A/N: Thank you for all the reviews, favs, and follows so far!
Song used in a later portion of this fic is Day Old Hate by City and Colour
Xxxx
The three of them ended up staying in the living room. Damon and Ric agreed it was a nice common place where they could all keep their eye on one another. Elena knew they meant so they could both keep an eye on her. It seemed Damon had much better self-control than herself because not once had he come within a foot of her since rescuing her yet again in her blood spattered bathroom.
She was on one end of the couch, Alaric on the other, with Damon lying on the floor with just a pillow. Elena tried and failed several times to convince Damon that he could go home; she'd be fine with Alaric to stop her. Neither man would hear of it though, they insisted on the three of them sticking together until the compulsion was either lifted or there was just no need to go after Stefan any longer.
The only cure for wandering thoughts was to get completely wasted on bourbon so that's what they did. Alaric kept the conversation running with stories that had Elena and Damon laughing and listening in earnest. She loved the way Damon's laugh sounded against Alaric's. It was the wind and sea. But then there were those moments that silence settled between them and Ric would pour another shot for each of them to dull the demons.
Elena caught Damon's eye as the fuzziness set into her belly and everything seemed easier to accept. She offered a small smile, tilting her head to the side in an attempt to let him know she was okay and she wanted him to be too. So they slept together in front of two people, worse things could happen!
That thought made her sputter with laughter; the kind of laughter that just kept building on itself until there were tears and an aching gut.
"Good God woman, care to share with the rest of the class?" Ric asked, nudging her thigh with his outstretched toe.
"Sorry Mr. Saltzman," Elena wheezed between laughs. This only caused a fresh wave of giggles to come over her at the realization that the word 'class' triggered an automatic response to call him Mr. Saltzman.
"Girls and whiskey…" Damon muttered, covering his eyes with his arm, resting the bottle on his belly.
"I gotta pee," Elena stated, face damp with tears.
"Your turn," Ric stated.
Damon groaned and stood, swaying just as much as Elena as they headed to the bathroom. She paused at the door, steadying herself against the frame as the room seemed to spin.
"Wish I could pee standing up," she mumbled, steadying herself after a few steps with both hands at the sink.
Damon took her by the shoulders and led her to the toilet, replying, "Please don't try…"
She turned and met his gaze. He was standing so close that her heart hammered in response. She thought back to a time that wasn't so far away that she actually feared this man; the mood swings and unpredictability. Now he was keeping her from cracking her skull on porcelain.
"We shouldn't have let you drink so much," Damon admitted.
When the room started to spin a little she grabbed onto his forearms and breathed, "Whoa…"
He moved quickly to yank her pajama bottoms and cotton panties down to set her on the toilet. He immediately turned to give her a semblance of privacy. Her mind drifted to a million things at once as she leaned back after finishing. Her eyes opened when she heard the flush of the toilet and they didn't open again until she was leaning against his chest as he pulled her pants gently into place.
Without thinking she wrapped her arms tightly around his body. She felt him tense beneath her but then there was the soft warmth of his palms resting on her spine.
"Stop looking so sad," she whispered.
Without stepping out of the embrace, Damon reached behind him to twist the doorknob. With ease he lifted her with his other hand. She wrapped her legs around him and let him carry her to the couch.
"I was about to come check on you two…" Alaric spoke from the other end of the couch. There was an edge to his voice as he scooted over so she could tuck her feet against his side.
"We didn't moderate her underage drinking as we should have," she heard Damon tell him.
"I can tell; she's cuddling my feet."
Xxxx
When Elena woke she was alone but the smell of bacon and something sweet was accompanied with the bangs of someone in the kitchen behind her.
Suddenly a mug of coffee appeared in front of her face and she looked up to see Alaric peering down at her with sleepy eyes and disheveled hair.
"Thanks," she murmured, sitting up to grab the mug and bring it immediately to her lips. She ignored the burn and swallowed a large gulp to help calm the nauseated grumble in her stomach.
"Mornin' sunshine," Damon called from the kitchen.
She tried to hide a smile at her floral apron tied around his waist and the impressive table setting complete with fresh flowers in the center. She peered curiously at the clock behind Damon that glowed bright green.
"Why did you let me sleep so long? Did Jeremy make it home last night?" Elena asked, standing quickly to grab her phone from her discarded purse.
There was a text from Matt letting her know he was crashing there so she breathed a long sigh of relief.
"I told Jeremy to stay there for a bit," Alaric admitted.
Elena felt a flare of irritation at feeling out of the loop but calmed immediately at the thought of Jeremy witnessing her knifing herself; or worse…Damon bending her over the kitchen table. She caught Damon's eye at that as the flush crept up her body. As if he knew where her thoughts were, he immediately dropped his gaze and busied himself with sampling the warm glaze that dripped from the cinnamon rolls.
Xxxxx
It was an especially hot day so Elena decided to skip out on her jog. She had a bit of a hangover anyway and cramps that wouldn't let up. She'd never had sex close to her period before so she wasn't sure what was up with the pain she was in today. Didn't seem plausible that it would have anything to do with it but well…here she was popping pain pills and lying with a heating pad in nothing but a large tee shirt and cheerleading shorts.
She made a to-do list shortly after breakfast, both men eying her warily as she held the sharp pencil between her fingers as if she were two seconds from jabbing herself with it. She just sighed and ignored their presence as she scribbled all the things she needed to take care of. Stuffing another bite of her third cinnamon roll in her mouth reminded her that she needed to go grocery shopping. She may have been eating her feelings this morning…
"Ric, can you grab me my laptop?" Elena asked. She shifted under the heating pad that laid on her abdomen, propping the notepad on her bent knees.
She really wasn't feeling well which wasn't normal for her usual cycle. Her lower back was all achy too. When Alaric handed her the laptop he paused to lay the back of his hand over her forehead. She jumped a little from the contact and peered up at him. "You feeling okay? Think you may have a fever," he said.
Damon looked up from his book at that. Elena shrugged and pulled up a coupon site online.
"Do we need milk?" she asked, ignoring their eyes on her face.
She spent the next thirty minutes making a detailed shopping list within the budget Aunt Jenna had allotted for them when she had been here. She had taught her to balance a checkbook and budget monthly bills. It had all been almost satisfying for Elena to grasp all these concepts at a young age but once Aunt Jenna died it was just depressing.
She tried to do it on her own so that Jeremy could have some semblance of a normal adolescence but sometimes she'd have to involve him with cutting back on this or that to meet their budget. They were fortunate their parents had been so good with money but to make it work Elena had to think about things like coupons and sales; health and car insurance; college and future savings. Sometimes it just wasn't easy to think about.
With her boyfriend on a killing rampage with her Aunt's murderer; her boyfriend's brother fighting a compulsion to have sex with her anytime he thought of a rescue plan; bio-mom's ex trying to make sure that doesn't happen, and not being allowed out of sight because she might slit her wrists at the mere thought of saving her boyfriend…well…she wasn't in the best of moods. She wanted her mother. She needed her. She needed comfort while her hormones were up and down during this wonderful time of the month. She needed a shoulder while she mourned everything she'd lost. She needed her mother's nurturing hand while she laid here feeling like hell.
Yeah, this was definitely a fever. Her whole body ached at this point.
"I think it's time to ditch the heating pad and get some water in you," Alaric sighed, plucking the grocery list from her fingers.
"I need to get out anyway, let me take care of this for you," Damon suggested, standing quickly to grab the list and tuck it into his back pocket. Elena noticed the pointed look Damon gave Alaric. She could only assume he feared being left alone with her.
Before he left he sliced open his hand and squeezed some blood into a glass. He set it down on the coffee table and pointed a finger at her, "hopefully this will still be untouched when I get back."
She nodded slowly, blinking at the burning in her eyes. God she felt terrible.
"I still have your blood in my system though don't I? Won't I still heal?" Elena asked, surprised at the scratchiness to her voice.
"If it's still in your system the only thing it'll do is bring you back as a vampire…and we don't want that now do we?" Damon asked with a cock of his head and raised eyebrows.
Elena shuddered and closed her eyes. No, she definitely did not want that.
Xxxxx
It was jarring how intense her dreams were. Elena didn't know whether to attribute that to Damon's blood in her system or the fever wreaking havoc inside. She woke with a gasp after fuzzy images of her parents left quickly in her awoken state. She was alone in the living room and the sun was setting. Her body was saturated in sweat so she assumed that meant her fever broke in her sleep.
She did feel a little better, though the pain in her throat was at a new level. She probably had strep. Lovely. Why couldn't vampire blood help that?
When she stood she was a little shaky, but at least her vision was clearer and body aches not as present. She startled a little at the site of Damon sitting at the kitchen table nursing a glass of something honey colored.
His lips twitched into a smile before asking her how she was feeling. She shrugged her response and shuffled to the refrigerator to grab a bottled water from the door.
"Where's Ric?" she asked after swallowing several long gulps of cold water. It felt heavenly against the swollen sting deep inside her throat. Ugh, she sounded like an old woman with a lifetime smoking habit.
Damon pointed upwards and she heard the sound of running water. She nodded and opened a few cabinets in search of food. He had followed her list to a 't' and then some. If she had the energy she'd get onto him for breaking the budget but she just didn't.
As if he read her mind he said, "I got some extra things on me. You need to take care of that growing body of yours little lady." There was a lightness to his words but she could tell he meant them.
"Thank you Damon," she murmured, popping open the top of a can of peanuts. Organic too, how nice. She crunched on a handful for a bit before raising her eyes to meet his. She wondered how he kept his mind from Stefan when all she could do was worry about him. It took everything she had not to formulate a way to save him.
"You think he's okay?" she asked tentatively. She knew it was dangerous to bring him up. But there was a sadness inside of her that wouldn't go away. She didn't know how to make it go away.
Damon sighed and looked down at his hands. After a long pause he just shrugged and peered up at her under raven lashes, head still hanging downward. He bit his lip and sucked in a gulp of air before answering dully, "I don't think any of us are okay right now Elena. Especially him." She knew she could count on him to always state the truth. He wasn't one to sugar coat a damn thing.
Suddenly the peanuts seemed unappealing so she set them on the counter loudly, turning her back on Damon. She gripped the counter as a wave of despair hit her. Sometimes it all became too much. Sometimes she was just too strong for too long. She could only hope Damon allowed her the moment to gather herself because if not she didn't know what would come out of her mouth.
She was lucky he was who he was and remained silent, not moving a muscle as her body quivered with unshed tears and silent sobs she held in her belly. After what seemed like forever, but was probably more like thirty seconds, she released her grip on the counter, took a deep breath, and turned around to face him just as Alaric entered the room.
"Hey, hope you don't mind but I tried helping you out a bit with your to-do list. I called your usual doctor to see if they accepted your new insurance but they don't. So I made a list of the ones that do so we can get you in today," Alaric rambled on, opening the fridge to grab a handful of grapes.
She watched him pop one after another into his mouth with her arms crossed tightly around her body.
"Dr. Emerson doesn't accept my insurance?" she asked with a wobble in her voice.
"No, but there are other doctors nearby who do. No biggie," he shrugged.
It was a biggie. She felt like a child but she snapped back, "He has seen me since I was a baby. He used to see my mother."
Alaric's hand paused mid-air, mouth slightly open for the next grape. He stood frozen as she uncharacteristically stamped out of the room. Probably her first teenage outburst to date but hell how much was she supposed to take?
She took the stairs two at a time even though it left her dizzy and breathless by the time she locked herself in her bathroom. Her reflection was just…gross. Her hair hung limply around her pale face. Her eyes sat red-rimmed and glassy over dark circles. Maybe a shower would clear her mind and wipe away some layer of grossness that came with fevers and womanhood's curse.
The shower pelted painfully against her skin as if tiny needles poked and burned. This was her life now. It was trying not to think of her boyfriend for the rest of her life. It was trying to keep his brother from thinking of him too. It was staying afloat with just a few people left to call family. It was solving everything on her own. It was monsters hidden in every corner and curses and death. It was fucking scary.
To no surprise Damon was standing outside her bathroom door when she flung it open. He immediately grabbed her wrists and examined them.
"I didn't…" she whispered.
"I smelled blood. It was hard to tell which kind over the scent of soap," he explained, dropping her wrists and taking a few steps back.
Somehow this had become a normal topic of conversation between them. She never would have imagined that their conversations had shifted from trying to find Stefan to her period and suicide. Was this God's way of offering her that "normal teenage life" she'd been praying for?
"Just the gross kind," she said, pushing past his shoulder to grab some clothes from her drawers. It was laundry day so there wasn't much to choose from. She opted for her yoga capri pants and a loose tank top. She almost forgot he was standing there as she nearly dropped her towel to the ground but his voice snapped her back to reality.
"It's not gross."
She knit her eyebrows and turned to face him. She could tell by the expression on his face that he hadn't meant to say it. He pursed his lips and looked away, shaking his head slightly at himself. He may have muttered a sorry but she couldn't be sure.
"Well I need to get dressed so…" she raised an eyebrow at him.
He nodded and left the room, clicking the door shut behind him. She dressed quickly and trudged to the bathroom to try to make her face look more…well… like a healthy face. She knew she needed to move quickly so nobody would assume she was hacking away at a vein with her tweezers, but it was hard when everything was so fuzzy.
She opted for just a heavy layer of concealer under her eyes and a swipe of blush along all the contours of her face. It really did make her look less like a zombie so she cheered up a bit. Her hair would just have to do in its messy waves around her face. Her head hurt too much to pull it back and she just didn't have the energy or patience to straighten it out.
Stefan was the one who loved her sheet-straight hair and Stefan wasn't here so…
The only way she'd ever get him back is if she came up with the perfect plan but not only could she not go there for fear of offing herself, she couldn't ask the one person who could come up with a feasible plan either. She knew if she could just talk to Stefan once and get an idea of what Klaus wanted of him…
She noticed the razor in her hand as her mind immediately swam with this idea of communicating with Stefan. Her mouth dropped open as she watched her body move in quick motions. The blood beaded momentarily at her wrists until they seemed to ooze out of a widening slit.
Damon was in her mouth in a flash, his other hand holding her up by her lower back. "Stop DOING this," he hissed exasperatedly.
Alaric entered the room not too far behind him, out of breath. Elena dropped the razor that she was gripping tightly in her right hand. It clanked in a tinny echo. She stepped away from Damon, looking around the bathroom in shock. It was akin to a horror movie murder scene. She couldn't believe how much blood she'd lost in just that short moment. The severity of the situation hit her gut and she looked slowly at Damon. "I can't be left alone," she whispered.
"No shit," Damon muttered.
Elena sat on the bed as Ric and Damon scoured the house for anything she could harm herself with but she knew it was a wasted effort. Under compulsion she'd find a way; she had to stop thinking of Stefan. She didn't know how she could just stop thinking of the man that she loved when she knew he was suffering. She didn't know how to live like this. So what…Damon was supposed to just be at her side for the rest of her life?
She sat slack and frozen, the effects of much more vampire blood than she was used to causing her chest to stir with rolls of euphoria. It was pleasant but she was too defeated to even blink at this point. She didn't in fact blink until Damon's eyes appeared under her face. He was on his knees gazing up at her.
"Are you listening to me?" His voice broke through the haze of her thoughts.
She blinked several times, noting the gray flecks in his irises. There weren't many but they were hauntingly beautiful next to the almost turquoise slivers of color.
"Elena, we'll leave it to others to bring him back to us. I want him back too. This is killing me. Trust me. Maybe Bonnie…somebody could take over so we don't have to go through this," he explained softly.
She nodded slowly, knowing he was right. She opened her mouth in surprise when he flashed to the other side of the room and started spatting out a string of obscenities. Then he yelled for Alaric.
"Damon…" Elena said warily, standing slowly from the bed.
"Fuck," he hissed, walking towards her.
She shook her head, her mind searching for what could have set off the compulsion. She guessed planning for someone else to plan for them was still…a plan.
Alaric entered the room, dropping the garbage bag full of knives, scissors, and other pointy objects at his feet.
"Damon…" he said in a warning tone.
"Stake me," Damon said through gritted teeth.
Elena gasped as Damon gripped her waist. Her heart hammered all the way into her skull as she watched Alaric return to the room with a stake.
"No," she said. But it only came out as a whisper.
The protest was meant for Alaric but Damon must have thought it was for him.
"I can't help it," Damon said through a gasp of air.
She let out a yelp when Damon turned around and lunged for the stake in Ric's hand. She fell back onto the bed but scrambled right back up in an ill attempt to stop Alaric from staking Damon.
"Why are you helping him?!" Damon exclaimed between grunts as he tried to toss the stake out of reach in a compelled action. Elena kicked it out of Alaric's reach.
"You're both going to end up hurt. Just stop. Ric please, just go," Elena pleaded.
Alaric stood dumfounded; looking quickly between Damon's tense face and Elena's defeated one.
Elena added quietly, "He won't hurt me."
"Are you sure about that?" Alaric asked.
She could tell it took everything he had to leave the room but he did. She ignored Damon's protests and stalked up to him. He shook his head and muttered, "Stupid, stupid girl."
"I've been called worse," she stated.
His hands ripped her shirt down the middle in one fluid motion. "I don't doubt it," he said gruffly.
"We need to get him back. This isn't the worst way to do it," she heard herself say. God, did she really just say that…
"We don't have an audience this time. We'll see if you'll be singing the same tune when I'm finished with you," he retorted.
She knew he was trying to scare her but his words did quite the opposite. She should be surprised but the majority of what her mind and heart were being put through in this moment was clear; a part of her was excited…thrilled, even.
Damon muttered several strings of words that never quite reached her ears as he unsnapped her bra and threw it behind her. She heard it smack her mirror and knock over a perfume bottle.
"Damon…I…" she breathed as he blinked rapidly at the sight of her bare chest.
She looked down and had a knee-jerk reaction to cover herself. Damon wasn't supposed to see her like this and that fact hit her very real in this still moment.
"See…you made a big mistake here Elena. This is happening and I won't stop," Damon spoke with such anger.
He pushed her arms away from her chest with ease and lowered his mouth to her collarbone. Her breath hitched. His mouth felt cold against her skin. She noticed she was sweating and still covered in blood from her wrists. She was certainly not at her best for something like this to be happening.
The excitement was replaced with apprehension when he pushed her roughly back onto the bed. She landed with a soft thud, eying his heaving form looming above her. He shook his head over and over as he tore his shirt off over his head and let it drop soundlessly at his feet. His belt buckle sounded deafening in the stillness of the room.
"You look absolutely terrified right now," he told her, still shaking his head slowly back and forth as if doing so would make it all stop.
"I'm not," she croaked.
"You're shaking," he said pointedly as he stepped out of his pants and pushed his boxers down with such ease she wondered why she was the only one so nervous about being seen naked. Probably because he looked like that and had an unimaginable number of lovers in comparison to her two…well now three if she were to count him.
"Scoot up to the headboard," he commanded.
She scrambled back and laid as still as she could while he crept up the bed to hover over her like some damned nude Greek God. He took another look into her eyes, sighing almost dejectedly before yanking her tight yoga pants from her hips. He peeled them down her legs which was difficult with the sheen of sweat that coated her skin.
"Your skin is on fire, you're probably running a dangerously high fever and here we're wasting time in bed," Damon admonished.
She found her voice to ask, "Why won't your blood fix me?"
"It heals, it doesn't cure. Broken bones, skin, veins…gotcha covered." He finally got the pants off and stared up at her for a moment.
"I'm not scared of you Damon," she tried softly.
He tilted his head to the side and let out a breath of air from his nostrils.
"I'm just nervous," she admitted even smaller.
He raised an eyebrow, running his fingers up her thighs to rest at her hipbones. She trembled like she was freezing cold. Head to toe she quaked under his touch.
"You should be" Damon said, pulling her panties slowly down her buttocks.
She bit her lip and had to fight off the urge to conceal herself this time. The cool air hit her dampness, causing her to squeeze her thighs tightly together.
Her voice came out so small and so fragile even to her own ears. She sounded like a damned little girl. "I don't know what I'm doing."
"You're being an idiot and letting me do this to you, that's what you're doing. Ric could have staked me and gotten you out of here," Damon said, nudging her thighs apart with little effort. She slowly bent her knees reflexively as his fingers ran lightly beneath them.
When his fingers reached the neat line of her pubic hair she jerked under his touch, biting her lip hard as his eyes probed hers in a way that left her breathless.
"I mean…I'm not…I've never…," she tried again as he slowly pulled the tampon from her slightly parted lips.
"Elena. Less talking," He said flatly, tossing the barely dotted with blood tampon aside. At least it was a lighter cycle.
This only made Elena more nervous. Why wasn't he being more affectionate. She didn't know how to do this. She didn't know how to just fuck without feeling. She didn't know how to convey this to him without making it all worse.
"Okay, yeah. Fine," she muttered, falling back to stare up at the ceiling.
She was just opening her mouth to say something more. To try once again to let him know what it was she was feeling but his mouth was over her dampness and it was like an electric shock rocked her body. Her back arched sharply and hands grasped at the headboard behind her. A breathy sound escaped her lips instead. She hadn't made that kind of sound. Ever.
Her hand flew to clamp over her mouth to keep the rest of it from escaping as his mouth did something she couldn't even pinpoint. It was like he was sucking and lapping at her all at once. She was still shaking but now it was jerky and getting worse the more she tried to contain her reaction.
He put both hands firmly on her abdomen to hold her in place. She caught his eyes peering momentarily up over the planes of her lean body and the feeling that took place deep in her belly caused a whimper to escape. She felt him smile against her but she couldn't even concentrate on his cockiness with the way he was making her feel.
She suddenly felt an uncomfortable cramping in her abdomen so she adjusted a little but even still, it didn't let up. Damon spoke into her inner thigh, his hot breath hitting her skin with each word, "almost done, just bear with me."
She didn't know what he meant, he hadn't even started yet. Then her eyes focused on the blood that was smeared at his fingers and up her thighs. How…thoughtful.
The sucking and pulling was somehow causing her to contract and he was…drinking her. The thought should disgust her. Really it should. But it didn't. It was the affection she had so desperately been seeking in this moment. It was his way of taking care of her.
"Will you be able to get all of it?" she asked softly, wincing a little as another roll of cramps hit her.
"If I do it right," he mumbled into her skin.
"There's a wrong way?" she asked, moaning a little through her last word.
Suddenly he was over her and nudging her thighs even further apart with his knees. She stared up wonderingly at his face. His fangs were out and the veins were pulsing below his haunting eyes. His mouth was crimson and swollen and she couldn't stop staring. He looked striking.
"Not that I'll be able to stop, but let me know if I hurt you," he said, his fangs slowly receding into his flush gums.
Her heart thumped wildly and she bit her lip. The memory of him inside of her before was so distant. She honestly couldn't remember what he felt like that night. She remembered some pain but she was so tense and focused on keeping everyone alive that it was like everything else had faded into the background. Until the moments she hadn't and let go for his sake…and hers.
"Elena…please…" Damon said, his voice breaking a little.
She nodded quickly, whispering, "I'm sorry, I don't mean to…I am just…"
She let out a gasp as he tucked an arm under her lower back and gripped the headboard with his other hand. It felt erotic in a way to be in this position but it also felt detached as if he were putting emotional distance between them. She watched his abdomen muscles flex and slowly roll as he pushed himself deliberately inside of her.
The strangest thoughts seemed to enter her mind. First she noticed how good they looked together down there. Her tanned body and little strip of hair met his taut muscles and tuft of matching raven hair that scratched at her skin as he sank deep inside of her.
He sat so still and she watched his eyes flutter shut, jaw clenching. His whispers somehow made it through her heavy breaths to her ears, "You seriously have a high fever. You feel fucking amazing."
She wasn't expecting that to come out of Damon's mouth and it suddenly made her feel very present. He felt good nestled inside of her but he felt better when she moved slightly upwards, taking him at an angle.
He peered at her with one open eye, his forehead resting on his extended arm that still gripped the headboard. It creaked in protest as he slowly pulled back and then pushed in her. He repeated the motion a few times until he muttered, "Well if we're doing this, may as well do it right."
She didn't know how it could be done more right than this. He pulled her up suddenly and rocked back. She was in his lap letting out another foreign moan as his fingers tangled into her hair and pushed her mouth into his.
She tasted her blood and arousal but she didn't care. Why she didn't care was beyond her at this point. But really. She just didn't care. His tongue did things to the inner side of her upper lip that made her pulse around his length inside of her.
"You set the pace," he murmured into her mouth.
She pulled slowly away from his mouth with the crinkly sound of saliva separating. She immediately shook her head. She just…didn't want to take control with him. It wasn't that she didn't enjoy it…because she did with Matt and Stefan. But Damon was…Damon. This was different with him somehow. She wished she wasn't so fuzzy so she could figure out why it was so different.
He brushed the hair that stuck to her damp forehead with his fingertips, eyes narrowing briefly in concern. She leaned into his cool touch, wrapping her arms tightly around Damon's neck. He seemed frozen under her embrace as if unsure what to do next.
"How do you want this to go Elena?" he asked softly.
She bit her lip. She wanted to make love, she didn't want to fuck. She needed somebody to make her feel better and treat her with care.
"Kiss me," were the only words she could find but Damon knew exactly what it meant. He always knew.
He laid her gently down on her back and placed feather light kisses down the bridge of her nose. Her heart was all the way in her stomach and all she could think was that it all felt so fast. She felt cheated in a way. Their friendship had really grown and she'd become rather fond of him lately…and now they were thrown into guilt laced sex. Sex was supposed to be between two people who loved one another. At least, that's the way it was supposed to be for her. She was sure Damon had a very long list of loveless sex partners. But…she didn't. This was different and new for her. She wasn't sure what to make of the way she felt when his lips connected with her skin or the way their sweat soaked bodies slid against one another as if she were the fire and he was the melting ice.
"I like it this way too," he admitted. "Just don't tell anybody," he winked. Her lips curved into a smile but then she was biting her lip hard and tilting her head back as he slid partially inside of her. The first time, in that cold room on the floor, he hadn't wasted a moment pushing into her. He took her quickly and had even looked at her briefly in surprise as he felt her squeeze around him. She had been surprised herself that she could climax under those circumstances…but she had and it had helped him finish. She hadn't moaned or let it be known that she'd let go. But Damon knew.
Now he let her body adjust to him and she appreciated it. He wasn't enormous or much different than the other two men she'd been with, but he was different.
"Hurts?" he asked breathily in her ear where his lips hung.
"A little…but…" her breath hitched as he slid in and pushed slightly upwards hitting something that caused her a little "ah" to escape her throat.
She put her hands tentatively on his back as he began to move inside of her. The pain was gone and she was consumed with just a pulsing softness that left her mouth open in a silent moan. She was glad he couldn't see her face. For some reason she knew it was important to try to keep to herself just how good this was.
The sweat from her body was lubricating his so that the movement of their skin together created something almost erotic. She had no words for this. How could she look at him again after this?
"I can feel that you're close. Let go so I can get you to the doctor…" Damon said hoarsely into her ear between a few breathy grunts that sounded so out of place considering the topic.
She wondered how he knew she was close. She felt silly and young asking, so she just nodded, her damp cheek gliding against his slightly scratchy one. She bit her lip and pressed her pelvis slightly into him so that the friction outside of her matched the insides. It was enough.
Mindlessly, one of her hands eased up to grasp the nape of his neck to press his cheek closer to hers while the other trailed down to dig her nails into his bare buttocks. Her stomach jolted at the familiarity behind touching like this. This sort of thing shouldn't be happening between them. Between friends.
She was well acquainted with her body and familiar with the small orgasms that came with touching herself at night or the bigger ones that came with Stefan rocking gently inside of her as his middle finger ran circles at the base of the line of her pubic hair. This was the first time she was feeling this though. This was something that frightened her because she didn't know what to expect. It started deep inside and stayed there without spiking in intensity…it just bloomed deliciously inside. Then her body started to burn and legs started to quake around him.
She grabbed a fistful of Damon's hair and jerked upwards, causing his eyes to loom over hers. They were dark and glazed, peering at her in a way that was foreign to her. Never had he looked like this before.
The feeling suddenly intensified and it hit her with such deep rolls and dips of pleasure that she pushed his head back down so that she could bury her mouth against his neck. It was impossible to keep it to herself. Gasps and whispery moans escaped in hot breaths against his salty skin. He wasn't too far behind her, not nearly as quiet as she.
Xxxxxx
The waiting room was fairly empty as Elena filled out the new patient form. Damon sat next to her playing some game on his phone and tapping his toe to the cheery elevator-style music that played through crackling speakers on the wall.
It was a women doctor's center that doubled as a wellness and gynecological office so the questions varied between family history to sexual activity and birth control usage. She paused and read the question again and again. Are you sexually active?
It'd be a hell of a lot easier if she could answer no. She remembered having to ask her mother for a gynecologist appointment after she and Matt had started having sex. She called Aunt Jenna to ask her if it was normal for it to hurt so much. Now she wished she could call her to ask why it felt so different between guys.
She looked up and noticed Damon peering down at her pen that hovered under the question. He smirked and mumbled, "I'd say…"
She rolled her eyes and wrote a loopy yes. The birth control questions made her feel uneasy. No, she didn't use protection but what use was that with vampire lovers. Her heart thumped painfully. She had just referred to Damon as her lover…
Finally she got to the easy stuff. Insurance information, family history. Family history…maybe not so easy.
Her eyes blurred over all the questions surrounding health problems on her mother and father's side. How the hell does this matter anyway. Her parents weren't her biological parents. Her biological parents weren't even as closely related to her as a normal person. She was a doppelganger. Maybe she should ask Damon to text Katherine about their family history…ha.
"Don't suppose you know if Katherine's family suffers from diabetes?" Elena muttered, skipping over the entire section.
"Just psychosis," he shrugged, grabbing the clipboard from her hands to walk it up to the mousy woman behind the sliding glass.
She rubbed her hands up and down her bare arms, wishing she had brought a jacket. It was so cold in here…
Damon plopped down next to her and without a word pulled her into his body with a tight arm around her shoulders. She stiffened for a moment but relaxed when the heat of his body provided a shield against the air conditioning blowing from a vent nearby.
"Thanks," she murmured and he offered a small hum in reply.
She watched him click away on his phone, staring unfocused at his screen as he moved the colorful candy pieces of the game much quicker than was humanly possible. She moved a hand to tuck it under her cheek without thinking. His thumb paused in its quick movements and he seemed to be holding his breath. She realized her palm was over the curve of his chest. Things were becoming different between them whether she meant them to or not. She'd have never sat like this with Tyler or Jeremy. This wasn't right.
"Elena Gilbert?" a woman called from a doorway. Elena immediately stood and walked quickly out of the room without glancing back at Damon.
Xxxxx
Damon was waiting in the car with the windows rolled down and his eyes shut behind sunglasses. Elena slid in and set the papers on the floor as she snapped in her seatbelt.
"I tested positive for strep. Fluids and antibiotics. The prescription should be ready by the time we get to the pharmacy near the square," she told him softly.
They didn't talk again until they reached her home and he walked her to her bed. He simply murmured a, "hope you feel better" and turned to leave her to rest.
She tossed and turned, kicking back the sheets and biting her lip when she noticed the blood all over the sheets from earlier that day. She was grateful Alaric had kept his distance after. She was finding it hard to look him in the eye after having sex with Damon while he sat downstairs completely aware.
She felt lonely and her body yearned for Damon's. It was a strange feeling needing him in ways she never had before. It was a feeling inside and through her body and it was jarring. Maybe it was all of his blood swimming in her belly and veins or maybe it was simply the sex. She didn't know, this sexual activity was foreign to her. Never had she been with someone that she wasn't with first. Someone that she hadn't fallen in love with and gone on….she didn't know...a date? Damon was a friend and it had always been complicated between them at best.
She tried saying it out loud, "I want him near me."
It made it painfully real that this forced sexual side to their friendship was changing her.
She put her hands over her face and half laughed, half cried. Tears pooled under her pressed palms. She pushed so hard that she saw colors behind her eyelids. What the hell was she supposed to do with this…
She gasped when cool hands were at her wrists and her hands were pulled from her eyes. She looked up to see Damon peering down at her sadly.
"I wish I could change things. I wish I could bring him home for you," he stated softly, reaching down to thumb the tears away.
"Think of a way," she whispered pleadingly.
He dropped his hand and narrowed his eyes. "Elena…"he shook his head a little.
"We can bring him back if you just think of a way. Please Damon…" her voice broke.
"Stop, you're going to hurt yourself," he mumbled as she noticed she was blindly searching for something on her night stand.
He just watched in motionless silence as she broke a picture frame of her parents and took a shard of glass. She jabbed it into her neck. The blood poured down her chest, soaking the front of her shirt. Her eyes were fearful the longer he sat not doing anything.
"Do you want to be a vampire Elena?" Damon asked softly as she began to feel the dizziness take over.
"No," she gurgled, coughing up blood.
"But you'd rather me take you over and over, knowing how it kills me to have something that feels the way it does but knowing it means nothing. All to bring back the person who won't be able to look past what we've been doing. I know him Elena and he will never look at you the same." Damon bit into his wrist and stuck it into her mouth while simultaneously pulling the glass from her neck.
After her breathing returned to normal she stated, "I don't care if he looks at me differently. I just can't give up on him. He wouldn't give up on me…and he definitely wouldn't give up on you."
He just shook his head and left the room in a flash.
Xxxxx
When Elena woke it was dark outside and her bed was saturated in her broken fever. It was amazing how much better she felt after just a dose of medicine and a long rest. The mirror in the bathroom didn't reflect such a bad image either; her eyes were brighter and cheeks flushed a warm healthy glow.
After a shower and throwing on a tee shirt with her cheer shorts, Elena headed down the stairs. The soft pad of her bare feet hitting each wooden step must have been enough to notify Damon of her presence because when she entered the kitchen, he already had a bowl of something steaming at her spot at the table.
She sat down and breathed in deeply.
"Smells amazing, thank you," Elena told him, stirring the stew-like mixture lightly with a spoon.
She wasn't surprised when he left her to sit by Ric on the couch. She listened to them make their usual noises of the night; clinking glass as they drank and the clicking of PlayStation controllers. Elena was sure Ric had plenty to say about how things went down earlier. Her biggest fear was that he would put his guardian foot down and state that she was better apart from Damon. In a way she couldn't blame him. Damon was older than he by a lot and she was just a high school girl; it looked bad no matter how one tried to justify it all.
Elena tried to waste some time doing the dishes before she finally gave in and entered the living room, crossing in front of the TV for a moment to plop down on the chair that sat next to the couch.
"Feeling better?" Ric asked softly, turning his attention towards her for moment enough to allow Damon to shoot him.
Damon whooped and tossed his controller down as Ric sighed and rolled his eyes, clicking the TV off.
"Yeah, much," she replied, training her eyes on the bottle that sat atop the coffee table. She wondered if Ric would be opposed to her getting smashed tonight.
She reached for the bottle and slowly moved it to her lips, watching Ric for any cues that she was or wasn't allowed. Not that he was too persistent in enforcing any sort of parental rules, but the Gilbert siblings usually made it extremely easy on him and did as they were told.
He just blinked away so she took a long gulp, barely wincing at the burning trail the liquid seared down her throat and into her belly. As soon as that settled warmly, she took another long gulp. Damon stood and she watched him go towards the kitchen. When he returned he placed a glass of water in front of her.
"Strep sucks, stay hydrated," Ric said, as if Damon's nurturing gestures reminded him of what he should say as the parent here.
They all drank in silence, passing the bottle back and forth until they killed it. The room felt warmer and her vision was warmer too. Everything felt safer and more inviting. She wondered why drinking did that to a person.
Ric retrieved his guitar from its resting place against the wall and took to strumming a few chords. She'd heard him hum and play before when he thought she was upstairs studying, but she'd always wondered what he sounded like alone and unafraid of judgment. She imagined pretty good.
"Sing something," she commanded, stretching her bare legs out to rest her feet on the coffee table. Her toes almost reached Damon's crossed boots that he'd clunkily plopped down earlier.
To her surprise, he started the chords to some song and sang in a voice that was as warm and fluid as the liquor swimming in her veins. She watched Damon close his eyes and lean his head back on the couch, a small smile pulling at the corners of his mouth. Elena wasn't sure what it was about a man singing, but it always did something to her. She felt something swell in her chest and trickle into her gut. It was safety and love she thought. Something akin to that.
It was a mournful song but it was felt thickly by Elena. The line kept turning over and over in her mind; the things we do just to stay alive…
Elena wished there was more alcohol; there was a lot left to numb.
When the song was replaced with silence , Damon finally stood and stated a soft goodnight. Elena watched with a pang as he left the house, realizing the men must have decided he should start sleeping elsewhere.
"I've got a little of his blood in case you decide to try anything tonight," Ric told her, breaking the thick silence from his spot on the couch.
She stood and stepped over him to sit in the spot Damon had occupied; warmth that smelled of his now familiar scent. With the hollow thud of his guitar against the wall and his heavy foot steps, Elena finally raised her eyes to meet his as he sat a little closer to her on the couch.
"You okay?" he asked, his voice like gravel after the strain of singing.
She could only shrug, blinking away from his fretful gaze. She wanted to ask what they talked about when she was asleep upstairs. She wanted to know why it was better he was gone instead of here by her side. They needed to all stick together. She needed both men right now, they had to know that.
"Hey…" he said softly, running his finger briefly across the bump of her knuckles, "it's all already so complicated without adding in…sex…"
She closed her eyes, willing herself to really hear what he was saying. She knew he was right and this was right. It was just that her body didn't quite know that yet. It was like it had a mind of its own and only felt okay when Damon's body was near.
"Don't do that…" Ric said sadly when the tears started to drip one by one down her flush cheeks.
He pulled her into a rare embrace and she climbed into it. His arms wrapped around her and her knees bent over his lap, her side pushing into the couch and thighs resting against his abdomen. She rested her cheek on his shoulder as she grasped onto him, fingers digging into his ribs.
"I know you don't like to acknowledge this Elena, but you are still just a kid in comparison. Things get messy and unclear, especially to a…young girl, when sex is involved. I don't like talking about this either but…" he trailed off, his thumb moving up and down a space between her hip and bottom rib. He must be as drunk as her to be comfortable with the closeness.
"You're right, I know," she agreed. This felt good and she hoped they could cross this line more. It was that selfish part of her that didn't care about what and why. It was only concerned with what made her feel good for a moment.
It was just another example of why her young and confused self needed his guidance and protection. Here she was folded in her teacher's arms feeling warm and all sorts of things that didn't much make sense.
At some point they laid down, talking drunkenly about the uncertain future that neither were too thrilled about. She fell asleep to the deep lull of his voice and the warmth of his body pressed to her back and arm slung heavily over, fingers trailing over the soft fabric of couch in front of her eyes.
xxxxxx