Dean lay above the covers of the bed not moving, barely breathing, tears slowly silently falling, staring at nothing for five hours, until Sam was too worried about his brother to not do something. Sam stood in front of his him but Dean didn't seem to even notice he was there.

"Dean, you have to get up. Dean, please. You're just torturing yourself. Gabriel and Balthazar are doing all they can, you have to snap out of it." He voice got progressively higher in pitch and louder the more he spoke. Sam was about to slap him to get his attention when Bobby appeared in the door way stepping slowly into the room.

"Sam, come on. Leave him be."

"I can't just stand by and let Dean do this to himself."

"Yes you will, because there is nothing you can do. Dean's heartbroken. Give him time." Sam sighed and allowed the elder hunter to lead him out of the room, he had never seen Dean like this before he looked so lost and pathetic. "And pray Cas comes back." Bobby added when outside the room. He didn't know how long it would take for Dean to get over yet another death, was willing to bet that this one may just destroy him.

Dean hurt, everything hurt, breathing caused him pain, his eyes stung from the amount of tears he'd cried, he wanted to sleep to shut everything off, but his mind would not stop showing him every moment he had with Cas, every time he had lost an opportunity or said the wrong thing, before long his entire body hurt from even more guilt and regret. He wanted to scream but was too exhausted to moved, his body felt too heavy and he barely had enough energy to blink.

Sometime after the sun began to rise he fell into a light restless sleep, and seemed to suck more from him than if he hadn't fell asleep at all. The dreams that had kept him going for so long, were nowhere, the dreams of having Cas all to himself, dreams of holding him, touching him, loving him, were nowhere. It was just darkness, there was nothing. Dean was so emotionally spent his body could no longer handle just how much he felt, it seemed to shut down and Dean woke up numb, he felt nothing, he was empty. The hunter lost all sense of time as he waiting for the impossible return of his angel. Maybe five minutes maybe three hours after he opened his eyes from the dreamless sleep Bobby appeared in the doorway with a coffee cradled in his hands. He put the cup on the side table next to his head and squatting so he was eye level with the boy see he thought of as a son.

"Dean. We're here for you. Drink the coffee; you needed energy for when they get back." Bobby spoke softly. "Dean, son. You're stronger than this." There was no reply, he was getting very worried but knew that he couldn't force Dean out of this; he had to fight his own way through. He gave his surrogate son a kiss in his head. "He'll come back, you'll see." He stood up and stretched his back and was about to leave when Dean, spoke softly sounding so broken and lost it broke Bobby's heart to hear it.

"What if he doesn't?"

"Then we'll be here for you." Bobby knew the possibility of Cas dying was strong, he also knew that Dean had already begun the grieving process. Dean was so pale he couldn't in his right mind leave him alone anymore. He pulled up a chair and sat up the bed, picking up a book and started to read it, deciding to drink the coffee instead, certain Dean would only ignore it. He desperately hoped the company may be enough to give Dean strength and let him know that he was not alone.

The longer there was no word from the angels the more everyone dreaded the worse. It had been two days and Sam and Bobby were taking it in turns to sit with Dean. He managed to take a few sips of water through a straw and rearrange himself from what was probably a dead arm but nothing else.

Sam began reading out loud to Dean, hoping the sound of his voice would anchor the hunter. There was no evidence either way but it made him feel better like he was doing something so he continued. It was the evening of the second day when Dean finally spoke to Sam. He was standing up to get a coffee when Dean mumbled to his brother.

"He's gone." Bobby was right about how he sounded; he bent down and stoked his brother hair.

"We don't know that for sure." Dean slowly nodded Sam wasn't sure if it was to his words or something he thought but didn't say anything. Dean didn't elaborate so Sam left to get that drink.

Dean was imagining Cas with him, all the things they could do, all the things he would say, he wished for it to be true so hard he developed a migraine. He managed to whisper to Sam a few hours after he got back from getting a coffee.

"Head, hurts." He couldn't speak without it being a whisper because he felt his head was splitting, Sam heard though and thankfully understood. He went downstairs and came back with a glass of water two pills and a sandwich.

"You haven't eaten and you're probably dehydrated, so take the pills and please attempt the sandwich, you will feel better." Sam informed his brother as he placed with tray on the side. Despite how he felt Dean knew he was right and nodded. Sam helped him sit up, it look around forty five minutes for Dean to finish his sandwich, after which he bent over the side of the bend and dry heaved, though thankfully he kept the food down, which had to be taken as a good sign, the silent tears after, not so much.

Dean stayed in seated position which Bobby and Sam agreed it to be a positive step.

Dean fell asleep a few hours after the sandwich, when he was sleeping Bobby arranged him on his side and covered him with a blanket. He sat back on his chair but didn't open the book he was reading; he looked up to the ceiling and started speaking.

"You better come back Cas. How could you leave him alone?! He's falling part without you, its breaking my heart. He can't loose you too, please Cas. Don't be dead, come back to Dean, Come home."

Bobby couldn't stop the tear that rolled down his left cheek and got up to retreat to the bathroom.

Dean opened his eyes after another dreamless blank sleep. He didn't know what the time was and he didn't care. He continued to stare into nothing while hopelessly waiting. Before long the door slammed shut just so it could be slammed open again to give a good entrance, Dean jumped at the intrusion so he was aware, there was hope. Gabriel came striding in soon after.

"Dean!" he shouted, he was not into the kind love, let him ride it out thing, Dean needed to snap out of it because Castiel needed him. "Get up! Stop being an idiot, I have news about Castiel!" at the sound of his name Dean's eyes snapped up to meet Gabriel's. "You in the deano?" Dean didn't answer, his breath being held in anticipation for the news. Despite not always getting on with Dean, he did care and seeing Dean like this was very worrying. "Come on Dean, speak to me. You want to know about Cassie, let me know you're in there. Snap out of it, stand up and shout at me to tell you."

"I'm here." Dean spoke quietly and slowly, eyes trained on the almost bouncing arc angel.

"Good, come on stand up!"

"I can't." Dean mumbled, although feeling alert from the mention of Cas he was certain it was bad news, he couldn't force himself to move, everything was too hard.

"Don't be a baby deano. You can. Come on stand up. Cas needs you." Those last three words, Cas needs him, it was like a light in Dean's head, it would mean Cas was alive, his angel needed him. He was alive, he will see him again, and with those three words Dean found the strength to get to his feet. "There you go." Gabriel smiled at him clapping him on the shoulder.

"he's not?" Dean had to know, had to hear the words but his throat could not release the words. Thankfully Gabriel understood, from the despair and desperation in his voice alone.

"He's not dead." The angel quickly told him. "But he is not really him anymore."

"What?"

"He's human, he's hurt and he's human." Dean nodded processing, his angel wasn't an angel but he was alive, Cas was still here and he will return to him, for the first time since he read that letter Dean could breathe without pain anymore.

"Lucifer's dead, the son of a bitch's plan worked." Dean heard but he couldn't care less about Lucifer and this particular moment, the devil was simply unimportant compared to the wellbeing of his Cas.

"Will he be okay?" he croaked needing to know but dreading the answer.

"Given time. He will need you to be strong for him."

"Okay."

"He's in the hospital. You want to see him."

"Yes." The hunter took a step towards the door, only for the angel to stand in front of him to stop him.

"Right, well go take a shower get changed, get food and water down you and then I'll take you."

"But."

"No buts Dean, you want to see Cas, you do as I say." Dean nodded and went to the bathroom for a quick but well needed shower.

When Dean was under the warm water, he felt his muscles relax slightly, the days suddenly hit him and he fell to his knee sobbing uncontrollably he thought Cas was gone, nearly was. He got a taste of what his life would be like without him and he couldn't do it, letting Cas go was no longer an option. Soon his sobs became tearless retches gasps and sighs. He rode them out, feeling a little better for letting it out. But it wasn't enough nothing would be until he can see Castiel for himself and hold him close to him.

After the shower and changing his clothes, Dean slowly made his way down stairs, muscles stiff and head light from the movement. He found Sam, Bobby and Gabriel in the kitchen waiting for him, with a take away burger on a plate in front of an empty chair, his stomach lurched in both hunger and sickness seeing it. Before he could take another step into the kitchen his arms were full of Sam, they gripped onto each other, Sam could not stop a few tears from seeing his brother up and not the unmoving vegetable he was a few hours ago.

"hey Sammy."

"hey."

No more was spoken, Bobby and Dean exchanged a nod as he settled down at the table and began eating. As soon as Dean was finished he downed a pint of water before demanding to be taken to Castiel. Gabriel nodded and placed two fingers to his forehead in a horribly familiar fashion. When Dean blinked he was in the hospital though there no telling which one, which state he was even or even if he was in America. None of that mattered though, because he was currently looking into a private room.

There he was, looking so small. A broken, beaten and horribly fragile Castiel laying eyes closed on the bed with tubes attached to each arm. He looked so pale and small. Despite this Dean could not help but smile because it meant he was alive, hurt but alive. He was not too late, Dean could love him. He was not too late for his dreams to no longer just be dreams, Cas was not getting away again. A few tears fell as he grabbed the door handle and walked in.