Chapter Fourteen: I'm Gonna Miss You My Friend
Funeral day
Dean woke up to a very sunny morning. It was a few days later, and it was time for the funeral. Dean woke up, brushing his hand through his hair. They were sleeping like rocks though since they'd moved up to the bedroom. It was about ten in the morning, and the funeral was going to be at one. Dean swung his legs around to get out of bed, and he wondered if he was going to be able to make it through this day. It was going to be the last time he ever saw Bobby. Dean sniffled, already starting to get upset. Dean glanced down at the empty side of the bed, unless Cas had been up late the night before writing he usually was up at about nine in the morning. Dean would have to go back to work soon himself, so the going to bed early thing was just how it worked.
When he got downstairs, a robe pulled on over Cas' boxer briefs, which Cas had actually begged him to wear. Dean wasn't sure why he'd insisted, but he hadn't minded wearing them if that's what Cas wanted. They'd had sex every day since the first time, and Dean knew that that wasn't going to last forever, so he was going with it while he could. Dean arrived in the kitchen, and was a bit surprised that Claire was also up, he knew she'd been up late the night before because she couldn't sleep. Dean knew why that was, she'd been too overcome with grief. She's actually spent some time in her fathers' room, sleeping in between them in the bed. This was after what Cas called "amorous activities", which Dean didn't have to be a genius to figure out meant having sex.
Cas was cooking breakfast, and Dean moved to the coffee maker, getting out a mug. He could finally have caffeine again. Dean moved silently to Cas and kissed him, morning breath be damned. When he'd pulled back, the phone rang. Curiously, Dean reached for it. "Winchester residence." Since Cas had taken Dean's name, they didn't use 'Novak' when answering the phone anymore. Not that Cas minded, Dean knew that he didn't. He even used it for his professional writing name.
Watching Dean answer the phone, Cas really hoped that it wasn't someone calling to say how horrible it was that they lost Bobby. Dean couldn't handle that before coffee. Cas put some eggs on the table, Frankie had already been picked up by John, he'd insisted on talking to her before the funeral, and no one had had the heart to tell him it could wait till the day was done. Cas watched Dean's face as he turned back to grab the bacon. His husband seemed in shock, and then he was saying goodbye to the caller. Cas met Dean's eyes, as he put the phone back in the base unit.
"What's wrong, Dean?" Cas asked, praying to a God he hadn't prayed to in a really long time that no one else was injured or dead. When Dean told him that Bobby had left him his mechanic shop, Cas' mouth dropped open. They had never thought that might happen. Cas reached out and took one of Dean's hands, holding it tightly. "What…. What do you want to do with it?" Cas asked, he knew that Dean wasn't a certified mechanic, but that would be no problem, he was good with cars. He'd worked on them his whole life, and he'd also had to put his own Impala back together a time or two.
"I don't know." Dean said, his tone full of shock. Dean knew that he'd been the closest thing that Bobby had had for a son, with the exception of Sam, but he had still never thought that this would happen. And Bobby's shop was actually really successful. Bobby had done alright for himself. "And… the money…. All of Bobby's money, he left it to Claire, Frankie, and unknown Winchester baby to be.. To use for college or whatever else they want." When Cas' eyes widened, Dean knew how much that shocked Cas. He knew that Bobby had just been trying to do right by the kids he considered his great nieces and niece or nephew to be. Dean didn't know what to say.
His mouth worked with no sound, and then he finally got out, "Cas, that's 3.2 billion dollars." Bobby had done very well for himself, and he had invested his family money well back in the day. It was amazing that he'd been so simple and laidback for someone who'd been raised in the Texas oil industry. Bobby Singer had been a real life Ewing. Dean had always liked that, and Bobby could in some ways remind him of JR. Only some ways though. Dean had of course grown up in Dallas, so that show had been a staple when he was a kid. He'd been born after it started but it hadn't stopped him when he'd gotten to his teens. "He had a trust that already had millions of dollars in it, and when he got access to it he invested it well."
This was insane. Bobby had left 3.2 billion dollars to their two daughters and the one Jo was carrying? Before Cas could say a word, Claire spoke up. "Dad, I want you to have my share." She said, and both Cas and Dean looked at her in shock. Claire stood, moving over to Dean. "Dad, Bobby was like a uncle to you. You went your whole life till the last few days with him in it. You deserve this, way more than I do. I have my own money for college, as much as Gabriel might want to take it from me, he can't. It comes to me when I turn 18." Claire said. She kept her blue eyes on Dean's green ones, and Cas knew that this was possibly the most unselfish thing he'd ever heard of in his life. But Claire wasn't done. She said, "Dad, I want you to pay for your medical bills with it."
That stopped her parents cold in their tracks. Cas looked at her, his blue eyes widening. "Claire?" Cas asked, his heart in shock. He knew that Claire had suddenly just taken to Dean, but this was beyond what Cas would have thought she would do. She nodded. Cas wrapped his hand across his chin, trying to deal with all of the feelings he was suddenly having as a result of this. Cas' eyes brushed with tears. Cas looked her in those blue eyes that were so much like his. Cas finally found his voice. "Claire Novak, I don't even know the right words to say. But I appreciate it so much that you're doing that for Dean." Cas didn't know what he was going to do to make this up to her. Dean would be out of debt. All of those years of medical bills would be gone. Cas couldn't believe that she'd decided to do this.
Claire reached out and brushed some tears off Cas' face. "I want to do this, Daddy. Dad… he took me in and loves me and calls me his daughter and expects me to call him my dad. I want to do something for him. And this is never going to make up to me what he's done." Claire really didn't want to go to college, and although she'd rather have Bobby's money than Gabriel's, it didn't matter. She knew how worried her parents were about Dean's medical bills. She wanted to take that worry away. It was the right thing to do. She turned back to Dean. "Dad, I don't want to argue about this. I know you don't want to take charity, but it's not. It's me doing something to make up for what you did."
Voice quiet and shaking, she said, as Dean reached out and took her hand, "I don't know if you know this, but most people in the world wouldn't have done that. Taken in a child with no questions asked, especially a child that was planned but kept secret from her father. Had to be raised all her life by a homophobic family and not even knowing who her father was until she was 16. Dad, you're….. You didn't even hesitate. You accepted me even when you guys thought I was Daddy's niece." Claire's voice was barely above a whisper. It was all things she'd been thinking about in the past few days anyway, she'd been planning on using her own money to help, but in a way this was better. It was like Bobby taking care of Dean one last time. At that thought, her eyes brimmed with tears, and she could only look back at them with sadness and tears falling off her cheek.
"It'll be Uncle Bobby taking care of you one last time."
When Claire said those words, Dean's tears spilled over, and before he knew it, he was hugging Claire tightly against him. He couldn't believe that Claire was doing this. Dean knew that he had to take it, whether he wanted to or not, once she said that. Dean knew that that was exactly what it was, and he couldn't keep the tears from falling continuously. "Claire Novak, I can't even believe that you're doing this." Dean knew there was going to be taxes to pay but the amount would be enough to get him out of debt and he might not have to work for the rest of his life. Which honestly, Dean was going to miss, but at the same time, he'd love to be able to be around his family more. Especially now that they had Claire and Frankie.
It was kind of insane, because Frankie had a trust from her mother, she was going to be set for life too. Dean honestly was against telling her anything else. "Claire, I want you to promise me something. You promise me that when I sell the mechanic shop, I'm going to get you a huge present, and you're going to accept it without question or protest, you understand?" Dean asked, his tone gentle. This was one of the most incredible things he'd ever seen in his life. Dean reached out and hugged her, and she wrapped her arms around him and hugged him back. Dean honestly was speechless, and frankly, that was a new thing for him. Dean almost wished that Frankie was here so they could have the whole family in on the moment.
The hug broke, and the three of them shared a heavy look before they went back to the silent task of eating breakfast. Cas sniffled, and had to step out of the room for a moment to deal with his feelings. Tears dripped off his nose and chin, and Cas wondered how Bobby could have been this generous. And Cas wasn't at all upset that the kids got all that money, he had his own as it was, and he knew that the kids would love Bobby for doing that for them. Cas filled his own cup with coffee, watching Dean sit down to his plate of breakfast, and he saw the soft smile on his husband's lips when he got the bacon in his mouth. Cas knew that he couldn't go too hard on Dean for not eating healthy, he'd had to do it his whole life and now he could go a little crazy if he wanted to. It was the least Cas could do, especially right now.
Lost in thought as he ate, Cas didn't know what he was going to do with the burden of the medical bills off their plate. And now they had all this money, and Dean was going to sell the shop, which Cas knew would go for a hefty chunk of green. Cas didn't know what he would do with not having to worry about money. Not that he ever had, but those bills had been daunting, since Dean was one to want to take care of his own things on occasion. Cas knew that Dean wouldn't have let him pay for all of them, some of them possibly but not all of them. He was so lost in thought he missed it when Dean finished his breakfast and told Cas he was going to clean up so Cas could go and get ready for the funeral. They of course had to be there early as Bobby's only family. Cas didn't mind though, he knew that he wanted a chance alone with the casket, and them going early would help facilitate that goal.
They still had an hour before the funeral by the time they got there. Dean walked in holding Cas' hand, they had chosen a Catholic church, since when Bobby had been younger he'd been raised in a Catholic church. Cas had been raised Protestant, and Dean and Sam had been raised nothing. Dean was definitely sure that there was the possibility that God was real, even if he didn't want to admit it out loud. Dean didn't know what to say. It was just horrible that they were here. Dean accepted the kiss from Cas, who told him he was going to have a moment alone with the…. The casket. Dean couldn't think of it as Bobby, he was gone and he was never coming back.
That was when it hit him. What if this was Balthazar? What if he'd used Bobby to get back at Jo for turning him down. It was quite possible, everyone in Dallas knew the Winchesters, and they knew the Harvelles and the Singers as well, by association. Dean didn't know if that was the case, but it made sense. He wondered if anyone on the police force was going to make that connection, but if they didn't he knew he'd make sure that they would get it if they didn't come to it on their own. Dean watched Cas go into the viewing room. The viewing had been the afternoon before, and honestly, it had turned into just the Harvelles and Winchesters in the end, drinking lots of Jack and Coke and toasting Bobby and telling stories about him.
When Cas stepped into the viewing room, he went up to the casket, which was closed, partly due to the wounds he'd suffered and the other part was Bobby had asked for it. Cas stood by the casket, his fingers running along the mahogany. He really thought it was beautiful. "Hey, Bobby." Cas started, his eyes starting to brim with tears. Cas didn't know where to even start. There was so much he wanted to tell him. So much he wanted to say. He didn't know if he could get it all out. But Cas wanted to try his best. "Bobby, I don't know why this happened to you. But we all miss you so much. Especially Dean and John, but they knew you the longest." Cas had to pause for breath then, trying to get the words out. He didn't know how to say what he needed to say.
"Bobby, without you, Dean wouldn't be who he is now. He is the best thing that ever happened to me. I know that I wouldn't be the same person without him. We have found forever. We really are going to live forever together. I can't… I can't believe that it's not going to be with you there too." Cas sniffled, he wasn't sure what else he was going to say, he couldn't put his thoughts together. He wished that he could. There was so much more that he wanted to say. "And I can't believe that you made sure Frankie, Claire, and not yet born baby Winchester are set up for life. And Claire, she's my daughter. Yes, she's Dean's too, but you haven't even known her a month and a half. You included her in your family no questions asked. There is nothing that I could ever have done to make that up to you. To pay you back for just accepting us, her, like that. You will always be known as my Uncle Bobby, I swear to it."
Clearing his throat, John stepped into the room. He'd heard the tail end of it. "Cas? They need us to get in the receiving line, people are starting to arrive." He was loathe to interrupt him, but they really did need to be in the receiving line. John knew how hard this was. John watched as Cas walked towards him, and he saw the tears dripping off Cas' chin. John reached out and clapped his hand on Cas' shoulder. "I'm sorry to interrupt you." John said, and he knew that Cas was trying to be strong for him. "Cas, you don't have to hold your tears back for me. I don't have the monopoly on pain, you guys are allowed to feel pain too. You guys lost Bobby, same as I did."
It was honestly hardest on John watching the kids deal with knew how hard they were taking it, and he wished that he could take it away for them. John had been thinking about who had done this, and he was starting to think like Dean was. That this was all to do with Balthazar. He was upset that Sam wasn't going to be serving jail time for what he had done and this was how he was going about it. He knew how much them losing Bobby would hurt. John hadn't spoken to anyone about this yet, he didn't want it to get back to Balthazar that he might be suspected. John wanted to take him down silently and swiftly if that was the case. John watched as some tears started to fall from Cas' blue eyes. "It's going to be okay Cas, it just might not be for awhile." It was all he could say, and they shared a look.
The funeral took a couple of hours, what with the words being said and then the putting him in the ground. Dean was quiet the whole time, sometimes crying, but mostly stoic. Cas stood with him now, they were all at John's for the wake. Bobby's place was up for sale. They didn't want to have to go through and clean up or anything like that. Cas watched Dean's face, wondering what Dean was thinking. Cas didn't want to upset him. They were standing in the kitchen, they were supposed to be getting some paper plates for pizza. The wake was low key, most of the people who had gone to the funeral hadn't come to the wake. Cas brushed his hand through Dean's hair, it was soft and silky like always. When his fingers moved through Dean's hair, Dean's eyes turned to Cas'. Cas leaned out and kissed him softly.
"It's going to eventually be okay. And in the meantime, you don't have to do this stoic thing. You can let yourself feel it. No one is going to think less of you if you do." Cas told him. Cas knew that Dean was trying to be what he thought he should be and not what he actually was. Cas kept his eyes on his husband's, who was starting to cry. Cas leaned and brushed some of the tears off Dean's face. "It's going to take time. In the meantime, you need to eat something." Cas told him, gesturing towards the paper plates, which thankfully Dean picked up and led them back into the living room.
It was now just family, and a couple of Dean's friends. Chuck Shurley, the lawyer, and Charlie Bradbury, who was a computer hacker. She was a lesbian, and one of Dean's best friends, Dean had never told anyone how they met, and neither had Charlie. Dean went up to her, Cas was putting the plates on the coffee table and Ellen was opening up the boxes. Dean leaned into her for a hug without even asking. Charlie had met Bobby a few times. He and Charlie had been in their graduating class in high school together. When the hug broke, Dean looked into her green eyes. Charlie was brushing some tears off her cheek. Dean sniffled and said, "I am so glad that you came." They hadn't talked in the last few months because Charlie had had to go to Florida and help her mother, she'd been sick. Now her mother was better and Charlie was back. Dean brushed his hand across his stubbly chin. It had been a few days since he'd shaved.
Dean didn't really know what to say. Charlie had known Bobby for a long time, just like he had. Dean didn't know what she was feeling, and that was new for her. She wasn't exactly one to keep things inside. Dean had been Charlie's beard before she'd come out, and that had meant spending a lot of time together. They'd gotten pretty close. Dean filled a plate with meat lovers' pizza and she watched him with a curious eyebrow. Dean said, "I got a new heart, Charlie." He still couldn't believe how lucky he was most of the time. It was something that he'd never thought would happen for him. Charlie's eyes lit up and she touched his shoulder, but she didn't say anything. She just kept her gaze on his. Dean's eyes misted a bit, and he took a bite of pizza, chewing as they looked at each other.
The fact that Dean had gotten a heart was a big shock to Charlie. She brushed some of her red hair out of her eyes. She glanced around the living room. Sam and Jo were sitting on the couch, eating and talking with Ellen. John was at the coffee table with Cas, getting some pizza. She and Dean were standing over by the entertainment center. Chuck was with Claire and Frankie in the corner, they were eating and watching a movie on Cas' old laptop. Chuck had also been in their class, and he'd always been a bit off. A bit odd. He was very smart, but he was also more comfortable hanging with people who were younger than him. Not in a creepy way, just kind of mentally a little Chuck was stuck at an age younger than he was. He worked as a lawyer at his father's firm, but he didn't handle heavy cases usually. Charlie watched them a moment and then turned back to Dean.
"So, a kid, Dean? Actually, you've got two kids." She amended, looking back at the three again, studying Claire before she turned back to Dean, who was just nodding carefully at her. Charlie didn't even know where to start. She remembered Charlotte, which she had to call her because she just couldn't use her name for another girl. Especially one who had been so gorgeous. Charlie had definitely had a crush on her, and it had hurt when she'd chosen Dean. Charlie had known that Dean had never known that she'd had feelings for Charlotte, so she couldn't even be mad at him. When Dean had told her the whole story the day before at the viewing, it had seemed insane to her. She couldn't believe that the girl had had a baby and hidden its identity from Dean. That was not the Charlotte Charlie remembered.
"How do you feel about that?" Charlie asked him, reaching for a red solo cup and moving to the drink table to get herself something alcoholic to drink.
Dean wasn't sure how to keep from talking about his kids without having a soft smile on his face. "They're great. This wasn't the life I planned, Charlie, but it's the life I want. It's made me happier than I ever have been in my whole entire life. Those kids… they were meant to be with Cas and I. All that shit I had to go through was so that I could be with Cas." Dean believed it beyond a shadow of a doubt. Dean watched Charlie's eyes hover over the girl who looked just like her mother, and Dean couldn't believe that Charlie thought he didn't know that she'd been in love with the other Charlie. Dean took another bite of his pizza as she joined him again at the entertainment center. "Charlie, I know you had feelings for Charlotte." He also called her Charlotte when he was with Charlie. It just felt like they needed the distinction. She looked at him, her cheeks pink.
"It would never have happened, Charlie. She wasn't into girls like that. She was straight. But you know who did have feelings for you? Lucy." Dean said. He watched her surprised expression. "You never gave her the time of day. But she loved you. I wasn't trying to hurt you by dating Charlotte. I really wasn't. I was trying to get you to realize how much Lucy loved you. If Charlotte was taken maybe you'd realize how awesome Lucy was. It just didn't work. And if it makes you feel any better, I wasn't really in love with her. I thought I might have been, but I didn't really know what love was until I met Cas." It was true. And Dean hadn't thought he was in love with Charlotte, but he knew he couldn't tell Charlie that. It would just make her upset. Dean sipped his beer.
The subject of Lucy wasn't really where Dean wanted to go, he's not sure that he could tell Charlie about all that was happening with Lucy and the custody battle. He knew that he'd have to at some point, but he didn't want to do it right now. Plus he knew that he wasn't ready to be the one who ruined Charlie's view of Lucy. Dean filled his plate with more pizza. He could feel John's eyes on him, and he knew that John was going to interrupt them to talk very soon. Dean didn't know that he could handle that just yet. Dean looked at Charlie, who's eyes had filled with tears. "Charlie, you have to let all of that go. You deserve to move on and find someone who would love you for who you are."
It wasn't what Charlie wanted to talk about. She met Dean's gaze with wet green eyes, and she tried to convey in the look that she knew he was right without saying so out loud. She didn't want to admit it out loud that she was still in love with Charlotte. Hearing that she hadn't made it was really upsetting to Charlie. She closed her eyes and a tear or two slipped off her cheeks. "I'm going to miss Bobby so much, Dean." It was true, she was going to miss him a lot. She hoped that he noticed that she changed the subject to Bobby because she needed to talk about anything else. And it being Bobby would tell Dean that she was serious about not talking about it. Charlie sniffled and met Dean's eye. "He was an exceptional man, and I can't believe that he was murdered and taken from us." Charlie said.
Before Dean could reply, John walked up. "Dean, can we talk, son?" He asked, and watched Dean's face as he gave his father a nod. John led them into the kitchen so they could talk alone. John looked into Dean's eyes, who to his credit, looked like he was about to start bawling at any second. His voice was soft and a bit rough at the same time as he said, "Dean, I want you to know, that what Claire is doing for you is a really sweet thing. But you can't let her do it. You'll get enough with the sale of the house and the shop to pay for your hospital bills. You can't take her money." John didn't want to see the child end up regretting it later in her life. It was really touching to him though that Claire considered Dean her dad, her family. John didn't know what to say about that. It was very touching to him.
Dean knew that John didn't want him to let Claire do this. "Dad, it's been decided. It's what's happening. She's going to give me the money and I'm going to take it. You are just going to have to be okay with it. Now can we talk about who you think did this to Bobby? 'Cause I bet it's the same conclusion that I came to." Dean said, meeting his father's gaze. He knew how disappointed John was in him for letting Claire do things the way she wanted. Dean had to know if John thought this was the work of Balthazar as well. Dean was sure that John had already hit on him as the one to have been guilty. Dean didn't know that he wanted to be the one to say it though, he wanted to hear John say it that he thought it was Balthazar.
Keeping his father's eye, Dean wondered what he was thinking. It was hard to tell. Dean wasn't sure that his dad was going to go along with the change of subject. John was stubborn, it was where Dean had gotten it from. Dean kept his gaze on him, and they seemed to be locked in a battle for power. Dean knew that John was going to expect him to give up, and he wasn't going to do it. He had grown out of being scared of John a long time ago. Dean folded his arms, his eyes still wet with tears. Dean didn't know how this talk was going to go, and he had to admit, that was worrying him a little.
Keeping his gaze on Dean's, John knew that Dean was waiting for him to speak first. If it were any other day, John would have given him what for. But he knew that this was the wrong time to do that. He let the subject change too. He wasn't happy that they were letting Claire do that, but at the same time, he knew that she wasn't his and he had to let Dean and Cas make their own parenting mistakes. John said, "Actually, I think it was Balthazar." It was true, and he watched Dean's eyebrow raise in surprise. "I am a cop, Dean Winchester." John said, and Dean held up his hands in surrender. That was a good sign.
"He's pissed because Sam's not going to serve jail time and he's doing what he can to get justice." John said, not surprised when Dean nodded. John said, "I'm not sure where to start with it, I don't want him to know that we're on to him, and I'm not allowed to work the case. Conflict of interest." John made a face, but he knew why it was a rule. It actually wasn't there to hinder cops. It was there to protect them and the cases. John knew he didn't have to explain that either, Dean knew from all of the years John had spent on the force. John could tell that Dean was really taking this hard. As they stood here he was sniffling and wiping his eyes. John knew he had to still be hurting if he was letting all of that out.
"Dean, I know you don't want to talk about Bobby, but you have got to talk to someone. You're a mess."
While he knew that his father was right, Dean didn't want to talk about Bobby with John. Dean knew that John was fine with the boys having the kind of relationship that they did with Bobby, but he didn't want to add salt to John's wounds. He knew how much his dad had wanted to be there more when they were growing up. Dean wasn't mad at him. He couldn't speak for Sam, but John and Sam had always had a different kind of relationship than Dean and John had. Dean brushed some tears off his face, he had to admit, he was upset that he was crying around John. He hadn't done that in a very long time. "I know that you're right, Dad." Dean finally said, choosing his words carefully. Dean didn't want to say how he really felt with Bobby gone, it might upset his father even more than he already was.
"Dad, you don't want to hear what I have to say." Dean told him. Bobby had been there for Dean's entire life. Dean didn't want to tell John that he was missing Bobby more than he had anyone in his entire life. And it was because he'd lost the person he trusted most in the world besides Cas. It's not that he didn't trust Sam, but they'd had some rough patches over the course of their lives together, and Dean had never had that with Bobby. Yeah, they'd had those couple of years where they hadn't talked as much, but that wasn't the same. Dean knew that John was going to take it hard that he'd gone to Bobby for so much, even if he was fine with the kids calling him Uncle Bobby and leaning on him when they needed to. That didn't mean that he wouldn't take this hard.
"Trust me, Dad." Dean said, his green eyes meeting John's brown ones, earnestly.
Keeping his eyes on Dean's, John brushed his hand over his chin, and his eyes brushed with tears. He saw Dean's eyes widen, and John knew that Dean knew how serious he was, he'd never cried in front of the boys before. "Dean, you think I don't know how close you were to Bobby? I know that he was more of a father to you than I was." He really did feel guilty about how hard he'd had to work to keep a roof over the boys' head. He knew how much they'd relied on Bobby. John wasn't upset about it. He knew it hadn't been able to be helped. John brushed his hand through his beard. "I'm not mad. You didn't have much of a choice I worked so hard all the time."
"You can say you're not mad at me, and maybe you aren't. I don't know. You say you're not. Who am I to call you a liar? But I'm mad at me. I should have been there for you more. Yeah, I had to work a lot, but maybe sometimes I avoided you, using work as an excuse. I was afraid of how I was going to raise you without Mary. I know I was wrong. You don't have to act like you're not mad if you are, Dean. I don't blame you if you are. I know that Sam and I might not ever be the same as we were. Not that I blame him for that, either." John said, his voice was getting soft, and his eyes were still dripping tears.
Dean reached and handed his father a handkerchief. "Dad, I can't speak for Sammy. But I'm not mad at you. I know you were just doing what you had to do. You were trying to be the best dad that you could. And believe me, now that I have kids of my own, I know how hard it is to be a parent. And I have Cas. You had to do it mostly alone for so long. I did lean on Bobby more than I leaned on you. But that doesn't mean that I wasn't grateful for what you were doing for us. Or that I didn't respect you. You know that I did. I never disobeyed you." It was true. Dean hadn't ever really gone against John's word. Now Bobby's, sometimes that happened. Especially after Dean was twelve and he was the one taking care of Sam most of the time. Dean had understood that John's word was law and not to break it. That was something Sam had had more of a problem following than Dean had.
"Dad, I did lean on Bobby for a lot of things. But sometimes I disobeyed him. Sometimes I did my best to piss him off because I was a kid and that's just how I was. But Dad, I never disrespected you, and I was never going out of my way to piss you off. You were the one that I always tried to be perfect for. I cared so much more about your opinion on things than I did Bobby's. Yeah, Bobby was my uncle, but you were my dad. I never took you for granted or didn't ever not look up to you. You're my hero, and you always have been." Dean saw the look in his dad's eyes, and he knew that he'd gone a bit farther than they usually did with the feelings. But Dean didn't regret it. He knew that they had to get this stuff out in the open on occasion, and this was the perfect time.
The fact that Dean said all of that really touched John, more than he would admit out loud. But he kept Dean's gaze, and reached out, squeezing his son's shoulder. John wiped his eyes, and he wasn't sure what he was going to say. Dean had said a lot that John hadn't expected. John brushed his hand over his hair and then finally spoke. "I know that you looked up to me. I was always afraid that I'd let you down. Honestly, there was no better thrill for me than when you were proud of me. Honestly, kid. You and your brother's opinions of me was all that mattered. I have always set out to do the best that I could by you boys." It was true. John knew that Dean didn't need to hear that out loud though. It had always been obvious from John's actions how he felt about the boys.
Before he could say anything more, Cas walked up to Dean, tears brushing his eyes. He looked like he was really getting upset. John stepped away so they could talk a moment, knowing that his and Dean's talk wasn't over. He watched Dean comforting Cas, and John was struck again by how much Dean loved his husband. John couldn't believe how much life had changed for Dean in the last year. This wasn't what he'd envisioned for Dean's life, but he knew he wouldn't have it any other way. Dean was who he was, and John loved him no matter what. And John really thought that Dean had found his destiny. It was Cas that he was supposed to be with for the rest of his life, John knew it without a doubt.
When John had walked away, Dean brushed some tears off Cas' face. "What's up, Cas?" Dean asked, he knew that it was something. Cas' eyes were spewing tears and he was shaking he was so upset. Dean moved to sit with him on the couch, he'd foreseen Cas' knees buckling and sitting was just easier. He waited for Cas to talk, not sure what he expected him to say. Cas seemed to be gathering his thoughts, and Dean knew that it was serious if Cas couldn't even put it into words. Cas almost never had trouble with his words, it stemmed from Cas being a writer and using words for a living.
Cas knew that Dean was waiting for him to speak. Cas was trying to put his thoughts into words. "Dean… I was…. I was in the kitchen. The radio was on, I was cleaning up some trash…. And then Can't Help Falling In Love came on." As soon as Cas said that, Dean's own eyes brushed with tears. It had been Bobby's favorite song, and he and Cas had danced to it once. Cas had been overcome with emotion, and he'd had to find Dean. Cas buried his head in Dean's neck, as Dean began to softly sing the song, and Cas felt Dean's beautiful voice wash over him, and he knew that it was going to be okay. Everything was going to be okay when he could hear Dean's voice singing to him.
Wise men say only fools rush in
But I can't help falling in love with you
Shall I stay?
Would it be a sin
If I can't help falling in love with you
Like a river flows
Surely to the sea
Darling so it goes
Some things are meant to be
Take my hand, take my whole life too
For I can't help falling in love with you
Author's note: So, I hope ya'll are hanging in. Using the song by Elvis is of course my nod to Twist and Shout, so it's so not my idea for using it for Destiel. I'm not even a fan of Elvis, in all honesty. I've been doing a lot of SPN over the last few days so Destiel has been my feels as of late. Leave a review if you like!