Chapter Twenty-Two: Lips On You
The funeral had passed by in a blur for Jo. It was three months later, and it still felt like it was yesterday. Jo was at Dean and Cas', they were setting up for Ben's 13th birthday. Jo was mostly calm at the moment, but she also knew that there was going to be a moment where she wasn't. It was the first big family gathering since Ellen's death. They'd caught the killers, and the trial wasn't for months. Jo had been spending time lately talking to Charlie, Lucy had decided to leave town, she'd moved to Georgia. So they had broken up. Jo knew it was because Charlie didn't want to leave Dallas. Charlie had also been very angry that Lucy had left like that. Jo felt bad for her friend, but she hadn't liked Lucy. It was probably mostly to do with the fact that she had tried to take Dean and Cas' child away from them.
At the moment, she was throwing together the coolers, which were going to be full of soda and other beverages. Ben had wanted pizza, so that was what Dean had ordered. It was coming in a couple of hours. There were already a lot of people here, Jo could hear Jodie in the living room with John and Jamie and Laura. Both babies were laying in the playpen, staring up at the people around them. Jo hadn't told anyone yet that Laura was going to be her only biological child. Jo wanted more kids. And she knew that Sam did too. He hadn't said much about having more, but Jo knew him. She knew that he was still wanting to have kids. Even if they hadn't planned for this one, here she was. But Jo knew that Sam wanted at least one more.
She was broken from her thoughts when Dean came in the kitchen, carrying Frankie, whose arms were wrapped around his neck tightly. "Hey, Dean."
Dean looked at his almost sister in law. She was being awfully quiet. Dean knew that most of it had to do with this was the first family gathering that Ellen would not be at. And John had shown up with Jodie. None of them thought something was really going on, but it had seemed strange. Dean just thought it was because Jodie was the one who had been there when they'd found Ellen. He set Frankie down, who immediately ran for Dianna, who was getting huge. Frankie could pretty much ride her. Which she promptly did, and since Cas wasn't in the room, Dean let her. Dianna took off with Frankie on her back, his daughter giggling all the way. "Don't you go where Papa can see you!" He said, he knew that Cas would kill him. Then his attention turned to Jo. "Hey, so, I know why you're quiet. I'm sad too. We were going to be a real family. I know how much Dad misses Ellen. We all do. You don't have to keep those feelings inside, Jo."
He knew that she wasn't going to open up about it most likely. He didn't know that he blamed her though. "But…. Jo, there's this club. And it's the Dead Moms club. And you can't be in it till you're in it." Dean watched as her eyes brushed with tears but she refused to look at him, busily filling one of the coolers with some ice. Dean leaned down to her level, she had crouched. "Look. I know how shitty life has been for awhile. I can't even remember when it wasn't. I know that. But we've still got to hang in there. Ellen would want us to keep going. I know how sad it is. Laura is never going to know her. But you can't dwell on that. Because there's nothing that you can do to change it."
When he spoke, Jo knew that he was actually trying to be nice. "You don't have to try and cheer me up, Dean." Jo said, making sure she didn't look at him as she stood. The last of the baby weight had fallen off. Jo knew it was because she'd been dealing with grief and the knowledge that she wasn't ever going to have another child the natural way. Something in her told her to tell Dean. "Dean…. There's something that I want… that I need to get off my chest. It's not good news…. It's not. But since we're already down the rabbit hole we'll keep going." Dean raised an eyebrow but he waited for her to speak. Jo finally lifted her head to face him, ringing her hands before she made herself stop. "Dean… I'm…. Laura is the only baby that I was able to have. I'm… I can't have any more children."
This was not the news he was expecting, she could tell. He started towards her, but she held up a hand. "No… please don't try and comfort me, I'll start crying and this is Ben's day." There were loud noises in the living room, it sounded like the Halo tournament was going just fine. Ben had actually made some friends in his new school and had invited them over. Jo tucked curly waves behind her ear. "I just… I can't keep it inside anymore. It's… talking about it makes it more real but I can't… I keep agonizing over it and I need to say it out loud. I need to have it drilled into my head because I know that I'm going to be hopeful and think that some way somehow it will happen, and I know that it won't."
It was impossible. This wasn't fair. Dean and Cas kept getting kids thrown at them, and all Jo and Sam were going to be able to have was Laura. "I'm sorry, Jobelle." He said, using Cas' nickname for her. He didn't often use it, because it was Cas' thing, but he had to admit it was the right thing to say in this moment. "I know it must especially hurt because Cas and I have four kids. But to be fair, I wasn't exactly a commitment person in my youth. And condoms are only so effective." Dean didn't even bring up the Gwen using Cas' juice to have a baby that resulted in Claire. He still couldn't believe that they hadn't had the talk about Michael with her yet. He supposed that the upset of Ellen's death had something to do with it. But Dean didn't want to put it off any longer if they didn't have to.
Speaking of the girl in question, here she came. Dean looked at Jo. They had a silent conversation, and Jo nodded, and went out to join the others in the living room. Dean told Claire to hold on a minute, and then he poked his head in the living room to call for his husband. Cas seemed puzzled but he came willingly enough. As soon as they were all in the room, Dean gestured towards the kitchen table, and they all took seats. To Claire's credit, she looked worried. Dean was sure that she could guess what they were going to talk about. It had been coming for awhile now. "Okay, Claire, we are finally going to have this talk about you and Michael keeping in contact."
There was a sharp intake of breath from Cas, and Dean knew that meant that Cas wasn't prepared for this conversation. Dean took a deep breath and reached for Cas' hand, holding it tightly under the table. Like they were teenagers or something. Dean didn't know how to start, and he wasn't expecting Cas to chime in and help, either. "Look, I know that he was your uncle. I know that." Dean said, starting slowly. He hadn't really planned anything out to say, as long as this had been on his mind. "But… you know the way that he treated your dad. You know it. Because you know that Cas was never allowed to come to family functions and he only went to your great aunt's when he was sure that his brothers weren't going to be in attendance."
Claire brushed some hair behind her ear. She didn't know what she was supposed to say. She didn't. She knew that it was wrong. She knew that. "I'm not.. I don't know what to say, okay? I… I always sort of loved him, even if he was the one who was being rude to Daddy like that." She really hated herself. "No one is more mad at me than I am. To be fair, I didn't know that he was bisexual until very recently." Claire knew that was no excuse. "I know, that's no excuse. I'm just saying, that I had no prior knowledge of that. But Dads…. Please, we don't need to rehash this. I am sorry that I was in his life. I really really am. If I could take it all back I would."
This is when Cas spoke. "Claire Novak-Winchester….. You have no idea how angry I am at Michael. And I am. I'm…. he knew what he was. He knew that. Some people aren't aware for awhile who they are. That's understandable. But Michael knew who he was and he was still excluding me. I don't…. I hope that you never have to know how that feels. How it feels to be excluded by someone who is supposed to be your family. He was supposed to be loving me no matter what. And he didn't." Cas didn't know how Michael had been able to live with himself. "And Claire, he gave us your baby brother to raise because his boyfriend didn't want kids!"
That last part was yelled. Claire knew why Cas was upset. "Daddy…. Please. Don't be upset. I know how mad you are. And you have every right to be. It's… I know that you can never fix it. And how frustrating that must feel." Claire was doing her best to avoid Dean's eyes. She knew that he was going to chime in eventually. She knew that nothing she said was going to mean anything. "What do you want me to say, Daddy? I know that he was awful to you. I know that. I know why we have Jamie. I'm sorry. I don't…. I know how mad you are. And I totally get that. But.. I don't…. Can you understand that he was my uncle, and I was in the closet for a long time? I wasn't… I wasn't allowed to speak out about how wrong I thought his behavior to you was."
This had honestly not occurred to Cas, but he knew that it should have. "Oh my God…. Claire, I never… I never thought of it that way." He could believe it as well, he knew how Gabriel was. Cas didn't want to make her talk about Gabriel if he didn't have to. "I can't… I'm sorry that Gabriel put you through what he did. But… you don't have to worry about him anymore, Claire. You don't. You are mine and he gave up his parental rights. You know that we don't care who you are. Who you sleep with. I just…. I had to know why you were still in Michael's life, knowing what he was."
He reached out to take her hand. She looked at him, and Cas wondered what it must have been like to have Gabriel as a parent. Cas looked into her blue eyes, that were so much like his. "You… I'm sorry, that I didn't think that maybe Gabriel had something to do with you not being able to speak your mind about Michael."
This is when there was a yell from the living room. Cas and Dean shared a look. Dean knew, that was Jodie. He got up and ran into the living room. John was on the floor, clutching his chest. Dean's ears were ringing, and he knew that this was insane. John took care of himself, Dean thought he was too skinny as it was. They were all talking a mile a minute, and Dean leaned down and grabbed John's hand. Cas was busy calling an ambulance. Dean met those green eyes that were so much like his, and he wondered what was going to happen if he was losing his dad. John was trying to speak, and Dean knew that this couldn't happen on Ben's birthday. Dean didn't want that to be something that Ben had to deal with, losing his grandfather on his first birthday as a teenager.
John wasn't sure how much time he had, and he didn't know why this was happening. But he knew that he needed to say this, if this was his time. "Dean, I want… I want you to know. You… you have never disappointed me in a major way. Sam either. You both are amazing men. And I know that I only have so much to do with that. If this… if this is my time, I need you boys to know that…" John took a deep breath, he didn't know why he was having these chest pains, but John knew that there was heart trouble in their family. Dean's eyes were brushing with tears, and Sam had come over as well, both of them were listening.
"You… you have a sister." John managed to say, and both of their mouths dropped open in shock. Although he knew that they shouldn't be surprised, it's not as if he had been a monk after Mary had died. "You… her name is Callie. She's 21, and she lives near here." John was running out of breath, and he thought maybe this was it. "You… you should call her."
This is when his eyes closed, and Dean's eyes were brushing with tears, and they were falling down his cheeks. Dean didn't know what he was supposed to do if he was losing John. "Dad, please. I need you to hang on. I need you. These kids need a granddad." Dean could barely speak anymore as they got the stretcher to them, that hadn't taken as long as Dean had thought that it would. Dean had to let go of his hand, and he was wiping his eyes so he could try and figure out what was going on. If this was really it.
About an hour later, they were all gathered in the waiting room. Except the little kids, they'd gotten a neighbor to look after them so Ben and Claire could join them too. Sam looked over at his niece and nephew, they were being quiet, and playing a game that he and Dean had played when they were kids, MASH. Sam couldn't believe that that was still a game that people played. He knew why they were playing, they were trying to keep their minds off the Grey's Anatomy surgery going on with John. Cas was being very quiet and leaning on Dean, who was being almost catatonic. Sam wished that he could do something more than just sit here. He had thought that they were done with the heart trouble thing. Sam was rubbing his scruffy chin. Jo sat beside him, quiet.
"Dad… he could…" Sam started, and they all looked at him. Sam could feel the lump in his throat forming. "I know none of us want to say it out loud. I know that. But we have to say it He might… be leaving us. That's why he told us about Callie." Sam was still having a hard time wrapping his mind around that. "And I'm… I'm not sure. Do we call her? Tell her that Dad's… that he's in the hospital? If it was me, I would want to know. But he didn't tell us if he was close to her…."
"SAM. SHUT UP." This was the first words that Dean had spoken in the last hour, and they all looked at him in surprise when he did speak. Dean wasn't sure if they were going to like what he had to say. "We don't know anything about this girl! She…. she hasn't been in our lives for a reason. Yeah, Dad has some basic information on her, but that doesn't mean that she was in his life, you know that, right?" Dean asked, brushing his hand through his hair, messing up the hair that Cas had spent 23 minutes before the party fixing.
It was all way too unfair. Dean ignored Cas, who was trying to get his attention, because Dean knew that Cas was only doing that to get him to stop talking. Dean's hands were shaking, hitting his legs. He didn't want to get this coming out wrong, he assumed it would, he wasn't the best with words. "We are… we are… we might be…" His tone was shaking and his breath caught, tears were starting to fall. Dean was quiet for a moment before he spoke again. "I don't… Sammy, you don't remember Mom, because you were too young. I was four years old. I know her. I know what she was like. We could be losing the one who put me back into pieces when she was gone." Dean's voice wobbled. "Dad.. he's always been there for me, when I fell apart. I didn't.. I wouldn't be here for sure without him. Dad… he's my….. Cas is my husband, and I… he's my everything."
"But Dad…. he's my rock, he's my… he's my Superman."
With all of this said, everyone kind of looked at him. No one really knew what to say. Ben finally moved over to him and put his arm around Dean, who was full on crying. Dean wiped his eyes, and Cas reached in his pocket and pulled out some tissues and handed them to him. Dean took them but wiped his eyes with his sleeves.
Sam was the one to speak. "Dean, look at me." Dean did, his green eyes watery, and pouring tears. Sam kept his tone serious and calm. "What if you were in Callie's shoes? What if you had a dad out there that you maybe hadn't gotten to see that much, if at all, and so you might want to know when he's dying. Dean, we have to call her. We have to let her come down here, so she maybe doesn't hate us because we didn't let her come and say goodbye."
This was not what Dean had wanted to hear, and he was doing his best to keep back his anger. He was mostly angry that Sam was right. "Okay, fine, we'll call her." Dean said, and Sam handed him his cell phone, it was already ringing to Callie. Dean cursed at him, but he took the phone. He also knew why he was elected to be the one to speak to her, because he was the oldest. He listened to it ring, and then there was a melodious voice in his ear, saying that she was Callie Winchester. So she had known the whole time that she was a Winchester. Everyone in Dallas knew who John was. He was a highly decorated cop, she would have been able to come to him any time that she wanted.
"This is Dean Winchester." Dean said, and he heard the gasp on the other end of the phone. "You…. you knew who you were and who we were the whole time. I was calling… I was calling to tell you that Dad's….. That he's DYING. We… we thought you just didn't know who you were, that you were his. You are just… you're avoiding us. We…. we're all about family. Why wouldn't you want to know us? Just…" He couldn't stop the anger.
Callie Winchester was frozen for a moment. Because she didn't know what to say. "I wasn't…. I wasn't around because he asked me to let him be the one to tell ya'll, and I was just waiting for him to do that. He only just now found out about me, recently. I contacted him because my mom passed on and she told me who my dad was. So… no one was trying to not be in anyone else's life. So calm down on that front. But I... " Her voice faltered and shook, and Callie wasn't sure why she hadn't forced John into telling the boys that he'd found her right away. They'd been wasting precious time.
Dean fell silent as he saw a doctor coming forward. "Oh shit. Callie…. It might be too late." He said, and hung up the phone. He knew she'd just text back or something. He absentmindedly handed the phone back to Sam. They told them that Jon was in a coma, but it was a medically induced one. They were leaving him under until they found out whether or not his new heart was going to take in his body. Dean could barely hear, this wasn't something that he'd thought that he would have to hear. The doctor was still speaking, Sam must have asked him some questions. Dean was kind of freaking out. He didn't want John to have to deal with what he had had to deal with. He barely felt Cas gripping his hand, and he was gripping it tightly.
This couldn't be happening. Not again. They had to keep John. Dean looked up at the sky, at the god that he didn't believe in and he took a deep breath. "Don't let him die." Dean knew that there was a way that that was going to be the thing that happened, and Dean would never be the same if his dad was going.
To Be Continued
Author's note: So… yeah. I'm sorry. I didn't plan on most of this last chapter. I had it started for awhile, but then shit happened and so I was without a laptop for awhile. So…. this is kind of hilarious that this ended up being my longest fic ever when it was a fic I had started for this friend. I suppose that we're still friends, even though I am sure that she never read this. But I promise, there is going to be another fic for this. I'm so excited, it's been awhile since I had a possible series. I hope that ya'll liked and I hope you will like the new when I get it up.