sorry it took so long to upload but i moved back home for the hoildays and well thats never a plan for a nice quiet life lol ;')

anyway i stated in the last chapter cas goes into Dean's dream in this chapter, that doesnt happen, it had to build up to it and i forgot my ability to ramble lol but it is the next chapter which i have started to write so should be up before too long, please dont hate me lol

thank you soo much for the reviews and those that have favourited and alerted the story, it means alot and makes me smile :D xxx

Dean would be a liar if he told himself that the encounter with Cas last night hadn't threw him, Cas' defeated and bitter tone, he looked down right miserable at the scene before him. Though the hunter didn't want to admit it, he knew the angel was the reason behind, what had to be the worst lay of his life.

Suddenly she seemed plain and boring, all her noises started to piss him off, especially her laugh. It was high pitch and whiney, so god damn girly. He still went through with it through; cheap, meaningless, distracted sex was still sex nonetheless though if he could turn back time he would have came home alone.

All the while he was moving inside her, watching her groaning beneath him all he wanted to do was curl up and go to sleep, dream and actually enjoy himself, instead of this. But not wanting to damage his reputation or ego he still made the woman come, twice. Dean on the other hand faked his orgasm, just so he could stop; through she didn't notice or at least didn't mention it.

He woke up the next day to thankfully an empty bed. The women, who Dean couldn't remember the name of for the life of him had left a note on the pillow. She had to go to work but gave her number with an order for Dean to call her; he threw it straight in the bin and called Sam, who slept in the car to let him know it's safe to come in and to bring food.

Dean didn't see Cas that day, which worried him more than it should. He seemed so defeated that night, Dean hated thinking he caused Cas pain but what was he to do? Did he invite the angel into the motel room to show off the girl he pulled? No, Cas popped in unannounced wasn't Dean's fault he came at the wrong time, he's free and single why shouldn't he have some fun? Not that he had much. Dean knew this, he knew he wasn't to blame for anything, nothing should be wrong, it's not like he hasn't slept with someone since he met Cas, he knew this so why the hell does he feel so crappy and fucking guilty about it. This thought was plaguing his mind the entire day even when they were on the hunt Cas' sad puppy eyes were at the front of his mind, which meant Dean wasn't on the ball and ended up putting Sam in danger which is something else for him to feel guilty about, though he hardly felt the guilt on the way back to the motel because of the pain. He got injured and was in need of a stiff drink and stitches and he blames all of it on his angel.

They stayed in the motel that night, the case was over and the evil was destroyed and innocent people saved but Dean could do with rest so they stayed for another night. Dean was drifting in and out of whisky and pain filled naps as Sam sat at the table and looked over a case file Bobby sent them, seemed up there street, they'll leave tomorrow he thought.

The elder Winchester started to stir and winced in pain as he moved Sam came to his side and told him to stay still. Dean would normally have pushed Sam away and got up and pretended everything was fine but he knew it wasn't aside from the injuries that now felt like they were on fire, he knew things were off and at this moment he couldn't see the point in arguing or pretending he just wanted things to go back to how they were before. In all honesty he just wanted to patch things up with-

"Cas." Dean breathed as his brother set him back down for another nap, Sam's eyebrows raised slightly when he sighed the angels name for a second time, less sighed more groaning, longing but Sam decided not to dwell on such crazy thoughts especially when you consider just how much alcohol was humming through Dean's system. The hunters turned to return to his papers.

"Hello Sam." Came a gruff deep familiar voice behind him making the hunter jumped and run cold for a few seconds.

"Jesus Cas, scarred the hell out of me."

"My apologies." He told him as he made his way to dens side and began to stare at the unconscious man, not like he usually did he wasn't allowing himself not with Sam there at least he was checking over Dean's injuries and was happy to find nothing serious.

"We were on a hunt, Dean seemed distracted all day, he just didn't have the upper hand this time you know?" Cas didn't answer but Sam knew Cas was grateful for filling him in because he relaxed a little and became less rigid. "He said your name." the angel turned to catch Sam's eye, feeling a little uncomfortable.

"I know. That's why I'm here. I heard he, prayed it."

"He must really want to talk to you."

"Doubtful, I can smell the liqueur coming from him from here; you shouldn't let him drink so much Sam."

"Have you ever tried to stop Dean doing anything?" Sam told the angel half amused at Cas' mothering and half annoyed at the accusation that he doesn't take care of his brother, there was a silence where Sam got back to reading at Cas looked at the floor wishing he could do more,

"If I could heal him I would." He mumbled and Sam's eyes shot up and instantly softened.

"I know Cas. I'll tell him you came."

"I would prefer it if you didn't."

"But-" and just like that Cas was gone as quick as he arrived leaving a slightly confused Sam behind.

Aside from a little stiffness Dean felt a lot better when he woke the next day, though the thought of sitting in car and driving for the next six hours wasn't very appealing but there was nothing he could do about it so he climbed into the drivers seat and choose the music for the drive as Sam packed up the car. They set of without a word just the sound of Dean's loud music assaulting Sam's ears despite this Sam still tried his best to read and sleep which he surprisingly managed which impressed both him and Dean. All the time driving Dean couldn't stop himself silently praying to Cas, he wasn't sure if it counted if you didn't say it out loud but he didn't want to risk waking Sam up to the sound of him repeatedly calling for the angel.

They arrived in Idaho early afternoon and immediately looked for a place to stay. There room was clean had fresh sheets and didn't smell of damp so if was on the better end of places they've stayed. Sam immediately wanted to get started with what they suspected to be a vampire nest near by, Dean on the other hand wanted to crash. Suspecting it was because of his injuries and knowing Dean wouldn't say as much, Sam told him to he'd go on his own, he got changed and left, leaving Dean alone in the motel room.

After a few minutes Dean pulled out his cell and speed dialled Cas. It rang once, twice and stopped. Dean eyes widened as he stared at his phone, the basted refused his call, what the fuck? He tried again and again and again and he got the same response a rejected call. Then he tried once more and it went straight to answer phone, straight to Cas' confused fumbled message. The hunter became so angry Cas had turned his phone off! he got up and started to drink after a few glasses of whiskey and punched the wall before him and dented in the process, but he didn't stop there he grabbed the table and threw it across the room as he screamed, all he could think was; how dare he, how dare he ignore me who does he think he is!

Dean then out of breath and eye wet from frustration dropped to his knees and began to pray, loudly, non-stop for at least an hour getting more and more pissed off, then more and more upset at being neglected, Dean ended his session of prayers in tears and holding an empty bottle.

The hunter made his way to the sofa, laying on his side and he sniffed and sobbed his way through Dr sexy every few minutes muttering yet another useless prayer. Then Dean's cell started to ring making him jump from the shock and stagger over to the noise. Seeing who it was boiled the mans blood.

"What!" Dean shouted down the line as he fell back onto his bed.

"Hello Dean."

"What the fuck do you want Cas, I've been trying to get hold of you all day!"

"I know."

"Why are you calling, cant you just pop in?"

"No."

"I don't understand Cas." Dean helplessly told him as he put his hand over his face, he was feeling so defeated.

"I'm phoning to ask you to stop praying to me."

"What?" the hunter couldn't believe the harsh bitter tone in the angel's voice.

"If I was going to yield to your requests and come to see you I would have first time, so please stop."

"You don't want to see me?" this wasn't real Dean thought, how was this fair?

"No, I cant I'm sorry Dean. Some things have to sorted." Cas seemed sincere there, he was he did want to see the hunter more than anything but he had to have things sorted in his own mind, such horrid sickly emotions like the once he experienced the other night when Dean was with that woman, was not emotions he wants to feel again, ever. It was worse then dieing and Cas has first hand experience of that.

"But Cas, if this is about the other night please believe,"

"Good bye Dean." Cas hung up, leaving Dean feeling shuttered as his drunken vision was making the room spin, he gripped the phone tighter as he went over what Cas had said, before he threw it against the wall.

"Fucking angels!" he screamed as loud as he could.

Dean was in a foul mood after that Sam instantly noticed but started to get concerned when Dean turned down food and sat out of the hunt, letting Sam do it on his own; he barley got out of bed at all over the next two days and opted to spend the day sleeping. He even took some pills to help him sleep, though his attempts to hide this from Sam didn't work the younger man didn't mention anything though he was started to get worried.

Sam contemplated calling Cas for help but had a strange feeling he was involved considering he hasn't been around and his insistence not to tell Dean he checked up on him when he was injured. Perhaps they had a fight. Sam didn't let this distract him as he lopped the heads of four vampires and returned to the motel with a pizza and beer as Dean had finished them all last night.

Despite Sam's pushing Dean as always refused to talk about it and before they knew it they were back on the road heading back to Bobby's for a few days break at a little piece of home whilst doing some more research on the apocalypse with an old friend. Sam prayed- but not literally, that this bring Dean out of what ever rut he had gotten himself into.

As soon as Dean arrived at bobby's he grabbed a beer and set himself on the sofa, Sam went into the library and greeted the older hunter who was well into his twelve hour of research. Sam convinced him to wheel his sorry ass into the living room were the three hunters talked ate and drank for hours, spending tonight at least, attempting to forget the end of the world was upon them and they were relatively normal. Well by normal they swapped hunting stories and reminisced about old times so as normal as they could get. At least Sam and Bobby did, Dean ate and drank but remained quiet for the most the evening, and the others put up with it, until that is the beers were gone and whisky was added to the equation and Bobby couldn't stand it anymore.

"So?"

"What?"

"Do I really need to ask? What's up with you boy?" Dean remained silent Bobby could guess and it was starting to piss the man off, fucking idjit.

"Cas?" Bobby starting staring at the ceiling slurring as he spoke, Dean's eyes shot up instantly, all he wanted to do was shut Bobby up but he was frozen as he listened to Bobby speak, unable to breathe. "Cas it's Bobby, let me tell you something, if you don't get your feathery ass to my living room right now I am stocking up on holy oil and deep frying myself angel, you understand?" there was nothing Bobby sighed before he mumbled one more desperate word, "please."

Before they knew it there was a sharp swipe of air and quick glide of feathers and Cas was standing before them but not the Cas they're used too. Sam and Bobby had to push away a laugh when they saw the angel minus his trench coat and wearing a dirty apron and paper hat, Cas must have forgotten to remove them before he came, Dean on the other hand studied Cas for a moment, his heart seemed to shudder slightly at seeing him again after all this time, though it had only been a few days. There were so many things Dean wanted to say but what did was not in his top ten.

"New York?" he asked Dean as he took in the angels attire, Cas nodded which received curious glances from Sam and bobby, like Dean and Cas shared some private joke and they weren't allowed to be involved. "It's, it's good to see you Cas."

"Likewise. Thank you for abiding by my wishes." Again Sam and Bobby looked at each other in confusion, but both remained silent since this was the most Dean had spoken all day they should probably let it run its course.

"Are we good? Me and you, we can go back to normal?"

"Yes. I have sorted things out I know now what I need to do to get past some, complications."

"which is?" and like that the familiar sound of wings flapping into action assaulted everyone's ears and he was gone again.

"what was that about?" Bobby asked after a long minute in silence both Sam and bobby taking note of deans smug smiling face.

"nothing." Dean told them but his face told a completely different story. "I'm going to bed." he told the others before leaving two confused hunter behind. They soon shook it of as they turned there attention back to the unfinished whiskey before them.

Dean stumbled his way to an empty room and crashed out on the bed instantly falling asleep, as soon as he was Cas appeared by the drunk and dreaming hunter. Yes the angel knew what he had to do to get past this, humans call it closure. He needed answers so he could have some peace. Just one look into Dean's world and it would be done, though he would be breaking his promise to the hunter Cas considered this to be a necessary evil.

Though he was well aware of what he could find and that it would hurt more than when it happened in real life, slutty drunk bitches who were up for it, if he didn't he would be wondering forever and being an angel it would really be forever. Castiel just needed to see the dreams behind the smile.

So he raised his hand and placed it onto Dean's head, closed his eyes and was pulled into his unconscious, but he couldn't seem to force himself to open his eyes, he wasn't quite ready for the enlightened heart break to begin just yet.

I couldnt help but feel sorry for dean here, he's so dependant on the angel an so lost without him lol though i get cas needing time to sort his head out, considering everything that has happened in such a short amount of time.

please review :) xxxxx