Dear Diary
Chapter three: I can't get him off my mind
XXX
A/N: YenGirl: I'm still not completely sure what's supposed to be hitting which fan, but... Hope this was what you were waiting for? Just kidding, I know it's not. ;)
Queenofallthingsrandom: I don't want you to die, because that would rob me of a reviewer, and I kinda like reviews ;) However... You might just die. Yeah, so sorry... But this is quite certainly not what you wanted chapter three to be... hehe
Hatake Kazumi: Haven't seen you on the second chapter, but figured you'd read it eventually anyway. I know you're unsure what you want Gai to do at this point, profess his love or turn away. But... You're not going to find that out by reading chapter three.
VictoriaLovesSmut: I know you know my style probably better than most, and you should already kinda realise what's about to happen. I'm going to be stringing you along a little longer. Say cheese! Lol.
Rika24: Yes, very awkward. Which is why I will take this time to apologize to you... Gai isn't going to reciprocate Kakashi's feelings, nor turn him down. Not in this chappy at least xD
The above is just a little peek into my twisted little mind, the things that played through it as I read through this chapter one final time before posting it. Yes, I am evil. And you may call me devil incarnate, I don't really care – actually, I think I do... Please come up with a name that would accurately describe how you feel about me now. I'd love to hear it.
Thank you so much Mswan0117 for doing the Beta on this one as well, I'm sure we all appreciate it. I know that I do, at least. And I'm sure that no-one else would like to sift through the nightmare that I sent you xD
I do not own Naruto. I only own my own creativity (Though my mother would have you believe that is actually hers… Don't believe everything you hear, folks)
XXX
Dear Diary,
I have a confession to make. Something really strange happened today, you see. Most of the day was dull as usual, and I will not bore you with the details of it. We will skip to when I was sitting under a tree in the park. It was around four in the afternoon and the sun was warm on my body. There weren't many clouds, and only the branches of the tree shielded my skin from the burning rays.
I'm starting to sound like a poet here, aren't I Diary? It's not really like me at all. But something happened to put me in the mood for some poetry. Something that I can never tell anyone about, but I can tell you. So I will.
Right, around four in the afternoon. I was enjoying the warmth of the sun, the play of light and shadow from the tree leafs on my legs. It really was a lovely day. And then Gai showed up. Seriously, this guy has been hounding me for years! Always jumping me, begging for me to participate in one challenge or another. I'm used to it by now, though. And I think that over the last few years I've even grown to enjoy it. Not that I will ever tell him that of course. It would be like pouring oil on a house fire. Unnecessary, and it might even make things worse. Though I can't really see how, if I'm honest. He's already challenging me every chance he gets.
Today though, I really didn't feel like it. There was this girl looking at me from the bridge, and she was pointing me out to her friends, blushing and stuff… She was cute, you know? I mean, I'm almost sixteen, I'm allowed to get a little distracted by girls on my day off, right? Right. So I really didn't want to take Gai up on his challenge – he would make me look ridiculous in front of those girls, I just knew it. So I declined. I have a right to decline every once in a while, right? Right. But… He was almost crying, Diary… And it made me feel like I'm a terrible person.
I know I've been away for a while, and before I left, Gai had already been out for three weeks or so. So no, we haven't seen each other in a while. Honestly Diary, I guess I kind of missed him. A lot, to be completely square with you. And I can be, right? It's not like you're ever going to tell on me, right Diary? And I need someone to talk to. I don't think I can even talk to Obito or Rin about this, certainly not to Minato-sensei.
So I declined. And I swear that he literally started crying right then and there. Of course Gai's always been an emotional one, but this… And when I looked over at the girls, they were obviously making fun of him. And of me, just for being near the guy. I wanted to shove him away, for a moment I really did. But as I was watching the girls, some guy walked up to them. And he kissed the girl that'd been checking me out right on the lips! And she kissed back! Now of course I'm all for watching a good make-out session, seriously. But she was just checking me out, right? Right. And this guy was clearly her boyfriend or something. And then she pointed to me – or Gai, or both of us, I don't know and it doesn't matter. But she pointed. And then they all laughed even louder. It was humiliating.
Mean time, Gai doesn't even realize of course. He was bawling his eyeballs out, hugging me against his chest saying stupid stuff about how we should spend as much time together as we could because we're in the springtime of youth. Really, that guy's a little embarrassing sometimes.
But then I started thinking… If he's really that embarrassing, why do I even put up with him, right? Right. So my mind kind of drifted off to all the good stuff about Gai. Should I list them for you? I think I should list them for you. Here goes:
1. He's always there for me.
2. He's a great friend.
3. He can cheer me up when no-one else can.
4. He's strong and capable – okay that was two things.
5. He's fun to be around, even if I don't want to show that to him.
6. He never cares about personal space – I know it sounds silly to list that as a good point, but hear me out; I push people away, right? Right. But that's just because I feel so lonely all of the time, and Gai's never allowed me to push him away. Which brings me back to point 1. He is literally always there for me, no matter how mean I am to him.
7. He can be serious, as well as just a good laugh.
8. He's warm, and gentle, and just basically an all-around good guy.
9. He's freaking amazing.
10. I'm in love with him.
That last one, that's the one that I realized today. That's the amazing thing that I had yet to discover about Maito Gai. I'm in love with him. I love him. Which is… Bad, I suppose. I mean, he's a guy, right? Right. So this whole 'being in love with Maito Gai' thing is going to be a pain. A huge pain. Because he's a guy. And there is no way that I can actually be in love with a guy, right? Right. Only I think I am. I really think I am… Thing is, he's never going to be in love with me too, right? Right. So… I can't tell anyone about this. Only you, Diary. Only ever you.
Can you imagine courting a guy? I can't. I really can't. Even though… I may want to try…
But it's useless, isn't it? Even if I might entertain thoughts like that, he sure won't, right? Right. I'm a guy too, after all. So he's not going to feel the same about me. Never.
That hurts me a little, Diary. You may not be able to understand it, because you're not really into any guys – or girls for that matter. But I am. I think. I wonder how it would feel to kiss him… I've kissed plenty girls, would a guy be different? I'm not sure. I think that if you go any further it's definitely going to be very different, though. I know how it works with girls, you ask if it's their first time, and if it is you scram. And if it's not, you kinda have to get them in the mood a little first, but after that they're usually game. Having to keep checking if they're liking it is sort of annoying though… And for some stupid reason it's never enough for them to just… Well, you know. You have to keep stroking them, and making sure they're getting off and stuff and it's just a big pain, right? Right. Would that be different with a guy? Probably would, but I don't really know what to do with a guy, you know? I mean… There's another hole on the human body, two actually, so there's still somewhere to stick it in, but… I dunno… Sounds kinda gross to me… Not blowjobs! I love blowjobs! I had this one girl once, she was really good… Oh, wait, I already told you about that, right? Right.
I think a guy would be really good too, because they know what it feels like so they can do it better. Although… I don't know if I could… But maybe that's just because the idea of someone's dick in my mouth is a little… Weird. I'm actually starting to think it may not be bad weird, though. What do you think? I already know that Gai's is kinda tiny, so it's not like I would gag, right? Or maybe… I mean, how do you even know how big too big is, right? Right.
See why I picked you up again, Diary? I can't stop thinking about this stuff. And that's like… Really bad, right? Right. It's really bad. Rin would say it's gross, and I'm sure that Obito would puke. Minato-sensei would be disappointed in me, wouldn't he? If he was still alive, and he knew about this, he would never let me near his son, would he? The kid would be taken care of better, though… He wouldn't need me. Even if Minato-sensei said that he'd like for me to be his kid's sensei when he's old enough. I'm not good enough for that. I'm… Am I gay? Gay for Gai?
This is confusing me Diary. And I don't have time to be confused right now. I'm supposed to leave again in the morning. But it's almost morning already. And I'm really tired from thinking about all this. Maybe I'll sleep in for once. Maybe, just once, it's okay to bend the rules a little and show up a little later. I think I'll do that. Goodnight, Diary.
K.