heya! :D there are no excuses, there really arent im sorry this hasnt been updated, please forgive me, as it has taken forever to update ive made the chapter longer, call it an olive branch lol xx

Castiel was determined, extremely, completely determined at what he had to do, he wanted answers, he needed answers if he had any hope in ever getting his head around this situation. This he knew, but he couldn't stop the gnawing feel in his stomach making him nauseous and start to doubt himself. He knew doubt he was an expert of this, doubt was the first thing he started to feel, doubt has want ended him up here, he doesn't regret it he wouldn't change it for anything, Castiel knew his place was here by Dean's side. Yet this doesn't change the fact that he hated the feeling, he really hated it. hH was always so sure of himself now all he did was question his motives, his actions, other peoples possible actions, these thoughts were so distracting for the life of him he couldn't leave the room, he couldn't face it he was so, so nervous. The angel was incredibly nervous. He was pacing up and down in front of the door he knew he had to walk through but couldn't bring himself to do it.

Cas had no idea how long he was pacing trying to talk himself into leaving room, but after a long time he stopped and faced door. After stepped towards it and holding the handle Cas took some deep breaths, just do it he thought just do it. The angel closed his eyes and opened the door and without giving himself time to think he marched down the hall and didn't stop until he was standing in front of Dean, who was sitting on the sofa book in his hands as he flicked through the pages. When the angel came and stood in front of him, Dean looked up an instant smile on his smile. But seeing just how confused sad and conflicted the poor guy looked, that smile instantly vanished as quickly as it arrived.

"Cas, what's happened?" the hunter asked as he jumped to his feet and put a hand onto Cas' shoulder, the angel resisted the urge to close his eyes and relish in the feeling. Dean waited patiently for his friend to talk, it took Cas a few times of opening and closing his mouth before words finally fell from his lips.

"We should talk."

"Okay." Dean agreed and waited for more. The sound of wheels snapped Cas' attention away from Dean and to the older hunter, wishing he wasn't there. Privacy was needed for this, that much he was sure of. Dean followed his gaze and looked to Bobby who had just wheeled himself into the room.

"Don't mind me, its only my house after all." Bobby snapped at the sight of the two of them, clearly in some tight nit convocation.

"Come on." Dean whispered to Cas before taking hold of his wrist and leading him upstairs, throwing Bobby an apologetic glance as he did so.

"Where's Dean going?" Sam asked who was faffing around in the kitchen doing something or nothing. The older hunter scoffed and spoke as he took himself further into his living room, the tension of unspoken words still lingered in the air.

"Took angel boy to his room for some privacy."

"About fucking time." Sam said more to himself than anything, he smirked to himself after hearing his own words, he found himself funny. The hunter then left the kitchen and re-joined Bobby in the study.

Cas allowed Dean to led him back to the room he just spent a long time trying to get out of. The hunter walked in front of him as they ascended the stairs still holding onto his wrist. Cas couldn't help but watch the gently sway of Dean's perfect hips and the way his jeans shaped his ass perfectly. The angel shook his head, he couldn't allow himself to get so distracted, he was slightly regretting his decision to dream stalk his charge, because thoughts like that wouldn't have came into his mind before, he would never have thought to notice. Yet now that's all he does notice, just like he noticed this t-shirt was slight baggy and how easy it would be to slid his hands up inside it, dammit he was doing it again. Cas made the decision to look at the floor for the rest of the short journey.

When they entered the room, Dean let go of Cas' wrist though it was he last thing the angel wanted. The hunter lent up against the wall and watched Castiel carefully make his way to the bed and stiffly sit down, making sure his eyes stayed fix onto the floorboards beneath his feet.

The silence stretched on and Dean wanted to say something, but choose instead to stand and wait, giving Cas the opportunity to speak in his own time, after all he knew Cas had something to say, he had approached Dean. Plus considering the trouble actually of saying the words is causing the angel, it must be worth waiting to hear.

"Dean," Cas finally croaked out still staring at the dirt floor, trying to concentrate on the words that refuse to form in his mind.

"Yeah Cas," Dean tried to speak softly and calmly, but he was really starting to get worried all he wanted to do was shake the angel until he spat it out, though he knew this wasn't an option so instead he stood and waited.

"I'm confused." Cas spoke so meekly it near enough broke Dean's heart, to see the once great self assured 'take on hell and what of it' angel look so broken. The hunter wanted to give him a hug, more than anything wanted to feel his body against his, to give some comfort and try to sooth the poor angels mind.

"About what?" he asked, Cas didn't answer instead he got to his feet and walked towards the hunter, who was still leaning against the wall. Personal space issues forgotten and he near enough pinned the hunter against the wall. This was much like he had seen them do in Dean's dream, apart from the sudden fear in Dean's eyes. "Cas? What are you…doing?" Dean wheezed out, no force and too much air accompanied his words as he stared at the angel so, oh so close to him.

"Searching." He whispered, as if Dean was a small animal and the angel didn't want to scare him and course him to run away. Cas knew when he walked into the room, he couldn't talk to Dean he couldn't say the words. What is there to say? So instead the angel decided to try to mimic a dream situation; then maybe just maybe Dean could behave in the same way, or see that not everything has to be in his dreams.

"Cas," Dean breathed unable to look away. After a moment or two Cas sighed giving up on the pipe dream and sat back down on the bed. "What's going on?"

"I don't know Dean." Cas honestly told him. The hunter went around to the other side of the bed and laid down in his. "Are you going to sleep?" he asked, hoping he wouldn't but at the same time slightly hoping he would.

"No, just need to lye down that sofa's seen better days."

"I'll leave you to it." The angel started to stand when Dean reached over and put his hand on Cas' back.

"Stay. Don't leave Cas." The angel thought Dean almost sounded as if he was begging, almost. He knew he couldn't deny his charge a thing so sat back on the bed.

"As you wish." He said as he tried to mimic Dean's laying position, it took a little while but found a less awkward position. He did find lying on a comfortable bed relaxing but at this moment when lying next to him not six inches away was Dean, so relaxation wasn't really on the cards for him. "You confuse me Dean. I'm trying to understand, get to grips with everything, but it's hard." Castiel confused, it wasn't the deep talk he wanted, well needed, but it did feel good to get that off his chest.

"Hey." Dean whispered dropping his hand to touch the back of Cas'. The angels eyes shot down to see the soft barely touching contact that hit him like a tone of bricks and rushed through his body until every part of him could feel Dean's soft warm skin. "You'll get there. It might take time, but you will." Then Dean did something the angel never expected and was more than he hoped for.

He suspected his action shocked Dean also. After his comforting words, Dean moved his hand and slid it into Cas'. The angel wanted to thank Dean for his lovely words but at the feeling of Dean touching him in such a gentle way words seemed too hard. Cas instantly felt warm all over and an odd sensation in his stomach, like it came alive he believed human called it 'butterflies', though he didn't understand why. There would never be a realistic situation where butterflies would be in your stomach. Though Cas didn't dwell on this thoughr, how could he was completely enveloped in calmness as he laid there a gentle smile on his lips, the angel wasn't tired but found it better when he closed his eyes.

"Dean?" Cas spoke quietly eyes still closed.

"hmm?"

"I tried, I really did." He told the hunter, he got no reply "Dean?" still nothing after opening his eyes and looking over he saw the hunter had drifted into sleep.

As soon as the angel realised his charge was asleep the idea was planted and had taken root just as quickly. After slipping his hand out of Dean's hold, which he absolutely hated doing; he placed two fingers to Dean's forehead and was immediately taken to Dean's dreams.

Cas decided that since he can't speak to the man in real life then many he could in his dreams, it was worth a shot Cas thought as he found himself in a wood, it was quiet, serine. Along the horizon of trees, Cas could see how the sun fought it's way through the branches leaking sun beams and casting shadows through the wood. The angel turned away from this and tried to find dream Dean and what he hoped was a dream him.

"Cas, wait up!" called a man sounding rather amused, this voice was unmistakably dream Dean's full free light voice, Cas could tell already he was free from the worries of demons, ghost the apocalypse, and angels.

Castiel made quick work of finding dream him before dream Dean and without a word took him to the other side of the wood so dream Dean wouldn't see and give the game away.

Castiel kept his hand over the dream version of him's mouth until he was sure that dream him would not scream or runaway. They stood in deadly silence, facing and staring at each other for a moment.

"Well this is a new one." Dream Cas said after examining the mirror image before him, with a smirk on his lips, it looked weird on dream Cas' lips, his lips the angel thought. Though he couldn't help admire it.

"Excuse me?" He asked very confused. He looked dream Cas up and down, he was in jeans and a baggy t-shirt he recognised as the same one he wore when Dean lent him clothes. The angel couldn't help but feel a little spike of anger start to bubble in the pit of his stomach; that was his shirt he thought, Dean had given it to him. How dare this imposture wear it, though essentially they were the same person.

"I didn't see it taking this turn but yeah it sounds like fun."

"What are you talking about?" Cas demanded, not liking feeling even more aloof then normal, especially when he was making himself feel that way. Dream him eyed him closely looking confused before he explained.

"The three-way, why else was Dean dream of two of us." He stated casually, Cas' stomach dropped and it must have should in his face because dream Cas seemed to clicked at the situation before him. "He didn't dream you did he." Castiel looked around suddenly very aware that this was all inside Dean's head.

"Is Dean aware of this convocation?" dream Cas shook his head and Cas let out a breath feeling like he could breathe again. "Then no, he didn't dream me, just you. I need to know what is going on." Castiel felt completely desperate and he was aware that he was close to whining.

"What do you think?" Dream Cas stated with his voice heightened and eyebrows raised. Castiel's blank expression told his dream him that Cas really was that dense, he rolled his eyes before continuing. "Oh god, I'm really going to have to spell this out or you aren't I. I am whatever Dean needs me to be. You've just interrupted our sixth month anniversary picnic." Castiel listened closely to the words coming from 'his' mouth. "Sometimes I'm an angel, other times a human, once I was a demon." Castiel didn't miss the smirk smile that crept onto dream Cas' lips at that memory, this made Castiel's face heat a little, just realising that it was this dream manifestation that he had been spying on, watching him kiss Dean, watching his face as Dean was on his knees on front of him, it was this copy of himself that dream Dean had been with, and watching him turned the angel on, this time he really did blush. "Sometimes it's just about sex, the need and hunger for contact to be close. Other times he wants stability, tenderness. I remember one time I was an angel, I took him in my arms and we flew, soaring through the sky, I helped him get over his fear of flying."

"Dean has a fear of flying?" Cas asked, feeling embarrassed that he didn't know and stupid when dream him looking at him in a way that screamed 'you have got to be kidding me' Castiel choose not to care, as he was after all getting the information he desperately needed. Though what he was going to do with this information was a whole other story and yet another issue Cas hadn't planned for. "What does all this mean, in the real word?"

"Dean wants to be loved Castiel. Get your head out your ass and realise he wanted to be loved by you." It ruffled his feathers to be talked to in such a way, the only person that got away with this was in fact Dean, so he didn't like the way he talked to himself. Though choose not to say anything because having an argument with ones self seemed weirder to Castiel than being insulted by 'himself.'

"Cas! Baby come out, come out were ever you are." The two Castiels heard dream Dean shout from not so far away. Castiel stepped towards dream Cas and placed his hands either side of the mans face.

"What are you doing?" he asked a little taken back and tense from the strange gesture.

"I need him to speak to me the way he speaks to you." Cas mumbled as he looked deeper into the his eyes, his grace started to grow, dream Cas now knew what Cas was attempting was started to struggle a little as he protested.

"I am you. Give him a chance, give him time and he'll talk to you."

"I don't have time." Castiel told him before the two forms of Castiel was reduced to one, dream Cas' energy being absorbed into Castiel's form, he couldn't have dream Cas coming in when he was trying to talk to dream Dean.

Cas quickly changed his appearance to match dream Cas'. His usual suit and coat being exchanged and faded to the jeans and his shirt dream Cas had worn. After ruffling his hair a little Cas turned and walked towards where he had heard the voice of dream Dean.

Dream Dean was standing by the impala, he was wearing jeans and a t-shirt, so much the same as he usually does but he looked so much better. Probably due to the large smile that grew across his face when he saw Cas, the guy he thought was his boyfriend.

"There you are."

"Hi" Cas greeted him as he pushed a smile onto his face and tried to make it look as natural as he could. Dream Dean seemed to buy it, not that he had any reason to be suspicious, he walked the short distance to Cas. Dream Dean's left hand held Cas' hand and ran his right through Cas' hair, stopping at the nap of his neck, gently brushing the little hairs there. Cas' eyes instantly fluttered close at the new feeling and completely welcomed the sensation it gave him.

"Where'd you go?" Dean whispered a little worry attached to his words.

"For a walk." Dream Dean laughed a little as his shoulders relaxed.

"Only you Cas." He told him before kissed the hand he held and turned to lead the smaller man to a blanket a few feet from the impala, which they settled down on.

"Are you okay baby?" Dream Dean asked when he saw Cas looking him with soft eyes but a hardened face, somehow.

"I'm, I'm just happy."

"You're so soppy." Dream laughed before he made his way behind Cas, so the angel was sitting between his legs. Dream Dean's arms came around Cas' waist pulling him close. Dream Dean nuzzled into Cas' neck, placing odd kisses on his heated skin ever so often. Cas relaxed completely into the back of dream Dean and melted at his touch, it was so gentle, yet had a purpose. Cas had no idea how long they stayed that way, and he really didn't care, he was lost in the feeling, in dream Dean's subtle touches, in the way his breath ghosted over his sensitive skin on his neck, it was perfect.

"I think I love you." Cas whispered, without thinking but finally coming to terms and understanding what had been norring at him for so long, he couldn't seem to not say it not even realising the words that had fallen from his lips until he heard them along with dream Dean.

"Oh," dream Dean whispered tensing slightly. Suddenly panic washed over the angel, this wasn't a real situation, this wasn't his world. What if dream Dean and dream Cas weren't in that place in their relationship, what if they told each other they wouldn't say it, what if Cas was his dirty little secret and he actually had a girlfriend or wife somewhere, or what if Dream Dean doesn't believe in love, that scared him but more than anything it was the thought that; what if the real Dean doesn't too. Cas scrambled from dream Dean's warm embrace turned around and knelt facing the man he just professed his love too, still in-between his legs he couldn't look him in the eye and he stumbled over his words.

"I'm sorry, I, I shouldn't have," dream Dean had gotten to his knees too, so close they were touching. His hand was instantly under Cas' chin gently lifting his face so their eyes met. Dream Dean lent forward resting their foreheads together; Cas couldn't move he was terrified he's just fucked everything up.

"You should have. I never want you to feel like you can't talk to me and tell me what's on your mind." Dream Dean whispered as he ran a hand through the angel's hair. "Baby, I've never known what love is, all I know is that it hurts when I think of my life without you, you make me happy. So if this isn't love then I don't want it, because right here, this is perfect. You're perfect Castiel." Dream Dean pulled away to look at Cas face and into his eyes. The angel was smiling, he never thought he would hear words like that come from Dean, he didn't have words to describe how happy hearing them made him, but it showed in his face, he was now smiling wider then he had before. "I love you." Cas couldn't stop himself, he lunged forward colliding their lips with bruising force, knocking Dream Dean down.

The angel laid on his side next to him, one leg draped over dream Dean's body. They lazily made out for god knows how long. The kisses were needy and hungry but loving, content to go no further, not needing too. Feeling all the love and warmth they needed to feel from that moment in the caress of their lips and soft swipes of their warm velvet like tongues. Their kisses became softer and more spaced out and before long Cas' head was resting on his lovers chest. He ran his hand gently up and down Dean's firm warm chest, and wondered if his heart was beating as hard and fast as his.

They lay in silence for a few minutes holding each other; the angel had never felt so content and peaceful in all his long years of existing.

"Tell me something no one knows." The angel said breaking the silence and finally feeling confident and comfortable enough to ask the man these kinds of questions. dream Dean thought about it for a seconds, he looked down at the man in his arms, smiled and kissed his hair before speaking.

"Promise not to laugh." He told him, Cas nodded though dream Dean seemed to know that Cas wouldn't laugh anyway. "There is a certain song I listen to when I miss you. It makes me think of you." Cas heart near enough melted, he longed for this to be true in the real world.

"What is it?" the angel asked, dream Dean got to his feet, Cas hated the feeling of cold he got but desperately wanted to hear the song, their song.

"Wait here." He whispered before walking to the impala and inserting a home made tape and turned up the volume.

He made his way back to his lover and they resumed their previous position as the heavenly chords of beautiful music filled the air. Cas closed his eyes and silently listened to the soothing meaningful words beautifully sung to a calming tune, dream Dean softy sung along. When it came to the chorus Cas heart was in his throat as he clung even more to the man in his arms;

'In the arms of the angel,
Fly away from here,
From this dark, cold hotel room,
And the endlessness that you fear.
You are pulled from the wreckage,
Of your silent reverie.
You're in the arms of the angel,
May you find some comfort here.'

"Its perfect." Cas told him with a smile across his face. He listened to the sound of Dean's breathing and the soft tune in the air. He could hear his lover singing along under his breath as he stroked Cas' hair and the angel nuzzled his in side. Dream Dean got up and turned took the tape out and tuned the engine of when the song had ended before settling back. This time his head rested on the angels chest and Cas' arms enveloped round his charge.

"Tell me something." Dean whispered and he ran his fingers over Cas' stomach. Cas had a thousand things he wanted to tell him, mostly the truth though his stomach dropped at the thought. He couldn't that would ruin everything. Instead the angel took dream Dean's shoulder pushed him to his back and dived on top of him. Kissing, licking his warm neck. Receiving delicious moans and forceful groans of pleasure. The angel's hands roamed freely over his charges body. "Cas, I'm not complaining but this isn't telling me anything." Dream Dean hoarsely whispered trying to sound together through he was steadily falling apart under Cas' hungry touches and his needy kisses.

"What would you like to now?" Cas asked as he bit lightly into dream Dean's neck, dream Dean shuddered when Cas spoke into his neck.

"Later." He growled before rolling over and pinning Cas into the blanket and started to devour the smaller man with him mouth, teeth and tongue.

A pull inside of Cas, told him the real dream version was trying to pull away screaming at him to leave before the next dream arrives.

The angel knew to listen to the voice even though he was underneath a dream Dean who was currently licking his stomach, all he wanted to do was stay.

"Dean." He moaned trying to get his attention, though dream Dean only groaned in return and kissed harder. "Dean, stop. We're outside."

"So?" dream Dean told the angel, he could feel dream Dean smirking against his skin.

"We could get caught at any time." Cas tried to push the man of him, but it was the complete opposite than what he wanted to do.

"Exciting isn't it." Dream Dean moved up and whispered into his Cas' ear, before stated to kiss his neck, Cas bit his tongue so's not to agree with the man. Dean slid a leg in-between the angels and pressed their hard-ons together, Cas couldn't stop the moan from escaping his lips.

"At least lets go to the car." He panted, he really needed to leave, dream Cas' voice was screamed through out his body.

"Car sex? You kinky bastard." He teased as he grinded slightly, Cas' mind was steadily reducing in its capacity of not just rational thought but any thought of any kind, as every part pf his body was being consumed by pleasure.

"You're the one that wants wood sex." Cas panted as dream Dean's fingers teased the waist band of his jeans. Dream Dean stood to his feet and dragged Cas with him, holding the man close and devouring Cas' mouth before turning Cas around hugging him from behind as he walked him towards the impala.

"Well get that tight ass in the impala baby."

"After you." The angel told him. Dream Dean did so, he laid on the back seat facing the open door where Cas stood.

"What's the matter baby?" dream Dean asked, when he saw his face that was full of pleasure and happiness was now taken over by what looked like sadness, dream Dean didn't understand it and he defiantly didn't like it. "Cas?" Dean asked as he shuffled towards the open door.

"I'm sorry" Cas whispered and stepped backwards. He knew he had to leave, he really didn't want to, if he did he may never get to do this again, he may never get to feel Dean's arms around him again. Though he had no choice, the horizon started to flicker slightly he could feel dream Cas himself move and shift, he knew Dean was going to wake up soon and he had to be back in the bed before Dean woke up. Though all he wanted was to stay there forever but of course that is impossible, the whole situation was impossible. Cas started to step backwards and started to walk away, out of sight.

"Cas!" he shouted, tears already forming and stinging his eyes and he climbed out the car as quickly as he could. Shouting Cas' name over and over again, though he didn't run after the angel, he couldn't seem to get his legs to work, he even had to lean against the car for the fear of his knees buckling and him collapsing.

Castiel barely got back onto the bed before Dean shot up from his sleeping state, eyes wide and breathing extremely heavy.

"Cas?" he shouted eyes darting around the room.

"Yes Dean?" Cas answered his call trying to sound as calm as he could. Dean's eyes landed on his angel and his eyes softened, and before Cas could say another word Dean's arms had flung around the angel and gripped him very tight, as Cas sat perfectly still in complete shock. "Are you okay?"

"Had a bad dream." He breathed out; the angel carefully put a hand on Dean's shoulder and held him.

"I'm here."

"I know. Thank you." Dean told his angel. "Please don't leave me." Dean pulled away and stared at the angel a little shocked that the words came form him. "Sorry."

"I want you to feel like you can talk to me Dean. I'm not going to leave you" Cas told him, knowing full well he was using Dean's words against him, but he wanted to give Dean the same relief as the words gave him in his dream.

Dean looked shocked at his words, but he also relaxed a little. There eyes were glued to each other's, a lump formed in Cas' throat he didn't know what was happening, he felt like they were back in the dream.

"I should join Bobby and Sam downstairs." Dean whispered but made no attempt to move as he carried on staring into Cas' deep eyes that beginning to fill with something Dean hadn't seen in those eyes before. Dean didn't know it was lust but it was.

"Yeah." Cas whispered back, desire filled his voice and forced himself to stay still and not to grab the hunter before him.

"Yeah." Dean repeated before coughing clearing his throat and breaking the strange tension that had creped up onto the two friends. Dean got up and walked to the door without looking at Cas, not being able too. "You coming?" Dean asked still not looking at him.

The two of them got up and rejoined the other hunters in the study without saying a word to each other and without even looking at each other. Despite not talking or looking at each other Cas wore a small subtle smile on his face as they sat and researched in silence, feeling for the first time there was hope.

thanks for reading! :D

the song is 'angel' by Sarah mclachlan if you dont know the song, i strongly suggest listening to it, its beautiful

pretty please leave us a review :P xxx