Chapter Seventeen: Nothing to Lose
Three weeks later
What day is it? And in what month
This clock never seemed so alive
I can't keep up and I can't back down
I've been losing so much time
Cause it's you and me
And all of the people and nothing to do nothing to lose
And it's you and me and all of the people
And I don't know why I can't keep my eyes off of you
All of the things that I want to say just aren't coming out right
I'm tripping on words, you got my head spinning and I don't know
Where to go from here
Cause it's you and me and all of the people
With nothing to do, nothing to prove
And it's you and me all of the people
And I don't know why I can't keep my eyes off of you
Something about you now
I can't figure out
Everything he does is beautiful
Everything he does is right
It was now March. Dean was finally back within the living, even if he still had his bouts where he needed to be alone. He was getting things set up, it was Cas' birthday now, it was that afternoon that the party was taking place. Dean was putting the last touches on the cake he'd made, it was a chocolate cake with rich chocolate frosting and strawberries on top. It was Cas' favorite. They were house searching, and at the moment, Cas was out with Frankie and Claire, Claire had insisted on taking him out for lunch. Dean was glad she had, he could get the stuff set up without Frankie being underfoot. She could be a bit much when it came to preparing for parties. Since it was also St. Patrick's Day, most of the decorations were green. Dean knew how much Cas liked green, and he suspected it was because of Dean's eyes being green.
He finished with the cake. They were doing pizza again, because it was easiest and there weren't going to be a lot of people here. Mostly just the family and Charlie. They were incredibly impatient, they didn't have another court date for awhile, the courts were backed up. Dean was scared that the custody suit wasn't going to go in their favor, Dean being the biological father notwithstanding. He was going to start filling the cooler with ice when he heard John coming in. He wondered if there was news of Bobby's killer. Dean doubted it, they hadn't had a lead at all yet. Dean called back to his father that he was in the kitchen, and then John had joined him. "Hey, Dad." He said, reaching to get them both out a beer. "The party isn't for a half an hour, what's up?"
John looked at Dean, and he wasn't sure what he was going to say about this. John was going to have to tell him that there was another dead body, and it had nothing to do with Balthazar. He knew that Dean wanted Balthazar to pay for what he'd done. John wasn't going to say for sure that he didn't kill Bobby, but he was sure if he did, it was gang related. This new murder was the same mo, driving by the person on the street and shooting him. This time there had been an eyewitness, who had seen the make and model of the car. It had been a 1977 Chevy truck, and those weren't on the streets as often as other cars were. The shooter had been wearing a red bandanna, and there was a gang in Dallas that wore those. They were called the Hell's Satans. John thought it was an incredibly dumb name for a gang, but it didn't matter, the fact of the matter was, that Balthazar wasn't the one who killed Bobby most likely.
"Dean, I hate to have to tell you this, kid." John started, and Dean's gaze jerked to him. John didn't know how to start, and he almost never had problems telling Dean things. He had problems telling Sam things, but not Dean. He took a deep breath and then said, "There's been another murder, and it's tied into what happened to Bobby. It looks like he was killed by a gang. There was an eyewitness to this one, and we finally got something to go on." John hated the look on Dean's face. He knew that his son needed this to be done. He needed this to have an ending that he could handle. "The gang's Hell's Satans, they've been gaining a foothold here in the past couple of years or so." John said, hating the disappointed look that took over Dean's face. None of this was easy for him to say. There was less of a chance they were going to find Bobby's killer, lead or not.
That wasn't what Dean wanted to hear. He knew how much John had wanted it to be Balthazar too. Dean wanted that guy to pay for what he'd tried to do to Jo. Dean tried to focus on filling the cooler with ice. There was sounds from the hall, and he could hear Cas and their daughters coming in. He knew they had to pause this conversation, because Dean couldn't get into this today, not in front of Cas. It was his husband's birthday and he deserved to have a good day. Dean did his best to arrange his features in a happy expression as Cas came in, looking flushed and happy. "Baby, hey." Dean said, smiling at him as Cas came up to kiss him. Dean kissed back and when they broke, he said, "Did you have a good time at lunch, baby?" He didn't want Cas to be able to tell that a serious talk had been going on, and he really hoped that Cas would just be fooled by Dean's smile.
Dean was sure that Cas was going to see through it and force them to talk about it for a moment, but then he finally smiled and told Dean it had been a lot of fun, and held up a bag from Old Navy. Dean sighed, he knew what that meant. Dean said, "Babe, it's your birthday, not mine. You know you don't have to buy me clothes." Even though their money troubles were long over, and they could afford better places than Old Navy, it was a hard habit of Cas' to break. Dean watched him pull out some jeans and a soft red flannel shirt. He couldn't help himself, he actually let out a happy squeal. "Cas, these are gorgeous!" He said, and ignored his father laughing. "Gorgeous, really." He knew the jeans were going to make his ass look great. They were skinnies, and he normally didn't wear those, but he knew he wouldn't regret wearing them.
The reaction from his husband was the best present Cas could ask for. "Go change, those jeans could walk on their own they're so dirty." Cas told him, and although Dean groaned, he went off to comply. Cas looked at John, and he knew that he'd interrupted a serious discussion with his husband and father in law. Cas could hear Frankie and Claire in the living room, and he knew they were putting presents on the present table. Cas looked at John, who was to his credit, trying to keep the smile on his face. "Just tell me, Dad. What's going on? I know I interrupted something important." He said, going to get them both a beer out of the fridge, and once he'd handed one to his father in law he started filling the cooler with them, as he waited for John to answer. "You know that you can tell me. I know that we're having my birthday party, but I would rather you tell me than keep this a secret."
When he heard John tell him that Balthazar wasn't the one who had killed Bobby, Cas knew that Dean was going to be devastated. He didn't know that he blamed him, but he also knew that they couldn't ignore the facts. The evidence. Cas took a deep breath and reached for some soda to put in the cooler. "I don't… okay. We have to just deal. We don't talk about this right now, because we've done all that we can do for now." Cas didn't want them to worry when they couldn't do anything more. Cas looked up when Dean came back in, wearing the new outfit he'd bought him. Cas grinned at him, he was better at hiding his feelings than Dean was. "Oh baby, you look great." He said.
About twenty minutes later, the party was in full swing. Charlie had brought a friend with her, Jodie Mills. Of course she'd run it by them first, but she was glad they'd said yes. Jodie definitely wasn't her girlfriend, she was straight and at least 15 years older than she was. Charlie was getting out a beer when she met Dean's eye. "What's up, Dean?" She asked, as he walked over to her. Charlie didn't know what was up, but she could tell something was. Dean wasn't too good at hiding when he was upset about something. She knew Cas was too, but that was because she'd been getting to know him and he had tells too. Charlie cracked open her beer, and took a sip, watching his face. She didn't know what it was, but she was suspecting that it had something to do with Bobby. Most of his issues lately had to do with Bobby, even though Charlie totally understood that.
Looking at her, Dean sighed. He told her about what John had said, and he knew that she'd been expecting him to say it was something to do with Bobby. Dean brushed his hand through his hair. "I don't… I'm glad that we finally have a lead, but that doesn't… I'm kind of upset it wasn't Balthazar. He's not going to pay for anything. He tried to sexually assault Jo, and he's going to get away with it. He's pissed that Sam got off without being charged… and I know something is still coming, I just don't know what, since apparently it wasn't him who killed Bobby." Dean knew that they weren't supposed to be talking about it, because Cas was right, they couldn't do anything about it, so why dwell on it? Dean just didn't think he could keep up with that rule, and Charlie knew him pretty well. There wasn't hiding much from her that he could do.
"I just, I know that he's a bad guy, and I want him to pay for that."
Charlie knew that he had a right to be upset. She also knew Cas' policy on things, so she knew that he didn't want them to talk about it when they couldn't do anything about it. Charlie looked into those green eyes, and she said, "Dean, I know that me saying that you shouldn't worry about it isn't going to help. You worry, that's what you do. But I really think that you should do as I know your husband wants you to do, just do your best not to think about it tonight. Because you can't do anything more. I know Cas told you that already." Charlie didn't know what she was going to say if Dean didn't listen, but she knew that he would, because he didn't want to upset Cas. Dean's whole life was orchestrated not to hurt Cas.
Before Dean could reply, there was a happy yell, Frankie was playing with Claire on the Wii, they didn't have a Switch yet. Charlie wasn't a bit surprised, Dean was so old school and Cas was just a bit behind the times. He was still more with it than Dean was. Charlie saw that they were playing bowling, it was Frankie's favorite. Charlie called out to Claire. "Hey, Novak, I got winner!" She was glad they'd turned on the Wii. Cas also had an Xbox One, and a PS3. Those were mostly to get Dean playing. He preferred the original PS and the original Xbox to anything that Nintendo came out with.
"Yeah, good luck, Bradbury, Frankie's way too good at this game." Claire called back, and then cried out a bit annoyed when Frankie got her fourth strike in a row. They were playing the 100 pin bowling, because the regular bowling wasn't enough for her. Claire had to admit, her baby sister had some sweet moves when it came to video games. She reached to take a bite of her pizza, it had just arrived a few minutes ago. She met her father's eye, Cas was talking to Jodie and John, who seemed to have really struck up a friendship already. Claire was glad though, she thought Jodie was pretty cool and they could really use a new girl in their family. Claire had to admit to herself, she had a huge crush on Charlie, even if she knew that was pointless. Charlie was as old as her parents. Claire had a thing for gingers though, their hair was just gorgeous. Claire had some new friends from school that she was supposed to be hanging out with tomorrow, and she knew that if she was normal she'd have a crush on her friend Julie, who was actually super hot.
Claire heard laughter from the other end of the room, and she saw her aunt Jo, who was getting more pregnant, and she wondered what they were having. Jo was talking with Sam and Dean, Charlie was hanging out by herself now watching everyone else have fun. Claire watched her for a moment, wondering what was up with her. Claire was hyper aware of when Charlie wasn't happy. She knew that was weird. Claire groaned as Frankie won the game, and then Charlie was walking over. Claire sat down to watch as Charlie started a new bowling game for her and Frankie. Claire was surprised when Dean sat down next to her on the couch, and gave her a look.
"Dad, what?" She asked, looking at him with the best innocent look she could master.
Dean gave her a knowing look. "Claire, please. You need to get over this crush on Charlie." He knew that she wasn't going to like to hear that, that he'd figured it out, but Claire was just as bad as he was at hiding his true feelings. "I know that you know that it's not going to happen. What about that Julie girl you've been hanging out with? I know that you at least think she's hot, I saw you checking out her ass the last time she was here." Dean knew that there was always the possibility that Julie wasn't into girls, but he also thought she might be into Claire. She'd seemed to be flirty with her sometimes. Dean wasn't surprised though, Claire was a great girl. She thought she wasn't, but he knew that that made her a good person in itself. He knew that because he hadn't always thought the best of himself as it was.
When she rolled her eyes and shook her head, Dean said, "Come on, kiddo, I know what it's like to have a crush on someone that's unavailable. But honestly, you can have anyone that you want. You're gorgeous, and smart, and funny. You love to read, and you read just about anything you can get your hands on. You are definitely like your dad. I can't believe no one ever pointed it out before. I know that you don't think that you're worth anything, because I am definitely one of those people that feels the same about himself. But you are amazing. You are going to make some girl very happy. It's just not going to be Charlie. You know that, I know you know that because you look guilty every time you look at her."
It wasn't surprising to her that Dean had noticed her watching Charlie. Claire sighed and said, "Dad, I know that. Believe me, do I know it. I don't know that I agree with you on the I'm great front, but I know that nothing can happen with me and Charlie. Just…. Don't tell anyone that I have a crush on her. I already feel stupid enough." She said, and she was relieved when Dean gave her a look that told her he wasn't going to say anything. She reached for some more pizza, and so did her dad. Claire wondered how she could have gotten so lucky, she knew that she had the best parents that anyone could ever ask for. She looked at Dean as she took a bite of her pizza.
"Are you worried about the custody hearing?" She asked, it was usually a verboten topic, but she had to know. Claire was nervous about it herself. She didn't know that she wasn't herself, she knew that she couldn't lose Frankie out of her life. She had a suspicion that Lucy would do her best to keep Frankie out of their lives if they lost. She couldn't handle them losing, because she knew how much that was going to kill her parents. And how much it was going to hurt Frankie.
She had to ask about that. Dean sighed. "I definitely am. But I'm trying to go against what i usually do and be confident. I know that we're going to win. Lucy has no leg to stand on. I still don't know why she's doing this, because she knows it's not what her sister wanted." Dean sighed again and reached for another slice of pizza. He didn't know what he was going to do if they lost Frankie. He knew that Lucy didn't have a case, but it was still making him worry, especially since their caseworker was homophobic. Dean honestly didn't care what anyone thought of him, because he loved Cas and he knew that Cas loved him. Dean hadn't ever thought that this would be his life, but he wasn't going to give it up for anything.
It was after that that it was time to open presents, and Dean was so glad that Cas liked what he got him, he'd gotten him an external hard drive for his laptop. Dean had had a hard time picking one out, even with having someone at the store help him. It's not like he was that knowledgable about computers. Dean watched him open, and he seemed to be happy about everything that he'd gotten. Dean insisted on doing cake and ice cream, even if people were still grazing on the pizza. Dean put the candles on the pizza, despite what he knew Cas wanted, Dean had insisted earlier that at a birthday, you blew out candles. After Cas had blown them out, Dean moved to start cutting cake and Claire got out the ice cream scoop.
Later, after everyone had gone home, Cas and Dean were cuddled on the couch, watching television. Claire was putting Frankie to bed. Cas was leaned against Dean, his head on Dean's chest. He knew that Dean wanted to talk about things, but Cas still couldn't bring himself to bring up the murder. He knew that they couldn't ignore it forever, but Cas needed some time to just be with Dean before life intruded again. Cas stroked Dean's arm, which was wrapped around him. "Dean, I know how hard this was for you today, and I want you to know how much I appreciate it." He didn't think that he needed to say anything more, that covered exactly how he felt. He leaned up to look at Dean then, whose eyes were filling with tears.
"Oh baby, please don't cry." He said, and he meant it. He reached up and brushed some tears off his husband's cheek. "I know how messed up things are right now. I know that. I don't want to make you even more upset than you are. Just breathe, and I know that it's going to be okay. We just have to wait. I know that you're not so good at waiting. But I know that you're going to drive yourself nuts if you don't relax."
Sniffling, Dean managed to stop crying. "You're right, it was hard. But I did it, and I did it for you. I wanted your birthday to be amazing. Not everyone is born on St. Patty's day and I know that you deserve to have the best of everything." Dean didn't know how Cas could be so positive, but he knew that he didn't want to take that away from his husband. Someone needed to be positive, and it certainly wasn't going to be Dean. He wasn't usually that kind of guy. Dean tried but it just didn't work for him. Dean toyed with the end of Cas' tee shirt as Cas moved to lay his head back on Dean's chest. "I love you, Cas. It's just that simple. I know that you forgave me for leaving, and don't get me wrong I'm glad, I just need to make it up to you. I told you that I'd never leave you, and I did."
Before Cas could protest, Dean kept talking. "I know that you say I don't have to prove things to you. I know that. But I still feel so guilty. I know that I was just trying to avoid you getting hurt, but it still was the wrong thing to do. I love you, and I hurt you like that." Dean knew that Cas didn't know that he knew, but he knew that Cas had fainted and the squad had been called. Dean felt even more guilty about that, but he also knew that Cas didn't want him to know, so he hadn't said anything about him knowing. He'd pried it out of John a couple of days ago. Dean didn't know if he was ever going to stop feeling guilty. He didn't want to ever hurt Cas like that again, and he was going to do his best to make up for it, even if Cas didn't think he needed to.
"Dean, I know how sorry you are. I know how guilty you feel. But you did the right thing. You came home. I know that you weren't trying to hurt me. You were doing what you thought was best. Even if it wasn't what I needed. You have to stop beating yourself up for this. Villainizing yourself isn't going to help either of us." Cas knew that Dean didn't know about the squad being called, and he would do his best to keep him from finding out. He didn't know if Dean was going to be able to live with that knowledge. Cas changed the channel as Saved by the Bell came on. He didn't want to deal with that. Cas sighed and said, "Dean, you are the best husband that I could ever ask for. I know that I will never love anyone like I love you, and no one is going to love me like you do."
It was honestly the only thing that he knew for certain in this life. The fact that Dean was in love with him. Cas loved him just as much back. He didn't know what he'd do without him. Cas knew that he wasn't going to ever have to know. Cas hadn't felt that helpless feeling since Dean had been back home. Cas brushed his hand across Dean's arm again and was delighted when Will and Grace came on. He said, "Dean, you have given me the best of yourself, every day since we met. I can't believe how much time we wasted before we met, because I really think we'd have been together no matter what. But we can't dwell on that now. All we can do is be together. And I know that we're going to be together no matter what. This birthday was amazing, and it was because you did all of this for me and I am so grateful."
With that, Dean moved to kiss him, deeply, sucking on Cas' tongue. He was going to fuck him right now. Dean pressed Cas against the couch, and straddled him. He ran his hands along Cas' abs, and then ran them underneath his shirt, stroking Cas' abs. He didn't know if he could be more into his husband than he already was. Dean kissed him deeper, sucking on his tongue. Cas was responding, his arms were sliding around Dean's neck. He pulled off Cas' shirt, and moved to lick Cas' nipples, rewarded with Cas shivering underneath him. He couldn't get enough of him. Dean licked around the left nipple and let it get caught in his teeth gently, and then moved to lift Cas so he could get his sweatpants off. Once they were off, he moved and took Cas into his mouth, he loved sucking Cas off. His mouth moved over Cas' cock, licking and sucking.
Cas' head fell back against the couch, and his hand went into Dean's hair. He pulled on it lightly as Dean moved over his cock. He groaned, he knew he should be concerned that Claire might walk in on them, but with Dean's tongue moving along his cock he couldn't form coherent thoughts. He groaned again and didn't know how he was going to manage not to come immediately. Dean didn't care if he came in his mouth though, he knew that some people did, but Dean didn't care. "Fuck, baby." Cas gasped, as Dean took as much of Cas into his mouth as he could. His hand was cupping Cas' balls at the same time, and it felt so good. Cas shivered and before he knew it, Dean's mouth was no longer on him, and he was inside Dean, and Dean was riding him. Cas reached up and stroked Dean's cock, trying to match Dean's hip movements.
"Fuck, fuck fuck." Cas gasped out as Dean got a rhythm going.
He rode him, his hands braced on Cas' abs. Dean knew Cas was going to come soon, he always came more quickly if Dean sucked him first. Dean's fingers moved in Cas' happy trail, Cas shivering underneath him. Dean gasped as Cas' hand moved along the shaft of his cock, and he didn't know if he was going to keep from coming quickly either. He leaned down to kiss him as he moved, nibbling on his bottom lip. Dean gasped and came then, spurting all over himself and Cas. As soon as he came, then Cas did too. Dean didn't even care if they were both sticky. Cas reached and grabbed his tee shirt, which was ratty and had holes in it anyway, and started to wipe them both clean. Dean moved off Cas then and pulled his pants and shirt back on. Dean really felt that that was some of the best sex that they'd had in awhile.
Dean was glad that Cas couldn't put his shirt back on, he could stare at his chest all day. He was glad the couch was leather too, much easier to wipe off. They wiped it off and settled back in, Dean wrapping his arm around Cas. Dean couldn't believe how good that was. "Fuck, Cas." He said, unable to keep the desire out of his voice. It was blowing his mind. Dean reached for the beer he had sitting on the table and took a sip. "Cas, wow." Dean was usually speechless after they had sex, but the aftersex glow was taking over him. Dean didn't know if he could give that up ever. Dean took another sip of his beer and stroked Cas' arm. "I'm so glad that you can't put your shirt back on." He said, his tone a bit seductive.
Burrowing deeper against Dean's body, Cas sighed with contentment. "It was amazing." He agreed, trying to catch his breath. He didn't think that he'd ever had a birthday this good before. He slung his arm around Dean's waist. He stroked the soft skin of Dean's side, his fingers had slipped underneath Dean's tee shirt. He couldn't get enough of touching Dean's bare skin. It was so soft. Cas' fingers danced along Dean's side. "I have never had a better birthday, Dean. I promise you." He honestly hadn't and he knew that he never would have a better birthday than this. Although with Dean in his life he knew that it was possible.
The next afternoon, Claire was letting herself and Julie into the house. Claire had gotten herself a new car, well, it wasn't brand new but it was new to her. She was driving a Chevy Malibu from 2013. She let them in and Julie headed for the kitchen, she was Claire's best friend at the moment and she was already treating Claire's house like a second home. Claire kicked off her shoes and followed her. She put her bookbag on the kitchen chair closest to her and took the Coke that Julie handed her. She cracked it open, and she wondered what her friend was thinking. Julie was wearing the hottest skinny jeans that she had ever seen. Claire licked her lips. Maybe her dad was right, maybe she could get Julie if she tried.
"So, who are you asking to the Sadie Hawkins dance next week?" Claire asked, and she found that she honestly wanted to know. Claire wondered what Julie would do if she asked her out. Claire really wanted to, she knew it was the best way to get over her crush on Charlie. Who she truthfully thought had a crush on Lucy. She wasn't even going to get into how upset that made her, because she knew that she was just going to bum herself out. "Because I think Toby's been eying you for awhile." It was true, and now that she'd brought it up, she realized how much it bothered her.
She didn't know why Claire was asking, but Julie honestly hoped that it was because she wanted to ask Julie to the dance. Julie cracked open her own soda and took a drink. "I don't think he is going to ask, and even if he does, he's not got a chance." Julie told her, not sure why Claire had brought up Toby. It was short for Tobias, and they had been friends since kindergarten. Most of their group had, and it had been hard for Claire to get in at first. They'd had trouble with new people before. Claire was great though, and Julie thought that they couldn't do better for new blood. Julie leaned against the counter, her long chestnut hair brushing against her shoulders. Julie wondered if she should flirt with Claire right now. She certainly had been trying. She was fairly certain one of Claire's dads could tell that she was into her.
"Why do you ask? Who are you taking?" She asked, her tone curious, as she reached for some pretzels in the bowl on the counter. She opened the bag and took out a handful. "Because I don't know who you've got an eye on, but I do know that someone likes you." Julie watched as Claire's eyebrows rose. "I haven't really thought about who I'm going to ask, but I definitely know that if you ask anyone they'll say yes. You are so hot." Julie licked her lips as she stared at her friend, willing her to get that she was flirting with her.
Claire reached for her own handful of pretzels. Julie was definitely flirting with her. She leaned out and kissed her, it was her first real kiss. Claire had of course kissed a guy before, but that was mostly to see if she liked it, and she hadn't. Claire was pleased when Julie kissed back, opening her mouth to let Claire's tongue inside. Claire tugged her closer, wrapping her arms around Julie's waist. She really hoped that her dads wouldn't come home now. Cas had gone out to get some writing done at the coffee shop around the corner, and Dean had taken Frankie over to her friend's house, and he usually got into a long talk with her dad while he was there. Claire broke the kiss to breathe, looking into those gorgeous hazel eyes. She was taller than Julie, by a couple of inches. It was cute that Julie had to lean up a bit on her tiptoes.
Before she could kiss her again, she heard the door open, and Claire jumped back a bit in surprise. She heard Cas' voice calling out to her. "In the kitchen, Daddy. With Julie." She called back, reaching for her Coke and taking a sip. She met Julie's eye with her blue one, and they shared a smile. Claire knew that she could ask Julie to the dance and Julie would say yes. Claire was just surprised that their backwards high school was even having a Sadie Hawkins dance. It was so male driven. When Cas came into the kitchen, Claire gave him a smile. "Did you get a lot of writing done?" She asked as casually as she could.
Cas could tell that something had happened, and he didn't know what it was. Cas watched them, there was something changed between them. Cas wondered if that meant they were dating now. Cas set down his laptop bag on the counter and moved to get his own drink. "Your dad's not home yet? He texted me to tell me he got to Frankie's sleepover at least an hour ago." He would be jealous if it wasn't adorable that Dean was friends with Delilah's dad, that was Frankie's friend's name. Cas brushed his hand through his hair as he tried to suss out the situation. He wondered if he would get the truth if he asked. Cas moved to check that Dean had put the hamburger in the fridge to defrost, as much as Cas didn't want to, he was going to make Hamburger Helper for dinner. They had to do three boxes of it at a time, because Dean's stomach was a bottomless pit.
"I know he doesn't want to miss Hamburger Helper night." Cas said, and looked at Julie. "Do you want to stay, Julie? We'll have plenty, I swear. Dean wants me to fix the mac and cheese one." He had already gotten the boxes out earlier and they were on the counter. Cas watched Julie, she looked at Claire before she answered. Cas wasn't surprised that Claire gave her a nod and then Julie said she could stay. He was going to make salad too, and Dean was going to eat it whether he liked it or not. Cas was determined to get some healthy food in him, he knew that the food Dean ate was never going to change, and he really wasn't trying to change that, he just wanted Dean to get some healthy every once in awhile.
Before anyone could answer, there was noise and the door shut, and Dean was in the kitchen with them. Cas grinned and leaned to kiss him. "I was just asking your daughter where you were." Cas said, once the kiss had broken. He didn't know if Dean could look hotter but he definitely gorgeous today. Cas smiled at him and brushed some hair off of Dean's head. "I'm so glad you're home." He said.
Dean looked at Claire, whose cheeks were bright red. He could tell that something had happened with her and Julie, and he winked at her. She blushed and he went to get a beer out of the fridge. He was glad that Frankie got to spend time with Delilah, and he honestly had been glad to talk to her dad, Steven. Dean had made a friend, that was outside the family, and he was proud of himself. He brushed his lips against Cas' again. "I wouldn't miss Hamburger Helper night, and you know it." Dean said, chuckling. He looked at Julie. "Great to see you, Jules, you staying for dinner?" He asked, and wasn't surprised when Julie just nodded. He totally thought that she was scared of him, and he knew that even though he didn't want her to be scared he thought it was hilarious.
Dean reached for a handful of pretzels. "Did you get a lot of writing done?" He asked, and that was all he had to ask, Cas immediately launched into the day he'd had, and Dean was so glad that Cas sounded so happy. Dean didn't know that he was as passionate about anything as Cas was about his writing. Cas was working on a book, and Dean really hoped that it was going to be the thing that catapulted Cas into a household name. Dean was so proud of him, and he knew how good a writer Cas was. He wanted to read what Cas had so far, but he also didn't want to pressure him if he wasn't ready to show him yet. Dean knew that it was going to be great.
Claire and Julie left the room to go into the living room and work on homework, as Cas got out the pan to brown the meat. Cas wondered what Dean was thinking, he was being quiet. Cas reached out and tugged him close, and wrapped his arms around Dean's waist. "I missed you so much today." He said, his tone soft as he held him. Cas looked into those green eyes. He loved it, they were pretty much the same height, and neither of them had to stand on tiptoes to kiss the other one. Cas lifted Dean's shirt so he could stroke the small of his back, Dean shivering at his touch. "Since we don't have Frankie tonight, and I am sure that Claire will be hanging out with Julie, we should totally go out back and get in the hot tub." Cas really was just glad that he had Dean in his arms. Whenever he had an armful of Dean it was just a good time.
Chuckling, Dean said, "If you want to, sure." He wasn't going to turn down hot tub time with his husband. "I can wear those Speedos you like." He didn't normally wear those, he was a trunks kind of guy, but he knew how much Cas liked it when he wore them. Dean honestly got why, he was super hot in them. Dean licked his lips and looked into those blue eyes. They were going to be his undoing one day. "You know that I can't say no to this face." His arms were wrapped around Cas' neck. His fingers played in the hair at the nape of his neck, he knew that Cas liked that. Dean couldn't believe how happy he was. He was almost ready to be back in the land of the living all of the time. Then he thought about the baby, and he wondered if that pain was ever going to completely go away. He knew that his face had fallen, and he knew also that Cas was going to notice.
When his husband's face fell, Cas wondered what it was that had made him sad so fast. "Dean? Are you okay?" Cas asked, and he wondered if Dean was actually going to tell him. Not that it mattered if he did or not, because Cas didn't want to pressure him into telling him something when he wasn't ready. Dean had let him take his time telling Dean what had happened to him in high school. Cas hadn't wanted to keep it from him forever, and he hoped that Dean would feel the same about whatever it was that he was holding inside. "You know you can tell me anything." Cas knew that Dean knew that, but he had to say it once in awhile, to just reaffirm. It was always nice to hear that someone was there for you.
"Cas….. I…. I had a baby….. When I was a kid, and it… my girlfriend had a miscarriage."
Author's note: Yeah, sorry it's been a month or so. I would like to point out that it hasn't been six months and no update….. Someone apparently doesn't know how to read and has the private messenger feature disabled. One, I think that's super cowardly, and two, it's wrong. I posted TWO updates within a few days the last time I updated. That usually doesn't happen but it wasn't six months without an update. Sorry for leaving it on a cliffhanger, I hate when that happens, LOL. But I couldn't help it. I hope ya'll liked and I finished this when I should have been sleeping….. But I figure there's never a bad time for Destiel. XD.