against Adam, Ben and Hoss each with a hand on her shoulder, and Little Joe wishing desperately that he were able to get out of his chair to join them.

At long last, Josie lifted her head and glanced around at her family through puffy, red-rimmed eyes. "I think I'd like to go to bed," she said softly. Everyone nodded, and Adam let go of her so Josie could get off the settee. She swayed a little from the bourbon as she rose, and Adam grabbed her elbow to steady her and then followed her up the stairs to make sure she didn't take a tumble.

Once Josie was safely deposited in her bedroom, Adam returned to the living room, his legs feeling like two sticks of lead. He dropped heavily onto the settee next to Ben and ran his hands through his hair.

"Can you believe that?" he sighed.

"Which part?" Joe asked.

"That Simon had planned to propose."

"Yes, I can," Ben interjected. "I'd suspected that was coming for some time now. It's a shame it ended this way."

"Yeah," Hoss agreed. "And ol' Simon ain't got nobody to blame but himself. If he hadn't overreacted in the clinic that day, we'd be plannin' a wedding."

The four men fell silent as the truth of Hoss's statement sank in.

"Instead, we're putting Josie back together," Adam said at last. Thinking he shouldn't have left her alone so soon, Adam rose to go back upstairs to check on his cousin. Ben stopped him.

"Let her be, son. Give her some time to grieve without anyone staring at her."

Adam nodded and dropped back onto the sofa. He leaned forward and grabbed the whiskey bottle that was still sitting on the coffee table. "Carpe diem," he said as he poured himself a hefty serving in Josie's abandoned glass.

Ben nodded and retrieved three more glasses. It didn't take long for the four men to finish off the bottle. Afterward, swaying a good deal now himself, Adam strode upstairs to check on Josie. He knocked on her bedroom door, but when he received no answer, he swung the door open to reveal her sound asleep in her bed. Adam was relieved to see she had changed into a nightgown and tucked herself in rather than just falling over fully clothed onto her bed. He leaned over and kissed her forehead, then slipped out of the room.

Sometime in the middle of the night – Adam knew only that his bedroom was pitch dark – he awoke to the sound of sobbing in the next room. He swung his long legs out of bed, crammed his feet into his slippers, and darted for Josie's room. When he arrived, he was surprised to see that Ben was already there, sitting on the edge of Josie's bed and rubbing her back as she cried into her pillow. He looked up at Adam with a slightly sheepish expression.

"No matter how old your children get, you never stop listening for crying in the night," he explained.

Adam smiled gratefully at his father and then reached down and stroked Josie's hair a few times. "Wake me if you need me," he whispered to his cousin before returning to his bedroom, knowing that Josie was in good hands.

Ben watched his son retreat and then returned his attention to his niece. "You just cry all you want," he said, still rubbing her back. "Don't let anyone tell you that you shouldn't cry."

Ben sat up with Josie long after she sobbed herself to sleep, and he was still there when the sun rose the next morning.

Despite her best efforts, Josie moped for the next week. The news from the warfront didn't help, either. The Confederate Army had spent the month of June making its way northward and was now marching through Maryland and Pennsylvania. The Union Army was hot on its tail, and the two forces appeared to be gearing up for a colossal clash that everyone was expecting any day now, most likely in northern Maryland or southern Pennsylvania. Jacob Cartwright would certainly not be getting his hoped-for leave over the Fourth of July, and Josie was wracked with angst over his safety.

When Josie went into town for her clinic shift on Friday, July 3, Virginia City was abuzz with war talk. She went straight to the telegraph office to get the official news from Morris.

As it turned out, even the official news was uncertain because the battle was not yet over. On June 30, Union and Confederate forces had surprised each other in the southern Pennsylvania hamlet of Gettysburg and had raced pell-mell back to their commanders. The two armies had clashed just outside the town on July 1, and as of Friday morning, July 3, the battle continued to rage. There were already estimates that this would be the largest, bloodiest battle of the war to that point, and Josie said a silent prayer for the men on both sides. Suddenly, her tiff with Simon seemed less important.

Business was slow at the clinic, so Josie closed up early that afternoon and rode home wishing she had better news for her uncle. She knew he would be worried, too, when he heard about the Battle of Gettysburg because Jacob was certainly there, and it would probably be a week or more before they would receive word that he was all right. Josie and Ben, however, were both learning not to panic every time they received word of a battle, and Ben took the news of Gettysburg well, reassuring Josie that Jacob would wire them soon, though they both expressed dismay over the loss of all of those lives.

That night at dinner, Josie was consumed by a different, more selfish, gloom. She picked at her steak and spent a solid five minutes pushing peas around her plate until finally, Hoss spoke up.

"Uncle Jacob'll be all right, Josie," he chirped bracingly.

Josie snapped her head up and stared vacantly at him. "Actually, that wasn't what I was thinking at all."

"What's on your mind, sweetheart?" Ben asked as he passed the basket of biscuits over to Adam.

Josie sighed and blew a lock of hair out of her eyes. "I don't think I'm going to go to the festival tomorrow."

"Aw!" Joe groaned from his seat on the settee, where he still took his meals so he could keep his leg propped up and out of everyone else's way. "Why not?"

"I've been meaning to give the clinic a good scrubbing, and tomorrow will be the perfect opportunity. Everyone will be in town, so if anyone needs a doctor, they can send for Paul." She said this in such a rush that Adam knew she'd been rehearsing this line in her head, probably for her entire ride home from town.

Everyone knew Josie was reluctant to attend the festival because it had always been a special time for her and Simon, but they were all too considerate to challenge her, at least here at the dinner table in front of the entire family. Adam and Ben shared a knowing glance before Ben spoke up again.

"Well, I'm sorry to hear that, Josephine. I was hoping you'd stick close to me to keep Widow Hawkins at bay."

Josie rewarded Ben with a small smile as his funny comment reminded her that she need not attend the festival alone. She had been so wrapped up thinking about Hoss with Patience, Adam with Molly, and Little Joe with the rest of Virginia City's young ladies that she hadn't considered she would still have her uncle for company. There were certainly worse fates than spending the day on Ben's arm. He was always good for stimulating conversation and would most likely parade her around like a queen.

Refusing to give in too easily, however, she replied, "Oh, I don't know. I just got in all those new bottles of medicine, and I really should organize them."

"I'll buy you ice cream," Adam prodded.

"Now that's just fighting dirty," Josie shot back. She stuck her tongue out at him for good measure.

"Is it working?"

"Yes," Josie grumbled, even as she smiled at Adam.

As everyone headed to bed that evening, Adam grabbed Josie's elbow and pulled her aside.

"Listen, I know why you're reluctant to go tomorrow, so if at any point you're really not having fun, you just speak up, and I'll bring you home, all right?"

"Thanks, Adam," Josie replied, genuinely grateful to him. "But I'm sure it will be ok. So long as I can keep Clementine from sinking her claws into Uncle Ben."

Adam could tell Josie was acting braver than she felt, but he admired her gumption. He gave her a quick goodnight peck on the forehead and nudged her toward her bedroom door.