Bacon and Morning Afters

by JimberlyShipper

So this is a Destiel fic that I wrote for my friend Michelle, whose birthday is today. Dean wakes up in a strange apartment and it has changed his life forever. It's completely AU, and it's human!British!Cas. There might be more but for now this is it.

19. If I Could Fly

Chapter Nineteen: If I Could Fly

John stepped inside his house, the boys had dropped him off. John would have wanted them to come in, but at the moment he wanted to talk to Ellen himself alone. He let himself in, glad she was still keeping things locked up. "Ellen? I'm home." He called out as he got inside, dropping his keys in the bowl by the door and locking the door again as he shut it. He wanted to beat this. He was so angry that Balthazar was seeming to do this one last thing and he was dead. John moved to the kitchen, where he found his fiancée. John found her at the coffee pot, starting a pot. It was a little late in the afternoon for that, but he didn't stop her. There were still things he needed to tell the boys, but he'd arranged for them to come over for dinner. It was still hard for him to grasp. That he was actually up for murder.

"I'm home." He said, unnecessarily, and she turned to him, her eyes wide with tears. John wrapped his arms around her and hugged her to him. "I'm okay, Elle." He didn't know just yet how they were going to prove that he didn't kill Balthazar in cold blood, but he knew they could figure it out somehow. John stroked her back. "We'll figure this out. I don't know how but we will." John didn't know if any of that was going to make her feel better, but he had to try. John didn't know what else to say. It was an impossible situation. "The boys are coming back in a bit, we're going to need to talk about some things I know that will help the case. I don't want to talk about it in a public place."

After she'd calmed down a bit, she stepped back to look at him. He was so tall, or rather, she was so short. Ellen could see the lines around his eyes. He was getting older and older. Ellen knew that she was as well, but with a job like John's, it really did add on the stress lines. She reached into the cupboard for mugs. "I am glad that you're home." She said, her hands shaking a bit, and his covered hers to still them. "I am glad that the boys will be by. Dean and Cas spent the night here last night, they're good boys." Ellen knew that John would be pleased she hadn't been alone, even if she could handle things by herself. She had still been glad to know that they'd been right down the hall. She cleared her throat. "Cas told me this morning they're going to be dads again."

This caused a surprised noise from John. Ellen filled coffee cups and handed one to him. "He said his brother Michael is going to give him and Dean his son, James." She didn't know how Michael could be that way, that he didn't want his own son. "Cas didn't tell me all of the details, but he said as long as Michael signs away his parental rights, then they're going to take him in." Ellen was sure that condition was a result of Dean. She knew that her son wouldn't want to take in a child if there was even a slight chance he would be taken away. But she understood that. It was hard to have a child taken from you like that. Not that she knew from experience.

John wondered why Dean didn't bring this up when he'd seen him earlier. But he understood why. Dean wasn't sure if it was a done deal yet. "I hope that it works out for them. Especially if this is something that they want. I know that Castiel wouldn't want someone who shared his blood growing up in the system." It was one of the reasons that John loved him so much. Cas was all about family. It wasn't his fault that his family hadn't felt the same way. "I'm not surprised that Cas is making sure his nephew has a family." John was glad that she'd changed the subject, he needed something else to focus on.

When Dean got home, he found an unfamiliar car in the driveway. After he'd pulled into the garage, he headed inside, and he found a man he didn't recognize with his husband, and Cas was holding a baby. Dean knew this was it, this was James. He stepped up to Cas, whose eyes were full of tears. He looked upset. Dean kissed Cas' cheek and then turned to the man that was standing there, holding some papers. Dean wondered how long this man had had this plan, for Cas and Dean to take the baby. The baby was at least a couple of months old. Dean set his green eyes on him and held out his hand. "I'm Dean Winchester, Cas' husband. I assume you're Michael?" He asked, and the other man nodded. Dean didn't really know what to say to that. He wished that he did. "So this is the baby?" He asked, Cas' eyes were pouring tears, and he really wished that he knew why. Dean kept his eyes on Michael, who actually reminded him a lot of John as a young man. Dean didn't really know why.

"So, how long have you had this plan, Michael? Since the baby was born, or before?" Dean asked, his tone accusatory. "Not that I'm complaining, because Cas and I get the baby. But you never wanted this kid to begin with, did you? You were planning on handing this kid off on Cas the entire time." Dean wasn't sure why that filled him with anger, but it did. "I don't know what kind of man you are, but I do have some words to say to you. You knew you were bisexual this whole time, and you made Cas feel like shit for being gay. What kind of person does that? To their own brother? I can understand Gabriel a bit better than I can you, he's just homophobic. Although I hate that word, you're not scared, you're just an asshole." Dean said, actually growling as he spoke.

Michael just looked coolly back at Dean as he spoke, and that kind of got on Dean's nerves. "You shouldn't have done that to him. Why would you? No one should have made you come out before you were ready, but you also knew that you liked guys too and you didn't even speak up! You could have told Cas, you could have not made fun of him! Seriously, other than the fact that you are giving me your child, give me one good reason that I shouldn't beat the shit out of you."

All of what Dean said was true, and that bothered Michael just a bit. "Look, Dean, don't do this, okay? I've signed the papers giving up parental rights, so all you need to do is call a judge that likes ya'll and you'll be set to adopt James." Michael hadn't even given him a last name. "I'm sorry for what I caused Cas, okay? You don't have to believe that, and I don't expect Cas to. But I am not going to come back and try to get James. He's a Winchester now. I didn't even give him a last name." He wasn't surprised when he saw the looks on his brother and his husband's faces. Michael didn't and never had wanted this child. He hadn't even meant to sleep with the mother. "The mother isn't going to come and try and take him either, she died in childbirth." Michael had known that she hadn't wanted it either, she'd been planning to give it up for adoption. Or drop him off a fire station or something.

"Just take him, okay? I get why you're pissed. I get why Cas is pissed. But as much as I don't want to raise James, I also don't want him to end up with Gabe or in the system. Kids who end up in the system are messed up for life. The mother and I…. we always wanted this baby to have parents who wanted it. Because we didn't. I know you think that means I'm terrible. Especially since I told you my boyfriend doesn't want kids." Michael's eyes brushed with tears, surprising himself. It surprised his family, too. Cas had handed off the baby to Dean, whose green eyes had filled with tears. "Why shouldn't you raise him? You are both great dads. I… I've been in contact with Claire." This was something that he knew might get his niece in trouble. "I know how great you are with your daughters. I just want James to have great parents. You two are it."

There was a ringing in Cas' ears when Michael said he'd been in contact with Claire. She'd never told them that, and Cas was kind of upset. "I can't… first of all, you are not to have any more contact with my daughter. I'm going to tell her as well. You don't get to be in our lives, you understand me? You… I am so angry at you. More than I am Gabriel. Because you knew all along what you were and acted straight. Acted homophobic. On purpose. Just to I don't know, keep Mom and Dad in your life? Who by the way, accepted me for who I was. It was you and Gabriel that always shunned me for being gay. I don't know why you thought that it mattered hating me." Cas was so angry. He shared a look with his husband, who was totally in awe of the baby. Cas took a second to get butterflies in his stomach at the sight of it, and then turned back to his stupid brother.

"We'll take the baby, okay? You can leave with your conscience clear." Cas' tone was cold. He didn't know why Michael was doing this, but there was no way that Cas was letting a child that shared his blood go into the system. Not when he and Dean were capable of taking him in. Cas moved to the door, and held it open. "Leave, Mikey. Leave." Cas had always held out hope that his brothers would someday love him like they were supposed to. He knew now that there was no way that he was ever going to have either of them in his life. It just wasn't going to happen and he was going to have to make his peace with that.

After Michael had walked out the door, Cas closed it, and turned back to Dean. Who looked in awe still over the baby. "James Winchester…. maybe he should have a middle name." Cas wondered what it should be. Then he and Dean looked at each other, and then said, "Robert." in one voice. Smiling, Cas moved over to kiss Dean, who kissed him back. Then Cas cleared his throat, and Dean looked at him expectantly. "He told me why Gwen used my sperm." That had been a revelation that Cas hadn't been expecting. "He said she was in love with me, and not Gabriel."

That was a surprise. Dean wasn't a bit surprised that no one but Michael knew that. "Wow. I… wow." Dean wasn't surprised a lot, really, he just didn't know what to say. He didn't doubt that the woman had had feelings for Cas, because Cas was gorgeous. Anyone who didn't think so Dean questioned their sanity. "I'm not really surprised, you're amazing." Dean said, as the baby reached up and grabbed his chin. Dean laughed and looked down at the baby. "James Robert, you are the cutest baby." This is when the front door opened, and Claire and Frankie came in, immediately began to squeal at the sight of their baby brother. Dean handed off the baby to Claire and grabbed Cas to lead him into the kitchen.

"So, do you need to talk about this?" Dean asked. "If you do I understand. You… you have every right to be angry." Dean said. He himself was angry with Michael for the way that he'd treated Cas. "I myself want to beat the fuck out of Michael for what he did. And if I thought that it would matter or make you feel better, I would." Dean reached out and wrapped his arms around Cas' neck, tugging him close. He played with the hair at the nape of Cas' neck. "You can be angry, you know that right? You don't have to hold all of this inside, just because you get a son out of the deal." Dean didn't want Cas to hold things in, he knew how that worked because before he'd met Cas that had been all he'd done. He wanted to not hold things in as much and actually talk about things.

Cas looked into Dean's green eyes. "I'm okay. I really am. I'm.. yeah, I'm angry as hell." Cas didn't know how Michael could have not wanted a baby. But on the other hand, he supposed that Michael had been doing the best he could by his child. So maybe it wasn't all bad. "I'm… I really can't believe that Michael did that to me. That he spent all of those years bullying me when he was bisexual and knew the whole time." Cas really couldn't believe the family that he'd been dealt. Dean had gone through some things, but his family wasn't nearly as fucked up as Cas' was. "What's more important is we need to get stuff for the baby. I have a crib he can sleep in for tonight, and Michael brought enough clothes and diapers for tonight, but tomorrow we have to hit a store."

"You can be as angry as you want. You can go and beat the fuck out of Michael if you need to. But you also need to remember that we have kids who need you. Michael isn't the type to press charges, but his boyfriend might be. We don't know for sure. So I'd prefer if you didn't. I know trouble with the law isn't new to you, but it is to me. I'm not someone who goes and does things that the cops would need to be called for." Cas didn't want to lose Dean even for a second, let alone for however long he'd serve for beating the shit out of his stupid brother. "Please don't. I can't live without you, and you know it." Cas licked his lips and then kissed Dean, deeply, sucking on his tongue.

This is when Claire cleared her throat. "Dads…" She said, and they both jumped apart, mostly in surprise, she knew it wasn't because of guilt. Frankie ran for Cas, squealing "Papa!" Claire brushed her hair out of her eyes with one of her hands and handed the baby to Dean, who took him, James reaching for Dean's nose as they passed him between them. Claire said, "I have to go and do my homework before dinner. Because I have a date with Julie tomorrow." They both looked at her in shock. "Yeah, she asked me if I wanted to go out and grab a burger." Claire was kind of glad that she and Julie were going out before the dance, it would make the date at the dance a little less awkward. Since it would be their second date.

Cas, who was bouncing Frankie on his hip, turned to look at Claire. "That's so great, Claire. I know you've got to be excited about that. Plus, I'm proud of you for doing your homework early." It was Friday, she had all weekend. Cas was glad that she seemed to be turning things around now that she was here. Cas moved awkwardly as Frankie reached to climb into his shoulders. She loved to do that with him and Dean. "Be careful, Frankie Jean Winchester." He said, as she settled in on his shoulders, playing with his black hair. They all looked at them and laughed. Cas too, reaching up to brace Frankie with his hands. "Frankie, you are such a little monkey." He said, as she giggled.

"Go on and play so Papa can make dinner. You know Daddy isn't good at cooking." Cas said, reaching up and liting her down to the floor, and she ran for the living room. Cas moved to get out the chicken he'd defrosted. "I'm making fried chicken, Dean, I know you love it." This earned him a kiss from his husband. "Why don't you go and put James down, he seems to be getting sleepy. I put the crib in the bedroom with Frankie till we can get his bedroom ready." Cas also knew that Frankie would love sharing her bedroom with her baby brother. "Sadly there's no changing table."

Dean gave him a kiss and headed up with the baby. Frankie was watching My Little Pony, which Dean honestly hated more than he had ever hated any cartoon, but she was happy, and Claire had already gone up to her room. Dean put the baby in the crib, wondering why Cas had had a crib already. Cas had said that he'd never lost a baby like Dean had, but that didn't mean that he hadn't been planning on having one at some point. Dean wasn't jealous, he wasn't a woman. He'd had a life before Cas, he assumed that Cas had had one before him. Dean wondered if he should ask. He had to admit, it did hurt a bit that Cas would have been planning a family with someone else, but he had been when he'd been younger so it's not as if he really had room to talk.

As he was leaving the bedroom, his phone rang. Dean closed the door softly so he didn't wake the baby, who had gone to sleep as soon as his head had hit the pillow in the crib. Dean was surprised to see it was Jo. "Hey, Jo, what's going on?" He asked, as he answered the phone. He hadn't expected to hear from her, she had been planning on going out with Charlie to see a movie. They were getting to be friends, which Dean had to admit that he liked. Charlie needed some friends, get back into the world. She'd been taking Charlotte's death harder than she wanted to admit out loud. Dean brushed his hand over his hair, really hoping it wasn't a problem that they were going to have to solve. There were enough of those going around right now. Dean wasn't sure that he could handle another one.

When Jo heard Dean's voice, she was able to relax a bit. "Hey, Dean. I need…" Jo didn't know how to ask this. She couldn't get a hold of Sam and she'd already called the ambulance. The baby was early. This was bad. "Dean….. the baby… it's coming." It was three months early. Jo knew that a baby could survive when it was born that early, but she also was scared out of her mind. She had a bad precedent for this. "I can't…. I've called Sam, he must have his phone on silent for work." Jo didn't know if she could do this and she was scared to death. Jo wanted this baby to be okay. She was praying that it was false labor. Her water hadn't broken yet but she was having contractions. Jo held her stomach with her free hand. "Dean, please. I called the ambulance, they'll be here in a few minutes."

His eyes went wide. "Oh shit. Jo, hold on. I'll be there as soon as I can." Dean reassured her once more and hung up, telling her he didn't want to be on the phone while he was driving. Cas was in the kitchen, adding the chicken to the fryer. Dean went to him, his hands shaking. "Cas… I have to go… Jo said the baby's coming… and it's too early." Dean wasn't looking forward to this, wasn't ready to deal if Jo was losing his niece or nephew. Dean knew about the trouble Jo had had in high school, and he knew that this was going to devastate her. Dean's eyes met Cas', his husband had started to tear up. "Can.. I know you want to come too but stay here with the kids for awhile. If… If I need you I'll call. Claire can handle things then." Dean didn't know how he was going to do this without Cas, but he knew that his brother and Jo were going to need him. He knew what it was like to lose a baby and exactly how much it hurt. Dean didn't want that for Sam.

Cas moved to his husband and hugged him tightly. He knew what Dean was thinking. He knew that Dean didn't want Jo and Sam to lose the baby. He also knew that Dean was remembering how much it had hurt him to lose his own child. Cas whispered in his ear. "It's going to be fine, Dean. Don't worry so much. And you know you can call me and I will do whatever you and your brother need." Cas pulled back to kiss him, tasting the salt of Dean's tears in that kiss. "Let me know what happens, okay?" He looked into those wide green eyes, they were full of tears and worry. He wiped some of them off Dean's cheeks. "Calm down before you get there, you'll make Jo upset, and she's already upset."

While his husband was right, Dean wasn't wanting to admit it out loud. "Okay. I'll be careful." Dean kissed him once more and grabbed his car keys. On his way out, he told Frankie he was going to see Auntie Jo, he didn't think she needed to know anything more than that. She was four. Dean got outside and had to keep himself from breaking down as he approached the Impala. Dean got inside and wondered how many more hits their family could take and still be standing. He didn't… they couldn't lose the baby, not right now, not with John being charged with murder. Dean took some deep breaths and then started up the car, he would have to calm down or Jo would freak out, just like Cas said she would. He had to be the strong big brother.

The ride to the hospital was short but seemed to take forever. When he got there, he found Sam already there, he saw his car as he swung into a parking spot in the emergency room section of the hospital. He hurried inside, tucking his phone in his pocket. Dean found Sam in the waiting room, but Jo wasn't with him. That meant she was already being seen, right? So it was a good thing. Dean moved over to sit next to Sam, wondering why John wasn't there. Or Ellen. Maybe Jo was trying to keep it quiet till they knew what was going on. Dean supposed that was a good way to do it. "Sammy?" He asked, touching his brother's shoulder. "Where's Jo?"

When Dean touched him, Sam had to work to keep the tears off his face. "I don't… she's back with the doctor. I don't know what's going on yet." Sam said, brushing some of his brown hair off his face. He wasn't surprised that Dean had come alone. Sam knew that he was trying to be the big brother and be the one who was strong. Sam knew that Dean knew he didn't have to do that. Sam also knew that Dean was stubborn as hell. Sam didn't expect Dean to just change because he had a husband and a family now. "I'm… I have no idea if my baby is dying or not." Sam's voice shook as he spoke, and Dean's hand tightened its grip on Sam's shoulder. "I know you think that you have to be strong for me, Dean… but you don't. I know you know exactly what this pain feels like. I know what memories this is bringing up. You don't have to keep things inside." Sam brushed his hand over his hair again, brushing it out of his eyes.

It wasn't fair. How many more things were they going to have to deal with? Sam wasn't one to complain either, because he knew Dean never had. And he'd had a raw deal. But Sam also knew that he was starting to get weary from having to deal with all of this. Sam didn't want to lose his child. He didn't want to lose Jo. "She's in surgery…. I don't know what's going on and I can't stand it." Sam finally turned so he was looking at Dean. There were tears gathered in those green eyes. His brother's chin was trembling. "It's okay, Dean. You can let it out. I'm not going to break." Sam knew that Dean wasn't trying to make it about his pain. He never was. Dean wasn't that kind of person. Sam had never seen Dean actually let things out, not really. Dean was the type of person to hold things in and try to be what he thought everyone else needed him to be.

Even with Sam saying that, Dean didn't feel like he could let the pain out. He stared at his brother for a long moment, trying to focus and not say something about how bad he was hurting and how bad it was going to be if this ended up the way he was scared that it was going to. "Sammy…. I can't. I can't do that. Once I let that pain out…" Dean's voice was strangled, and he was trying to keep his composure. "I'm trying to be there for you. If I give in to this, I won't be doing that. I'll be giving in and being selfish and feeling my own pain." Dean wasn't surprised when Sam started to shake his head. They didn't agree on things like that and never had. Dean knew that Sam wasn't going to see it the same way that he did. "I don't… please."

Before Dean could say anything more, a doctor walked up. Dean heard ringing in his ears as he heard the doctor tell Sam that they'd had to do an emergency C section, and the baby was in the ICU. Dean was trying to keep the heart in his chest beating. This was… it wasn't fair. Dean heard Sam ask what the sex of the baby was, and the doctor told them it was a girl. The fact that they thought the baby was ultimately going to be okay wasn't helping him from freaking out. Dean heard himself tell Sam he was going to go and call Cas, let him know what was going on. He stood, his legs feeling like jelly. He took a deep breath, and moved down the hall, letting Sam go and visit his baby daughter and his fiancee. Dean tried to calm down, but the tears were falling off his face. He pulled out his phone and hit speed dial two for his husband, holding it to his ear as his heart pounded out of his chest. When he heard his husband's Brit accent in his ear, he felt as if warm water had just been dumped over him.

"Cas…. Jo...she's okay. The baby...it's a girl, and the doctor says that she'll be okay too after some time in ICU."

When Cas heard his husband's shaking voice, he was glad to hear from him. Cas had been worrying since Dean left. It hadn't been that long, but he also knew that Dean was upset about all of this and his past and Cas wasn't able to shake that worry. He had just finished giving Frankie a bath, and now she was in her pjs in her room, she had a half an hour before bedtime, and Claire was reading her a bedtime story. Cas was in the living room, working on his novel. Cas hadn't been able to just sit there and worry. He'd wanted to take his mind off things. "Do you want me to come? I'll come if you want. Claire's reading Frankie a bedtime story. I could let her know what's going on." Cas knew that Dean wouldn't want him to tell Claire about the lost baby that Dean was remembering. He didn't want to upset her if he didn't have to. Plus, that was Dean's news to tell or not. Cas knew how much of Dean's personality was cultivated in keeping people safe and from knowing how hard he took things.

Dean told him he did want Cas to come, and Cas told him he was going to go and tell Claire where he was going, and to sit tight, and that he loved him, and then he hung up. Cas didn't know that he was surprised. He hadn't even gotten undressed because he'd been that sure he would have to go and be there for Dean. Cas moved up to Frankie's room, Claire was just stepping into the hallway. Cas looked at her. She knew that Dean had gone to the hospital, but Cas hadn't given her details yet. He hadn't wanted to worry her till they knew what was going on. "Claire, your dad called and he wants me to come down to the hospital. Jo had the baby." His expression prayed to her to not ask any followup questions about that. "I need you to stay here with Frankie and James. If you need anything call me or your dad, or Grandpa John."

She looked upset, and Cas didn't blame her. "I know that you're upset. I know that you're not a kid. It's not my news to tell though. So just for once, save me the guilt trip and be there for your sister and your brother. When I know anything else that I can tell you I'll call, okay?" Cas met those blue eyes, and he tried to keep calm. He knew that Claire hated being left out of the loop. Not that he blamed her, she was a teenager and it could be frustrating to be left out of the loop when you were a teenager.

Sizing her father up, Claire sighed. "Okay, Daddy. I'll be here. Just….. Tell Uncle Sam and Aunt Jo I will be there if they need me." She for once wasn't going to give him the third degree, even if she wanted to. Claire knew something was up with Dean, and she didn't know why they were leaving her out. Not telling Frankie she understood. She was only four. Claire also wanted to know the story on James, but he knew asking right now wasn't the best idea. She wasn't going to get him to offer up anything at the moment. It seemed fishy to her though, even if her dads seemed to be in control of the whole situation. "Is there enough diapers for James?" She asked. Nothing had been said yet about calling him a nickname. Claire was fond of Jamie. As opposed to Jimmy, which just made her want to vomit. She had never known a good Jimmy in her life.

Cas told her there was, but to call if she needed more. He would stop and get some. Cas shared a look with her, his blue eyes meeting hers that were so much like his. Now that he knew she was his daughter, he could see himself in her face. Cas knew that he was going to have to tell her at some point why her mother had used his sperm instead of getting pregnant by Gabriel. Cas met her eyes and then told her he had to go. Cas moved downstairs and grabbed his car keys. It was going to be hard, dealing with this. But Cas knew they could get through it, since the baby was going to be okay in the end. It could have been so much worse. Cas was a glass half full kind of guy though. He'd always been that way.

When he got to the hospital, he found Dean waiting in the waiting room for ICU. It was really the ICU for children and babies, but that wasn't the distinction that Cas should mention out loud. He approached his husband, and Dean dissolved into tears. Cas immediately took him in his arms. "Dean, it's okay. The baby is going to be okay." Cas told him, he was sure that Sam was with Jo or the baby. Cas knew that Dean was trying to hide how he was really feeling from his brother. Dean's head burrowed into Cas' neck. "It's going to be okay. This isn't like when you lost your baby, okay?" Cas rubbed his back. He didn't know how it felt to lose a baby, but he did know how it felt to plan for one and the rug be pulled out from under you. He'd been close to having a family with someone before, and that was why he had a crib. He knew that Dean was dying to ask about it. He was just waiting for his husband to bite the bullet and actually ask.

As soon as Cas' arms were around him, Dean felt better. He felt like maybe this wasn't going to end in tragedy. "Sam's with Jo, the baby's in the NICU." He had heard one of the doctors call it that. He assumed the N stood for nursery. He kept his face buried in Cas' neck. Dean couldn't help but think what it felt like to lose a baby. To lose something that you loved already, before you even met it. Dean cried, the tears shaking his whole body. He couldn't imagine telling Cas how he felt and Cas being able to understand. He knew he had to ask about the crib. He believed Cas when his husband had said that he didn't know from experience from losing a baby, but that didn't mean that he hadn't lost something he'd been planning for. Dean didn't know if now was the right time, but he was going to ask.

"Cas, why did you have a crib already? Were you… did you plan on having a baby too?" Dean asked, still crying but lifting his head so he could look into Cas' eyes. "I… I'm not doing the jealous thing. I had a life before I met you too. But…. I want to know more about you. We're married, and I love you. I want to know everything that I can. I don't expect you to tell me right now if you aren't ready… but we have nothing to do but wait right now." Dean didn't know what he expected from Cas at the moment, but he had to know what was going on with the crib. He didn't know what Cas had been through, and that was a bit agonizing for him. He loved Cas more than he had ever loved anyone in his life. He hated that Cas had been through something and he wanted to help him with the pain of it. It was what you did when you truly loved someone.

The fact that Dean asked about the crib didn't surprise Cas. He reached out and brushed some tears from Dean's face. Dean at least seemed to be calming down a bit. Taking a deep breath, Cas said, "I was with this guy for three years. We… we had talked about having children. We got put on the adoption list. Neither of us were really hopeful." Cas' voice broke off, and Dean led him to a seat and took one of his hands in his own. Cas struggled for a moment, and he kept talking. "We had been on the list for a year. No one had picked us or even remotely considered us. But then this woman from Ohio finally did pick us." Cas couldn't look Dean in the eyes as he spoke, he looked at his lap. It had been awhile since he'd thought about all of this.

"My boyfriend and I were picked to raise this baby. We lived with the idea for months, and then at the last minute, she chose to keep the baby." Cas didn't think it was the same thing as having your girlfriend have a miscarriage. So he'd never looked at it the same way as losing a baby. Even if he supposed maybe it was. "On the way home from the hospital…. we were in a car accident. I came through with just a few bumps and scrapes…. but my boyfriend, he died." It had been a horrible experience, and Cas hadn't thought about it in a long while. He had been so messed up after that, he'd done a lot of anonymous sex and had been on a self destructive bent for awhile.

Dean's green eyes widened as he listened to Cas talk. "Oh, baby." He said, and lifted Cas' chin with his finger. "You… that counts as losing a baby, okay? Maybe not in the same way, but you were going to be a dad and then you weren't. I'm so sorry. I can't even imagine how that must have felt." Dean might never have had to be on the adoption list. Because before Cas, Dean had been straight. He could have been with anyone and had a kid. Which clearly, he had, since Frankie existed. But Cas, he'd never had that option. He'd known he was gay for a long time. Dean looked into those blue eyes. He leaned out and kissed him softly, tasting Cas' tears on his lips. "I know you think it's not the same, but it kind of is. I'm sorry you had to go through that. I wish that I could turn back time and fix it. Even if it meant losing you."

The look Cas gave him then was one of shock, and Cas started to protest. "No, I know that I wouldn't lose you, Cas. You don't have to tell me. You're not gonna lose me either. But if I could take all of this pain away I would. You don't have to handle that alone anymore. You can let me help you. I know how it feels, to lose something like that. So you don't have to handle that pain alone anymore." Dean tugged Cas closer, pulling his husband on his lap. Cas buried his head in Dean's neck. "We don't have to do any of this alone. We can all be there for each other, we're all family now, Cas." He knew how much that Cas needed family right now. He had lost all of his family in one fell swoop. Dean wrapped his arms around Cas' waist, holding him as close as he could.

They sat like that for awhile, and Cas fell asleep. Dean held him, wondering if Sam had done the same thing in Jo's room. The hospital actually kept to visiting hours, but with them being Winchesters they could get around it. Dean didn't want to wake Cas, he'd cried for awhile before he fell asleep. Just as Dean was thinking he might have to because his leg was falling asleep, Sam was walking up. Dean looked at him. "What's… Sammy? Is everything okay?" He asked, lifting Cas, who miraculously stayed asleep, and laid him across a couple of chairs, letting out a gasp as his legs were able to stretch. "Is Jo awake yet?" Dean didn't know what he would do if he was in Sam's shoes.

"She's sleeping." Sam said, she'd woken up for a bit after the C section, but she'd gone right back to sleep. Sam had been able to tell her that he loved her and that the baby was going to be okay after some time in the ICU and then she'd been out. "Dean… I saw the baby." He said, his eyes brushing with happy tears. She was tiny, and pink, and was hooked up to machines, but she was alive. "Her name is Laura." Sam said. They'd discussed baby names once they knew Jo wasn't going to have a miscarriage. He met his brother's eye. "She's… she's mine, and she's here." Sam could hardly believe it. "Would you… would you come with me to see her?" Sam asked, he knew that Dean would as soon as he asked. When his brother nodded, Sam led him to the NICU where Laura was in an incubator, machines helping her breathe.

As soon as Dean laid his eyes on his niece, he felt a rush of love in his heart. She had Sam's hazel eyes, and she was looking up at them both with them wide. Dean sat down next to the incubator, they'd had to put on scrubs when they entered the room. Dean reached in with his finger to stroke her tiny hand. She was tiny for a baby but not at the same time. Dean knew that she was big even for an early baby. That was at least a good sign. "Sammy, she's beautiful. She's definitely a Winchester, she's strong and hanging in there." He was so happy for Sam and Jo. Seeing her, Dean knew that she was going to make it. She just needed some help along the way. There was nothing wrong with that. She was hooked up to all of these wires, and she had to have something help her breathe, but she was alive. That was the important part in Dean's book.

"She's gonna make it through this." Dean told Sam, meeting his brother's eyes. By some sort of miracle, Laura's face spread into a smile, and they both looked down in time to see it. She was smiling at them. Dean had read somewhere that that was just gas, but he knew deep in his soul that his niece was smiling at him for the first time, and she would be there to smile at him for a very long time.

Oh no, here we go again
Fighting over what I said
I'm sorry, yeah, I'm sorry
Bad at love, no, I'm not good at this
But I can't say I'm innocent
Not hardly, but I'm sorry

And all of my friends they know and it's true
I don't know who I am without you
I got it bad, baby
Got it bad

Oh, tell me you love me
I need someone, on days like this, I do
On days like this
Oh, tell me you love me
I need someone
On days like this I do
On days like this
Oh can you hear my heart say
Oooohhh, oh
No you ain't nobody till you got somebody
You ain't nobody till you got somebody

Everything I need
Is standing right in front of me
I know that we'll be alright, alright, yeah
Through the ups and downs
Baby, I'ma stick around
I promise, we'll be alright, alright

Author's note: XD. Glad to have an update for ya'll. I have lots of feels after 13x04. I couldn't do things without a lot of angst, but the baby and Jo will be okay, I swear. I can be mean but I won't be that mean. XD. I haven't decided yet what exactly John has to tell Dean and Sam, that most likely won't come out till I get to that part. It's just how I work. I hope ya'll are hanging in, and more ASAP.