Chapter Two: 1000 Times
Dean was hanging out in his apartment, and he decided to call Sam. He wanted to tell him about him and Cas. He was nervous about what he was going to say. He knew that Sam would always love him, no matter what, but this was something that had never even been an inkling before. He didn't want to lose Sam out of his life. He wanted Sam, it was the only family he had besides John. And possibly Ellen and Jo. There was the other mechanic that worked with John that they were friends with, Bobby Singer, but he didn't want to take liberties with him that weren't really there.
He picked up his phone and dialed Sam's number by heart, and waited while it rang. He took another sip of his beer. This was going to be okay, right? Please, it had to be okay. He waited with bated breath, and then he heard his brother's voice saying his name in his ear. "Oh, hey, Sammy. I have something….. There's something…. I need to tell you something." Dean said, his voice shaking a bit with nervousness.
Sam was shaken. "Dean, tell me it's not…. Dad's okay, right? And….. and Jo?"
"Oh of course, Sam, they're okay. I just… there's something about me that you need to know." Dean could hear Sam's audible exhale of breath. He ran his hand over his stubbly chin and said, "Sammy, there's no easy way to say this, so I'm going to just say it. I'm….. I'm in a relationship with a man." He said. He could have heard a pin drop Sam was so quiet. "I'm…. I think I'm bisexual, Sammy. You might even know him, Castiel Novak? He comes into Harvelle's sometimes. Doesn't drink when he's there?" It had been a couple of weeks since the night that Dean had met Cas. He and Cas had been dating since, it was a new relationship but they were already exclusive. Dean Winchester, womanizer extraordinaire, was bisexual. And dating a man to boot. He knew it had to be a lot to take in.
Sam listened to his brother's story, and he was shell shocked Sam was definitely accepting, if Dean wanted to be with a man, that was fine with him. He was just….a bit shocked. He didn't know what to say. He sat there for a moment, and then finally said, "So….. when did this happen? When did you start dating Cas?" Sam did know Cas, he hadn't been formally introduced yet but he did know him. He was surprised that this was the man that his brother said he was dating. Sam didn't want to offend Dean with a lot of questions, but he'd never met someone who was bisexual before, and he didn't know what went along with being one. He wanted to ask all kinds of things, Sam was a student of life, of nature, of learning. He wanted to know all he could. But he also knew that Dean might not have the answers to some of those questions yet himself. This was completely out of the blue.
Dean let out a sigh of relief as he replied. "It's been about two weeks, Sammy. And…. I'm really happy. I can't imagine ever being so happy in my entire life. It feels…. I know I just met him, but it feels like I could have met the one I'm supposed to be with. Forever. I want us to have a dinner together, you and Jo, Dad and Ellen, and me and Cas. I want you guys to meet him. I think he's gonna be around for a long long time."
Sam listened to all that Dean was saying. It was….. This was incredibly surreal. To Dean it may feel right, that he had found the love of his life, but who came out of the closet when they were 35 anymore? It was always in their teens. Shouldn't Dean have already gone through this with someone else when he was a teenager? Sam was afraid to ask those questions though. He didn't know if it was appropriate to ask questions. "So…. um, Dean, what is it like? I have so many questions but I don't know what's okay to ask and what's not."
Letting out a sigh of relief, Dean said, "It's okay, Sammy, you can ask me anything you want to know. I am still figuring a lot of this stuff out myself, but I want to be able to help you understand too." He said, nodding to the empty apartment. "For your first question, which I know you haven't asked but are dying to, is I don't know why it's taken me so long to come out. I wish I did know. I think….. It sounds completely scary and new territory, but I think it was because I hadn't met Cas yet. I just…. I think if I had known before now, I would have just had a disastrous string of flings with men that would have just gotten me broken, even more than I already am, before I got to Cas."
Dean wasn't sure that he could make it any easier than that. Dean felt like it had hit him like a brick with Cas, and he felt that if he had met him when he was younger, it would have done the same thing, He would have known. He was destined to meet Cas. As much as he wasn't even sure that he believed in God, or fate, or any of that other stuff that he had always called bullshit. He didn't know what he was going to do if he lost Cas already. Dean loved him. He knew how it sounded, he really did. But he did, he loved Castiel Novak so much. Dean had never believed in love at first sight, but he did now.
"I know it seems crazy, especially from someone as suspicious and paranoid as me. But I love him, Sammy. I know that he's the one. I just met him two weeks ago…. I should sound insane. But it's true. I love him with all of my heart and soul."
Sam could hardly believe his ears. He didn't know what he was supposed to do with that. None of this sounded like his older brother Dean. He didn't know for sure what John was going to say, but he knew it was going to be shock too. He cleared his throat. "So…. you think Cas is the one, then?" He asked, still shocked that Dean was dating a man and it was something that he was saying he was going to do for the rest of his life. He was going to grow old with this man. Dean hadn't ever even had qualities that would lend someone to believe that he even might be gay, let alone bisexual. It was mind blowing.
"Dad's….. He's gonna…. Oh Dean," Sam said, not able to form a full sentence. It was too much. He didn't know what he was supposed to say. He didn't…. Sam was accepting. He still loved Dean with all of his heart. "Dean… I may not understand this, or why it's suddenly now after all these years, but I'm not going to stop loving you because of this. You're still Dean, you're still my brother. I still love you." Sam said, hoping that that helped relieve Dean of some of the worry that he'd had before this call.
"I can't speak for Dad of course, but I think he'll be the same way."
Dean did indeed let out a sigh of relief. He had known that it would turn out this way, but it still felt good to have it confirmed. He didn't know that he'd be able to make it through life without his family. They were all he had in life, besides Cas, and Cas was now a part of his family. He didn't know how he was going to even contemplate losing John. John had to be okay too. He needed him in his life. He asked, "Do you think that Dad's… I mean, you think he's gonna be okay, right?" Dean wondered what his mother would have said. She died of cancer when Dean was just four and Sammy was a newborn. It was hard to imagine. He remembered her, but with each passing year, it was getting harder and harder. He hated it.
"Cause I can't….. I need him, Sam. He's… he's Dad. I need him." Dean said. His voice was a bit rough with unshed tears, losing John was a worry. He couldn't imagine having John being alive but not being in his life. He couldn't handle it if John chose to disown him. He just….. That would be so wrong. He couldn't let that happen. He had to have John in his life. He just didn't know how that was going to happen if John wasn't accepting about this.
Sam honestly didn't know what to say to that. He knew how close Dean and John were. They'd always been closer than John and Sam were. He didn't really know why that was. He hadn't ever really stopped to question it though. There was an unspoken truce between Sam and his father, it had been that way for years now. It was the way Sam preferred things, they didn't ever have to have things get awkward. "I don't know, Dean. I don't know what Dad's going to say. But I can't imagine him having a problem with this. It hasn't changed you, you're still the same person you were before you told me. If Dad doesn't want to accept you for who you are, you don't need him in your life."
That was the wrong thing to say. Dean said, "Sam, Dad has lived his entire life for us. He's made sacrifices so we could have what we needed, what we wanted. He deserves our respect, we don't question Dad." Sam sighed. He wasn't sure why he had expected anything different. He knew that Dean was always going to do what John said without question, it had been like that for their entire lives. Sam just didn't want to see Dean lose out because he was too concerned with what John thought to live his life. Sam wanted his brother to be happy, and if that meant he was going to be with a man, so be it. Sam just wanted his brother to be at peace, and he knew that that hadn't happened yet in the 35 years Dean had been on the planet.
"Dean, I don't want to see you give up what you want just to please Dad, okay? Be who you are, don't let Dad's opinion change what you want, who you really are."
"I'm not going to talk about that anymore, Sam. I said what I needed to say. I told you about me and Cas. I've got to go." Dean hung up then, not giving Sam a moment to respond. He didn't want to argue with his brother. Dean wasn't going to let John keep him from Cas, because he honestly believed that Cas was his soulmate, but he didn't want to entertain the idea that he would possibly lose John out of his life. That couldn't happen…. It wasn't acceptable. Dean wasn't going to think about it right now.
That's when the doorbell rang, and Dean wondered if it was Cas. He hoped so, they had plans to hang out, not a definite time, which meant that Cas could show up at any time. Dean got up and went to the door, opening it, and revealing Cas. He grinned and tugged him in immediately. "Mmm, hey babe." He said, giving Cas a kiss. He wrapped his arms around his waist. He missed him so much when he wasn't around him.
Cas knew instantly something was wrong with him. "What's wrong, Dean?" He asked, stepping back from Dean to take off his coat. To his credit, Dean looked upset that his arms weren't around Cas anymore. He hung his coat up on the coat rack and put his arms around Dean again, causing the man to smile. "I know you, and I know something's wrong." Cas said, his soft British accent lilting as he spoke.
"Did you have a fight with Sam?" Cas was actually willing to meet Sam. He hadn't been formally introduced, just had seen him a few times at Harvelle's. He knew how important Sam was to Dean. He didn't know that he could understand, he wasn't close with his siblings. But they weren't really good people. He didn't hate them but he didn't like them either. Castiel lifted Dean's shirt and let his hands stroke the small of his back. He loved doing that, and if Dean was upset it started to calm him down. Cas loved that he was learning all these things about him. He loved to learn things. Especially about Dean. Whom he was finding was a fascinating man.
Dean loved and hated that Cas was getting to know him so well. He sighed and shivered under Cas' touch. He loved having Cas' hands on him. He didn't know what he was going to do if he and Cas ever broke up. He was hoping that never happened, but honestly, it was a worry. He was always worried when he was in a new relationship that the other person was going to leave him. It was just the broken part of him. He was always paranoid. That wasn't going to change. He sometimes thought of himself as a grumpy old man, without the old part. Dean sighed again.
"Yeah, I fought with Sam. God, I wish you didn't know me so well." He said, kissing Cas. He just wanted to be with him, he didn't want to talk about his fight with Sam. It meant that he would have to discuss things that he didn't want to discuss. He just wanted to spend a quiet evening with his boyfriend. "But I don't want to talk about it. I just want us to have a good night together." He said, kissing Cas again.
Cas wasn't sure that he liked that, but he wouldn't make Dean talk about it if he didn't want to. He wasn't like that. He said, "Okay. We don't have to talk about it. Let's go order some dinner, because I know that you don't have anything in the fridge. Except leftover Chinese." He said, causing Dean to grin from ear to ear. He didn't know what they would order, but he was sure that they'd have to order food. "What are you in the mood for?" He asked, stepping back from Dean and toeing off his shoes, he knew that Dean didn't like to track things through the house. He took them and set them by the coat rack.
"Order some Mexican, from that place." Dean said, as Cas went to the kitchen to get out the takeout menus. He'd been here often enough in the time they'd been dating that he felt completely at home. He loved that he and Dean were already in that place. He called back, "Which place? The one that's ten minutes away that has the taco salad you liked or the other place that's across town?" He was struck by how much they were a couple already. He loved it. It was so nice. Cas hadn't ever had this before. It was one of the happiest times in his life.
Dean came into the kitchen, he'd finished pulling a tee shirt over his head. "I'm… the across town one, they have better burritos." He said, going for a beer in the fridge. He was so happy right now. He had never thought that it would be possible to be so happy. He watched as Cas called up the menu for the place on his phone. He just… he loved him so much. How was this possible? It felt like one of those crappy chick flicks that Jo always made them watch when they all hung out together. He hated that he didn't feel that it was wrong. He felt like this was incredibly right.
He couldn't believe this was his life. He was more happy than he'd ever been. It was nice to feel like this. He took a sip of his beer. "I want to get three beef burritos and the taco salad." Dean loved taco salad from anywhere it was from, and would eat it till he busted. Although he knew he didn't have to tell Castiel that part, he knew that Castiel already knew that. Dean ran his hand over his hair. Should he tell Cas about his fight with Sam? He wasn't sure if he wanted to talk about it, but he knew that he should. He didn't want to really talk about it…. But it was definitely a good idea.
"Cas? You…. did you mean it when you said you'd talk about anything with me?" He asked, trying to keep the hope from showing in his voice.
Cas looked up from his phone. He had finished ordering, and he looked at Dean seriously. "Of course I did." He said, he didn't want Dean to think that he couldn't talk to him about things. He stepped closer to him and took Dean's free hand. He stroked the back of his hand with his thumb. "You can tell me anything." He reiterated. Dean was needing to get things off his chest, and he knew that he was going to do what he could to help. "If you need to talk about the fight with Sam, I'm here." Cas was just guessing of course, but he was sure that's what it was.
Dean sipped his beer and then took a deep breath. He didn't know how to start. "Well… I called Sam to tell him about us." He said slowly. He heaved a sigh. "It went okay at first…. But then we started talking about what is gonna happen when I tell Dad about us." Dean didn't know how to put his feelings about that into words. He was so angry that Sam had posed the idea that John might not accept him. It was… Dean couldn't have that. He had to have John accept him. Before Sam had broached the idea, he hadn't really thought it would happen. To be honest, he'd been worried about Sam, but never their dad.
"I don't…. If he disowns me, I'm going to freak out."
Kissing him, Cas said, "From everything you've told me about your father, he's going to be accepting." Cas wasn't sure what to do here. He honestly didn't know at all if that was true, and he hoped that it was. Castiel knew that's what Dean wanted to hear, and he wasn't sure if they were at a point in their relationship yet to tell him the truth. Castiel didn't want to upset him. He also didn't think it was necessarily a bad thing that he was trying to spare his boyfriend's feelings.
"What did Sam say otherwise? Did he say that he accepted you?" Cas asked, assumed that it was a yes, because Dean had said that the talk had gone okay at first. Castiel used their hands to tug Dean closer, wrapping an arm around his waist. He wanted to comfort him if he could. Dean seemed upset and he didn't like to see him upset. Dean was looking down at their hands, instead of looking Cas in the face. He wondered what he could do to get Dean to look at him. "It's okay, Dean. You can tell me. I will be here for you."
Dean let out a sigh. "He said he accepted me and he was happy for us. I told him I wanted us to go out as a family, with him and Jo and Dad and Ellen. I thought it would be fun." Dean really did think that. He had been dying to have a real family dinner for awhile. Dean especially wanted to since he and Cas had gotten together. He wanted to see what it was going to feel like for the rest of their lives. Dean knew that was crazy, to be so attached already.
"What do you think of that?" He asked, he wanted Cas to be into the idea. He didn't know much about Cas' family, he didn't really talk about them. Dean wondered what they were like. "What did your family say when you came out?" He asked. He wondered when exactly Cas had come out. Dean finally looked into Cas' eyes. He couldn't help himself. He loved looking into Cas' eyes. They calmed him when nothing else did. Dean hoped that those eyes would be around to calm him for the rest of his life. He couldn't imagine what his life would be without Cas already, after only two weeks.
Cas wasn't sure which question to answer first. "I'm okay with having a dinner with your family, Dean. You're important to me. I want to show them that." He said, stroking Dean's waist. He loved touching him. He thought about what to say about what his family had said. Cas didn't have much family anymore. He didn't talk to his brothers, and his parents had passed away a couple of years ago. He wished that he still had them, just because they might really love Dean, just like he did. And he did. He knew how soon it was, but he really did love Dean. They hadn't said it just yet, but he could feel it coming.
"My parents were very accepting, they passed away a couple of years ago… it was a car accident. My brothers weren't so accepting…. We don't talk anymore." Cas said, he missed them quite a bit. He missed Gabriel and Michael so much that he didn't know how to put it into words. His eyes actually brushed with tears. Dean reached up to stroke Cas' cheek, having put down the beer. Cas said quietly, "They…. I never thought they wouldn't be accepting. I came out in college, it's been a long time since I talked to them. I miss them very much. I am jealous that your brother is so accepting."
He wasn't able to keep the hurt out of his voice. How had this happened? He hadn't meant to talk about his brothers, they haunted him a lot.
Dean hated that Cas was so upset. "I didn't mean to upset you." He said, stroking Cas' scruffy cheek. He was glad that he was there for Cas. "I'm sorry that I asked. But I'm glad you told me. I want to get to know you. I mean, better than I do now. We know each other a lot better than some people do who have been dating longer." He was so proud of that fact. He wanted them to just get closer. He hadn't ever been as close to someone as he was Cas. At least, not someone that he'd dated.
"I am sure that they'll come around one day. Do you see them at all? Like, at holidays or anything?" Dean asked. Thanksgiving was really close. He was excited to have their first family gathering that Cas would be at. Plus, Ellen was a really good cook and he was excited that he'd get to have her turkey meal again. Dean was hoping that she would teach Cas, he knew how to cook. Dean knew how to order food, and stop by fast food places. He knew how to cook eggs, toast, and bacon, though. He was good with breakfast. He loved oatmeal too, actually, as long as it had a lot of brown sugar.
Cas wasn't sure what to say, he never saw his siblings anymore. He didn't know how to say that. He didn't want Dean to think it was going to happen with him and John. Cas brushed his free hand through his hair. "I haven't heard from them in years. I don't see them either. I wish that I did. Gabriel… he's my older brother. I wish that I still saw him, he has children, from what I hear. I have never met them. He has a wife, her name is Genevieve. I have heard something from my cousins, who actually accept me. I usually spend the holidays with one of them, of course, it always has to be one in which my brothers are not in attendance."
He hadn't ever talked about his family like that with anyone before. He didn't know how to express how much it actually made him feel better to talk to Dean about it. It felt so good to get it off his chest. "This year I'll be alone for Thanksgiving, both of my brothers wil be at my aunt's home, so I am not welcome." Cas was of course welcome, but he stayed away out of desire not to ruin anyone's holiday. It was just easier on everyone, including himself. He felt that he shouldn't force himself on them if they didn't want to see him. Cas didn't want to be around someone who didn't want to be around him. It was just easier.
"I appreciate you listening and asking me, I've actually never talked about it with anyone before."
He was glad that he had been able to do that for him. Dean didn't know what he was going to do to help that. He touched Cas' cheek. "If I could do something to them to make them accept you I would. I hate that they made you feel like this. I can't imagine having nieces and nephews that I've never met." Dean couldn't imagine that, honestly. He didn't want that to ever happen to him. He didn't want to even think about it. He understood exactly how Cas must feel. He didn't know that he could handle it as well as Cas was.
Dean tugged Cas a little closer. "Look, I love you, no matter what." He said, and then he realized that he'd been the first one to say it. He froze, but he was sure he didn't want to take it back. He didn't. He meant it. "Look, I know we haven't said that yet, but I love you. I do." He said, glad that he'd been the first one to say it. Cas needed to hear it right now. He was so upset. Dean didn't want there to be any weirdness. He wanted this to be real and honest, and open. He just hoped that it would be too.
"I'm in love with you, Cas."
Castiel looked at Dean, his eyes were already brimmed with tears. Now they had said it out loud. He had never felt it this quickly for anyone else in his life. He could hardly believe it. He didn't know what to do. Cas did know that he should at least say it back. "I love you, Dean. I love you so much." He said, and kissed him, glad that they had stopped talking about the sad tragedy that was his family. He didn't want to talk about them if he didn't have to. Cas broke the kiss to breathe and looked into Dean's eyes. "I am so glad that you told me. I was…. I knew that it was close, one of us saying it."
It was so beautiful. They were so happy. Cas didn't know what he was going to do. He knew that he had to do something about the holiday, but he didn't want to assume that he was invited with Dean to his family's affair. He wondered, but he didn't want to assume. He honestly wanted to spend as much time with Dean as possible, he hated going back home after one of their dates. However, as much as they were getting closer and closer, neither one of them had brought up moving in together. However, there was a lot of Cas spending time at Dean's days in a row, he was sure that he wasn't going to go home tonight. He was sure that he was already in for the night, where he was going to be.
Dean tugged him even closer. "Come on, let's go watch something, because honestly, you read so many books, you haven't seen anything and I can't have a pop culture illiterate for a boyfriend." That was also the first time one of them had put a label on it. Neither of them seemed too concerned that Dean had used the word. Cas was surprised, he could tell, but he went with Dean willingly enough. Dean led them into the living room, and tugged him with him to the couch, settling Cas on his lap.
He reached for the remote, and called up Netflix. He was going to find something for them to watch. He was working on making sure that Cas saw things. He was cycling through, and stopped on one of Ellen's favorites. It was actually one of Dean's too, not that he would actually say it out loud. "Look, it's White Christmas." He said. He didn't know what he was going to do if Cas didn't want to watch it, because he really wanted to watch it. It was one of his holiday favorites and he watched it quite often in the holiday season. Usually more than once, especially with Ellen and John.
"What do you think?" He asked.
Cas looked at Dean, amused. The movie was also one of his favorites, and he was surprised that it was one of Dean's. He gave him another kiss and he said, "I love that movie, if you'd like to watch it then by all means, let's do so." Cas was delighted that there were so many facets to Dean, especially when he was opening himself up, and he seemed like such a simple man. And he was, Dean didn't need much to be happy, but Cas was finding that there was more than met the eye. He was very glad that he was learning all these things about Dean.
"I think you liking White Christmas is adorable." Cas said, giving him another kiss, smiling into it. He wondered what other classic holiday movies Dean liked to watch. Cas was personally a fan of just about any holiday movie he could get his hands on. He hoped so. He didn't know what he was going to do about Thanksgiving, but he really hoped that Dean would ask him to go with him to his family's dinner. He reached out, stroking Dean's arm. "You are gorgeous, I just want you to know that." He said, very glad that he was here with Dean. It was just amazing. He hummed along with the opening music, causing Dean to blush quite a bit. It was really cute.
Dean wasn't able to keep the chuckle out of his voice. "You are just determined to think I'm adorable, aren't you?" He asked. Before he could say anything more, he heard a key in the door, and John's voice calling out to him. Dean's face went white. He didn't know what was going to happen. In a move that surprised even himself, he moved out from under Cas, trying not to look his boyfriend in the eye. He felt bad for what he'd done, and he heard as John came in the room, looking at them with an eyebrow raised.
"Hi, Dad." Dean said nervously, his heart pounding out of his chest.
John stared at the two men, who were both blushing. It was obvious that something was going on. He wasn't sure what, and he didn't like that he couldn't tell. "Dean Winchester, what the hell is going on?" He asked, looking between the two men. There was…. Was that a sexual tension in the room? His eyes widened. "Dean, why…. Your lips are puffy." He accused, and Dean's hand immediately went to his lips.
"You've…." John stopped. He came further in the room. They were wearing guilty expressions. John was a cop for a living, he was used to sussing out situations like this. "Fuck, Dean, you're sleeping with him, aren't you?" He asked, as he watched his son share a look with the other man. It was an obvious couple glance, he had been married, and he'd been with Ellen for two years. He knew how to notice a couple's look. "This man, he's your partner, isn't he? That's the right word, isn't it?" He asked, folding his muscular arms.
Dean shared a look with Cas, and then looked at his father. Even though he was 35 years old, he felt like a teenager who'd been caught necking by his parents. "Dad…. it's…. It's new. I was going to tell you." He said, his voice wobbling as he spoke. He didn't know what he was supposed to do. He hadn't expected his father to find out this way. He didn't want to lose him. "Dad, please…. It's not like I was keeping this from you on purpose. I was trying to figure out what it was before I told anyone… I told Sam today. He… he accepts this, Dad."
While it was true, Dean still felt like he had to defend himself, even though he didn't. It was his life to do with as he pleased. He had stopped being someone for John to control a long time ago. He stepped forward slowly, not sure what the protocol was. Cas was sitting quietly on the couch, not speaking, looking down at his hands. Dean wished that he could make him feel better. Fuck, they had just told each other that they loved each other, it couldn't be over now….. "Dad, say something."
"It's not that I don't accept you if you are, Dean. I just… I don't understand. This is coming out of left field. He didn't know what he was going to say. It just felt like a bit of a betrayal. John shook his head. "I can't do this right now, Dean. You just… you raise a child, and you think…. You have certain dreams for them…. And you go and… you turn out to be what? Gay? Bisexual? Bisexuals just don't know what they want." John couldn't do this. He just…. It's not that he didn't love and accept Dean, but he wasn't prepared to handle this. "I need to go. I'm not…. I need to prepare for this conversation."
John set the things he'd been bringing back on the table, and then turned and left, the door closing behind him. Dean just stood there, trying to catch his breath. He was starting to feel a panic attack coming on, it had been years since he'd had one of those. Was this seriously happening? He didn't know what he was going to do…. His knees buckked, and he went down, hitting the floor, his eyes filling with tears. This was exactly what he'd been afraid of happening. He ran his hand through his hair, and Cas was on the floor with him in seconds, his arms wrapping around Dean's waist, and Dean folded into him, glad that he had the other man. He felt like his heart was going to break in two. He couldn't…. He felt his heart breaking. Literally breaking.
"Cas….. he just, he left." Dean managed to gasp out, he felt like the room was spinning, and all he'd had was one beer. He tried to keep his mind focused on the task at hand. If he wasn't careful he was going to pass out. He took deep breaths, his head buried in Cas' shoulder. "Cas….. he's gone!" He gasped, his sobs racking his entire body. He felt like he'd just lost his father for good. He knew…. It couldn't be true, right? Please, he had to be coming back. Dean didn't know what to do. He was clinging to Cas like a lifeboat, like he was out in the middle of the water and he was never going to see him ever again.
Dean buried his head in Cas' neck, each breath a struggle. "Cas….. Cas… I can't…. I can't breathe….. There's….. I have a heart condition." He managed to get out. It was just a murmur, but it could be dangerous when he got upset. He had to watch himself. "In…. in my bag, the…. The epinephrine, you have to get it all the way through my chest." He gestured towards the table by the couch. He couldn't believe that Cas didn't know already. They'd been spending a lot of time together.
Cas hoped that he was strong enough to get the epi pen through to Dean's heart. He scrambled to get it, and didn't hesitate a bit, he jammed it into Dean's chest, the other man gasping out as the pen hit him, and Cas released the medicine into him, Dean was gasping for breath and clinging to him, and it took a couple of seconds, and then Dean was coughing as he gasped for air and clung to Cas.
"Dean, it's going to be okay!" Cas said, pulling out his phone to call an ambulance, Dean was going whether he wanted to or not. Cas was concerned. He held Dean in his arms, as Dean struggled to breathe, and Cas pressed kisses all over his face. "Please, Dean, don't die….. It's going to be okay." He was completely out of his element, and he knew that he would die if something happened to Dean. He knew it. He was going to lose his cool. This wasn't happening. It wasn't…
It wasn't. IT WASN'T.
Author's note: AND there it is… the drama. There's always a bit of drama. I'm not good at the fluffy. So, it's looking like this is going to be a WIP. Well, look at that. LOL. Anyway, I hope ya'll liked, you can weigh in on your thoughts if you like. I swear, this might get angsty for a bit, but in the end, it WILL have a happy ending. I swear. The first TWO Destiel fics I read were ones in which Cas died, UGH, FUCK, TWIST AND SHOUT UGH. And I don't want that to be this kind of fic. I am sure at one point I'll write one of those….. It's just what I do, but THIS one won't be that. I SWEAR. The title is from a song called 1000 Times by Sara Bareilles, check it out!