21 - Duties

Next day, I witnessed Sarah panic for the first time in a very long while. The unmistakable sound of a portal arriving in our home reached our ears and she was in a state of increasing disquietude as it escalated.

We were in the living-room, I was holding Ocel and the shimmering magical conveyance manifested directly in front of me. I felt no concern for I could sense its source. I simply stepped back a little and drew Ocel's attention to the swirling effervescent pool of azure, violet and green. I quickly looked at Sarah. Her face displayed irritation but I could see she was also trying to mask it.

Two individuals emerged. Modera and Kalecgos. I was most pleased to see them and going by their expressions the feeling was reciprocated.

I was momentarily taken by surprise when Modera swept forward as if to hug me. At the very last moment, she simply clasped my free hand in both of hers and smiled – warmly.

"Khadgar!" she breathed, shaking my hand enthusiastically. "I am so happy to see you up and about again. Welcome back Archmage. We are truly – euphoric that you are returned to us."

I chanced another glance at Sarah. It seemed her mood was not improved by Modera's proclamation. Inwardly I sighed. Her recent reluctance for me to meet with others – others with whom I had a strong affiliation with no less - was most perplexing at times.

Modera's continuance of shaking my hand drew me back to her. "Thank you Modera. It is equally wonderful to be back I can assure you."

Kalecgos stepped forward and offered his hand also. Modera let go after a moment's hesitation. The half elf's handshake was firm and sincere. "I cannot tell you how pleased we all were when Modera broke the news to us." He said with a broad, friendly smile.

"And here was I thinking you would all be relieved the old boy was gone." I laughed.

"You do yourself an injustice Archmage. Your leadership is second to none and highly revered." A flash in his blue eyes informed me he just suffered a stab of guilt following that statement. I knew his thoughts had flown back to Jaina – their affair was no secret but it was not something he discussed openly either. It just – was.

"Please, both of you take a seat and tell me how things have been." I gestured to the sofa and chairs.

Sarah offered a measured smile to both then announced she would bring some refreshments before she vanished to the kitchen.

Kalecgos' eyes fixed on Ocel. "Your son is very much like you, Archmage."

"Why thank you. You are the second person to say that, most see him like Sarah. And erm, please address me as Khadgar when you are in my home."

The former Aspect nodded his obeisance as did Modera. They proceeded to tell me how the news of my survival had been greeted.

On the day Sarah and Illidan had invited her over to our house to reveal the fact, Modera, on her return to Dalaran, had called upon the members of The Six to attend in the Chamber of Air.

Initially there had been a profound silence. I stifled a smirk as I listened, clearly visualising the characteristic contumaciousness of the group as it slowly gave way to complete gratification knowing that their leadership was not up for renewal after all.

According to the two mages, they were all equally keen to have their leader back, but Modera had advised them I was still recovering. As such, Sarah had not wanted me moved. They voiced their full understanding of her decision and were equally empathetic with her reasoning.

This surprised me. Not the fact Sarah had refused my being moved to Dalaran; that much I understood and accepted. Nor did the High Council's indulgence of the situation amaze me.

What did strike a note was Modera's compassion in the matter. Renowned for her scorn towards 'relationships' involving members of the Kirin Tor, I found myself intrigued by what had changed in her. I knew it was not an appropriate time to engage in such a pursuit, but I made a mental note to do so at a later date.

Quite why it fascinated me was a mystery in itself, but perhaps having been removed from the community during my avian journey it had opened a new direction for my curiosity; the complexity of human emotions.

Sarah arrived back in the living room with a tray of "nibbles" as she called them – small pastries and savouries and one or two sugary ones for the discerning sweet-tooth (namely me). Both Modera and Kalecgos preferred soft drinks to wine at this time of day, so we all enjoyed some Arcberry juice, recently imported from Suramar.

As Ocel had unexpectedly dozed off, Sarah lifted him from me and placed him on the sofa between us, covering him carefully with a soft blanket. She then sat down and listened to our conversation.

The inevitable question was asked. "How long before you are back in office?" Modera asked, her eyes flitting over to Sarah. I caught the look in Sarah's eyes and it was one of quiet impendence.

"As soon as possible, Modera." I replied. I felt, more than saw Sarah tense. Not wanting to draw attention to it however, I pursued news of the 'outside' world.

The High Council now had to consider how to counteract any pending questions and suppositions cast upon the lack of leadership in the Kirin Tor. Fortunately, they were being given a compassionate leave if you will, from making such a decision. But it would not be too long before perspicuity was demanded throughout the various magical communities. It was therefore paramount that my resurrection was made known before much longer.

I had hoped they also had some news about Draenor for all the Dark Portal was destroyed. It had been the physical doorway yes, but the rift between the worlds had to be located somewhere – it had survived before. The location of such remained unknown at this time, they reported.

"Hopefully, Drek'thar made it through the attack from the Void and is also trying to uncover the rift. I think it would be prudent to offer aid to the people, so I want that rift pinpointed sooner rather than later." I voiced.

"Yes. There are however, other matters which I think will take precedence." Kalecgos announced.

"Such as?"

The former Aspect looked to Modera before continuing. That brief glance forewarned me that it was something serious.

"There is trouble at Lordaeron. The Forsaken have bolstered their numbers and the Horde have descended upon the old city in droves under the command of Warchief Sylvanas."

"It would seem familiar feuds have raised their heads again, Khadgar," Modera injected.

I felt a crippling disappointment and that was putting it mildly. I had hoped with all that we had achieved together against the Burning Legion and the Void, there would be a willing renunciation of age old hostilities. Yet again, I had gravely under-estimated the bitterness between races. Or, to be more accurate, some of the leaders.

"And what says Varian to this?" I asked.

"Anduin wishes to take up the Alliance's banner for this Khadgar." Kalecgos said.

"What?" I stood so suddenly, my movement stirred Ocel from his slumber.

"I will tend to him," Sarah said. She gave a curt nod to our guests then picked him up and disappeared to the nursery.

I inadvertently sighed audibly.

"Do not!" Modera said quietly, holding my gaze.

I stared at her, astonished at the woman's utterance. She smiled at me. Had it been anyone other than Modera I would have viewed it as a warm smile, but the classic ice queen persona she possessed made the expression appear somewhat forced. Unfair of me I supposed, but some things were going to take time for me to adjust to. "I saw first-hand her pain when she thought she'd lost you at the Dark Portal, Khadgar." She said in a whisper.

Her words took the wind from my sails. "She loves you very deeply, allow her time to adjust to yet another change."

I think my mouth went slack but Kalecgos saved the moment by stating that it was time for them to return to Dalaran. He promised to keep me informed of the status quo further north. Then with another heartfelt shake of hands, they left the way they arrived.

The next couple of days were frustrating to say the least. Sarah was attentive, although much quieter since the visit from my colleagues. But she still insisted on maintaining a degree of normality - which meant continuing life as if I was no longer part of it - yet.

It was very odd having to be 'invisible' to the world. Even odder now that the entire High Council at the Kirin Tor knew I lived. More infuriating again, since I had heard about the pending unrest in Lordaeron.

Furthermore, the one individual I sorely hoped would visit did not. Illidan - having been the individual to return me to my human form conspicuously stayed well away. I suspected his absence was influenced by Sarah. Quite why I had not yet worked out.

Admittedly, I was inordinately curious to see him as his 'former self' – as a night elf, untainted by demonic characteristics and traits. I did wonder somewhat, if he felt slightly less than himself however, having forsaken the mantle of Betrayer, Lord of Outland and Leader of the Illidari.

His help I also suspected, would be most welcome in the threatening rise of war once more. Primarily however, I was desperate to speak with him – to thank him apart from anything else.

Sarah was insistent on announcing my survival at some lavish dinner party. Initially, I could understand her thinking; wanting those closest to us to know first and all at the same time, but as time went on, my being cooped up – in effect, hiding, was driving me insane. A day later I was at breaking point.

I sat on the sofa with Ocel beside me amid a collection of cuddly toys ranging from sheep to camels to murlocs. He chortled happily as I played hide and seek with him from behind a cushion even though my mind was not on the game.

I heard Sarah continuing to plan this resurrection party - and I became agitated.

"This is ridiculous Sarah." I said - not unkindly, but firmly. She looked at me as if I had just insulted her. I instantly felt guilty for she had been putting a lot of thought into this plan of hers. But things were changing and if past events were anything to go by, then war would be upon us soon enough.

Granted she had come to realise that in organising this event, people may question why a recently bereaved woman would be organising a party. She'd had intentions of ordering a marquee, caterers, floral displays, musicians – I put my foot down at that however. I was not having the neighbourhood subjected to some dire off-key musicians and complaining about the noise.

"But, this is necessary Khadgar. I – I do not want your survival drip-fed to those who mean so much to us. Imagine how Gwen and Erik would feel if for example Estelle the nanny and your groupies knew about you being alive before they did?"

"My what?" I asked. I had no idea to whom she referred.

"Your female fan club in the city!" she huffed.

Ordinarily I would no doubt have found that amusing, even flattering, but not at this moment in time. "It's easily solved Sarah. Just inform Gwen when she next collects Ocel and she'll trundle off up to the cottage and tell Erik. He's not that precious about being the first to know everything."

"Well I beg to differ," she said haughtily. "Besides if we told Gwen - bless her - the whole of Stormwind would know before she even reached the gates."

"And where exactly would the harm in that be?"

"The whole bloody city mourned you!" She responded sharply.

Unfortunately, it made me react similarly. "Haven't I been dead long enough! People need me Sarah!" The sharpness of my tone startled Ocel and he began to cry.

It also upset Sarah. "I need you too," she whimpered. Immediately, she came over and lifted Ocel then almost stomped out the living room heading towards the nursery.

I quickly followed. "Sarah!"

"I don't want to talk about it!" She sniffed, her voice breaking.

I waited until she placed Ocel in his crib then I grabbed her and pulled her to me. She tried to push away, her hands on my chest and her face turned from me.

I was not for letting this go unresolved. I cupped her face in my hands, forcing her to look at me. Her eyes rippled with the white gold light of the naaru. It took me a little by surprise, but I held on to her.

"I am not trying to be awkward here Sarah and I understand why you want do things this way but …"

Her eyes flared. Still, I would not be dissuaded from saying my piece. "Things are getting serious out there and I was caged often enough when I was a damn bird, I don't want any more barriers!"

She choked back a sob, then another. I had not expected that. My tone immediately softened and I wrapped my arms around her. "Don't you see? I know there never seems to be much of a break in the troubles that plague this world but I need to be involved in the war effort. I must head the Kirin Tor and play my part in the defense of the realm."

I pulled back a little. Tears were tracing down her cheeks. I gently kissed them away. "Sarah, I want to walk with you in the public gardens, go for all sorts of outings with you, picnics, boat rides you name it. And we will – one day, I promise.

"I want us to live. I want our life back; you, me and our son because now I finally understand what that means! But I have to also be who I am."

"Leader of the Kirin Tor," she whispered, a wan smile tugging at the corners of her mouth.

For a few moments a crystal silence hung over us. I gently run my hands over her arms then pulled her into my embrace again. I felt the tension leave her.

She sighed against my chest. "I'm sorry, Khadgar." She said. "I didn't think it through from your perspective and I guess – I guess I wanted to keep you to myself for as long as I could. I didn't want to share you - not yet."

I felt her arms circle me, her fingers kneading the back of my shirt. We stood, enjoying each other's warmth, both mellowing as we absorbed our different needs.

"Sarah, I came to realise I had overlooked many basic things in my rather – 'academic assumptions' when I put the necessary clues in place for you and Illidan to find. Please - hear me out."

She remained in my arms and listened as I explained. I had not made allowances for my avian senses causing simple confusion. Initially more bird than a transformed man, it took me time to adjust and recognise items, words and behaviours of the human condition.

As such it had added to my negligent consideration that time would have inadvertently made everyone believe I had died in the collapsed Dark Portal.

To my shame, my attention to detail was deficient; her pain and grief not having been deliberated within my estimation of coming events. I had gravely underestimated the strength of her love and the commensurate importance I had somehow established by becoming part of her life.

In truth, I had almost been responsible for my own demise through an autogenetic and often ignorant perspective of fundamental needs; the detachment from basic emotions which I had blindly adopted over the years. The de-humanisation of Archmage Khadgar, as it were.

My failings as a man were tantamount to a new born child in many aspects and I stood before her now, a humbled being. But, I simply could not remain hidden any longer.

She was without doubt my saviour, my new-found strength and she had awarded me an insight to life far greater than anything I had ever gleaned from my dedicated study of books, scrolls and field research.

Nonetheless, not only had I been absent from my home, family and friends for two weeks, but also from life itself - ever since I could remember really.

I breathed with relief once my new-found discernment was confessed in full and I bore no shame from admitting my inadequacies; in fact, I actually felt an air of grandiloquence.

I thought of the people I had met during my avian journey and offered an alternative idea. "May I suggest something?" I asked as I combed my fingers through her hair.

She pulled back a little and looked up at me. Her eyes were gentle, the soft curve of her lips drawing my attention. "What?" She asked.

I cupped her face in my hands again and lightly traced her bottom lip with my thumb. She nuzzled against my hand. Even with a strong difference of opinion, we could not remain on opposing sides for long.

"Well," I started, acutely aware that a certain little pair of eyes were watching us closely; Ocel gurgled happily as if to confirm my supposition. "I met some very considerate and infinitely kind people when I was in raven form. I would very much like them to know that they too played a huge part in our reunion."

"But …" she began to protest.

Shaking my head, I softly pressed my forefinger against her mouth. Her lips curled up at the corners in another smile. "I will compromise Sarah. You know I simply have to portal to and from Dalaran to work with my Archmages. I have to also let Varian know I am alive."

Her breath hitched but she did not interrupt me.

"Furthermore, I will not make light of the friendships we have forged over time Sarah, but I wish to take you and our son to meet these other individuals I spoke of.

"Without them, Illidan may not have been able to complete the necessary ritual to return me to my human self. And I would not therefore be able to take up my rightful place – with you, our son and also to carry out the duties I am responsible for with the Kirin Tor - as the Leader I am."

Slowly, she nodded acceptance.

"Soon we will portal around our friends and announce I'm back - expressing of course my profound apologies to everyone." I smirked.

I was under no delusion that the upset people had felt would not be so easily forgotten nor overlooked, but I did hold out hope that there would be at least understanding especially as more important matters were now forging ahead.

"Afterwards," I continued, "why do we not invest all your hard work in organising a gathering of friends to become part of our wedding celebrations instead? Supposing we are to have a simple wedding for now - for I do truly wish to make you my wife - then after this well ... whatever it becomes is over, then we will have the most amazing wedding celebration. I promise you."

Somehow, I think I made a good impression with that suggestion.